I was part of a conversation. Scratch that, I overheard a conversation. I should have been a part of it but I was out-numbered. I was the only female and there were four men. I am single and three of the men are married.
So one of the parts of their conversation that caught my interest was "putting your feet down in your home, as a man".
"When I was about to marry my wife my older cousin called me and said to me 'look, you know how women are. Especially this one that is from a very rich home and is earning salary in dollars, you have to be very careful otherwise she will finish you in your own home. Put you foot down. Don't even let her say "pim". Once you give her room for nonsense you will continue to regret it for the rest of your marriage' ".
Mr Emeka proceeded to tell us how he took that advice to heart and that the first time his (new) wife NEARLY disrespected him to told her that she must never try it again. And if she wanted his forgiveness she must go to the market by herself (remember she's a rich kid who probably wasn't used to markets) come back, make a pot of onugbu soup with snails, stock fish and chicken and pound yam for him and all his friends, about twenty of them, without any assistance, financial or physical.
He laughed as he told his friends how wifey scurried around, from market to kitchen, sweating as she tried to pound yam without any lumps and cook the food to perfection. And then he said since that day, before she attempts disrespecting him again she always thinks twice about it first.
These men in turn talked about their marriages and the things that they had done to stamp their mark of authority in their homes. One even talked about how he started sleeping with the maid and then after she was sent away she came back days later to confess that she had been servicing madam's husband. He said even though his wife knew it was true his wife beat the girl blue-black, asking her if she was trying to destroy her home by talking about it.
Listening to all their stories I literally felt sick to my stomach and before bile could rise I excused myself and left them to their PATHETIC stories.
Is it any news that some women have seen shege in the hands of men? Almost every woman has at one point done something she wouldn't ordinarily do to placate, please or keep her man. I know I have. I also know of someone who allowed her boyfriend have anal sex with her because he read a suggestive chat on her phone with another guy, so that was what she had to do to make it up to him. Anal sex.
This one incident happened back then in the university. *Bunmi was dating this very useless guy back then and wouldn't leave him because he was her "first". One night her roommate's chaiker offered to take them all out and she went along. When she got back and her boo was mad that she went out without his permission he asked her to get on her bed, stand on top of it, jump up and down on her bunk and scream at the top of her lungs "I am a prostitute. I sleep with men for money. I am useless. I am a prostitute. I sleep with men for money. I am useless. I am a prostitute. I sleep with men for money. I am useless." While he held onto the phone, on her own credit o!!! He made her do this for almost thirty minutes. She was crying as she repeated the words while the idiot kept shouting "louder" saying he wanted the world to hear. Her room mates tried to get her to stop but she refused, insisting on doing just as he said, till he asked her to stop.
I got emotional just writing this. When I remember the things he put her through...
What I'll like to drive home with this post is that love should not have conditions and punishments attached. Someone who loves you would forgive you freely; no hidden charges, no appeases, no pain and no humiliation. If they say they forgive you, then they must forgive you without making you pay for the forgiveness. Otherwise, that is not forgiveness and that is not love.
I'm considering going home straight from Court tomorrow and taking the rest of the day and Thursday off from work (by God's grace) and blogging. I terribly need a vacation right now but as I can't do so ATM I will settle for hibernating under my duvet for 48hrs. So if you need me I'll be under my duvet. Goodnight, and God bless. I'm tired........................