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...New Me. (My Life's Story) pt 1- By RUBY DIAMOND.




I was a child. I was 8yrs old and I did not deserve one bit of all. I never knew what sex meant because I wasn't taught...not @home or outside. The routine was from school to home, home to church (when it matters) and back home. It was a secluded life. Our fences were so high that one had to go upstairs to see what was happening outside.
    We just moved into our own house and everything apart from the light was fixed. The wiring wasn't done so we had to invite my uncle-(dads younger brother) who is an electrical engineer to do the wiring.

Uncle came with who I will call "Fat,Black,Stout,Idiot"-FBSI for writing; who was his friend. As the care-free child I was, I was very close to them. One evening, FBSI and I were left alone together. Everyone was doing something somewhere. FBSI started breathing heavily and he told me to bring a belt to him. I gave it to him and he asked me to lie on the bed with him and I did. In a couple of minutes, FBSI was on top of me and I in turn was breathing heavily because of his weight. He 

warned against shouting. He pulled my pant carefully and inserted his manhood into my little unripe vagina. This vagina had no hair neither was there boobs. It was just an orange seed shooting out so I wonder what FBSI- the beast saw. Anyways, he did the deed, there was blood and he wanted to clean me up.

    I remember saying- "I will go and tell mummy that you injured me". He pushed to clean the mess and I said "leave me alone. My mummy will clean everything for me".

    I remember he said-"if you tell mummy, I will beat you and I will not help Uncle Idowu fix your light again". I stupidly kept quiet. Uncle was at our home for two more weeks and the series repeated itself 3more times in two weeks. Then they left.

   *I blame mum for not being there when I complained "IT" was paining me.

   *I blame dad for not being at home that day. He used to be my HERO. He would have fought for me. He stopped being my HERO when I found out it was RAPE.

     I became the angry little girl, who was angry at the world for nothing. Mom started calling me a SADIST or sometimes, she would do me the favor of asking,"come, are you a sadist"?, because I stopped being the happy funny girl everyone knew. I started being a bully and a new me opened.
     My life of fear, unhappiness and insecurity grew. I started having mood swings. I hated happy people and places because I wished I could be that happy. I became a full blown SADIST.

Comments

  1. Nawa oo, its a really scary world!

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  2. Wow! Too sad. I hate him too much already; the FBSI beast. Not even once! Beast! He'll get his comeuppance.
    I hope you heal completely.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow, similar experience, touching and fondling but no penetration, and till this day I find it hard to enjoy sex, my mum and uncle were actually my rock, but my dad could not believe his brother could do such a thing, its well sha, sexual abuse is real in naija, parents pls be more aware of who you trust your kids with.I hope it gets better for you ruby.....#phila

    ReplyDelete
  4. OMG... Still wondering if i'll have kids. Paedophiles are everywhere!!! Church, home, school etc.
    But am too maternal not to.

    Jehovah ur my refuge!!!

    So sorry Ruby. Life sometimes is a bouquet of spikes & a single rose!

    ReplyDelete
  5. hmmm these things do happen.. My sweet aunt brought a guy to take care of my sis and I when we were so little.. can't remember the age and he used to touch me.. till this day I haven't said anything.. Also when we had a boys quarter with some guys renting one of them used to touch me as well. I think I told my mom and they left immediately and my folks never said anything about it..I do enjoy sex a lot. But my first time I never bled so I wonder if I was penetrated.. those past experiences are so blurry (all happened before I was in pry4 or 3).. We need to be mindful with the people we bring around and we should learn to communicate with the little ones so they can always be open and trust you as well. Sigh..it is well.

    ReplyDelete
  6. And life is beautiful,we are ugly people!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Seriously I would see why you would become a sadist. I swear I would fight this battle for you if I could. It's sad what you had to go through. You should know whatever you went through wasn't your fault. However, I wish you would Chanel this hate and sadness into something more positive and worthwhile. Like starting enlightenment campaign or classes. Parents need to know what bad world their children face out there. You need to show this devil that what he wanted to use in destroying your once bubbly spirit only made you stronger and that now you are so strong that you can let other ppl draw from your strength. I love you for sharing your story because believe it or not, you are getting your healing back by confronting that very demon that once tormented you so much. As for the foolish fool I would kill him though and I mean this I will kill him just so I know the world has one less paedophile.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thank you for reminding me of my cannot-be-outsourced-motherly roles. No one can blame you for becoming a sadist really but you need to forget the hurt and move one. Do not allow the unfortunate circumstance change your life purpose.

    God's protection is the ultimate; however, we parents/guardians need to be close to our children/wards; be loving, yet firm; be their friends, confidants and teach them (sex education inclusive); we should watch out for signs, sudden and drastic changes, however insignificant.We need to make our children believe in us and our capability to stand up and fight for them. I try as much as I can to relate any article, story or news I come across about child molestation, kidnapping etc to my kids with emphasis on the strategies these devils employ as well as how to prevent them and protect themselves as much as they can.We just have too many people who should be in mental homes walking freely in our society......

    -F

    ReplyDelete
  9. I always wonder how some men can let the devil use them in such a way, some of these stories shock me so much that I wonder if the devil takes human form sometimes cos I dunno how any human with a conscience will subject another human to such trauma.
    My dear I can't say I know what you're going through or the pain you feel but being sad and angry means the devil is winning. You need to take your life back, wrestle your soul back from him. Only then will you be free of the hurt. Our pasts no matter how painful they are, are just that, the past. Don't keep living there. Come to the present and fight for a better future. You are a strong woman, who can fight for other weak ones. Don't deprive the world of your presence. That fun little girl is still in there, let her out.

    ReplyDelete

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