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Showing posts from July, 2014

My Best And Worst First Dates Ever!

I just wriggled my way out of a first date and having nothing else to do with myself this evening besides watch reruns of 2 Broke Girls I'm going to share with you guys my best and worst first dates ever. 
My Best First Date:

WHY? (Short Story) - By Ifesinachi Okonkwo.

"It's not the same, this is diffferent"
"What's different". She was shaking uncontrollably.
"I love her, Uju. This is not a fling. This is real love."
She stared at him in the eyes. It was almost impossible to recognise this person.
"What are you saying", she collapsed on the bed. "Do you understand anything you are saying at all".
"Uju, you have to calm down. Let's make a plan. Telling you this hurts real bad already. Please don't make this any harder".
The temperature of the room climbed. She felt as though she was freezing. She wanted him to stop talking. If only everything could pause, and be still, and not move. 
"What should I do"
"I will take care of you, I will give you money, you can have the house. Please let me follow my heart". He said. 
"Ifeanyi, you want to throw away all these. You want to give up ten years for a fling, for lust".
"It's not lust", he …

What's In a Name?

Hey guys.  People say what we're named has a lot with how things turn out in out lives, some say our names affect and influence our destinies. It's apparent in the amount of time and thought that's put into naming a child that most people belong to this school of thought. 
However these days people are more concerned with cool sounding names that have little or no meanings. In the Western world celebrities name their children after inanimate objects like Blanket (Micheal Jackson) and Apple (Gwyneth Palthrow). Kimye named theirs North, Diddy's got a daughter he named Delilah. Recently a Nollywood actor named his twin children Hollywood and Nollywood

Christina Aguilera's Baby Shower Cake!

LOL.  Just wanted to say good night to you guys with this parting shot. 
Thanks for the Head Count. I love you guys so much! Still a few absentees but tomorrow is another day. 
Bonne nuit Buenas noches Buonna notte Ka chi foo O da aaro Lafi ya

6 People Born Out Of Twisted Situations Spill. (Plus; Blog Reader Asks)

This is quite sensitive so if you've got delicate sensibilities you might want to skip this post. These are stories of people born out of incest, rape or both. 

My friend and I read this article together and for some reason he asked me to ask you guys:
If a few weeks to your wedding you find out that your spouse-to-be is a product of (brother-sister) incest will you still go ahead with the marriage?

6 People Spill.  1. Incest. Okay, so my real parents are my mom and her twin brother.
      No, I’m not Joffrey. (Game of Thrones)       I found out when I was 15. It was night time and I came down a staircase to get a glass of water. My mom was laying on the sofa, she had been drinking earlier. She doesn’t usually get drunk, she likes to drink wine, but never really enough to get drunk, but this time she was really drunk. I passed her on the way to the kitchen and she just spoke up and said that she was glad I wasn’t her husband’s child. I asked her wtf was she talking about when she told …

When Will It Be My Turn? (Thelma Asks both the Single & Married)

You know that feeling you get when you look around and it seems EVERYONE is getting married. Everyone, besides you. 

Head Count!

Ok what's going on here? I leave town for a week and everybody disappears? This is the register please come and mark 'Present'.  Where's Salam Abiola, HSF, Favourite, Ejoec, Tiwa, F, Mrs M, Mrs O, Eazee E, Phransea, cccc, Phify, Sharon Achieng, Ziggylucious, Uju Beibe, Enjay, Tolulope Alabi, Temidayo Adegbite, all the great anonymouses and everyone else?

I see the others (Yippee!) but I need you all to make this place rock! *Now waiting impatiently*.

Ebola Alert From US State Department.

Yesterday during breakfast with one of my closest friends, Ginika (I came into Lagos on Monday, will correspond with someone on the site and work from here for now) I asked her if it's possible that rapture has taken place and we aren't even aware. I know that sounds silly and yeah well it was a rhetorical question but in reality too many things are going on at the same time and calling on God to 'help' seems not to be werkin. On my flight from Abuja to Lagos I was scared shitless! Already I just.hate.flying but add to that the recent plane crashes all around the world, planes getting shot at, planes falling from the sky, planes disappearing and all, it was difficult not to feel like I was going to wet my pants at any given minute. Add to that the fact that while waiting for my flight I read on some media publication that one of our very numerous pastors had recently just prophesied an impending plane crash. It was said that he rightly prophesied the World Cup Brazil-…

Pastor Ituah Ighodalo Must Have Confused The Keypad With The Pulpit.

