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Note To Self (Lessons Learnt In Yaba Market).

This morning I had to go do something in the market. I've got this tailor that makes really good curtains and bed sheets and I got someone to give me the (small) contract to do some things for his new crib. I realized I didn't have the tailor's number on my new phone so instead of dragging my feet I chose to go to Yaba market and check where the tailors stay. As I searched, in usual Yaba market manner the traders began to make cat calls. Some left me blushing, some made me uncomfortable, some made me laugh, one hurt.

There were the usual chants of "Nwanyi Oma" My size" "Ukwu! Ukwu! Ukwu!"  "Nne ya complete" "carry go, noting do you" "Omalicha" "My height" "Nne e di okay" "Nne e di too much!" and well, of course I rolled my eyes and blew them off, nonchalantly. And then suddenly some one, just one person said "You are fat." And just with that one statement, my shoulders drooped a little, my head bowed just a little, my smile left just a little and my ego was bruised more than just a little. 

Isn't it ironic that it was easy for me to ignore all the praises that had been thrown my way for about 30 minutes or so and the minute someone made one unkind statement that was the one the stuck, and hit/hurt me?

Reminded me of an interview Toolz had with Tiwa Savage a couple of years back where Tiwa (or Toolz?) said she avoided the comment section of blogs because of the negative comments. Then she said there are times the comments are so mean and they really get her down, and one day her mother asked her; but for each hurtful comment there are tons of comments complimenting you and singing your praises. How come it's those few negative comments that get to you while you don't seem to notice the positive/flattering/kind ones?" She said she thought about it and sincerely wondered why. 

I guess it's just the way the mind works sometimes.... As I continued to walk in search of Tailor Orji I raised my head up and lifted my shoulders. I immediately made a note to myself; I will appreciate and cherish all the good and kind words/things/people that come my way. I would pay no mind to the (inevitable) bad and hurtful words/things/people and this way I'm certain nothing can take my smile away. It's amazing how fragile one's self-confidence and self-esteem can be, I think one ought to make a conscious effort to protect those. 

PS: I went to see my mum afterwards and she said to me ; "Nwando I hope you're still exercising? No honest man loves a fat woman". 

Hia! That cracked me up. I don't believe it jare but it cracked me up nonetheless. *now putting on my trainers and grabbing my skipping rope.*

Have a peaceful night people!


  1. they like them skinny instead?

  2. I haved tried to love myself the way I am too. I look 5 years younger than my age (at least that's what people say) and it really hurts because even my sisters look bigger. I won't lie I have been wishing I could add a little weight to make me look bigger and more mature, even got some multivitamins but didn't work. Lolzz (not that I am too slim o)

    My bf has told me several times to stop worrying and right now I have decided to love myself this way. When I work on the street and people think am in my earlier 20's I have learnt never to worry again.

    I wanna look at the good sides of me too....*smiles

  3. Many men love fat women o, but health is wealth and your esteem is precious. Protect both.

  4. Yes I agree, we need to protect our self confidence in any way possible. its very important. LOL @ what your mum said, I think she just really wants you to lose weight. Good luck dearie.

  5. Thelma dear. Those market men singing your praises are only doing so so that you will be convinced to come to their shop. Its all abt the money. They don't really believe you possess all those things they are praising you with bcos they do it to every thing in skirt that enters that market. Its just a marketing strategy which works for them bcos they know women love praises and attention.
    The reason why the 'you are fat' comment hurt you is bcos that is the 'honest truth'.
    And you knew it too. Your mind was wondering how this one person didn't go with the crowd and kiss ur ego.
    As long as you are doing sumthn about it, that's all that matters. Keep it up. I so love your blog.

    1. Exactly, I was already thinking the same thing. It's the same reason why tiwa or toolz don't get moved by the positive comments on blogs, deep down they know most of the posters are not honest and are saying those things either hoping to get a shout out or get on the good side of the celeb. The negative comments hurt the same way the truth hurts.
      Train yourself to develop a thick skin but at the same time those negative comments are supposed to motivate you. Cheers

    2. Please what is your point? That the positive comments are not true? Because Tiwa is hot! So when people say she's hot and she doesnt pay attention to that its not because she isnt. Same goes for Toolz. Thelma is not fat. She is big but she has the height to carry it well. If you havent seen her in person then you shouldnt say anything. The fact that the negative comments hurts doesnt mean that its true. It hurts because its hurtful, shikena. Its just like when I was in university they spread gist about me that I slept with someone. I didnt but I was still hurt by the lies going round.

  6. Hmnnnnnnnn.word!

  7. Hmmmm. Anon 17:14 u hit hard, real hard & boy, it's damn TRUE...
    As much as U shouldn't let those "GBAM" comments affect ur self esteem, U should be humble enough to accept the TRUTH.

    If U knew u were NOT fat, honestly T, will u give him any attention?

    Well, ur working on it, to be fit & sexy for U. Welldone...

  8. The lessons learned here:
    1. Work on those things which affect your self confidence
    2. At the same time, someone's opinion should not take your shine away because it is just what it is: an opinion. You will be amazed that while someone calls you fat, another sees you as perfect. I lost weight not because someone demanded it or made me feel terrible but I believed I was not fat pre-motherhood, as such, I needed to stop hiding under the blanket of having kids to keep adding the weight.
    3. Do we really need people's approval? Stick to what rocks your boat as long as you are not hurting anyone and yourself....


  9. If you really think about it, the only way a negative comment can get to you is if in your mind you already feel bad about that particular trait. For instance, when my tummy used to be big and I didn't like the way it looked in the mirror, comments like "see your bele, no dey chop anyhow" used to get to me. Then something funny happened, a particular group of girls started getting attracted to the look cos they thought it was a sign of lavish living, all of a sudden I felt good about my tummy and the negative comments became funny.

  10. Can I say this relate to me as well? It still continues o hunt me till date. As a blogger who just started, I was receiving all sorts of praises for my posts so because of that I decided to take up the challenge of guest posting for one big blog.

    My post was accepted and published, there were several compliments from it but one comment just brought me down and from that day onwards, writing for other people's blog hasn't being my thing again.
    My spirit was killed and still down for guest posting.

    It is really great you've decided to still surge forward. A note to myself as well.

    I found this post on

  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

  12. Hi Princewill,/Thelma
    Thanks for sharing this post here.
    Through a simple story /incident you taught us a good lesson.
    Yes, negative comments sometimes make us down but if we take it in good sense that can really make matter more better. Though we receive most of the time good reactions. feedbacks from our readers and we get elated and that sometimes gives us a feeling that I did a good job, and I am perfect in doing things, whereas a negative response or a feedback in our pages will surely helps us to make it sets things right. So take it in a good sense and think over it and try to fix if any problem carry along with it. Note this wonderful point that someone said: Only a fruitful tree will get stone pelting!! How true it is ! :-)
    if our works are good some may think that hey, what’s that in it! And pour abusive statements; of course in such cases we can just ignore such comments for their headache.
    The mother’s advise is really worth noting in this post
    Thanks Thelma for sharing this note.
    Best Regards
    Keep writing
    Best Regards :-)
    ~ Philip

  13. HI Princewill,

    I can relate to your article as the negative sticking in your mind more than the positive is natural sometimes it seems.

    Thanks for posting this as it started me thinking. We are to control our thoughts but we are not immune to emotion when hearing those types of messages... It has its affect, but then we must move on and not let it control us.

    Have a great day. :)
    - Carol
    P.S. I found your post on :)


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Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
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