Skip to main content

Musings On Confidence, Limitations and Love.





I've been in my own space for a while now, to be honest I kind of lost interest in almost everything but then this morning while I went through the usual gossip blogs I saw a mail on Laila's blog sent in by one of her readers as I read through the mail my fingers immediately began to itch and I just needed to write.

So this reader talked about a scar on her hand that she's had since she was a child when she dipped her hand into a pot of hot water. This scar is eating away at her confidence, subjecting her to wearing long sleeves and hiding her hand away from people. It has also made her shy away from meeting men for the fear that her scar would repulse them. 

While I can't in all honesty say I know exactly how she feels her story reminded me of a guy I used to know. Chuma, like me, was a member of AIESEC and everytime we had national conferences and all the members from all the universities met up for that one week, wherever Chuma went people followed. He was friendly, fun, brilliant and very exciting. He had an awesome personality that attracted people to him, was an extrovert and also the life of the party. Chuma also had an eye for good things; this was evident in his choice for a babe. Babe was smoking hot! Perfect hourglass figure with a pretty face. And Chuma himself? Yeah well, Chuma was deformed, had no hands and a bent spinal cord which meant that he could never stand upright, was constantly bent and had difficulty walking. Yet it was as though no one noticed Chuma's shortcomings, because Chuma himself seemed not to notice it. The guy was and is one of the most confident individuals I know. His deformities and shortcomings did not affect the way he saw himself, or the way he saw life; his deformities were not limitations, he didn't allow them to be.

I've come to realize that everything we do, what happens to us, our experiences, achievements, success, failure, it all starts from the mind. Someone with a bruise on her leg who already believes that the bruise will stop her from achieving what she wants will probably never achieve as much as someone who has no legs but believes in herself regardless. 
       Sometimes it's very hard not to allow those things we see as shortcomings limit us but then again, if you don't believe in yourself, who will? 

Speaking from the love angle, I'm of the school of thought that there's someone for everyone. Someone will love you with and despite all your flaws and shortcomings. They will accept you completely. They will not try to change you but will try to make you the best version of you that you can be. They see beyond the physical, beyond how beautiful, ugly, slim, fat, short, tall or scarred you might be. They see You. I know because even if it's only happened once I know what love feels like, I know how it feels to be loved. It's complete and total acceptance, it's unconditional, it's free; has no charges at all, it comes with no provisos, it has no hidden terms and conditions. And while we're on the matter, if someone loves you for a physical attribute you possess then my darling, they do not love you. What happens if and when you lose that attribute? 
       

So hey, see yourself and you would want others to see you, and act like it! There's nothing as sexy as confidence, it's the most attractive trait a person can possibly possess. 

Comments

  1. "If someone loves you for a physical attribute you possess then my darling, they do not love you. What happens if and when you lose that attribute?"

    This reminds of someone I used to know. He had an accident at work, some acidic liquid poured on his face and it took out his eyelids, how it missed his eyes, it was just God. He had to wear sun shades all through. He was married with two girls. Whenever he was home, the glasses were off and his bulging eyeballs were exposed alongside his scarred face. Even after his second surgery he didn't look any better. But his family saw beyond that, even the children who were less than 6years of age weren't scared. I remember my Sis said how will the wife be waking up to his face. I said she loved him before and it shouldn't be conditional.

    Love shouldn't be conditional.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow! I do tell people you cannot really tell you love someone until you have been put to some sort of test. Bless the man and his wife.
      -F

      Delete
  2. Wow Thelma you were in AIESEC? Me too. Small world.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Memphis will soon come and say it's only fat people that lack self-confidence. rme

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thelma we need a stabilizer for your moods, one minute you're ok, the next you're crawling back into your own space. Have you ever wondered why?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol. Oya Thelma come lets psychoanalyze this ur matter.

      Delete
  5. This post is on point on all grounds. Confidence & Love...
    Supporting Enjays comment all the way!
    That type of love is Rare & worth life itself.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Self confidence is one issue that is still not emphasized as much as it should. That is one factor that has held a lot of us back from achieving our greatest goal and fulfilling our utmost dreams.
    -F

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

***
This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…

#WriteRight. VIVIAN: MY FIRST SEX EXPERIENCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
Kai!
See how you are serious dey read this story....!
My…

...

Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

THE ‘NEW’ SIDE CHICK: I WAS HER

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…

Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

One More Post...

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa

Giveaway Finale!

Happy Sunday y'all. 
This is the conclusive part of #WCG. 
All the N25,000 recipients have received their cash.
All the students have also received their N10,000. 
Once again guys please comment under any of the posts, or this one that you've received your money. Thanks. 

So moving forward, this final giveaway contains 
1. N10,000 for 5 people. 

2. 3 kimonos from Julian's dressmakers. 
3. 3 pairs of Palm slippers from WaleOnibata. (Gents) 
4. 2 pairs of shoes from Courtney's Closet. (Ladies. Size 9 and Size 11). 

5. 1 human hair wig from Gabby's Wigs'n'Weaves. You pick from one of the wigs below. 
6. 3 cakes from CakesandCream 

7. A getaway at CitiHeight Hotel Ikeja for 3 people. (Who can each bring one person along).  


As I said earlier, Kon has already won a stay at CitiHeight and Clare, a kimono. So those gifts are now available for 2 people each. 
There is no competition. We are only going to play a game. 
I have each gift item listed out in numbers. Number 1 to 100. …