Pastor Ituah must have thought he was on the pulpit. That's the only conceivable reason that he typed this not-so-well thought out piece and posted it on social media. This brilliant man must have slipped in his thinking, he must have forgotten that the internet is filled with a   multitude/myriad/spectrum/cocktail of people unlike his congregation where he probably has the usual Nigerian religious zealots who feed on the every words of their pastors like people eating unpicked beans; no questions asked, no room for thoughts, rationalization or analysis. Swallow it all hook, line and sinker. Pastor Ituah Ighodalo greatly misjudged.

The Nightmare of a Wife, Mother and Breadwinner.

Hi Thelma, hope you are enjoying ur writing spree? We miss u small sha! I'm an ardent follower of ur blog but I dnt comment often.... As I'm a lazy writer!Lol! Twill be nice if u could do a post on coping wen ur spouse is unemployed! This might be a touchy subject but most pple have gone& are either going 2ru dis! Someone dat got married last year just opened up dat her hubby lost his job a fewmonths into their marriage. I was so surprised&she has kept it to herself for dis long? I pray&expect a miracle 4 dem soonest! But how do u cope when a woman who is supposed to be the helper becomes d breadwinner & still has to do all d house chores,take care of the kids then service oga? Its not easy mehn!
Some weeks back, while sitting in the living-room at the Ikoyi home of a very irritable, bedraggled and stressed out family friend with a husband and three kids all in good schools, she blurted out "he doesn't do anything. He doesn't even know h…

Happy Birthday Steffi Laba!

Blog reader and former Beauty of The Day; Steffi's birthday was on Sunday the 27th of this month. She sent me a mail but unfortunately I only just saw it. Steffi forgive me abeg. I trust you had fun. 
On the behalf of the blog, the family and I I wish you a very happy birthday (in arrears) and pray that this coming year is the start of the best of many years to come. *Great big Hugsss!*
Steffi says she can't wait to meet everyone at the Thelma Thinks readers party. Over to you guys. Wish Steffi a happy birthday and (Lagosians) what do you guys think about this party of ours?

Official Wedding Photos of My Big Nigerian Wedding Season 1 WinnersYemisi & Yomi

It began like a dream, a fairy tale, but today, WED Expo’s unique wedding contest – My Big .Nigerian Wedding has made the dream of one lucky couple come true just like they promised! On Thursday 17th and Friday 18th July, Yemisi and Yomi, the lucky winners of Season 1 of My Big Nigerian Wedding exchanged their vows in style at their traditional and white wedding ceremonies. They were nothing short of fun, glam, excitement, colour and class all the way.

Monster Love (Short Story) - By Ifesinachi Okonkwo.

"I am sorry, Nkem", you said. Your voice was quivering, your legs were shaking, your heart was beating fast.
"You are always sorry. When will you stop being sorry", he said, his eyes darting about looking for something to shove. When he is angry, he shoves things to scare you. You can swear you see his eyes sparkle when you fidget because you think he will hit you. He never hits you, not physically though. But he hits your heart, hard and deep. 
You know his next step. He will walk into the room and pack his cloth in his green bag. You bought that green bag for him. You don't know if he knows how much you hate the bag now, how his threats of leaving you with the green bag made you despise the green bag. You know he will wait for you to beg him. For you to cry till your eyes are red and puffy. Then he will stay, grudgingly, and put up with you, and manage you, and wait till you do something as little as serve his meal a minute late. Or as grave as smiling. 

15 People Share Their One Secret That, If Let Out, Could Ruin TheirLives Forever

1. Talk about staying inconspicuous… Two and a half years ago I was in dire financial straights, so I sold my home to keep my struggling business afloat. I neglected to tell the owners that they have an 800 sq. ft. bunker on the property that I built about seven years ago. The bunker that I’ve called home since I sold it. The entrance to it is well-hidden, but I still come and go very early/very late in the day.
I’m a single man who keeps to himself. I’m now in a situation where I could move somewhere else, but I love this hidden paradise so much.
2. Right then. I cut off all contact with everyone I know and moved to Kenya, I tell people a fake name and a fake background and have made it appear to my family that I died on boat trip in the Pacific. No I am not joking. I am dead in the United States.
3. Is it strange that this feels romantic? I once helped out a female friend’s family by taking care of their cat for a week. Every day for a week, I would go over there and snoop around t…

Dear Thelma... (What Should I Do?)

