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The Loving Cheat or The Serial Monogamist?

I just read something written by Ebuka Obi-Uchendu in 2011 but even three years later I can completely relate. Especially as I've loved (or at least dated) both types of men in the past, and I'm friends with same. I'll use two of my Exs *Teju and *Olamide (most of my Exs are Yoruba...) as examples.

(Cheating; When one person has a significant other and performs any type of intimate acts with another person.)
I've written about Teju a number of times on the blog, all under different circumstances. Teju is every girl's dream, until he becomes your nightmare. No, he wasn't abusive, disrespectful, neglectful or anything. If anything he was perfect. Teju is the kind of guy that could make Plain Jane feel like the Queen of the ball. He was the most attentive, caring, loving boyfriend a girl could ask for. When we dated I didn't lack or want for anything. He bought me clothes, gifts, phones, perfumes, designer bags etc. Whenever he travelled I was sure to be getting a big bag if goodies. He liked to enjoy life so instead of going home on some nights we would lodge into a really nice hotel, while there, there wasn't a limit to what I could ask for from room service. Teju believed in making his woman happy and he did everything he could to make me happy. And have I told you about the sex? My body was the temple before which Teju worshipped. I was Teju's goddess. However Teju must have been an infidel because he obviously worshipped at several temples. I later learnt that on those nights that we were being pampered at the hotel one of my co-girlfriends or the other was at home, keeping the bed warm. Also on nights I was at his home and Teju was out of town for the night or weekend, he was most likely to be in a hotel just a street away with another of us. When you're dating Teju you would NEVER know that you're not his one and only, I met members of his family and he met my siblings too. I had a relationship with his mum and this only served to further convince me that I was a step only a step away from being Mrs Teju. 

I only found out that we were several soon-to-be Mrs Tejus when one of us got pregnant (mind you Teju had been trying to get all of us pregnant and wherever he scored the first goal was who he was going to go with). And when she took in that was it. Teju also seemed very monogamous because we both on a number of occasions took medical tests, all at his insistence by the way. For him he was obviously taking this first-to-get-pregnant thing very serious, for me however, I just thought I'm in a monogamous relationship with the best man on earth who wanted to ensure that we were both healthy so we could enjoy the pleasures of sex together, without any inhibitions. 
This is Teju, the loving cheat. 

(Serial Monogamy; always feeling the need to be in a relationship with one person at a time while also feeling the compulsive need to equally get out of it so as to move on to another)
Olamide on the other hand was something different. We were friends long before we dated and in that two year period of friendship I'd known Olamide to date more girls than I could count. Somehow his relationships never lasted more than a month or two. Olamide was never single, never without a babe, never with the same babe for long. One day he found himself single and decided I was the love of his life. He had been dating so many girls and things never worked out with them because they had all been wrong for him, I, however, was the one. Apparently he didn't want to ruin our friendship with a failed relationship so that's why he had to wait till he was sure. And now he was sure. Olamide was just like Teju. It was the perfect relationship. He gave me 100% of his time, attention, love, great sex, adventure, stimulating conversation, and spoiled me silly. It was the perfect relationship. Till he stopped calling me, replying my texts, taking my calls and coming to see me.
      While I was still busy trying to figure out why my boyfriend had suddenly gone funny and what I could do to get things back to how they used to be, I missed the memo that I was no longer his girlfriend and had been replaced by *Tolu, merely five weeks after the relationship began! Eventually after the hurt and disappointment we somehow managed to be friends again and I realized it wasn't anything personal. Olamide ran through women the way I run through novels. The strange part is that no two of us are similar. He has no 'Spec'. His girlfriends are tall, short, average, fat, skinny, petite, light skinned, dark skinned, flat chested, big- breasted, wide-hipped.. Whatever. And he always had a reason each one wasn't good enough; she's too boring, too quiet, talks too much, untidy, clingy, unfaithful, lazy, too demanding, goes out too much, doesn't like going out.... the reasons were never too outrageous or too far fetched for Olamide. And no, it was never his fault either. I later learnt the reason he ended things with me was because I wanted too much attention. Issokay...
So this is Olamide the serial monogamist. 

If the world was filled with only two types of men; Loving Cheats and Serial Monogamists which would you choose?


  1. Tough one. Serial monogamist. Loving cheat is a no no for me.

  2. Thelma Nwando "Oando", Biko Nne, I will Not only return to my creator Single, I will return to the Dust a Virgin!!! WTH
    *puking & spitting* NONE oh

    Memphis & Steele, are U close to either of the above? #Haaa Ruth warn urself, I thought steele is taken.... correct me pls

  3. I go with Ruthy. I will rather die a virgin.

  4. Ermm... I think I used to be like Olamide, though his own case is extreme. Sounds more like "use and dump" to me. Those days if I ended a relationship I always made sure there were no hard feelings, whether it was my fault or hers(can't bear the fact that someone somewhere will be holding a grudge over my small head). And, in as much as I really had no spec at that time too, I wouldn't date any girl I looked up to. :-)

  5. Uhmmm. I am a serial monogamist (as a girl). Olamide's description just clicked with mine and I didn't know there was a name for it. Sad so sad.

  6. Peacefully die a virgin. Better to die a virgin (returning to my creator in whole) than die out of either heartbreak, severe heartache, hypertension or an incurable disease.

  7. I will rada be single dan date any of d 2. No time 4 heartaches jare.

  8. Like many ppl don't get d question! The question is "which one is preferable?" Yes ur choice myt be to die a virgin but on a neutral ground, which one is manageable? 4me d serial cheat is preferable, I hate to know dah I have a competitor!

  9. Anon thank you o!!! I just tire for Ejoec et al.

    1. Nwando, wetin I come do now? Abeg leave me o.

  10. Posted a I cnt find it

  11. I wouldn't choose any but on Thelma's insistence I'll pick the serial cheat. As long as I'm ignorant of the others and there's regular medical check-up.

  12. Well if those are the only two type of men available I'll so be the kind of women that choses both of them at the same time!! Eh why not what's good for the man is good for me too!!

  13. The loving cheat for me, we will be in the game together. While he's doing his selection I'll be doing mine too and enjoy the spoils while it lasts, no biggie.

    1. Do you want real life experiences that has proving that women (in Nigeria) often end up as the loser when they try this your recipe?

  14. I'll go with d first dude n enjoy d ride while it lasts


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He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
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Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

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him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
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