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Dear Future Husband (I Need You NOW).

I really do. Ok maybe I'm acting on assumptions, these are kind of... hopes, if you will. Presumptions more or less. And yes, expectations.

So yes, I'm assuming, hoping, presuming and expecting that you'll be my best friend and that's why I need you now. You see we're all getting older and everyone has or is moving on. Everyone has or is getting a life. My bestie and usual sounding board got married, became a mother and left me. Well in all honestly she didn't just suddenly leave me. It was a gradual process so it's not like it took me by surprise. I mean, from the minute he proposed and she started planning their wedding she started gradually leaving me. She had other priorities, other things on her mind. My problems became miniscule and unimportant and in fact, she cut me out completely for three good months for no reason at all, only getting me back on her team because, oh, I had to be her Chief Bridesmaid. We got back to being us but then she got married and she left me some more. Soon after baby came, and naturally, for all intents and purposes I no longer existed. 

A bit of a balance was found and we got back to being us but of course it's never been the same. My only problem with this is that I've lost my sounding board, my shrink, my psychotherapist, my comforter, my friend and confidant. Well she's still my bestie but you know, it's not the same so...

They're all moving on, and all too quickly. They've all found husbands and got married and had kids and they've left me with no one to talk to. And when they find the time, I try to talk but suddenly it's like they speak Greek while I speak Mandarin. We talk but there's no communication. Common ground is lost. I'm talking first dates and deadlines they're talking frustrating husbands and good crèches. Hunny they've left me, I've lost them. 

Fackin hell! They're all leaving me, both the real and imagined. I know I'm in hot shit when even the ones I created begin to move on with their own lives. I'm alone on dry land. I'm in a desert that stretches a million miles and I'm all alone. I see shadows and sticks. I see footsteps in the sand and I hear voices but when I speak the only response I get is my echo. Darling they've freaking left me. 

I need you now, not because it's time, or because I'm lonely, or because of my biological clock, or because of society's pressures but because I need a friend I can talk to. Yes I have MANY friends but I have NO ONE to talk to. You know why? Because they've all got their own shit they're dealing with and while they're willing to offer a listening ear and a bit of their time, I can almost see their eyes involuntarily stray to their watches, checking the time, wondering when I'll stop yakking on so they can get on with their lives and back to their own issues after they've mumbled empty, flat and incoherent words of comfort and advice.

I need you because as my best friend, my issues become your issues and you'll treat them as such. You'll take my every word seriously and every vowel I speak would mean the Bible to you. I need you terribly and as I write this my tears flow freely and I won't bother to hide them, that's how much I need you. I need you because I need someone to talk to, who actually cares about my problems as much as I do. 

I've got mummy and daddy. I speak to them at least twice everyday, but they still won't do. My siblings are always in my corner but even CGN is getting tired of me. I hear it in his voice when I call him for the fifth time in a day to tell him what just happened, he's trying to divide his attention between her and me , and I can almost hear her say "this girl please leave your brother alone and go get your own man". My dear (future sister-in law?) no vex jare. 

So sweetness you see why I need you abi? People mail me, call me, text me with their issues and I'm very fine sharing with them and 'trying' to be the friend they need but who do I have to talk to? That's why you need to get your behind here ASAP. 

I need you to talk to, to confide in, to run ideas by, to get advise from, to guide me, to listen to me talk/blab/rant, to pray with, to share with, but most importantly to talk to. I've never really bothered with you before because quite frankly I never thought I'd get hitched before 30 but now that even the voices in my head are giving up on me, I really do need you. 

No, don't rush in on your chariot, swoop me right off my feet and straight to the alter and then wheel me right into the labour room. That's not what I mean when I say I need you now. What I mean is, just come and talk with me. That's all I need right now. 


  1. Am just here, thinking & writting bout Myself. Browsed twitter & Saw the link. From the title I knew it had to be TTB.

    U just made me shed a few tears. But it's tears of hope NOT sadness.
    I feel bad that not even once have I put u at the receiving end. I always saw U as someone who's there to settle my issues whenever I have them. (Hence my numerous mails). Oh Dear... Am So Sorry.
    I do hope U find someone who'll truly LISTEN to U T, if i's in lag, I would have totally forced a bbf friendship down ur throat. But all I can do here now is PRAY about ur heart desires... It's gonna be GREAT dear. Eventually.... #EHugs

    #OffToWritting #NoSleepingTonight

    1. Did u ever send ur concluding story? Haven't seen it or did I miss it?

    2. No Sasha. U didn't miss It. I sent it to T that same Sunday but she hasn't posted it yet.

  2. Very strong stuff. You always manage to capture my thoughts and put them in words. Especially with the friends moving on part.