Hey thelma! My name is ******, I love your blog and have learnt a lot of things from it. Something happened to me but I didn't tell any1, can you post it on ur blog? Thank you. I just want to be free and let it out. Is this a confession? please don't judge me.

Same Difference? (On Sleeping Your Way To The Top and Doing It For Love)

Last week Bella Naija put up a post about an interview Lana Del Ray did where she hinted at sleeping with several guys in the industry to get to the top. The way BN couched the words suggested that she indeed slept with a ton of guys to get to the top although in actuality what Lana Del Ray meant was that although she indeed was very 'generous' with her body it didn't necessary lift her up the ladder of success. 
An argument ensued in the comment section. Some were of the opinion that the only sure way to success is hardwork. Others begged to differ. A few were of the opinion that what constitutes 'Hardwork' varies as the word happens to be subjective. One comment however gave me pause:

Testosterone Heaven (The Ultimate Test)

All through this abstinence journey I've not had much to worry about. My friends have marveled at it, a few have asked how I do it, if they don't know me better they'd think I'm either frigid or asexual, but they do know me better and they know I'm not (thankfully!). When they go on and on giving me kudos I always shrug them off, I sort of feel like someone who's being congratulated for a test they're yet to take. I hadn't taken the test just yet. 

Caught In The Middle- Short Story by Ruby Diamond.

Oh Lord!!!! Why do we have to go through this? Sonia cried. I turned around. Her hair was in disarray; her body even in a more terrible state. Her eyes had the effects of the aftermath of a hangover- red. I mean blood red. She leaned on me. I was also scared but I had to be strong....after all, I'm Sonias' mother. Before I realized, our shoulders were both rocking in a lullaby of tears. I was tired of crying but the tears did not stop coming.

Life Of Harriet (TTRWT)- By Amy4me.

I'm so like her and it hurts so much. I love to come to conclusions about how other people feel without giving them that freedom of thought which would allow them to have other thoughts. I love to agonize over my conclusions. Worse still,the recipient of this character of hers happens to be me. Who am i talking of? My sweet mother. If i could turn back the hands of time, i would start afresh in her womb.

I'm The Only Girl In The World

Yes I am.

Little Miss Silly!

When I wrote the 'When It's Ok To Settle' post it's unlikely that I was writing from a place of regret as the first commenter suggested, but she was right to have asked if I'd discarded many. Oh boy! I have! And for the flimsiest reasons too. 
First off, I'm not perfect, for as long as I can remember I've always battled with my weight and at every point I could be several pounds lighter, so I'm not perfect. And in honesty it's not like I'm looking for the perfect guy either, but I've turned down some pretty awesome guys for reasons ranging from reasonable, to weird to just plain outrageous. 


I've heard some revenge stories that can best be described as 'Cold'. Some people have been hurt and betrayed so badly that they will do anything to ensure that the person who made them feel that way get what's coming to them. 

Broken Hearts and Broken Dreams.

Yes I admit it. I admit it o! And I can so easily admit it because I know I'm not alone, most other women are like this and if you're single and you say you're not then I put it to you that you're lying.

When It's Ok To 'Settle'...

We all want what we want. When it comes to prospective (life) partners we have certain standards that we've set (if you don't then.... your case may be likened to the saying 'if you stand for nothing you'll fall for anything'). We've seen and applauded women and men who know what they want and who refused to settle for anything less till they got their desires. But sometimes one wonders; how much good does sticking to these standards do?

A Call For Vacancies & Advertisements.

Good morning Guys, I'm just powering up my ipad since yesterday afternoon and I didn't see comments till now. Yesterday was pretty hectic with batteries of both my phones and ipad dying. I was too tired to charge till now. Thanks a lot o! I really appreciate the comments. Please if  you're in Abuja I hope your offer for meeting up is still open when next I'm in town. 
This morning I spoke with an unemployed friend and after our chat I wracked my brain wondering who I know that can employ her. Then I thought of you guys. It's not just my friend, who's also a blog reader, but so many other blog readers that need jobs. If you have or know anyone that has a vacancy or needs some sort of service please mail me with the details ( and I will put it up on the blog. 
My friend really needs a job. She's very qualified, she's smart and she's competent. Unfortunately there was some restructuring at her last place of work several months ago a…

Thelma Says...

