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The Down-Low Issue... We Need To Talk About This.



A while back I wrote a short story about a homosexual man forced to live like a straight man See Here  which I thought to be an inconvenient situation, which is what I titled the story. The first
commenter called it "Rubbish" and I got a few calls and messages referring me to a previous post where I'd written about the world going crazy and everyone going crazy along with it, there I highlighted a gay couple adopting a child. I pointed out to those who questioned me that although I thought it was wrong the point was not to judge or admonish gay people. Neither was the story to encourage or support homosexuality. Someone actually accused me of writing that story so that I can increase my traffic and blog readers by attracting gay readers. I thought that was the most ridiculous thing I'd heard in 2014. The story was me basically going into the mind of a gay man living in Nigeria and some challenges he's forced to face. Reading this reader's mail of a gay man on the down low to Linda Ikeji's blog reminded me of that story and the fact that this is a real issue being experienced by real people. And guess what, real people are you, they're me, they're your brothers and sisters, friends and colleagues, husbands and wives. Love it or hate it, it's real. But I see that people will rather be hate-filled or live in denial and push homosexuals to marry members of the opposite sex and subject them (the spouses) to a life of misery and frustration, and then some women will write their stories to blogs that their husbands haven't touched them in a hundred years. I also
know that God hates homosexuality. But more than that I know God hates the sin but loves the sinner. No, I am not a Gay rights or LGBT advocate, but I choose to see things in other colors besides black and white. I might get more backlash for this, or maybe once again be insulted, but I will rather a gay man be allowed to be gay than for him to marry me as a beard, a front, a disguise and deceive me into believing that I have a husband.

Mail below:



Sitting in the Best Man’s seat yesterday watching my boyfriend getting married in one of the biggest church in the Country. Yes, you read that right, I’m a guy and my boyfriend got married yesterday. We have been dating for the past 7 years right after we met at the NYSC camp in the northern Part of Nigeria. Now, laying back on my bed, thinking about how happy the wife was not knowing she was just embarking on the journey of sadness to someone who have no love for her. Then I concluded that she deserves it, she was arranged for him, she was forcing him to get married even when the guy told her he is not ready. Then, I partly blame the government for giving us such attention we never wanted. We were doing fine, even living together and never wanted to get married, but since the homophobic law came into existence, everyone questions 2 best friends living together, everyone questions older man who hasn’t married yet, the fear of being ‘suspected’ now makes most gay men in the country marry a woman so as to cover up their act.
Also to the parent, who keep forcing their child into marrying someone who they  know nothing about, or parents who threathens to disown their child if they don’t get married. His parent threaten to cut him out  if he didnt get married and he is just 32 so they arranged the girl for him. 

Things like this will always happen, if other people’s business is our concern, if parent won’t allow their child to be whatever they want, if girls won’t stop forcing themselves on guys or forcing marriage on them. You wonder why most homes are unhappy, because the woman was the one forcing everything.  We already love how we secretly do our things, the government act is just foolish and will cause more unhappy homes. And to people who are homophobic online, well, in every family, there is always at least somebody different. 

Comments

  1. I am a gay right activist. I think it's inhumane to judge people because of their sexual orientation n I think it's more inhumane to make people live in fear, in bondage. You don't have to be gay to understand gays, you just have to be more human, kinder and accommodating. We should make room for others abeg. That someone is different doesn't make them insane.

    ReplyDelete
  2. personally I believe in live and let live. some people commit greater sins but will be the first to judge a gay person. and btw I loved that story, very honest and real.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hmmmmm....
    I'll seriously pass on this one to avoid being lynched.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Please voice your thoughts, we can't all agree or have the same opinions on a matter. I sincerely doubt that you'll be lynched and I'm almost certain some will have similar views as you do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ok.
      First off, I loathe, distaste and have a strong (very strong) aversion towards homosexuality and arguments that tend to support it so, in a way, I think that sort of disqualifies me for any discourse about the topic as it does seem I'm already greatly prejudiced and incapable of keeping an open mind about it.
      Secondly, I do believe that there is the tendency to find oneself confused about their sexual orientation and that this can be "cured" by deliberately moving yourself in the "right" direction and not letting the strange, depraved desires take over your senses.
      Most girls who went to all female schools found themselves, at one point or the other, curiously having feelings for their fellow girls but I believe that by separating yourself from those situations and inviting God to help you, such depraved desires can be subdued- just like a bad habit.
      Lastly, people are not "born gay".
      They may have the proclivity to be so oriented but THAT can be surmounted and it is the inability to do what is right and yet explain away the sickness which is homosexuality that repulses me.

