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Thelma Asks; Would You Rather Be Feared Or Loved?

Last week something happened which lead to a conversation I had with a much older friend who's been in the workforce for longer than I have been. He said "Nwando to get by in this life, especially at work, you have to be a bitch. Stop trying to please people or trying to make people like you. It won't work to your advantage."

I explained that I wasn't going out of my way to please anyone or to make anyone like me, I would just much rather live/work in an environment where everyone is cordial, or civil at the very least. I don't go to work to make friends but that doesn't mean that I would pick hostility over friendliness. I mean, why can't we all just get along?

He begged to differ. That should be the least of your concerns Nwando; at least you get your respect and before anyone tries any shit with you they first say "Ha! That one has madness o! Don't mess with her". 

But I still maintained my stand and we were at loggerheads so I'm throwing it open to the house;

Would you rather be feared or loved? 


  1. I think you can balance both.I laugh a lot with people at the office and play around but everyone knows I'm one person they can't mess with.If you over reach I'll put you in your place and I'll do it in front of everyne so that the next person will beware. They are lots of people like this in my office,there is no class in being a can get ppl to respect you without being a bitch.

  2. There are lots of people*

  3. In my own case I believe in being nice and be loved 'First' but when you wanna take advantage of that I give it 2 u, then others will know clearly that don't mess with her o.

    I don't wanna b d bad 1 1st so I belive in being good and friendly but nevertheless you strike a balance by giving it hard to any1 who doesn't deserve some kind gestures.

    1. Exactly. Be nice to everyone and create an amicable work environment. But if anyone comes at me with any form of insensitivity, that's when they'll realize that Madness has levels.

  4. Experience has taught me that it pays more to be a bitch.

  5. It pays to be a bitch. I will rather be feared...but there's one thing I need to cut off that makes people love me than they fear me. Soon enough, the love travels a long journey when they have *seen you finish.

    To be Feared is better. You get the work done that way.

  6. Insecure people need to be feared or loved. Nigerians see the work place as an extension of their domestic life. Madam wants you kneel to greet her and scurry to carry her bag. Master wants you to hold the door open, carry his bags and serve his food. Someone told me how in his bank, two women were ordered to sit and face the wall for daring to leave work before Oga, the previous day. When you believe in your self, skills, capabilities and work within the laws of the work place and mankind, you will be respected. That is the most important thing. Bullies are abound in the office. I fear no one. I believe in my self. I will get another job. When you are respected, no one will mess with you. Including the office bitch.

  7. I don't know about being loved but I know that fear can become hatred and hatred can drive people to rebel against you. Be good to people, be polite and considerate but don't let yourself be taken for granted

  8. Either way, just accept me for me. Would never please you. My work environment expect one to act act like dummies and stupid when you see or are in the presence of senior colleague or bosses. But being who I am, I'm quick to draw the lines yet be polite. Imagine boss expecting you to do house chores in the office for him. No way!!! I did let him know am not one to mess with even if you are my boss. I could be overtly nice and meaning nasty, so don't take my Hellos' and Hi's for granted.


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Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.


He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!

One More Post...


A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…


I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

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Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 

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Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.