*Bidemi called me this morning because she rightly thought I would be able to relate to what she's going through. Bidemi has been celibate for about three years now, has been in and out of brief relationships, because really how many men are willing to date you without any sexual satisfaction. The problem however is that things can get really lonely but for the most part, you just sit, grin and bear it.
But what happens when you meet someone who's everything you've ever wanted, not that he's the perfect man or anything but... It's been long she felt this way about anyone, they've been dating for a few months now, he was aware of her celibacy status before they started the relationship and because of his feelings for her he thought he could forego sex till she's ready. Well it turns out he can't. During an argument last night when she said accused him of lying about loving her, he said "I love you but I love sex too".
Now he's not insisting she have sex if she doesn't want to, he's just saying "if I get it from outside don't blame me".
Bidemi thinks this is unacceptable, but I'm wondering (don't get me wrong, Bidemi and I are in the same celibacy/abstinence boat) yet I still have to ask, is it fair to deny a sexual red blooded individual of sex just because you don't want to do it? The choice to abstain is yours not theirs so isn't it unfair to say "I'm not having sex so neither should you" ?
Bidemi is surprised that I'm taking sides with her boo, but I just think that if he needs and he wants to have sex then he should be able to have sex!
Maybe it's easy for me to say this cause I'm not in a relationship and it's not my man who's about to go relieve himself in someone else's whatever. But I remember a conversation I once had with a friend who was a virgin and had been dating her boo for about three years. Her boo was no virgin and I used to wonder if my friend was naive enough to think that he had gone without sex for the whole three years of their relationship. To my surprise when I asked her she said "body no be wood, I know he loves me but I won't be surprised if he's getting it from somewhere else and I can't blame him.".
I lean towards this; it's a different thing if you both made the decision to abstain from sex but I think it's selfish to make a personal decision and impose it on someone else just because you're dating. Don't get me wrong, I pray and hope to find a man who wouldn't mind joining me in this journey (I know it would be really hard though and I know that's partly why I'm still manless.)
Bidemi's stand is; He knew you were celibate before the relationship and went ahead to start a relationship with you, therefore from the day you guys began dating he automatically became celibate too.
My stand is basically the "body no be wood" stance. I think it's quite unfair to ask a sex-loving sexual heterosexual man (or woman, if roles are reversed) not to have sex just because I don't want to. So basically if I'm not willing to have sex, and he's not willing to be celibate too, if I still go ahead to date him I should not cry foul if he occasionally gets it from someone else. No, I don't want to know the details but err, I will TRY TO understand if it happens.
Bidemi wants to know what you guys think.