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Just In Case I Wasn't Sure Before... (The Cookie Has Well And TrulyCrumbled).







So I told you guys that he was Offshore and he said he will like us to meet when he gets back to town. Friday (last week) was that day and he came to pick me off from the office. This was at about 5pm. I was starving and I just wanted to eat. I wanted the moi moi, vegetable soup and croaker fish they sell in the Calabar kitchen just beside my office but he had more Five Star plans. Who was I to complain, especially as I have a favourite in the restaurant he suggested. Barely five minutes after picking me up, (remember that this is the first time we're seeing since the day we met months ago, the first date...) he asked me about my love life. I told him I have none, my exact words were "nonexistent". "So if there's no love life, what do you do about passion?" He asked. I instantly felt a bit sick. I dunno what about the word "passion" instead of 'sex' irritated me. I shrugged. That wasn't first date topic as far I was concerned. We still had so much to talk about; family, career, jobs, dreams, aspirations, likes/dislikes, jokes etc. I didn't think my sex life was an appropriate topic. I also couldn't understand why it was the first thing he wanted to talk about. 

We got to the restaurant and ordered. Well I ordered. He insisted he wasn't hungry and had just had lunch. He said he was very full. I had a starter first, asked for a set of seafood spring rolls. First off I was starving. Secondly I do not joke with my seafood so you can imagine my annoyance when they brought my starter and he proceeded to share it with me. I tried to ignore him, it was just the starter and besides it meant less calories so....enjoy! But then they brought my main course and I didn't feel so generous anymore. 

So like I said this was my favourite and I really really wanted to savour this meal. When they brought it he went "hmmm what is this? I've never seen this food before" then he asked if he could taste. I nodded and he did. "Hmmmmmmmmm" he tasted again. And again. And again. At this point I was almost boiling. 
"If you're hungry then I think you should order your own food. I asked and you said you're not. I'm not happy you're eating my food". He immediate apologized and put down his fork. (He still helped himself to some more after that saying he couldn't "help it".)

While I ate and he sipped his Long Island we talked about his family and where he grew up. He was obviously bored with that and once again asked. "So how come you don't have a love life?". Once again he asked. Once again I shrugged. "So what do you do about passion?" He asked again. This time looking at me dubiously. That word again! Passion. Aaargh! I pointed out that a love life and a sex life are not mutually exclusive. He nodded; true. "So you have passion?" He asked eagerly. Grinning. "No I don't have a sex life either". He was momentarily bewildered. "How? You don't have sex?" He asked incredulously. I shook my head. "Since when?" I told him. He eyes became wide like two saucers. "Are you serious?" He asked, this time genuinely confused. I nodded. "But why? Why will a beautiful young woman like you.......... No passion? Why? How do you do it?" I immediately looked at my watch and started formulating excuses in my head. I wanted out the minute I was done with my food. Unfortunately I didn't drive. 

He spent the next hour or so trying to understand why I don't have "passion", how I cope without it, what I do when the urge arises? And finally when did I plan to start having sex again? Believe me when I tell you that this was all he talked about. I told him I needed to leave, I had to go to Surulere to see the parents (so he wouldn't try to drop me off at home). He walked me to the taxi park just outside the restaurant put me in a cab and paid for it. "Let me know when you get there. Let's make plans for tomorrow, it's weekend, we could go dancing" he said and I nodded. 

As soon as the cab moved I told the man I wasn't going to Surulere, he was glad to keep the balance as home cost about half of what was paid to him to take me to 'lere. 

Now here's the tricky part, this guy who has called me at least twice every other day in the last few months has not called me since our date last week Friday. The only time he called he started by saying "hello, the lady who doesn't have passion". He asked we could hang out then said he'll call back. This was on Tuesday. He's still yet to call back. 

Now you see one of the reasons I decided to remain in abstinence? To separate the wheat from the chaff. When my dear friend Matty called me some days ago, after talking about other things he asked about my sex life, he said; "Now Wando this will make it even more difficult to get a man. But on the plus side you'll know that the man you get really means business". I can't agree more. 

So after all the stress the Cookie-Crumble guy went through, and telling me I need a man that will be by my side bla bla bla, telling me he loved me and wanted a serious relationship, all he was after was my "Passion"? Odi egwu! The cookie finally crumbles biko

........
My friend said I need to stop telling guys I'm off sex. I told her I will definitely not lie when they ask me. I think it's best I let them know from the onset so that if that's what they're after I'll save them the stress. This guy has just convinced me that I'm doing the right thing. I spent several years compromising myself for less than worthy men. The beautiful thing about abstinence is that the longer you go without sex, the more value you attach to it and your body. It becomes almost impossible to give up the goodies to just anyone, your body becomes way too precious and valuable. This feeling beats any sexual urge I can possibly have or the desire to please any man.  

