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What Could Be The Reason For This?




Someone left this comment below under Anonymous in the previous post. For some reason it didn't appear in the comment section but in my inbox (some comments do that). I read through it and decided to post it because it was an eye opener of some sort, like things you never imagine your kids doing, or the things your young ones could be exposed to. Also if you think there's any advice you have for the commenter, or if you've been in a similar situation, you could share. The commenter doesn't sound traumatized or abused but obviously she wanted to get this off her chest for a reason. 
The comment below:



Derz something I need to get off my chest..its a long story.Some weeks ago, my immediate elder brother walked in on me watching porn and he said ‘don’t you know you’re a girl? You shouldn’t be doing that.’ The first words that came out of my mouth were ’fuck you’. I said that because he is one of the reasons why I got addicted to watching porn. Let me go back to when I was little. I am the last born of 4 children; I have two elder brothers and an elder sister. Here I would call my eldest brother ‘brother 1’ and my immediate elder brother ‘brother 2.’While growing up, my parents were hardly around because of work... A member of my church would always come to our house to stay and he came because of me...I was about 5 years and when he comes he would touch me and I found myself going back to him for more because I enjoyed it. I really can’t remember if he put his finger inside me but I remember that few times it hurt but I didn’t stop him. Sometimes he would enter the room and I would dry hump him till I ‘came’ and then he would leave. I started masturbating at that age. My mum was also into ice cream business then and some boys would come with bicycles to collect them to sell. I really loved ice cream...when they come back one of them will give me some to lick and in exchange for that he would touch my breast and rub himself all over me...I never refused. This went on for a while till mum stopped the business. There was also the issue of brother 1; whenever he was back from boarding school he would ask me to give him a hand job and I always did it...eventually it graduated to him fucking my laps and I remember one day he tried to penetrate me if not for the fact that someone knocked on the door am pretty sure he would have because I was begging him that it was painful but he was still trying to push it in. When he is watching porn I would watch with him and brother 2 would come and watch too and I got addicted to it. I started watching when no one was around and started reading erotic novels that I found in the house. Sometimes brother 2 and his friends will be in the room playing and then when brother 2 leaves I would go to the room and dry hump his friend and then leave. All these happened between the ages of 5 and 7.One day a family friend came to pick brother 2 and me from school and there was traffic, we waited in the car while the man went to check the cause of everything and while we were there my brother asked me to suck his dick...and I did. After that he never asked me to do it again but some time later he askd me to touch my private part and lick it...I never hesitated when he told me to do it. Some years later, when I was 9 or so he begged me to put his dick in my asshole and I refused...but after begging and begging I finally allowed him and when he did it I shouted and he pulled out. Some months later, was almost raped by the electrician that came to fix some things in our house because I was alone in the house. Struggled and escaped once I saw the look in his face and I knew that he didn’t want to just touch me but he wanted more.Now let’s fast-forward to the present day, am a graduate, through with nysc and I’ve never been in a relationship. Really scared of being in one...all do is watch porn and masturbate. I’m not saying that’s good but I feel that’s what’s stopping me from being a whore. I just have this feeling that if I start having sex then I won’t be able to stop so I stick to my self-service till I find ‘the one’...lol. Most of the time I don’t believe that there is ‘the one.’ I’ve never been able to talk to anyone about this...I mean who would understand? Even my best friends don’t know any part of this story...some things are better kept to yourself plus I dont want anyone to judge me in anyway. Pretty sure my brothers have forgotten what they did...we are pretty close now but they haven’t tried anything like that since then. I guess this is the end of the write up...sorry for the long story...just had to get everything off my chest...feel so much better already.

........
 I couldn't help wondering why the kids became so sexually active and sexually aware at such a tender age. 
Also where do kids that age get pornographic movies and novels (erotica)?
Can a child of 5 reach orgasm (come)?

 I know at that age it's possible to have some sexual urges or feelings. I had my first sexual fantasy at age 5. Till date I wonder where and how that came about, I still remember it very vividly. 

Most importantly, how can parents protect their kids from all of this. (Not necessarily abuse but sex and sexuality at that young age. I think one way would be by talking about it...)



Comments

  1. Jesus christ Of Nazareth!!! Did I just read this? T u are not helping my emotions oh!!!
    1st it was my fear of marriage as a result of the things I read...
    Now it's another fear of having Kids!!! Jesu...

    Let me sleep 1st. I'll be back to comment well..

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thelma...I wrote dat...its sumfn dt I've been thinkin abt lately nt been able to talk to anyone abt...I came across the child abuse thread on stella dimoko's blog and some stories kinda sounded lik mine...cried my eyes out that day...kept on asking myself whether I was abused or not...but am someone who doesn't like pity...the only effect I can say dis has got on me is dat am so fucking scared of being in a relationship...I push people away all d tym...am an introvert...I just like being on my own...bt its nt like I have a problem wit guys...no I dnt..I have more male dan female frnds...and to answer ur question hw we got the movies...video clubs back den were renting out porn...my eldest brother is almost 10 years older dan me...so I guess he was up to age den

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ifesinachi Okonkwo3:42 pm, June 14, 2014

      Woah! Your story is almost unbelievable. How did orgasm feel at 5. Since you don't like pity no need for the sorry just Thank you, for sharing your story with us. I have learnt a lot.

