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Thursday Night Journal. (I know one day one day, one day e go beta...)

Yes I'm razz like that...in case you didn't know. 




Last week Friday I called V, (I've told you guys about V before in the post Here ,but in that post I used the name *David) I guess I just really needed to talk and seeing as it was late Friday night everyone I knew was either at home with their SOs or about to hit the club. On Friday nights V usually has drinks with his 'mates' at Piccolo Mondo before going to the club or heading back home, but that didn't deter me, wherever V was he would excuse himself and answer the call, provided it was me calling. That night however I'd seriously hoped he'd be home because I really needed to talk to him. I called and he answered after the second ring but before I could say anything he said "I can't talk now Wando, I'm on another call with my girlfriend". "What?" I asked him, certain I had heard him wrong. "I'm on a call with my girlfriend, I'll call you tomorrow".

He hung up and so many questions ran through my mind. When did V get a girlfriend? Why did he have to tell me he was talking to his girlfriend, couldn't he have just said "I'm on another call, I'll call you later" ? Who is she? Was he just taking the piss? Trying to get me jealous? When someone says they're in love with you can they love someone else? Would it be the usual 'I have a girlfriend' but one week later he'll call and say "it was complete bollocks"? I tried to act indifferent but I couldn't. Besides I felt worse. First was the fact that I still had my issues and still needed to talk to someone (I've come to accept that le bestie has completely moved on), and then now to compound these issues V says he's talking to his 'girlfriend'? Hia! Not funny at all. 

I waited for his call (actually I didn't wait) but on Tuesday it occurred to me that V hadn't returned my call yet, since Friday! What fuckery? I didn't call him either, didn't want to hear any rubbish. Rubbish, because V asked me out for over a year and after that when he'd have flings he would tell me about it in an attempt to make me jealous and I never really minded but this time around I did. Not because I suddenly decided that I want to date him now, but because I want him to just be here, at my beck and calling. Leaving everything to attend to my needs when I call. And that has always been this way things were, till now. (Selfish, I know). 

Yesterday he finally called. I was tempted not to take that call because I was still not quite out of the zone yet but I took it anyway. He said he wanted to meet up for drinks this evening, and maybe watch a match too. At *Beehive. I thought, oh nice. Of course. Then he said he'll be coming with her. I honestly didn't know how to respond, but then I thought, if this was another bait to make me jealous I won't fall for it. So I said "no problem, I'll like to meet her". All along I thought it had to be a joke. Beehive is OUR spot, our place. He cannot tamper with that by bringing some girl to OUR spot. 

Anyways this evening I went there, he got there before me. I was so excited because I was finally going to sit down with a close friend, and one who always puts my needs before his so no doubt he would listen to me till I talked his ears off. And I didn't only want to talk, I also wanted to know what he's been up to, hear him out, listen to him laugh, listen to his jokes, hug him tight. I do love V, God in heaven knows I love Vinny. Curse whatever brought on this feeling of no-attraction. it's ruining me!

Guys in my excitement I had almost forgotten that he said he'll come with her, ok I didn't forget but I thought he was joking. When I walked in, I turned to the left where we usually sit when it isn't too crowded. V was already there. With her!!!

I didn't even know when I took a few steps backwards and turned around. I went back to the car and sat down for a few minutes, trying to process everything and decide what to do. I decided I couldn't go back inside. I couldn't pretend to be nice to some chic that I honestly do not care to know. So I came back home. (Ok I'm not home, I'm in G's boyfriend's house because I cannot go home just yet. I think I might cry if I do). 

I called him to tell him I can't make it, the car won't start. Then he says that silly "aaawww" and tells her. I'm not sure what he said because he said it in French. Aha! I made the right choice to leave. 

So V wants to rub his girlfriend in my face, and subject me to watching them all loved up all night (he's very lovey-dovey, touchy-feely) while they speak French (V is biracial but the chic is as black as me, ....and on the big side too, and pretty) and giggle like teenage girls! I'm happy I left biko. Whatever. I'm upset and I'm not sure why. Whatever jare. I think she saw me but as she doesn't know me she won't have known it's me. 

Ok... So this is my rant, journal, confessional, whatever. I wasn't going to write today but I really needed to let off steam. G's boo won't stop laughing because both he and G have been telling me for months to date V, G in particular cannot understand what I mean when I say I'm not attracted to him, or anyone else. It's been over two years and I can't seem to feel attracted to anyone who expresses interest in me. Le bestie often says "Nwando it won't be well for the person that is doing this thing to you". Oh well... 

Still singing I know one day one day, one day e go beta. E go beta e go beta... e go beta for me ooo

I miss Vinny. 

*forgive any typos. 