Have an awesome weekend my people.  

Comments

  1. you are so on point dear. its funny using the word passion. trust me, the right man will come soon and waltz you off ya feet.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sorry to lol but whenever I read "passion" is can't help it.

    Btw,is Matty unavailable?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My dear feel free to laugh. It had the opposite effect on me, made me want to tear my hair out.

      Delete
  3. Lol @ him eating the spring rolls- I feel you jare!
    What a wimp that guy is- I mentally veto-ed him immediately I got to the part of him badgering you about your sex life- who does that? Only an unserious man who's looking to get laid, definitely not a man who respects you and sees you as a woman of integrity worthy of "knowing better" ( the tables turn sha, some players become serious about ladies they never set out to be serious with.... In fiction.)
    What is wrong with some men sef?
    I used to meet those kind of guys but, I have to say, from the last 4 years before I got married, I somehow didn't meet those kinds any longer- I always met guys who were serious minded and who wanted to settle down- it made me wonder if it had been something I was giving off.
    On telling guys about your celibacy, I say as long as you don't make it a subject matter for dissection when you're supposed to be getting to know the person.
    Attraction can sometimes be inevitably magnetic- if you are with someone like that and you have that sort of moment, I believe that should be the point to disclose your stance. That's what I think though- if he's serious he'll stay and if he's not, he'll bolt out and even if you might have liked him before he bolted, it'll be comforting to know you didn't commit yourself to an ass.
    I don't know, hope it makes some sense....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right about tables turning, and not just in fiction. I was just telling a colleague who's anti-love earlier today about my friend and her boo. He just wanted to have a one night stand and move on, she just wanted to 'chop' his money and move on. Three years later they're still stuck on each other. LOL.

      As for the sex issue, it's not something I volunteer to talk about especially as the stress of answering the questions that inevitably follow is just too much. But when asked by certain people I'm honest about it. 'Certain' i.e potential love interests and few others that I'm comfortable with.

      Delete
  4. Yes na Sasha, Matty is Married with Kids & I hope he;s still Uber Rich...
    As for Mr Passion, Mr All I want to do is tear your clothes & body, Thank U for saving us the stress of reading one more weird blog post about U... Oniranu!

    I even prefer the guys who go straight & ask if they could have sex with me, cos that way we both save our Time & Energy!!!

    T, I sent a blog post oh!!! *TTRWT*

    ReplyDelete
  5. Na real passion! I couldn't stop laughing! Have missed u boo. U just ex'd me..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My sister how can I ex you? My phone went crazy and all it does now is makes and receives calls, nothing else. I have miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiised you! Everytime I pass your zones I almost get teary eyed. The other day I was like damn I miss Henrietta, then I went well, it's not like if you're around we'd be hooking up that often considering your situation , then I thought at least I'll know you're around and I can see you whenever I want. My sister even asked after you about an hour ago. Everyone misses you terribly, we can't wait till you get back.

      Delete
  6. Pretty disappointing but I am with you on this one, glad you checked the guy out though. At least you have crossed him out now and can move on.

    ReplyDelete
  7. What an idiotic membrane!!!! Passion u know.....I'm trying to hold my self my from really insulting him but it's really hard....Goat!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. "The beautiful thing about abstinence is that the longer you go without sex, the more value you attach to it and your body." Golden statement.

    So this Mr CookieCrumble was rolling over for 25(or is it 26?)times simply because of *Passion*. Too bad, I actually placed him as someone responsible but looking for Chemistry at the wrong side of the road. The way he persistently used the word made me laugh hard. Pea brain.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Arrrrrrghhhhh, to think I have been patiently waiting for this guy's gist only 2find out he aint 4real.

    Oh well.Thelms, the right one would come.Of that am sure!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Some men tho!smh!Hello nwando!

    ReplyDelete
  11. You might have to kiss many frogs before getting to your prince.... This guy was a major frog.
    I abstained from sex from September to April just because I was getting too wild and making stupid decisions cos of sex. The advantage for me was that I wasn't letting girls get away with the things I used to let them get away with cos I wanted to nack. I started surrounding with girls with brains and not just banging bodies. My whole mentality shifted

    ReplyDelete
  12. Abstinence has cost me a lot of guys but I've never regretted my stand and still don't. I don't make it a point of discussion but if and when it comes into question, I tell you the truth. If you can't handle me without "bedmatics" exercise, then so long my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Passion passion passion oh Passion. Lol. So so annoying. Sorry dear. You'll be fine dont worry. *Hugs*

    ReplyDelete

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