I lived life like that...I avoided fights because I was insecure- couldn't afford someone beating me but I picked on people I could beat. That continued for long. I got into SS3 and I saw the need to start a relationship -after all my friends were all dating. I dated my friends brother and I just realized I wasn't normal. If he wants to touch me, I will scream. The day I allowed him kiss me, my mouth was tightly sealed. I got into university fast and I met someone else I liked soo much. I dated first guy because I felt I had to do that-Nothing happened between us.
IBB came and we loved ourselves but I was already a sadist and could show no love. I felt the love because I needed it. He needed love too. He's human but none was coming from me. We pushed and pushed to make it work but I had to leave cos I knew I was deceiving myself. He left school later. I kept moving and kept trying but there was no positive change.
I started rebelling. In rebellion, I still found solace in church because I grew up in church-both parents are Pastors. I joined all the groups..just put all my energy into something positive. I kept dating guys and kept leaving them even when most of them felt they were so into me and couldn't leave me.
Throughout all, I never told anyone about the rape..not even my parents. They don't know till today. I knew I had to open up so I told a friend and she couldn't believe so it made it worse.
In 200level, second semester, Fire branded Christian- FBC came to stay with us..(Me n dad were staying alone in capital city). I return home after my last lecture every week. I warmed up to FBC and we became friends(FBC is moms close friend..he calls mom big sister, he is married but wife stays in a different far away city). He listens to all I say so it was easy. I was always rebelling so dad was always beating me and the dad-daughter relationship was straining. One night, dad beat me and FBC was consoling me. From consoling, FBC had a hard on. Before I knew what was happening, my gown was up and my pant was torn. FBC was having his way. I was weak and tired. I already had bruises and could do nothing. Dad was in his room. We were in the sitting room. FBC was panting heavily and was already in. I gathered strength and pulled at his manhood. One cashew nut bottle scattered on his head too. He lost concentration and I just picked the pieces of my scattered life and torn pant and walked into my room. He cleaned the mess and sent series of messages to my phone apologizing. He did not know what came over him...so he said.
I left home the next day with my bags after dad went out and went away. Dad was always calling me to come home but I never went. I kept traveling from place to place. Went to Kaduna- stayed for days, to Calabar- stayed in the ranch one week, visited Tinapa d next week and finally stopped in Makurdi. In Makurdi, I met a club and I joined them. The Pastor picked interest in me and claimed my life will change. It is important you know this Pastor is fire branded-with signs and wonders. I was with them for about three weeks till I found out Dear Pastor was sleeping with virtually all the girls under him. He was already making moves and I knew but I was just being blind. After my discovery, I returned to Abuja...back to school. I wrote my exams and ran to Lagos to stay with mom. FBC left our house out of shame and guilt. One day he called and asked to speak with me. I gave him a cold reception and warned him. Mom asked questions and I told her about my encounter with him. She cried, did all she could and he kept begging. She had to forgive.