Comments

  1. Thelma this lack of attraction is obviously begin to bother you. I think you should begin to pray about it or talk to someone about it. You seem to be losing too many guys because of this issue. And don't be surprised v moved on. You're not the only girl in lagos oh. Biracial and french speaking. Thelma you dey dull too much jor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Was just thinking the same thing! like T, you have written about lots of guys that seem nice but you just don't feel attracted to them..hmm maybe you need to talk to someone...
      lol we always feel some "sudden" connection/attraction with the ones that got away..life

      Delete
  2. Thelma please how long did u think he would wait around for..... The guy had to move on and the fact that u are hurt shows how much u like him! Might be a little too late

    ReplyDelete
  3. Don't worry Thelma I already knew you were razz. Lol. It is well. I don't think it's too late to let him know how you feel, if you're sure you want him o! Because I know you babe , when he gets serious you'll run away again. Like Osayi said it won't be good for the person that did this. Lol. But I know when it's right you'll finally know.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you very much. when he gets serious, she'll runaway

      Delete
  4. Plenty hugs from me to you thelma

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Plenty hugs from me to you Simsi. Welcome to the blog!

      Delete
  5. Yeah, I know this feeling, you don't wanna commit to him neither do you want him commiting to another person.Please let him be Thelms, the feeling would blow over 'cuz am sure u don't wanna be with him 'suddenly'

    ReplyDelete
  6. Good morning Thelma. Good morning everybody.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good morning :D. Your greeting made me smile really. Have a nice day.

      Delete
  7. Thelma! I don't even know what to say. How would you like someone so much, in this manner and yet say 'no attraction'?
    Are you scared of loving and letting yourself go with a man?
    Or are you just piling up these men, knowing the degrees to which you like each of them but holding off just for the man who'd throw 7colours of the rainbow at you for the attractions?
    OK. Fine. You're not attracted. Please maybe you shouldn't get so 'attached' to anyone unless there's attraction or you're sure you'd be ready to give them a try.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Proudlydarkskinned8:46 am, June 20, 2014

    I know that feeling of not being attracted to anyone but still wanting them to be available for your needs( selfish i guess) but am guilty and i think Thelma is even better than i am because id never see anything good in the babe( trying to work on that sha). But the truth is i have learnt to let them go and accept their moving on without jeopardizing my friendship with them for those who are good listeners.Try talking to a godly and mature person with prayers and the right counsel you will feel that sync with someone soon. I know this, because i am work in progress.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I don't even know if I should be mad at U Thelma or feel sorry... These are the kind of stories I hear from My Le Bestie & I hit her hard... why oh why?
    Always think this : "will u sweat it if that particular guy is loving Another girl"? Ur answer is ur attraction right there!!!

    Like cccc said, if u don't feel attracted, do not feel attached....

    Spanking done! Phewwwww!
    Now giving u a Huge Hug my T darling & loads of sloppy kisses!!!

    One day e gi beta wella...

    ReplyDelete
  10. I may be wrong, but I think that when a guy wants to rub his girlfriend in the face of a girl who won't date him, it often means that the guy is still in love with (or at least, wants) that girl (who won't date him). It could mean you still have a chance with him; he wants to get you jealous into submission. I may be wrong.

    While reading this post, two things came to my mind:

    1. How would Boma feel reading this expression of love to Vinny?
    2. Is your lack of attraction connected with your decision to be celibate? Pls check.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thankfully neither of them read the blog. I think the fact that I don't really worry about how he'll feel says a lot. That said, F I love both men deeply, maybe not as lovers but they've both contributed immensely to my life. I think I just feel more attached to V because he's here in Lagos so I spend more time with him.
      I met Boma before I made the choice to abstain so...

      Delete
  11. For all you care Thelma, she might be a sister or a close friend just like you were. V may just be using the girlfriend bait to taunt you. Give him a chance ooo Thelma! This your attraction tinny is really turning to somfyn else biko.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thanks thelma. I've been a silent observer here. Your blog is the first web page I open in the morning. You're doing a great job. Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  13. E go better Indeed.lool.Mayb thelma just needs serrrioouus prayers n fasting!Pls call me when ur ready!I can sacrifice lunch just 4u my darlyn.Have a nice day loves-Charsy

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ok, had to go through the earlier post.

    You wrote that "V thinks marriage is a protocol that can easily be dispensed with, or at best, we could live together as a couple. If we must get married why don't we hold it off for some years". This is enough reason to stay away from him except if you don't mind his opinion of marriage or maybe he has change his mind.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I sometimes feel u stifle any attraction dat myt want 2 rise with ur suitors bcos of some issues u don't want 2 compromise on ( sensible issues), tins dat contradict ur beliefs. U like dem wella but deep down u knw dey aren't dat person u are waiting 4. Wen he comes u will knw

    ReplyDelete

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