  3. Hi. I feel u. It's like u put my feelings out there for everyone to see,sheesh! My way of dealing with stuff like ds was to mentally detach myself from it all and TRY to avoid thinking about it else I'd hv gone crazy. &trust me,dt Psych outfit doesn't do nuffin for my figure,Hahaha! Being single almost feels like an exclusive club cos everyone else seems hitched with kids. But there's a part of me that's vry reluctant to give up my peace of mind and sanity to someone who mite end up being a monster. Bn thr 2ce, a 3rd time is not an option. In my line of work,I've heard and seen all sorts and I am scared shitless. Now when a lady comes into my consulting room complaining of body pain,I have to gently ask if her husband contributed to it and d number of confirmations I've gotten r mind boggling. Seems to be d norm to be battered now and dts crazy. If d abuse isn't physical,it's emotional,dunno which is worse. At least whn physical d marks r thr 4 all to see bt d emotional kind? U're dying silently while those who don't knw d 411 r envying u and whn u try to speak out,dy treat u like u're hallucinating or u're d 1 who'se@fault. Ok, enuf said. For it 2 be right,we have to pray for God to give us our soulmate. Dt in our imperfections,we will become perfect cos we'll compliment each other. Ok dts dt.
    Pls can u throw ds question out thr. Y do married ladies dump their single pals when dy get married? All of a sudden dy feel dy're better off?? And if thr's any1 here who's done so,I reall wud like to knw y. It'll be quite pathetic to see d phrase "na becos levelz don change" tho..... Thanx 4 listening.

    1. Don't worry bea, your boo is coming. While he is taking his time just stay looking fabulous!.
      And as for your question, I don't think all married women use that 'levels don change' analogy. I think for some married women, they now have more responsibilities. a husband (not a boyfriend) and a home and it may get busier with they get children.
      Same goes to friends, in my case being a recent graduate, my friends and I have left campus where we did see ourselves almost everyday. We all are job hunting, writing professional exams, some are now back home in nigeria. So we all have different priorities, We keep in touch but it's not the same.
      So yea, married women do have different priorities and friends gradually drift apart. sad stuff.
      But there are some married women who think being married is an award and they feel better than the single girls especially in Nigerian smh..that is just crazy

  4. Thelma, He's on his way. U wnt b waiting for long. Wat a lucky dude!

  5. It's well.. Fina

  6. Finally!!! Thelma biko nu allow me post my comments all here as I've not been able to for the previous posts. I like that u're a deep thinker thats y u write so beautifully!

    1. For ifesinachi's post : This is the best I've read so far as far as writing is concerned. Plot check. Setting check. Characters check. Dialogue double check. U'll make a beautiful writer.
      But u weren't nice on we the yoruba folks sha .Welldone

  7. Thelma you never thought you would get married by 30? Wow. I understand what you mean when common ground is lost. If you don't get married when your friends are getting married then you may lose some friendships, the gist changes and it's only natural for the friendship to change or end.

  8. I understand when u say u need a friend n al that but can I also say that as cliche as this might sound, the saying is true, men CAN and DO smell desperation from a mile away. Yes again I feel u on the friendship part but I can't help but think that maybe and just maybe on some level, u might b giving off desperate vibes and in a way, even this post sorta comes across as a desperate outcry for a man. I say this because from experience and all I have seen around me, love ,real love comes when u least expect it and aren't tooooooo overly focused on it. Try getting ur mind off ur "singleness" for several months and maybe even a year and just watch how the magic happens, it will take even u by surprise.

    1. thank you, thank you. frankly speaking, when I saw this post and read a few lines I was like ..not againnnn.. But I would not blame her, with our society and the way single ladies are sometimes treated because they aren't "mrs" and with friends moving not being single can be an issue (if you let it). Just live life hun, if he comes good..if he doesn't, its all good too.

    2. Even if women are desperate,why is that its the crappy men that have the courage to come forward and to the needful?
      I feel if among ur circle ur male friends there's a guy who fancies u but ur hooked or he don't have the guts to come up to u,ur desperation shld be his golden tickect to winning u...

    3. Keke I'm just desperate for someone to talk to, that's all. The title was deliberately made to sound desperate, but what I do need is a friend who can take my problem as theirs. Before Osayi got married I used to say I wish I could marry Osayi. LOL. It's not about needing a man right now, it's needing a sounding board I can trust with my every thoughts and problems and who would take it as seriously as I do. Let's be honest, which girlfriend would be willing to do that right now? Thus the request for the hubby. I meant my last paragraph; I'm in no rush for the alter, just for a true friend.