Good morning guys! 

I've been contracted to do a job for the next four weeks. I'll be working with a firm that's engaged in geophysical survey, hydrogeology, geology generally. They presently have a contract to do job somewhere in Edo state and they need someone on site, during working hours (from dusk till dawn, in their own words), to keep a daily update (journal), take pictures, interview the workers, from the menial labourers to the expatriates; geologists and engineers etc, and to give a general review of the job after four weeks. The person has to be on site at all times and will closely work with the IT department. At the end of the four weeks, the daily updates, the pictures and the interviews will all be compiled and turned in as a book (turned into a book) and I'm that person who's going to be doing this. 
So I'm leaving for Abuja for a meeting this afternoon and tomorrow morning we head to Edo state where I'll be for the next one month. 
Apparently …

Omoni Oboli's Love Letter To Boo On His Birthday. (plus Thelma Asks)

This is Omoni's 'love letter' to hubby whose birthday was on Monday, as was #ManCrushMonday on Instagram.

Thelma Asks... (+18)

For the sexually active adult...

What is something you love in bed but are too embarrassed to tell your partner? 

I searched around and I'll share some of what I found:

Let Them Go.

Someone shared a video with me on Facebook. It's one of these Madea's (Tyler Perry) videos and this clip touched me so much that I had to write it out and share with you guys, since I couldn't post the video on the blog. I think so many people need to hear/read this:

I'm Officially Done Being Nice. Here's Why. (Early Morning Vent)

Seriously though. We've all heard of the book Why Men Love Bitches, and as most of us have come to notice, men do love bitches. Some men want to be treated like trash and be disrespected. They want to be turned into your ATM machines and your personal magas. They want you to treat them with contempt and disdain. They want you to make them sweat, keep them waiting, stand them up, not call them, never answer or return their calls, hang up on them when you lose interest in a conversation that has lasted all of 55 seconds. That's what they want. 

Is God Partial?

On Saturday my friend and I mused over some ironies, we wondered why some people have had everything in life easy. Go to high school, make good grades, come out and within a year get into the university, four years later they're done, with good grades, and then within a year they're doing their NYSC program, the week after service they get a great job, two months later boyfriend proposes, three months later; lavish wedding and then the next time you see them they're coming out of their nice car but before you can say 'wow' you notice the baby bump and scream an even bigger 'WOW!'

A True Friend. (Short Story/Thelma Asks)

Tayo is your closest friend but more than a friend to you, Tayo is family. Your parents died when you were very little and Tayo's parents took you in and you grew up as siblings. You're not married and you have no children, and even after all these years Tayo is the closest thing you have to family. 
One morning just as you're getting ready for work Tayo rushes into your house in a frenzy, sweating profusely. 
"My husband, my home, my children. I will lose them. I will lose them all if you don't help me"
"What happened Tayo?"
"You know that man that was killed? The one in all the papers?"
"Yes. What about him?", you ask
"He was my lover. We've been having a clandestine affair for months now"
"Your lover? But Tayo, you're married, you're a good Christian, you're..."

That It. - By Nne Somebody (Guest Blogger).

There was always something about you That thing, that thing Was it your voice or the purity of your mind? Scratch that - Your mind was/is far from pure. LOL! That thing, it’s driving me insane not being able to say What was it? It couldn’t be your eyes because I was never privileged to look into them I hear from those who did that they were at times, deep pools devoid of light At other times, blazing with the intensity of the sun I’ve been told that your eyes are a rich dark brown I hear them say they catch the light and even turn grey It’s not your kinky, African hair Full and springy, so I hear No, it’s not your skin, quick to warm at the slightest touch Not your touch, not your touch. Fit to light me up like a torch. I never felt you, but it would have been such a rush. Was it the quickness of your wit? The way you had with a turn of phrase The passion I heard when you spoke in those days I loved that you loved to dream out loud You weren’t afraid to put it all out there Your word…

12 Things I Just Could Not Give a Hoot About. (Last Weeks's Gossip)

Yesterday one of our blog readers suggested I incorporate some gossip into the blog, and while it may not be a bad idea I sincerely doubt that I can pull it off, reason being that I just don't give enough f#*ks about what's going on in other's (personal) lives, especially people I don't know and those that don't know me, eg celebrities. I'm sure I do to an extent, but just not as much as the average person.         I sat in bed this morning perusing different blog sites for gist that went down during the week, I was consumed once again by how little I care. So, I'm going to share with you guys the things that happened last week that leave me zoning out in indifference. 

