I just read something written by Ebuka Obi-Uchendu in 2011 but even three years later I can completely relate. Especially as I've loved (or at least dated) both types of men in the past, and I'm friends with same. I'll use two of my Exs *Teju and *Olamide (most of my Exs are Yoruba...) as examples.
(Cheating; When one person has a significant other and performs any type of intimate acts with another person.)
I've written about Teju a number of times on the blog, all under different circumstances. Teju is every girl's dream, until he becomes your nightmare. No, he wasn't abusive, disrespectful, neglectful or anything. If anything he was perfect. Teju is the kind of guy that could make Plain Jane feel like the Queen of the ball. He was the most attentive, caring, loving boyfriend a girl could ask for. When we dated I didn't lack or want for anything. He bought me clothes, gifts, phones, perfumes, designer bags etc. Whenever he travelled I was sure to be getting a big bag if goodies. He liked to enjoy life so instead of going home on some nights we would lodge into a really nice hotel, while there, there wasn't a limit to what I could ask for from room service. Teju believed in making his woman happy and he did everything he could to make me happy. And have I told you about the sex? My body was the temple before which Teju worshipped. I was Teju's goddess. However Teju must have been an infidel because he obviously worshipped at several temples. I later learnt that on those nights that we were being pampered at the hotel one of my co-girlfriends or the other was at home, keeping the bed warm. Also on nights I was at his home and Teju was out of town for the night or weekend, he was most likely to be in a hotel just a street away with another of us. When you're dating Teju you would NEVER know that you're not his one and only, I met members of his family and he met my siblings too. I had a relationship with his mum and this only served to further convince me that I was a step only a step away from being Mrs Teju.
I only found out that we were several soon-to-be Mrs Tejus when one of us got pregnant (mind you Teju had been trying to get all of us pregnant and wherever he scored the first goal was who he was going to go with). And when she took in that was it. Teju also seemed very monogamous because we both on a number of occasions took medical tests, all at his insistence by the way. For him he was obviously taking this first-to-get-pregnant thing very serious, for me however, I just thought I'm in a monogamous relationship with the best man on earth who wanted to ensure that we were both healthy so we could enjoy the pleasures of sex together, without any inhibitions.
This is Teju, the loving cheat.
(Serial Monogamy; always feeling the need to be in a relationship with one person at a time while also feeling the compulsive need to equally get out of it so as to move on to another)
Olamide on the other hand was something different. We were friends long before we dated and in that two year period of friendship I'd known Olamide to date more girls than I could count. Somehow his relationships never lasted more than a month or two. Olamide was never single, never without a babe, never with the same babe for long. One day he found himself single and decided I was the love of his life. He had been dating so many girls and things never worked out with them because they had all been wrong for him, I, however, was the one. Apparently he didn't want to ruin our friendship with a failed relationship so that's why he had to wait till he was sure. And now he was sure. Olamide was just like Teju. It was the perfect relationship. He gave me 100% of his time, attention, love, great sex, adventure, stimulating conversation, and spoiled me silly. It was the perfect relationship. Till he stopped calling me, replying my texts, taking my calls and coming to see me.
While I was still busy trying to figure out why my boyfriend had suddenly gone funny and what I could do to get things back to how they used to be, I missed the memo that I was no longer his girlfriend and had been replaced by *Tolu, merely five weeks after the relationship began! Eventually after the hurt and disappointment we somehow managed to be friends again and I realized it wasn't anything personal. Olamide ran through women the way I run through novels. The strange part is that no two of us are similar. He has no 'Spec'. His girlfriends are tall, short, average, fat, skinny, petite, light skinned, dark skinned, flat chested, big- breasted, wide-hipped.. Whatever. And he always had a reason each one wasn't good enough; she's too boring, too quiet, talks too much, untidy, clingy, unfaithful, lazy, too demanding, goes out too much, doesn't like going out.... the reasons were never too outrageous or too far fetched for Olamide. And no, it was never his fault either. I later learnt the reason he ended things with me was because I wanted too much attention. Issokay...
So this is Olamide the serial monogamist.
If the world was filled with only two types of men; Loving Cheats and Serial Monogamists which would you choose?