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Selfish People Live Longer!

That Is one of the quotes from the movie The Other Woman. 

Earlier tonight I chatted with someone from the past. I remember I did a post last month about someone I friendzoned whom I thought will wait for me forever till he sent me his wedding invite and I almost fainted. Well that was about three years ago and last night was the first time we've conversed at length since then.

 I mean he's been my friend on FB and has always been on my BB but seeing as he's now married I've given a lot of space. Last night we started chatting about Bey and Jay, the trouble brewing in the Obama's marriage and how it's threatening Barack's office as the President when somehow we brought our chat closer home and he reminded me of how he once drove from Lagos to Enugu just to see me and when he got to Enugu he called me and told me he had arrived only for me to tell him I just got on a plane to Abuja and won't be back till the next week (Ouch! When I was younger I was quite thoughtless sha. *SMH*). In his words "Wando e pain me die!". This was about five years ago but last night I apologized. And then I mentioned how I thought it was all a joke when he sent me his wedding invite and when I realized it wasn't it felt like someone just threw a glass of cold water in my face. He was shocked to hear this and got angry, he asked why I didn't say anything. I said there was no point, he had sent me his wedding invite, what was there to say? He insisted I should have said something, anything at all to express my displeasure. He insinuated that if he knew that I had in any way been affected by the news of his wedding then he might have done something about it. Now this got me thinking. So I'll ask it to you. 

If you were in those shoes; if someone who was in love with you and whom you did in fact love was getting married to someone else after you repeatedly turned down his advances, and a month to this wedding that person says "just say the word and I will leave him/her and be with you" will you do it? Will you say the word and have them dump their fiancé for you? You can reason that you don't know the fiancé personally so technically you're doing nothing wrong. You might also say that there are times you need to be selfish and make yourself and your happiness your own priority. 
What would you do?

This is very similar to a story that the marriage/relationship counselor (my boss's friend on The Things He Said post). He told me of an Igbo lady friend of his who met some guy (a Yoruba man) a few months to his wedding. The man fell hard in love with her and begged her to marry him, promising to cancel his wedding to his fiancé. The Igbo lady refused because
 (1) they had only just met, the guy had to be a joker despite his pleas and assurances.
 (2) the tribe factor
 (3) it was two months to his wedding, it won't be fair at all to the woman he's about to wed.
        And so because of these  reasons she turned the man down and they both went their separate ways.

 Thirteen years later the woman, now 43, ran into this Yoruba man. He now has three kids but his marriage to the woman ended in divorce. Some months after they ran into each other they got married and now have a child with another one on the way. 
       Barr. Bayo asked, so why didn't she just marry him in the first place? Imagine all the years she has wasted because she was thinking about hurting somebody and because of tribe? It's very obvious to everybody that this Yoruba man is her husband. 

What do you guys think about this? Do you agree with Barrister Bayo that she should have been selfish and gotten married to him when he proposed 13 years ago two months before his wedding to someone else? 


  1. This is serious. Yes your happiness should be your first priority but will your conscience even allow you to enjoy the marriage? I know some women dont care. #ImustbeMrs.

    1. Blame society for that mentality.

  2. I wouldn't be able to trust someone willing to drop their fiance for another person two months before the wedding.

  3. It is also possible that if she had put her happiness first and married this dude, they would have been the divorced ones now and the fiancee he dumped many years ago will be the wife now. ( doubt I made sense). I wouldn't be able to do it because if it were done to me, I know just how much I would hurt. Oh shit I have experienced that shit, it burned not just hurt and that kind of hurt I can't wish on my worst enemy. I live by the belief that what will be will be.

  4. My questions are,would you be able to live with yourself after snatching another person's hubby months to the wedding? Can you convince yourself you did the right thing especially by biblical standards?what if you were the other woman being dumped?
    I am of the opinion that the fact that felt 'awakened' months to his wedding doesn't mean you love him or really wnts to marry him.I remember feeling 'somehow' when one of my x-bfs wanted to get married last year, I would look at the girls pictures repeatedly, me sef I dnt know what I was looking for,lols.I was able to get through that phase by asking and answering for myself some hard questions,do I still love him?No, do I wanna marry him?NO. I concluded that my feelings came to be 'cuz I thought he was gonna love me forever,always been at my beck and call.
    Finally,my pastor,Bishop David Oyedepo(Snr)would always say, God is not the author of confusion.I seiously doubt God would lead you to hurt another just so to attain you own happiness.

    TGIF people!

    1. @ Favourite, gbam!! you took the words right outta my mouth!!!

    2. " God is not the author of confusion" I like that

  5. I personally don't believe it's right to do that since the wedding day has been fixed, I wouldn't want same thing to happen to me. (my supposed husband dumps me for an other lady few months to our wedding!). No No

    Funny enough I am kind of experiencing something like that right now but of course I said a big No. Hmmm maybe am talking this way tho because I actually like the guy but not in love with him, so no thoughts if spending my life with him although I know he loves me (beyond doubts), he's been on my case since I was 14 .

  6. *that you felt 'awakened'

    *your own happiness

  7. Uju I love ur comment ni....

    Any man who'll change his mind that quick cos of U will also change his mind for another woman at ur expense!!!

    As for moi, Ruth...

    I can NOT say anything to the nigger even if I love am die!!! My conscience is all the happiness I need & to realize am at least a reason for his wife's joy, Oh Pls. God himself will be proud of me & give me the Best...

    Life is a thick soup if uncertainties!!!

  8. My happiness should be first...but my thoughts will be...Will conscience allow? What if the other woman is Samson?-The lion tearer? That would obviously not be a nice thing to do though there are life and death cases.

  9. Who knws if u had said somthing then abt the wedding and he married you,I won't be benefiting frm u thru dis blog today...#notbeingselfish,:) but I love your blog..Lulu

  10. All is not fair in love n war my dear pple. Mrs M

  11. Sorry all is fair

    1. My sentiments exactly. remember that she was there before the other lady came into the picture. actually that's not an excuse but all is fair in love and sometimes you have to get your own even if it means hurting someone else.

    2. Una harsh oh. My only problem is that it's ppl who reason like this that seek out the other woman and proceed to douse her with acid because their bf/hubby/fianwareva decided to put his happiness first and dumped them for another.

  12. If u love something,set it free,if it leaves,it never wanted to stay. If u set it free,u never wanted it to stay either...

  13. I seriously think you would be doing a favour to the other woman by getting married to him. Really, if my boyfriend asks any girl to marry him two months to our wedding, I would feel bad about it but il be happy that he saved me the problems of an unhappy marriage. He doesn't really want to marry me, he wants her, he should go 4 her n save me the heartbreak he would inflict on me after marriage.

  14. The man that is ready to abandon the woman he has pledged to marry seems indecisive. I would be worried and not take him serious.

  15. Seeing as this is one of those situations u can never really tell what u'll do till ur actually in that position imma keep calm n let God. I'll rather a guy backs out of a marriage to me if he's not sure and if he's in love with some1 else than stay with me outa obligation tho (better a broken engagement than a broken marriage). Sure it'll hurt like a i'll b better off for it alone than stuck with some1 whose head is somewhere else. Seen that...hate that...would not pay for that


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