1) Jude Engees' Wedding to Ify Umeokeke: ok... I've been rather indifferent about the pair from the minute I heard they got engaged. What I'm interested in however is the rumour about Linda Ikeji and Jude Engees. When word came out, comments like "poor Linda, after sleeping wi…

Full Disclosure In Relationships & Before Marriage. To Tell Or Not ToTell?

Sometime last year I did a post on full disclosure and it's surprising to me to see how much some of my views have changed in less than a year. The topic was raised during a pre-wedding lunch we had for our friend at Ocean Basket a week before her wedding. There we were, five of us, instead of enjoying our variety of seafood (in retrospect) it seems we were trying to teach our friend to be a bad wife. All innocently though, I mean, we were speaking from the viewpoints of single women that we were/are. 
However I still maintain some things I said; I am not in support of full disclosure. Some things should be on a need-to-know basis. I don't see why it's important for you to know how many men I slept with in the past, I don't want to know how many women you've slept with either. Also as I said to my friends on that day (repeating advice my friend's mum and aunties gave us); even when the love is still shakking you, don't carelessly open your mouth and tell a…

Nigerian Gay Pastor; Jide Macaulay on The Expiration of Being Gay.

I've never heard anyone say being gay has an expiry date.  Although I have difficulty reconciling being homosexual with being a pastor, like I told a friend yesterday when we were talking about bleaching expert; Pela, I admire anybody who's willing to embrace their individuality, sexuality and 'uniqueness' regardless of how they're perceived by society or how people might judge them. 
But this is just me, these are just my views. I'm all for doing whatever makes you happy as long as no one gets hurt, and I choose not to buy the baseless conclusions that homosexuality is similar to paedophilia and bestiality and I may tear my ears off if I have to hear that one more time. I would rather a man come out of the closet as gay, than marry while having trysts with other men, thereby possibly exposing his wife to STIs she may not even know exist, and also ushering her into a life of unending frustration and disastisfaction as he would never be able meet her sexual nee…

Just Saying...

Four different conversations today, at different times with different friends all brought to mind the 'dreaded' 30s. Actually 29 is practically 30 so why are we all dreading clocking the Big 3-Zero officially?         I guess it's like mourning your 20s, those golden years, those years when you were invincible, when the world was yours and you were super woman/man and could do whatever you wanted. Those days when you thought you would live forever. 30 seems like the death and burial of all that.

Open Keypad. (No Judgement Zone)

Hey guys! I'm so happy it's Friday. Shout out to you guys for all the love in the Shout Out post. You guys remember how great it was in our first Open Keypad post, right? Today I was reading the comments in the Shout Out post and then I also thought about comments in every Rant post. It seems we're always going on about who hurt us, who did us wrong, who did us bad, who betrayed us, who broke our hearts etc, no one ever talks about their own f*#k ups. And no matter how good someone is, we've all at one point or the other been bad or done someone wrong.

Sisi Yemmie & Bobo Yomi, My Big Nigerian Wedding Winners' TraditionalMarriage Pics

Blogger Yemisi Aiyedun (of wed her long time boo Bobo Yomi traditionally yesterday.  These pictures are so gorgeous guys! 

Blog Reader Asks... (On Inter-Religious Marriages)

People get married to people of different religions. I've got two friends, coincidentally both named Bukky. Bukky1's dad is Muslim while her mum is Christian. Bukky2's dad is Christian while her mum is Muslim. Both pairs of parents have been peacefully married for over 25years and any serious issues they might have face were not as a result of their religious differences.        However majority of people are wary of and reluctant to marry people of a different religion. 
Yesterday in the comment section of the post on bagging a millionaire someone commented about having to end things with her wealthy Muslim Ex. And just the day before that I had a long chat with a terribly saddened friend. *Adaobi met Abdul towards the end of her Masters program in the UK, and what started out as a mild and mindless flirtation grew into a deep relationship.