      Again, I don't mean to offend anyone- we are all entitled to our feelings and opinions.

      Delete
  5. Ruthy,steele,enjay,aniella..waiting for u guys comment...

    ReplyDelete
  6. I've noticed that most times when people point out the wrong doings of others, even without degrading them, it's termed as "judging". We are scared of the misplaced interpretations of our messages and use words like "I'm not trying to judge", to calm nerves. My nephew, like any other toddler, is fond of going close to electrical appliances, and his mum hits his hand whenever he tries to touch them in a bid to discourage him from that action. Sometimes the hit is hard, and he cries out of pain. Analysis: he has committed a "sin" and has been "judged". Most of us here are parents, and would punish our kids if they stray from the right path. Does that make us better than them? What gives us the moral justification to do that, seeing as we're more degenerate sinners than they are? (a woman who curses daily would teach her kids not to and punish them if they do). Why are we concerned about the morals of our loved ones but give the "live and let live" attitude when dealing with strangers? This is one thing that makes the world sick; when we don't look out for each other.

    No reasonable person would ever judge anyone, let alone gays, but just as GOD hates the sin and loves the sinner, we are compelled to do the same. Being a gay rights activist is like supporting the sin itself, since the basis of that activism is allowing consenting adults the right to their sexual orientation. What about trying to help them in this abnormal situation? Telling them the flaws of their sexual orientation and being the shoulder they can lean on to ease their depression? Don't you think these actions would trigger the desire in them to change?

    I remember a post Thelma did some months ago about a woman in raunchy picture poses with two of her sons. Though it wasn't confirmation that nothing incest-like existed among them, the pictures were roundly condemned in all the comments. So why do gay-right activists see nothing wrong with sex between same-sex couples, but condemn incest and its similarities? Why flare at a 45 year old man sleeping with his 22 year old daughter? Are they not also consenting adults? #DoulbleStandards.

    Our unwillingness to help these people and treat their sexual orientation as "normal", coupled with the fact that they are condemned as humans rather than for their actions, has given them this false self-righteousness about what they're neck deep into. It's so bad that 90% of them don't believe it's abnormal. As much as we should desist from condemning them as humans, we should also try to discourage them from this evil by helping them in anyway we can. What is evil is evil, and there's no where in the Bible or Quran that sin in any form is allowed to thrive without incurring GOD'S Anger. Do not support them alone; support them, and condemn the act. Be Blessed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @ memphis, just like you Im a christian and a very conventional christian albeit not outwardly,
      It is a pleasure and a honor to literally hear God speak to me.

      I was meditating or rather having a conversation with God on why it seems like our prayers as a Nation is not being answered.
      I asked him, God you word says in 2Chronicles 7:14 that "if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land". he countered you have humbled yourselves already but have you stopped and turned from your wicked ways, look around arm end villains everywhere, kidnappers, cultist, incestuous relationships, rapist everywhere, fornication everywhere you look, runs chics,gigolos, adulterers and now an epidemic of gays, bloodshed through abortions, people murdering others with their mouths on social media, suicide etc.

      We are all guilty of at least one of this, pick one ! Our land is full of all these atrocities.we are quick to cite bible passages, have night vigils and fast for our land forgetting that Our God is an orderly God, he gives commands which we have to follow through completely he gave a condition humble yourselves and then turn from your evil ways only then will be rid our land of sin.

      so we all need to turn from our evil ways no matter what it is so because God says he HATES the sin, let us help him hate it too.

      Delete
    2. YES MR MEMPHIS HOLIER THAN THOU HAS COME AGAIN. SMH

      Delete
    3. hes not holier than thou, he's just taking a stand, whats yours anony?

      Delete
  7. Well, I will talk small sha...
    I think God should be the ONE & ONLY judge of people's actions that are in harmony or contrary to his commandments. Esp issues about sexuality... TOO sensitive...

    I HATE the the act of homosexuality NOT th homosexuals! But if Living & Let's Live is for the greater good, promoting happiness, then everyone should be allowed to Live....