      Delete
    2. You were abused as a child. You brothers remember but will pretend they don't. You are not alone. A lot of kids go through this but do't talk about it. You need therapy. It will make you understand it wasn't your fault, heal and find closure. Ask your hospital to refer you to a psychiatrist. Or google Yaba psychiatric hospital for names and contacts of their specialists. You need professional help lest you develop anxiety disorder. Don't use faith based counseling. They will only make you feel guilty. It is help that will propel you to move on in life and have meaningful relationships. Don't be ashamed. And stop suffering in silence. Please seek help.

      Delete
    3. Wow! Thank you for sharing this. Yes indeed, so many kids do go through sexual abuse, i experienced it too and the worst part is not having anyone to talk to, i try as much as i can to encourage my 8yr old daughter to share everything with me, it's never easy and i get afraid that i'm not doing enough for her cos i do not want her to go through what i went through and make the same mistakes i made in life.
      i never knew one could get good therapist from Yaba left, i would have to check it out

      Delete
  3. Things are happening in this life. It doesn't sound like abuse to me though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are u alright? How can u say this doesn't sound like abuse? What is wrong with u? Her elder brothers asking her to suck his dick?

      Delete
    2. Pls ask GOD for forgiveness ..............

      Delete
  4. Hmmm...that's all I felt when I read this. Its abuse. Just that she got used to and liked/ enjoyed it. It did not help that her parents were never around and they never got to find out. Dear, you need to forget that and move on. Work "mind control". Sex once wouldn't want to make you continue with every tom, dick and harry. Its just for you to control yourself. Forget the past, move on and get control. It is well.

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  5. Thelma I actually saw this as soon as u posted it earlier today but I went numb and closed the page because it shook me. Why? Because I can totally relate to this. Mine may not have been brothers but more like my cousins. I too was about the posters age. But I am very much like the poster in the sense that I don't want pity. In fact I keep telling myself that nooooooo way I wasn't abused! But lately I've been reading all these blogs and posts about child abuse and the memories just keep creeping in bit by bit. In my case, its the opposite of what the poster is going through with guys n al, I have been with guys but just can't seem to hold down a relationship. I meet a guy, we talk, I start crushing hard, he starts loving me to bits, then there's the sex and then after that, I just get irritated instantly and actually start to resent the guy. And its a vicious cycle/circle. Unhealthy I guess. But I can defntly relate to a lot of what she said, e.g even the dry humping at age 5,6,7yrs n al that. Weird but true. I have gotten closer to God though and the guy thing is something I am seriusly working on. I mean I've got this long line of suitors but I know once I get intimate with any of them, I will discard of him totally. So I'm trying the other approach, the godly approach, getting to know a guy properly and avoiding all that sex stuff till marriage. Sorry I was all over the place with this post but like I said, it shook me. So dear poster I think for ppl like us, its just all about taking baby steps really, no rush, just baby steps n constantly seeking the face of God.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Finally!!!someone understands...I crush on guys a lot...bt wen dey ask me out I say no and jst push dem away...I guess its cz am scared of sleepin wit dem

      Delete
    2. I think a lot of ladies can relate to this, I didn't have an elder bro and older male cousin but it was my neighbor's houseboy and later my lesson teacher.. my elder female cousin too. * sigh*.. later in life most guys I come across. I could not hold a relationship. I kept moving from guy to guy with the mentality that all they want is sex.. it was when I was about 20yrs old till I had a stable life.

      Delete
    3. Wow...am rili sorry abt dat...glad to know ure good now

      Delete
    4. Anonymous I totally understand how you feel and it makes me angry evertime i remember it, i was 2/3 the first time it happened but because i fell and cnt remeber anything from before the fall all i have is a mental image of a man holding his penis and waking towards me. It went on this till i was 10 not from one but from different men i also was convinced i enjoyed it . It really messed uo my head because i tot it was all about sex once a guy starts talking to me i think its for sex so i go ahead and sleep with them and ignore them , the sex meant nothing to me and i didnt enjoy it.I'm twenty now and i have a boyfriend and im just starting to learn about sex and come to terms with what happened.

      Delete
  6. I won't lie keke we are on. Same page buh mine was rape @ 17 dat was when I lost my virginity,I am full of resentment and. Hatred cox dat rApe actually got me preggy and I aborted it since den I av been aving dis trauma,av been wit three other guys but I slept with them just once and hatred started,I Neva love who ever am dating.my lost child hurt me till date but twas a pity I can't keep a product of rape from a cultist

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Am so so sorry abt wt u went thru...don't worry u'll find someone u love and d feeling will b mutual :*

      Delete
  7. uneasy but forget the past and move on then stay away from alone. go and do ur hobby. sex will not help you out.

