I think this type of cheating is even more dangerous than the actual (sexual) cheating. This is more subtle, deeper and usually lasts much longer. Also because it's subtle the cheats rarely get caught by their partners. Because it's not physical it's easy for one to convince oneself that they're doing nothing wrong.
I'm referring to emotional cheating. The kind where you guys aren't physical. You don't and probably have never had sex but your feelings for each other run deep, sometimes you love them even more than you love your spouse or partner. I'll use my friend *Bidemi as an example since she's the reason we got into the argument in the first place (a few of us argued about this).
Bidemi and *Ahmed had been friends before she got married. Ahmed was married so he and Bidemi couldn't be anything more. Now she's married but there's no denying that she loves Ahmed much more than she loves her hubby (she doesn't deny this), she speaks to Ahmed when she wakes up and he's the last person she talks to at night. She tells him EVERYTHING about everything; her job, finances, hubby, children, problems at home, hubby's slip-ups, what they had for dinner, everything! When something happens in her life he's the first to know; when she found out she was pregnant, when her baby cut her first tooth, took her first step etc. When she's feeling low it's Ahmed she talks to, when she's happy it's Ahmed she talks to, when something happens at work it's Ahmed she talks to. When we're all hanging out and something exciting happens she immediately calls Ahmed to tell him. And sometimes when she's horny she also calls Ahmed; just to "gist him".
I've said times without number that she should end this affair, in my opinion it's an affair! I've told her she's committing adultery and she should have ended things with Ahmed the minute she got married.
She calls Bullshit! As far as Bidemi is concerned what I'm saying makes no sense, she's not sleeping with Ahmed and rarely sees him in person so how can I tell her she's cheating on hubby. She has done no wrong and Ahmed is just a friend. Her conscience is clear, she has nothing to hide.
So to this I asked her a question. As far as I was concerned this will be the ultimate test. : Bidemi if you've done no wrong and you have nothing to hide, can you give your husband your phone and let him read your chats with Ahmed?
Everytime we get to this point Bidemi gets very quiet. It dawns on her (which I'm sure it did long ago) that her "friendship" with Ahmed is not so innocent after all. It's at this point that she can no longer deny or rationalize the facts.
Please know that I'm not judging my friend Bidemi. I never judge because I can't predict what I will do in a situation, I may do worse even. Yet I'm genuinely concerned, and although I don't judge I find it distasteful, to put it mildly.
So here's the deal guys, I've got a number of questions:
Is this cheating; is emotional cheating cheating?
Is it more pardonable than sexual/physical infidelity?
Have you ever been in an emotional affair with someone else other than your partner? If yes, why do you think it happened?
How will you feel if your spouse was in a deep emotional affair with someone else; will you be indifferent because there's no sex involved or will you feel cheated?