    Eventually, we'll all be accountable for our sins. Gays, Lesbians, Fornicators, Adulterers etc

    ReplyDelete
  8. Just like Memphis said, I'll keep Condemning the ACT of homosexuality but will NEVER judge nor hurt those who engage in it... Am NOT their creator...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sweety you cannot condemn ( express complete disapproval of….) without judging note that the definition of condemn is complete aka in totality.
      stop speaking with the two sides of your mouth and take a stand or better still use words that can accurately describe what you feel and not words you're not sure of the meaning.
      ehugs

      Delete
    2. Thanks alot Anon. was just about saying something similar.

      Delete
  9. Lemme unseal the lips. Let's think about this.

    As a man(both genders), how do you know you are not homosexual? Is it by "I'm sexually attracted to the opposite sex"? This is my free world so I will spill out. I have found myself condemning homos and personally, I am not a lesbian and I've never indulged in the act but I've found myself craving to do carzy things with one lady. I've been sexually attracted to ladies like me...and I'm sure some people here feel same way sometimes. The only thing that makes me different is I have never indulged in the act and I will never. Not because I am closeted. I don't care what you want to feel. Its because I have been made to understand its not the right feeling...not by man...GOD. When I used to constantly feel that, I took the feeling to the feet of my creator.

    Me, other people that have attractions towards same sex, what makes you different? If this people can't contain what they feel, please allow them live. Not everyone knows ways to contain or throw away the feeling. God hates homosexuality but we are not judges over man. If they can't throw this feeling away, allow them. Live and let's live. God will judge when he comes to take us home.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am live and let live in all my dealing in life except this one simply because these gays recruit younger gays by raping them. I don't have a problem with anyone desecrating their temple after all na dem get their body however when you cause another harm by raping them especially little kids that are innocent and cannot fight back then I have a huge problem with that.
      from research most "GAYS"were raped and their innocence taken away from them and then slowly but surely they became full blown GAYS.

      Delete
    2. Now, married lifers just got two extra unhappy married people. When the man should have been flexing happily with his gay partner and the lady wouldav ended up with sme1 dat loves her truly even if she marries @42. All well and good.

      Delete
    3. Oh please how do you force a grown man to marry by force?
      no person living or dead can force me to marry by force oh

      Delete
  10. That is why people should be close to their children dear anony. When you are close to your child, you will be able to fathom when there's any change....like my friend whose child was raped in school-gay sex, the boy opened up after she prodded him and we are all helping him heal.

    That said, anyone that rapes is liable to die. Don't steal someones life because yours was stolen instead heal... Soo, don't cover up any rapist,-homo or not.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ok so he's healing, does that guarantee what he won't turn out gay, or continue the raping cycle?
      I don't think you understand the spiritual connotation of sex especially homosexuality, it is a stronghold that must be dealt with in every single way possible- physically, mentally, spiritually and otherwise.

      Delete
    2. Yes anony. That obviously means he won't turn out gay because he knows that GOD hates the act. The fact that he's healing means he won't turn out being that. Healing is spiritual first, mental and physical.

      Yes, I understand the spiritual connotation of sex.

      Delete
  11. Dear anonys, condemn means to express complete disapproval of something. That doesn't mean I already judged. I can condemn an act without judging the person behind that act. Klint is a homosexual...I hate the act but Klint is my best friend. I am not condemning Klint, I am only condemning the act he performs.

    One love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hun I dont wanna derail this thread however "condemning" seems even much worse than "judging".

      Judging = To objectively evaluate someone based on Biblical standards of conduct and morality

      Condemning = Forming a negative, usually self-righteous, opinion about someone because they do not measure up to Biblical standards

      er can we at least use other words to aptly describe what you feel?

      Delete
  12. I believe the Bible and what it says. Romans 1:18-32. No to homosexuality n lesbianism. Most of this people were initiated into this act (likewise 'normal' sex) at a very young age. Isn't this defilement? So what can be good about it? If it was ok, how do they procreate? How does the world continue? I just don't want any child's future messed up all because some adult decides to show him the way. This is the case with most of them. I can only pray God protects the young ones and for the older ones, I pray you find peace within and may your eyes of understanding be opened.#Enjay#

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. can you explain hermaphrodites or or people being born with two penises (i swear they exist) a lot of things we cant explain. i honestly do not pray for a day i will wake up and see our driver kissing his husband goodbye (you get my drift) but this ppl found themselves to be born this way (except for lesbians, most of them just had to turn lesbians because they are tired of being heartbroken or believe no man would want them my opinion oh.) a lot of things we cant explain. in my little mind i believe a niche should be carved out for them lgbt community blah and then they should be isolated in that niche just so they are free to do as they please, pending when judgment day comes then we'll know if we were right to judge and isolate them or not.