    ReplyDelete
  8. My heart goes out to all women and men who have experienced any format of sexual abuse. I pray for healing and restoration of peace and joy within IJN.

    Stories like this made me sit my hubby down and ask him if he ever molested any female while growing up. I found out he was the one who was molested by his aunt. God help us all.

    ReplyDelete
  9. My heart goes out to all women and men who have experienced any format of sexual abuse. I pray for healing and restoration of peace and joy within IJN.

    Stories like this made me sit my hubby down and ask him if he ever molested any female while growing up. I found out he was the one who was molested by his aunt. God help us all.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sad stories abound! I recalled a girl I dated way back then telling me of how a relative living in their house was sleeping with her. We never had sex as I kept feeling for her and had the fear that she may visit me with the pain of her past if we cross that line. The guy stopped the nonsense after I advised her to threaten him that I was going to kill him. She is very ok now, married with 3 kids and living in the US. It was some work for me but talking to her these days gives me lot of joy.

    Whosoever has been through these sad experiences must find closure to them otherwise moving forward is doubtful. Avoiding sex till after marriage may not solve the problem, better to confront the fear now and avoid turning it to a baggage for the future. Talking about it does help and love the lady that wrote that she is not looking for pity.

    May God heal you all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I forgot to add that parents are to be held responsible for all these abuse, we shout about domestic violence without questioning how we are raising children anymore. These stories are rampant at the police and military barracks, and we end up with damaged people that may not do well in marriage.
      Sentencing killers and abusers to prison only address a part of the problem, after all the deed is done. Question is what are we doing to prevent the abuse from happening at all? Are we not chasing money and other vain things so much to the detriment of our homes?

      Delete
    2. God bless you for this second comment. This has always been in my thoughts. God forbids that the worse happens, but do your own part! I'm not sorry I don't trust people even relatives.

      Delete
    3. Wale. how can one find closure? Just like Keke said, its a vicious cycle, keeps going on and on. How can we break free?

      Delete
  11. These stories are too sad. Too sad and disturbing.
    My opinion is, these ladies were abused. They don't see it as abuse mostly because it came from people they have a natural inclination to defend and love, also because they 'enjoyed' it then.
    Therapy, counselling and working on themselves is of the essence.
    These sessions would help to ease away the sad thoughts, you'd forgive the relatives who did those things to you, be assured that you can lead a normal life void of insecurities and help find closure. The culprits at that age may not have known how destructive their actions were. The acts stemmed from basically urges and lack of guidance.
    I dearly hope that you ladies get healing.
    Please could we all learn to attend to our kids / wards better.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Reading all d comments so far, I have decided to share my story. At a very little age can't remember bt I knw I was either in pry one or two I did my first blow job for our neighbour's houseboy who said he wld do mine for me too. He didn't do it nd as a kid I felt dat was cheatn so I reported to my mum who told our neighbour and d houseboy was sacked. After dat d same neighbour's daughter who hapnd to be my frnd introduced my younger sis and I properly to oral sex nd dis was just within d three of us. When my mom was nt around my younger sis and I did it for ourselfs. Dat was when we were small, I dnt knw if my sis remembers. I want to say dat my mom tried for us. We r d kinds dat r cald 'omo get inside'. We only did all dis when she went to buy sumtin or had to go sumwhere. She didn't work during dis tyms. As I grew older d urge for sex grew stronger bt I didn't knw I only noticed when I had a bf in ss3 who usually kiss me and smooch me. To cover 4 his absence when he was nt arnd I started to masturbate. I rededicated my life to Christ nd I stopped masturbatn after sum tym. When I got to part one I had anoda bf whom I did a blow job for and in d relationship dere was kissn, smoochn nd d lyks. I didn't bliv In sex bt he did nd one of d days I went to visit him he forcefully slept wt me and dat was what broke d relationship. I was shattered and bitter after dis incident bt God's mercy kept me, I knew God more, I had wonderful frnds who helped me out and d love of God radiated through me such dat after a year I healed. I v forgivn d pple involved, I v forgivn myself, no more unneccesary sexual urge, and if I c d right guy I'm nt afraid to start a relationship. I jst shared dis to encourage dose dat v nt healed, sharing d past wt pple who care and leavn ur lyf in d hands of God wld do u gud.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hmmm I can't say much again cos you guys have said it all but what I will just say is all that happened in the past so the lady should learn to move on and give a guy a chance.

    Start afresh, learn from your mistakes so you know how to handle your own children.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hmmn! Abuse is abuse. I lost my virginity to a cousin's fingering at age 10 or 11. Funny thing is I didnt even know what it was until I got much older and resented men like dog poop. It took the help of a loving friend and a wonderful man to overcome that stage.
    To heal I think is to realise what it is, forgive and be happy with u are. Then talk, talk and did I say talk? And if u r not the talking type, then write, get a journal and pour. Bone of contention is just pour it out.
    Sorry for the long speech.

    ReplyDelete

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