  9. keke that is so true love comes when u least expected 31 now got hooked to d best guy i ve dreamed intro is arnd d corner.the truth is all my friends my little sis are married wt kids. buh then i use to wonder God na onlyme remain .d truth is pray in ur hrt.dont let ppl or post show ur desperation for a partner. ur lucky u hv a wondaful career.get spiritual and be in d mood of thanksgiving u.ll be surprised how God wil answer ur prayer. he will do it for all of us . SHALOM

  10. This post is touchy.
    Thelma, be calm. I don't want to sound cliche and say your right man will come, but I'm saying it. And before he does, continue sharing all you want to with your bestie, parents, siblings and all others you have! Don't be too concerned about 'disturbing' them jare. It won't be forever.
    I honestly do not think Thelma is desperate to get married. What I see is a lady full of stories, emotions, thoughts / ideas, concerns and a longing to be able to express all that and more to someone who she's sure would always be there and understands her. I think everyone needs somebody.
    I think if Thelma were desperate, she'd most likely be married or planning it now. Going by what I've read in other posts, there's been men on her case. Except one might say she's desperate and indecisive? But then indecisiveness doesn't go with desperation, no. When people are desperate, they are quick to jump at any available coach for their good or not.

    1. cccc from the day I read your first comment on the post The Art of Seduction months back I just knew you get me. My loved ones worry for me for lack of desperation, people think I'm too laid back when it comes to getting married and honestly I am. Like I said, I never saw me settling down before 30. My problem is I just want to talk and be heard. Quick example, I called le bestie about five minutes ago and I don't think she heard a word I said. It was a struggle for her to divide her attention between her son and I (I completely understand) and it's been that way for long. TBH this post is more about missing my bestie than needing a hubby. (*cringe* yeah I said it.... It's just so hard losing a part of you, it's so bad I sometimes talk to myself and imagine it's her I'm talking to. Ok I'll shut up now. Lol)

    2. :) :)
      LOL! See you cringing at letting your bestie know how sorely you miss her!

  11. Dear thelma future husband,honestly am tired of reading stories about your Coming,please come quickly and let me start reading on how you met her,how she swept you off ur feet,how you knew she was the one ETC,please we are waiting! T needs you now and always.

  12. Nne,even ur imaginary friends are getting married too? Nsogbu di
    Anyhoo,I totally relate with this post. Wanting ur man isn't a desperate cry for help like some think. Its just wanting to have urs. Knowing what u have is truly urs and u can do all with. Believe me,going on diff dates,having drinks,going to the movies with diff guys gets old after a while but doing all these with urs makes it alive and fun!

    1. Hahaha. Sasha nwanne m ezigbo nsobu di! But you miss the point as I explained to Keke.

    2. Lmao....Nsogbu no be small 1 o! As the current 'owner' of 5 'head people' i know exactly how it feels if and when u are no longer in sync with them! T nne m, don't worry, e go better!

    3. You people don't know how this language tickles me! ezigbo nsobu di!

      Anyways, Dear Thelma, you need a friend and it doesn't have to be the future husband; try find one quickly.
      Going forward, you must succeed in handling your issues before you can go ahead to further succeed when the future husband show up. Personal victories are extremely critical before we go team up with others to win together.
      I was going to ask that what if future husband has a very short attention span, like me; then I read another post about your comment on "Dean" and smiled.
      May God order your steps and get you on the path to fulfill His plans for your life.

    4. ''Personal victories are extremely critical before we go team up . . .' True words Wale. This is where the 'Not where i ought to be' feeling comes in for me. I feel you Thelma

  13. Thelma abeg take it easy. I used to think the same. Mine is even worse and I became a recluse. And I refocused my life spiritually, took bold steps in my personal life and put a partner far in the back of my mind. I went on a first date with my fiance bcos I thought he was bored and just wanted to hang out. He still cant understand how I thougt that. I dont know why I thought that. Exactly 9 months from our first date he proposed. He has gone to the registry and filed our papers. We go in two weeks on my birthday. Its my 32nd birthday. Our wedding proper is october.
    Point is God doesnt dissapoint us. Be faithful to him and just know in your heart that you will get the best for you.
    Keep going out. And doing things. I would offer to meet with you for lunch but I am low on cash so maybe next month.
    I always look forward to meeting new people.

    1. Yay! Congrats Miss Pynk

  14. Dear thelma Future Husband,
    She see you Nameless, faceless yet, but she see you
    everywhere. At a beautiful sight or in funny
    coincidences, as she pull out her phone and can’t
    think if someone to share it with, she see you. In
    moments of grief and tribulation, she hear your
    voice.she smell you like comfort, and taste you like
    desire. Isn’t it odd, how familiar with your
    effect on her, while not knowing your name? But
    it’s okay. You’re hard to find because you’re her one
    in a million and she wouldn’t expect or want any
    less of a challenge. But hope you are just as she
    excited to introduce yourself to her.oya run knocking cox she is waiting for u @ the door,leave those girls cox ur wife material
    Is opening her hands to welcome u.

