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Not Where I Ought To Be.

This is probably the most honest post I've done in a while but hey...
So I said I won't post for a while but the expected craziness of the day is yet to begin, so here I am.

I never give it much thought but when I read a comment in the last post asking that I get my priorities straight I stopped for a moment to think. 

People say you're either in denial, being dishonest or delusional when you're nearing 30 and you say you're unperturbed about being single. In my own case I probably don't help matters with the DFH posts but I'd hoped that my readers would actually read and not just jump to the conclusion once they sight the title. It had nothing to do with actually getting married but everything to do with needing a friend. 

Now I need this friend because I've always been one to rub minds with someone else before I arrive at a decision. Ironically I never really need their advice but it's usually in laying out the issues and articulating the challenges that I get my answers (thus a comment I made where I said that since my best friend can't give me the time I need, I just talk and imagine I'm talking to her, and in doing this I sometimes get my answers). 

I'm laid back for a number of reasons; at my age my parents have never asked or put pressure on me about marriage (unlike a lot of my friends/peers) they just figure that when the time is right it will happen, and the best they can do is pray about it. For this I'm extremely grateful, because unlike so many others pressure hasn't made me make a wrong choice. Believe me when I say that getting married is not a problem... There are suitors. My questions is, are you someone I'll want to stay married to? 

The second reason is this. I am not where I thought I would be right now. There's so much I need to do, so much that God created me to do, so much I wish I have done or am doing presently. This is what's on my mind, 24/7, literally. When I get on my knees I often forget to pray about marriage, it's usually an afterthought and sometimes I forget completely. (Please believe that there are some of us that aren't spending every minute waiting for someone to 'put a ring on it'. Some of my readers don't understand this, darlings I write not just to write but to entertain you in what ways I can. When I write about needing a man it's partly because it's more relatable and entertaining than me outlining the real problems that I face. But this does not detract from the fact that I want to love and be loved.) 

So no, I'm not where I ought to be. 
I'm not on the career path that my heart desires. (This doesn't mean I don't want to be a lawyer). 
I don't have the kind of finances I thought I would at this age. 
I haven't reached those milestones in my career that I thought I would have.
One of the reasons I was created is to make a difference to those around me; to help, to heal, to provide comfort and solace. To either be a solution or provide one. To matter in the lives of people who need help (physiological, emotional and psychological) and right now I'm still 'stuck in a moment'. 
I'm not where I ought to be; I've got talent in various areas but so far I'm yet to really see what I've done with them. 
So many other reasons, but for now I'll keep those to myself. 
There's so much that I am and I ought to be and it's just not happening yet and this is what kills me, bothers me, saddens me, keeps me awake, keeps me alive, drives me. 

So when you read about me needing a man, husband, eating out in some fancy place, my sex life or lack thereof, etc these are for our entertainment, and sometimes to entertain you while showing you that it's ok to talk about certain things that you want to but never do/did. These are the things I talk about to keep me sane and smiling. Sometimes it's therapy for myself and whoever needs it. 
There's just so much I am, yet I'm so far from where I ought to be. 

In all honesty I cannot complain, I'm not doing too badly. On some days I feel like I'm on the right track, and I have a lot to be thankful for. Also, I have this blog and you guys. And I also know that there are a lot of us facing these same issues. So many of us feel that we're not where we want to/ought to be. Some of us still don't even know who we are and what we want to do with our lives, or the purpose we were created for (for those in this category I'll advise that you begin to do something, anything at all. In 'doing something' you will learn more about yourself and have an idea of what it is you actually want to/ought to do. It is also in 'doing something' that God finds a 'place' to bless you.) Some others know but have no wherewithal or knowledge of how to proceed... 

Are you where you ought to be?


  1. *Wipes tears* I understand this post perfectly. Exactly were I am right now. Exactly what I feel at this point in my life. So much has been given to me, yet I have so little to show for it.

  2. Thelma I love you because you're so real and somehow you just know how to put feelings into words. I know just what you mean and I'm also thankful that although I'm not where I want to be, I'm not where I used to be.

  3. Your blog has got me addicted. When I first discovered it, I was like wow!. This reminds me of Carrie from sex and the city. I love your blog to bits. I find myself feeling sad when u say u will not be blogging for a few days. Lame rite? Anyway, I am catching up with your blog from the beginning. Presently in December 2013. Keep up the good work and never be discouraged. God's time is and always will be the best. Onyinx.

  4. Omg.
    I felt like I was reading myself Thelma, I even did a post on this!
    I can totally, totally relate with this.
    What I also know and strongly believe is that these little pieces will surely come together to form a sure and predestined whole that leaves you (us) marvelled at the mysterious nature of God's ways.
    Lots of hugs and immense love from me Thelma.

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. I dont believe anyone is where they want to be. I know I have never quite been. Its the desire to strive for more. Its the aspiring human spirit. Every now and then I get hard on myself but then I also find that its ok to commend the things I have done right. For starters Thelma you have this blog, you affect people on a daily basis. If you were where you wanted to be it is highly unlikely you would hit the ground running every morning.
    I always say "I make no apologies for the woman I am and the one I aspire to be".

    1. Miss pynk you took the words out of my mouth exactly....99% of us are not where we want to be, trust me. Some days I feel like I'm living below my capabilities because I'm made for so much more but it's that want to be more that keeps us going. An outsider will look at ur life and think u r mental for even thinking such.... What I believe is everything good will come my love.

  7. What can I say? You inspire me Thelms, you make me wanna desperately search for, invest in and bring out a better version of me.

  8. What can I say? I'm no where near where I ought to be at all, no thanks to poor functional ability. I'ld at least love to slug it out with this life nd see what I can make of myself then I can take whatever outcome it is as fate but in a case where you have certain things holding you back, mehn! Its not easy. So thelma, be grateful you still have the opportunity to keep the strugle going.

  9. My usual thoughts, though I'm grateful for where I am now. But I still ponder over life. There's got to be more than this.#Enjay#

  10. T I get you, never keep striving. Whenever you wake up is your morning, it's never too late. The worst is when you don't feel this way at all. At least you're making moves. Keep striving and no matter what obstacles you encounter never let songs of praise for God's love and mercy depart from your heart.

  11. Am always very grateful for wherever I am!
    I don't really fuss about the future cos it's so Uncertain. I always live for the NOW!

    Tomorrow will take care of itself. It's always one step at a time and NO regrets but one (not studying Education in school, I would have preferred a BEd to my BSc, too many responsibilities now to go back to school, just PGD sha)...

    God Bless & Help US All.

  12. There is always a place better than where we are, and we must continue to strive/grow to get to that place. It is always a wonderful experience if you know what you need to do to get there, it expands our capability to unimaginable level and gives assurance of a beautiful future.

    It is not a crime if we don't know how to get there yet, the awareness that we are not comfortable with where we are should kick us up to start working on it.

    I am not where I would like to be but I am happy with where I am at this point; I am excited with the work that is ahead because the harvest is plenty but the laborers are few!

  13. Like that pics says, I'm not where I ought to be but I grateful I'm not where I used to be. Everymrng I thank God for the opportunity to move forward in life. U should too.


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intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
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young once". LOL that part got me.
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great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

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him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
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