I really do. Ok maybe I'm acting on assumptions, these are kind of... hopes, if you will. Presumptions more or less. And yes, expectations.
So yes, I'm assuming, hoping, presuming and expecting that you'll be my best friend and that's why I need you now. You see we're all getting older and everyone has or is moving on. Everyone has or is getting a life. My bestie and usual sounding board got married, became a mother and left me. Well in all honestly she didn't just suddenly leave me. It was a gradual process so it's not like it took me by surprise. I mean, from the minute he proposed and she started planning their wedding she started gradually leaving me. She had other priorities, other things on her mind. My problems became miniscule and unimportant and in fact, she cut me out completely for three good months for no reason at all, only getting me back on her team because, oh, I had to be her Chief Bridesmaid. We got back to being us but then she got married and she left me some more. Soon after baby came, and naturally, for all intents and purposes I no longer existed.
A bit of a balance was found and we got back to being us but of course it's never been the same. My only problem with this is that I've lost my sounding board, my shrink, my psychotherapist, my comforter, my friend and confidant. Well she's still my bestie but you know, it's not the same so...
They're all moving on, and all too quickly. They've all found husbands and got married and had kids and they've left me with no one to talk to. And when they find the time, I try to talk but suddenly it's like they speak Greek while I speak Mandarin. We talk but there's no communication. Common ground is lost. I'm talking first dates and deadlines they're talking frustrating husbands and good crèches. Hunny they've left me, I've lost them.
Fackin hell! They're all leaving me, both the real and imagined. I know I'm in hot shit when even the ones I created begin to move on with their own lives. I'm alone on dry land. I'm in a desert that stretches a million miles and I'm all alone. I see shadows and sticks. I see footsteps in the sand and I hear voices but when I speak the only response I get is my echo. Darling they've freaking left me.
I need you now, not because it's time, or because I'm lonely, or because of my biological clock, or because of society's pressures but because I need a friend I can talk to. Yes I have MANY friends but I have NO ONE to talk to. You know why? Because they've all got their own shit they're dealing with and while they're willing to offer a listening ear and a bit of their time, I can almost see their eyes involuntarily stray to their watches, checking the time, wondering when I'll stop yakking on so they can get on with their lives and back to their own issues after they've mumbled empty, flat and incoherent words of comfort and advice.
I need you because as my best friend, my issues become your issues and you'll treat them as such. You'll take my every word seriously and every vowel I speak would mean the Bible to you. I need you terribly and as I write this my tears flow freely and I won't bother to hide them, that's how much I need you. I need you because I need someone to talk to, who actually cares about my problems as much as I do.
I've got mummy and daddy. I speak to them at least twice everyday, but they still won't do. My siblings are always in my corner but even CGN is getting tired of me. I hear it in his voice when I call him for the fifth time in a day to tell him what just happened, he's trying to divide his attention between her and me , and I can almost hear her say "this girl please leave your brother alone and go get your own man". My dear (future sister-in law?) no vex jare.
So sweetness you see why I need you abi? People mail me, call me, text me with their issues and I'm very fine sharing with them and 'trying' to be the friend they need but who do I have to talk to? That's why you need to get your behind here ASAP.
I need you to talk to, to confide in, to run ideas by, to get advise from, to guide me, to listen to me talk/blab/rant, to pray with, to share with, but most importantly to talk to. I've never really bothered with you before because quite frankly I never thought I'd get hitched before 30 but now that even the voices in my head are giving up on me, I really do need you.
No, don't rush in on your chariot, swoop me right off my feet and straight to the alter and then wheel me right into the labour room. That's not what I mean when I say I need you now. What I mean is, just come and talk with me. That's all I need right now.