  15. If you read this thoroughly you would notice that what Tee is crying for more is the loss of friendship than for a husband. Notice how she took a whole paragraph to talk about her best friend, and the imaginary friends too. I think this is more about friendship than marriage. My opinion.

  16. In the end it will be good. If it's not good now then it's not the end. You are super amazing, so you need not worry, you will attract a super amazing Husband. And he is coming soon IJN. Amen

  17. Beautiful is the woman who understands that hurt and loneliness are but passing seasons. She would rather be alone than settle for less. Being in a relationship doesn't cure loneliness, sometimes it even worsens it especially when you rush into one that wasn't meant for you. That was random general advise.
    Now T this is for your post... I totally get how you feel and sometimes it hurts not having anyone to talk to, I go through the same thing sometimes and it's even worse when there are friends I used to call in the past but I can't call again for some particular reason.
    There are two things I know for sure though, no one is ever too busy to listen and share with someone they truly care about, it's all about priorities. Even if it's 10 minutes a day, most of the people that claim they are busy have free time every day when they just sit and watch tv or indulge in some other form of mindless escapism. The second is that not everyone is going to where God is taking you to, they had a role in your life and they have played it. When it's time to let go don't hold on out of hurt or sadness because all you'll be doing is holding yourself back. Get used to talking to yourself and God and in due time the ones that truly deserve your time will come along and they won't take you for granted because they will see it as a privilege.

  18. My Name is JUDE JACKSON .I will love to share my testimony
    to all the
    people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend
    back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry
    to left me 4 weeks to our weeding for another man..,When i
    called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her
    Facebook and she changed her Facebook status from married to
    Single...when i went to her place of work she told her boss she
    never want to see me..i lost my job as a result of this cos i cant
    get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did
    not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have her back
    to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to
    execute some business have been developing some years
    back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in
    getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna
    help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will
    help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me
    and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i
    heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will
    see the results in the next couple of days..
    his email;
    call him online +2348157905793
    Visit his
    then i travel back to
    US the following day and i called him when i got home and he
    said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the
    materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive
    results in the next 2 days that is Thursday...My girlfriend called
    me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she
    had done ..she said,she never knew what she's doing and her
    sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do
    that was like am dreaming when i heard that from her
    and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my
    wife just called and he said i haven't seen anything yet... he said i will
    also get my job back in 2 days time..and when its Sunday,they
    called me at my place of work that i should resume work on
    Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have
    spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have
    my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and
    i have my job back too,This man is really powerful..if we have up
    to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a
    better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve
    many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to
    the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for can mail him on this e-mail;
    he' will replied to any emails asap..hope he helped you out
    good luck
    his email;
    call him online +2348157905793
    Visit his
    for you to have joy in your relationship.


  19. My names are joan jane am from USA i want to use this
    opportunity to thank my great doctor who really made my life a
    pleasurable one today. This great Doctor brought my husband back to
    me, i had 3 lovely kids for my husband, about 3 years ago i and my
    husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left
    me for one lady. i felt my life was over and my kids thought then
    will never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the
    kids but i couldn't control the pains that torments my heart, my
    heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love
    with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and i always wish he
    will come back to me, until one day i met a good friend of mine that
    was also in a situation like me but her problem was her ex-boyfriend
    who she had an unwanted pregnancy for and he refused to take
    responsibility and dumped her. she told me that mine was a small case
    and that i shouldn't worry about it at all so i asked her what was the
    solution to my problems and she gave me this great man phone number
    and his email address. i was doubting if this man was the solution, so i
    contacted this great man and he told me what to do and i deed them
    all, he told me to wait for just seven days and that my husband will come
    crawling on his kneels just for forgiveness so i faithfully deed what
    this great man asked me to do and for sure after four days i heard a
    knock on the door, in a great surprise i saw him on his kneels and i
    was speechless, when he saw me, all he did was crying and asking me
    for forgiveness, from that day, all the pains and sorrows in my heart
    flew away,since then i and my husband and our lovely kids are
    happy.that is why i want to say a big thanks to Doctor okogie. This
    great man made me to understand that there is know problem on earth that
    has no solution so please if you know that you have this same problem
    or any problem that is similar, i will advise you to come straight to
    this great man. you can email him at

  20. rhbunmjiefkimj last two comments?
    To the post, Thelma I wouldn't say I know how you feel cos in all sincerity I don't. I'm not the type that gets attached to people though I am naturally a very friendly person. I admire how you're able to express your thoughts in writing. I hope you find that perfect companion SOON.

  21. At times, what we need is like a shadow - the more we chase (crave) it, the farther it seems to get from us. It only comes when we are not even looking. Can be frustrating-really frustrating. May God give you the strength to be still till 'he' comes.

  22. Thelma I can be your bestie oo, I live in Abuja-Zeya


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Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
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One More Post...


He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!


A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…


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Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
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I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
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Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.