Praying My Fat Away!

This isn't a poem, it's just that after what just happened my brain seems to have shifted sideways...
I tried The insanity workout Last night  After looking at me In the mirror I said I had to do Something.  2 minutes in and I said god punish Shaun T.  What kind of Punishment is  This ? But I tried one more time Sweat pouring  Down my face.  Then I stopped.  What to do? *sigh* And dieting is no  Longer as easy as It used to  Be.  Insanity is obviously for The insane.  I'm sane.  Then a lightbulb went up In my head.  Eureka! Is there anything too difficult for The Lord? Hahaha! I'm going to pray my fat away.

Throw Back Thursday. (Shout Out Season!)

I saw this on SDK and I was like errr, what's the general idea? But hey, it looked like fun, and besides I've got several shout outs I just must give. 

Dating Millionaires; The How-Tos, The Perks and Their Weird SexualFetishes.

I just read on RML about Nadia Essex who said she had had enough of dating deadbeat/broke-ass guys and decided she would only go for millionaires. Now after being on a lot of dates with millionaires she's become quite an expert on finding and dating one. 
So what are her tips for finding and bagging these wealthy romantic men? Nadia says;

Happy 4th Birthday to The Son of a Phenomenal Woman; Blogger LailaIkeji.

So for those who don't know of Laila yet, she's one of my favourite gossip bloggers ( Laila's Blog ). I've never met her but I particularly admire her because she's obviously a strong and tenacious woman. I remember when Laila first started her blog which was then and would comment on Linda Ikeji's blog. So much cyber bullying and insults were hurled at her, of course to everyone she was a Linda-wanna-be who still had the temerity to be on Linda's blog and all that. But Laila stood her grounds and did not let the mean comments get to her. Today she's one of the most popular gossip bloggers in the country, she's doing very well for herself, and from the look of things, she's just getting started!        Another reason I heart her is because unlike most other gossip bloggers, she has got a full time job (she's a banker), she's married and has got three kids. For me it's something to applaud because I'm neit…

...The Things We Hear When The Conversation Isn't Ours.

Hey guys! What's the funniest/weirdest/strangest thing you've heard while eavesdropping on someone else's conversation? Not necessarily the amebo type, but the type you involuntarily overhear. 
I overheard a conversation today. And I was almost dying to say something! My body was itching, my tongue was almost swelling up. I was almost foaming at the mouth! I really wanted to speak. But what could I say to someone I'd never met before, about something I shouldn't have heard in the first place? Here's what happened:

An Anal-ogy Of Anal...

"This is just an innocent question please but I kinda need answers, isn't anal sex unhealthy and painful? It seems so many people are warming up to the idea, I'm just wondering though... anyone kind enough to provide answers? Thelma can you please make it a blog post or is it too " raunchy" (for lack of a better word) to talk about?

So let's talk about it. I'll tell you what I know. 



Mbong and I... What's a Girl To Do?

I'm soooooooooooo sorry people. I'm slacking majorly and I know it but hey, if I could help it I would. To worsen matters just as things were easing up I got hit by a bad case of the flu and fever. So that's just not helping. It also sucks majorly because I'm supposed to be going on this hot "date" tonight. Oh well... 
Yesterday afternoon I had to go and do something on the mainland and when I was done I figured I had some time on my hands and decided to use the opportunity to see my friend *Mbong. Mbong has been my friend since I was 17. I remember the first day we met, I'd been seeing her around but we never spoke. My then boyfriend was out of town and my life was boring. On one of our very numerous phone calls I complained of the boredom and he said it was my fault; QC was over and I needed to start making new friends. He accused me of not trying so to shut him up I vowed that by the time he got back to town in a week, that girl we always see around w…

No-Rant Zone.

"Talk happiness. The world is sad enough without your woe."- Ella Wheeler Cox. 

Some comments I read on this blog and on some other blogs literally leave me feeling drained. So for once can be keep things light and talk happiness! No matter how bad things are there must be something good going for us, yes?
So this is a No-Rant zone. Share something that's going well for you or something exciting that just happened. Is there something that you've been praying for and you just finally got it, gist us biko!
See, your positive stories may just give someone the hope and inspiration they need. So gist us, brag if you want to, gloating is allowed too! I'm waiting... 
But I'll go first: