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On In-Laws, Excuses And Decisions.





Blog reader Sasha Bone requested I do a post on the outrageous excuses/reasons (prospective) in-laws have given their sons (daughters) for their reluctance/refusal of them marrying (you).  

In her own case they said she was too tall, although he's slightly taller than she is. 


I've heard reasons ranging from wrong tribe, wrong family, wrong class, wrong profession, to Pastor said... I've heard Pastors say if you marry him/her the marriage will not last, you will die early, your fortune will be destroyed, the marriage will be fruitless, somebody will have an accident etc. 

So while Sasha and I would like to hear some things your boo's parents have said to deter them from marrying you, or the reasons they've given for saying NO to you becoming a member of their family..

I will also like you hear what you did/will do if your parents have refused to give you and your love their blessings. What happens when you're torn between your parents and your heart's desire? My friend *Ifeoma has been engaged to her boo *Segun for over two years now. Her parents have refused to allow her marry him because he's Yoruba. Ifeoma couldn't go against her parents' will but that hasn't stopped her from getting pregnant for Segun and cohabiting with him. So now they have a baby and live together though still not married. 

Presently I have a friend in this dilemma. In her case her fiancé is still struggling and her parents have refused to give them the go ahead. Her father thinks her man won't be able to provide for her and take care of their home. So as at yet her boo is struggling and hustling to better his finances but her parents are putting pressure on her to leave him. 

A former classmate of mine was in a similar position, in their own case it was religious doctrines; Orthodox vs Unorthodox church. She solved the problem by getting pregnant and in order to avoid shame their parents allowed them get married. 

Sometimes it's more serious than that. Sometimes it's because the intended spouse is an Osu (outcast) or their family is known to be cursed with madness, early death, poverty (or some things beyond their own control). 

What happens when you find yourself in this situation? 
Do you choose your parents counsel or ignore them and go ahead with your marriage?
Is there any marriage without parents' blessings? (My friend *Wale went ahead and married his wife even after his parents severely warned him against doing that because they are Muslim and she is Christian. Neither of his parents was present at the wedding and some people wonder if that's why six years after the wedding they are still yet to have a child....)
Have you ever been in this situation, what did you do, how did you proceed???

And remember that Sasha wants to hear if you've been in a similar position as she is; have your boo's parents given him some outrageous reasons not to marry you? Where do you go from there; do you try to dissuade him from listening to his parents' unfounded reasons or do you count your losses and move on? 

Comments

  1. Sasha chill, am coming to tell a lil bit of MY recent story on this matter. *battery below 10%, I will be back*

    ReplyDelete
  2. My mother in law came up with the story that I was already married whether na spirit husband na she sabi,fast forward after the first baby she gave me HELL on earth sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have left the whole thing. Just know that ur boo may not be telling everything,there may be more to the story cos it sounds funny

    ReplyDelete
  3. "Its been a dream of mine to have my name apear on a blog...lolz"

    In addition to the post,I wanna ask,are curses stronger than blessings? If one set of parent approves and blesses a union and the other don't,does it mean the marriage wld fail?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. These days it seems curses are stronger. I think it's best if both sets of parents bless, otherwise the ones that don't will remain bitter and withhold their goodwill and prayers.

      Delete
  4. Hmmm. When a family already hates you before the marriage what is the point? I left with my peace of mind intact.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sasha am here...
    Well here's a tiny lil part of my HUGE story.

    I was with my Ex for not 1 or 2 but 5yrs. Everyone was happy including ALL the members of his family cos i's this humble family in-law to be "housemaid". SMH, I haff mumu for love sha!

    I & My Ex were Enduring & Tolerating his constant thrilling episodes of Lies & Cheating, Hoping it's one of those fine boys youthful exuberance & he'll change. Dude only got terribly worse though his family thought they had an angel for a kid bro. I never said a word but once he mistakenly complained about how I "Constantly nag & quarrel with him over having 'female friends'", his family realized they had to PRAY about us... this is a man that didn't have a cent to his name at 30 oh.

    Well, the great Prophet said "If he marries me, our marriage will last for just 3months, except I, as in Moi comes for DELIVERANCE". Akuko!!!

    I rolled on the floor laughing, His Family went on to say if I don't come for deliverance I should leave Him alone, I had to abandon my fun & well paying job in lagos & travel back to PH cos he was my Only Shelter & family in Lag.

    Fast forward 4months later, dude came back sobbing (He's the best begger on earth to)... a few friends of mine & his talked & I got back with him, this time with a RING on my finger. 2months later I found out that, not only has his "womanizing", sorry, "female friending" won a Grammy award but he hasn't told his family a thing about the REUNITED US..

    Boy, after seeing a text from a recent Ex of his (snooping tinz)! I BOUNCED outta that courtship to the extent that My head could touch the sky!
    Needless to say I Felt Nothing emotionally cos I's already Numb from 5yrs worth of Pain & I think both my heart & mind expected such from him, after all, a Leopard never loses its spots!!!

    No Regrets at all cos it was definitely an experience i'll probably explore again if given a 2nd chance cos it shaped me into this BETTER version of Me that am Oscar proud of.

    (Long Epistle, Sorry Dearies)

    Sasha, Truth be told, Family in-laws will ALWAYS get funny esp when u step on one persons toes but U & UR Boyfriend/Fiance'/Husband has the FINAL say. Eventually U & Him are the ones to decide Who/What U'all want.

    Flow with his rhythm NOT his family's.

    As for me, If am a 100% certain of a man, my parents have lil or no say oh (which my mom tells me sef) cos na me go live with am... LOL

    The rest is between me, him & God.

    ReplyDelete
  6. In my own case my dad wouldn't let me marry my hubby b/cus he is an orphan, and he is not from nigeria. My husband was born and raised in nigeria though he is from ghana. And has never been to ghana! His mum was a bizwoman who did well for herself in nigeria. I met an aunty of his, but unfortunately she died b4 we went to see my dad.
    I met his pastor (he was and is still fully commited in church.) And other family members of his ( not related by blood though) My dad said he wouldn't let me marry a no body! Nothing my hubby's pastor said would change my dads mind.
    Well I went ahead got pregnant, it still didn't change my dads mind. And of course he stopped paying my fees. So hubby and I ended up doing a court marriage, today we r blessed wiv 3 lovely kids. I'm tru wiv skool thanks to my hubby. I own a bizness. And my dad till today hasn't forgiven me and still won't give us his blessings. He embarrasses us each time we have cause to visit his house ( his birthday party, my sisters trad, my grandma's funeral, my kid bro's graduation party) His brothers have pleaded wiv him, He said he will only forgive me if I leave my hubby and kids and return home.
    I can tell u in all honesty that I have never had cause to regret my actions. I couldn't have asked for a better husband. As for my dad, I do hope and pray he gives us his blessings some day!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you sure we don't share the same Dad? Anyways I don't think we do cos mine is convinced that all four of his first wife's children and even the first wife are out for his life so we don't even visit. Anyways your story will be that of my first sister after 8 years and her stubbornly going behind my Dad and doing the marriage register wedding, my Dad has refused to forgive her (not that she cares at least after four years he decides to collect bride price) and once told me, that ifs she is wise, she would Leave her husband and children and go back to London. Like seriously what kinda father says that? Well deris God ooo

      Delete
  7. I Love this Anon above!!! Welldone woman. This was easy for ur hubby because U were in charge, U did all the right things too esp Staying STUCK to ur hubby!

    But if u had started acting up, hubby for run na.... LOL

    ReplyDelete
  8. When I hear some stories I thank God for my in laws.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hmm...I know they say elders see what the young ones can't even if they climb a tree but why cant families just support their childs spouse even if they don't like the person? I know of a guy who was denied marrying his childhood sweetheary of 17yrs by her father cos he wasn't catholic. Now he's married and she still isn't. Although they still best of friends,she still hurts. Do parents think its easy for people to just move on simply cos they are against a union? (Not like the couple are the ones against themselves)

    ReplyDelete

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