      Delete
    2. I hate hearing ppl say gays r born d way dy r, dat's a lie 4m d pit of hell!
      Dnt excuse bad habits!

      Delete
  13. This is refreshing. To see logical and not too self righteous opinions about gays. I wish I can do more for the gay folks. As for people citing the bible, the major aim of Christianity is LOVE. Anything that isn't in line with this four letter word should be eschewed. Don't do God's Job for him, he is capable of judging and punishing pple he deems fit. Except I see someone harming another, physically or emotionally, I don't try to judge. As for the raping part, we have straight rapists too - Old men who rape little girls who don't even understand their body. That one is gay doesn't bestow holiness on them. There are bad gays and there are good gays. The way we treat straight rapists is the way we should treat gay rapists. And a young boy that was raped by a man (I think) wud have phobia for gay sex. It even happens to straight girls, when they are raped, they begin to hate sex.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Does God not condemn the act of homosexuality like he does Murder/Stealing?

    Does God Condemn a Murderer? A Thief or a homosexual?

    Anon get ur words together pls!!!

    I condemn murder, but hope, pray & will love to encourage /help the murderer CHANGE!!!! Likewise, a homosexual.

    ReplyDelete
  15. You people obviously dont know the implication of homosexuality thus your live and let live. Ok o!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Ifesenachi okonkwo dnt let me face you. B forming activist dere. Idiot!! You hv always been gay. You practically asked all d 100level boys out in school. You messed up deir lives. Your legacy lives on in uniben campus. Bastard

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm...that escalated quickly!

      Delete
  17. And here I thought the maturity will prevail all through... what have u accomplished with the curses dear anon? SMH

    ReplyDelete
  18. And here I thought the maturity will prevail all through... what have u accomplished with the curses dear anon? SMH

    ReplyDelete
  19. No comment. I'm indifferent about people's sexuality.

    ReplyDelete
  20. @Anon 9.30pm, I am a woman who has never been to Benin, talk little of schooling there. It's sad people like you exist. No thinking faculty. The 14years imprisonment should be directed to brainless cyber bullies like you. Hopeless, depressed cow. I know your sexual perversion is worse. You are probably one of those brain twisted people that gain sexual pleasure when they use koboko to torture them. I can see the symptoms in your bitterness. Bloody sadist. Anu npama!

    ReplyDelete
  21. @Anon 9.30pm, I am a woman who has never been to Benin, talk little of schooling there. It's sad people like you exist. No thinking faculty. The 14years imprisonment should be directed to brainless cyber bullies like you. Hopeless, depressed cow. I know your sexual perversion is worse. You are probably one of those brain twisted people that gain sexual pleasure when they use koboko to torture them. I can see the symptoms in your bitterness. Bloody sadist. Anu npama!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I am a christian and I believe as christians we should live our lives based on the teachings of our faith. And therefore if my faith is. Against hatred, stealing, fornication., adultery, lying,homsexuality etc. Then that's the law I choose to live under. When the Gay law was passed I do not believe it is against the persons but rather against the sexual act. The act in itself is so unnatural using parts of the body for activities not created for those activities hurting ones self and exposing. One to undeniable and increased risk to. HIV. A story was told of a guy whose mum had to take him to the hospital when she realised his. Walking and sitting was strained and he confessed he had anal pain caused from anal abscess. Doctors asked him how he thinks he got it even though it was clear to them that it was through anal sex. And this guy gave a flimsy answer saying. He cleans is butt with hard tissue and this was all infront of his mum. Meanwhile he is an adult. And unfortunately quite known amongst his peers to be gay.
    The same I will speak against any other immoral or wicked act. I will speak up against homosexuality. the fact I treat everyone wt respect and behave civilly to all does nt mean I should condone certain behaviours act.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Point of correction,gay sex is anal sex which I know some heterosexual couples practice...just tot I clearify ur statement "The act in itself is so unnatural using parts of the body for activities not created for those activities hurting ones self and exposing one to undeniable and increased risk to HIV."

      Delete

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