Earlier today when we weren't doing much at work I dropped by a friend's office very close to mine and I joined in a bit on the girl talk that was brewing. Now the person at the centre of this discourse, my friend's colleague *Dupe, is engaged. But unlike most brides to be she's soooo reluctant that you'd wonder why she hasn't called the wedding off already. It's not that she doesn't love him, she just has certain concerns.
It reminded me of someone's break up story I read about on Thought Catalogue last week. He loved his girlfriend so much and everything was perfect in the relationship except that she was someone with several qualifications, running her own business, doing very well. He on the other hand was doing ok in his job. She asked him severally to go do his Masters, some professional exams, online courses, to basically "improve himself", but he needed his job and was satisfied with it. When she got tired of asking she broke up with him saying she didn't think he was 'going somewhere'.
And that's the same situation Dupe is in. She doesn't think her fiance is 'going somewhere'. She said he has a mediocre job and is comfortable with his mediocre job, she on the other hand is a high-achiever; Lawyer, Masters degree holder, has a number of certificates for professional courses, PHD in view as well, mouth-watering résumé. Dupe wonders if she can continue to love and RESPECT an under achiever.
(There was a little debate, it's thought that she's overreacting. And also that she doesn't know how scarce husbands are.)
But I think I could see where she's coming from, I've been in a similar situation. Dude was in his early thirties with a university degree. No regular job or anything. Yes, daddy had money and daddy had given him an apartment but I didn't see any drive or ambition in him. He was very comfortable where he was, which in my opinion wasn't very high up on anyone's ladder. Yes, he'll probably never be poor in his life but I just didn't think he was 'going somewhere' and this was one of the factors I based my decision on, I found that although I was fond of him I didn't have much respect for him. I still had/have so much I intend to achieve (with my fair share of professional qualifications minus the basic degrees) and he was ok chillin' at home watching TV all week long just because the crib was his and he didn't need to pay rent...
So for about thirty minutes we argued. Based on this argument and answers I've gotten from others I've asked, some ladies don't care just as long as he has a job and earns a salary. A few others however want a man with ambition and drive, a man that's GOING SOMEWHERE.
I would appreciate honest thoughts on this. Is Dupe overreacting? Should she settle (sorry, I do think it's settling)? Does it matter to you if your SO is striving to achieve bigger things or if he's just ok being just ok? Do you think it's enough that he loves, respects and treats you well or does he also have to be 'Mr Wall Street'?
I promised the girls I'll put this up on the blog and your input will be really appreciated.