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Blog Reader Asks... (On Inter-Religious Marriages)





People get married to people of different religions. I've got two friends, coincidentally both named Bukky. Bukky1's dad is Muslim while her mum is Christian. Bukky2's dad is Christian while her mum is Muslim. Both pairs of parents have been peacefully married for over 25years and any serious issues they might have face were not as a result of their religious differences. 
      However majority of people are wary of and reluctant to marry people of a different religion. 

Yesterday in the comment section of the post on bagging a millionaire someone commented about having to end things with her wealthy Muslim Ex. And just the day before that I had a long chat with a terribly saddened friend. *Adaobi met Abdul towards the end of her Masters program in the UK, and what started out as a mild and mindless flirtation grew into a deep relationship.
Abdul is Turkish and from a well-to-do background. I know Adaobi whom I also call Ajala-Travel travels a lot because everytime we chat she seems to be on a different continent. This year at different times we've spoken she was in the UK, Dubai, Istanbul, the US and Paris. What I didn't know was that it was Abdul who was carting her around. He took her to Istanbul to meet his parents and they really warmed up to her. Adaobi was a bit surprised because she thought that although they were in love they'll wait till it all blows over and move on with their lives. However that was not what Abdul had in mind. When they got to Paris he proposed. Adaobi said no, and has been heartbroken ever since. Abdul says he doesn't see the big deal, his parents also called Adaobi to tell her that their religions should not be such a big problem. Neither of them is talking about converting but the greater problem is that Adaobi is from a staunch Jehovah's Witness family and does not even know how to raise the issue with her parents.

We know her family would probably disown her before they allow her marry a Muslim man but for now she just wants to know what options are available to her, and hear from people that have been in a similar situation.


When we spoke last night we decided to throw it open on the blog. What are your thoughts on Muslims and Christians getting married? Are you or someone close to you married to someone of a different religion, what issues, if any, do you face as a result of this?

Comments

  1. Let me comment. *coughs*
    I have NO thoughts on the Muslim, christian marriage but I have an opinion on the Jehovahs witness & other religion marriage. Which is the same opinion of ALL Jehovahs Witnesses (JWs).

    Our doctrine do not permit us to marry from other religion because it's for our own protection, U can't marry someone when it's obvious u'll have a divided home.
    He celebrates christmas, easter, birthdays etc & U don't. When ur going out to preach, he's not. U attend the kingdom hall, he attends a church. How do u raise ur kids? How do u control both family affairs e.g celebrations?

    T, Adaobi knows all this. She's only allowing her heart control her now, she got herself in this dilemma by agreeing to date a non JW in the beginning. *speaking from experience*.
    Am saying all this because i've been in her shoes for 5yrs. I left because Le Ex broke his promise of converting. I did it not cos I can't marry a non JW *its not a strict policy* but cos of my personal happiness.

    She should do what makes her happy & what she can live with. Just like I did.

    All the best.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This Ruth! If u didn't talk about an ex I would have been surprised.every story on this blog must relate to one of your exes...

      Delete
    2. All these Rules and regulations u stated were made by man and not God,what happened to raising Your children in da way of the Lord and d JW/redeem/catholic way...

      Delete
    3. Your stories never seem to be consistent. You broke up with your guy now becos he didn't want to convert to JW, before it was heartbreak. I don't beliv a little conversion issue will cause you so much heartbreak you always rant about.

      Delete
    4. These Anons scrutinizing my past relationships please take a chill pill. Life is not that serious. If U don't understand just relax... Bikonu.

      Someone can't just wake up one morning & end a relationship of that long, a whole lotta REASONS caused it...

      To the other anon, these rules weren't made by man. They are bible based.

      Delete
    5. Ruth abeg shift! ure a veryyy annoying liar...now ure trying to cover up.hiss! evrytime ex this ex that. lets hear word biko.

      Delete
    6. ill only advice you look for a BIBLE believing church..

      Delete
  2. I have no wahala with it but what will the children be if I marry a muslim guy ? will I be able to celebrate christmas in my own home and give the kids presents ?.. I also commented on the millionaire post. Maybe because I have lived out of Nigeria for so long, things that would have mattered back home (like religion) don't seem to faze me no more..My mom knows about this mallam I like lol..and she told me to nip our little romance in the bud :( :( .. our neighbours are ghanian muslims..well the man is and the wife and her 2 daughters from a previous marriage are Christians. This couple have a daughter together and my mom says they've been fighting because dad wants his daughter to join the mosque and also pray with him since is ramadan season but mom refuses..I guess things can be tricky so how does it work ?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Gosh I so muh detest religious marriage issues like these....are u guys in love?are u ready to share your Ramadan,xmas together?that fuck whatever it is that people say....your parents are living their life's,let them give u opportunity to live yours.....sorry ruth I never knew u are a jw oh...omo ur doctrine"s are complicated oh...no offence....that naughty house wife

    ReplyDelete
  4. Her happiness is the most important thing. And if she is really smart, she should know that whatever religion dictates for her, who to be with and who not to be with is a STUPID religion. Because even Jesus dined with sinners, and defended prostitutes. I don't do religion. The rules, the dogma. I can't deal. I think it's misleading and misplaced.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Everyone should simply do whatever rocks their boats to their desired destination...
    I chose mine because of MY happiness not my parents or religions dictations...

    ReplyDelete
  6. I believe that why the bible says "do not be unequally yoked" is so that when one is weak in the faith the other pulls or supports the person and also an hedge of covering for the believers. That being said there is a part of the bible(not sure where at the time) that says that if two non-christians get married and one converts they can still remain married, but here ignorance is no excuse if she truly loves him,she can bear the yoke,cos I believe after much noise her parents will eventually let her be,cos its her life anyway not so sure of how jehovah witness do their things though.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Let me tell u about my friends elder sister. She's a christian who married a Muslim, same state, same dialect. At d beginning, he was all happy for her to practice her religion, he allowed her to even take the kids to church sometimes. She never wore hijab, not even their cute daughter. We used to go see dem then.
    Then he started changing after some years..'dont ever take my kids to dat ur church'...'our daughter must cover her hair and have a wrap around her shoulders'....'dont ever celebrate xmas in my house'...'the kids must learn arabic'...'the kids must attend mosque'. it was nightmare for my friends sister. Can't go into details much.. His and some other Muslim men with same attitude changed our opinion of 'I don't care if he is a Muslim, I will marry him as long as we love each other', tufiakwa, I can never ever marry a muslim..NEVER.
    So T, in my opinion, ur friend made the Lady made the best decision. She should not worry, the heartache will pass (they always do).

    ReplyDelete
  8. My father is a muslim while my mum is a christian,I grew up loving both religion,I have both religion name and it has never for once caused any issue In my parents more than 20 years marriage,@least,not any1 I know off, 7yrs ago when I decided to be a christian,my dad supported me,he even bought my bible..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like your parents attitude Salam. Before my hubby found Christ, he supported me in everything also. It simply depends on individuals.

      Delete
  9. There is no Yes and No answer to this issue. Some people may be lucky to marry someone of another religion that won't mind them practising their own religion. Some other people may not be that lucky. We all know the issues that can come up in mixed marriages. This is my advise, please be aware of the issues associated with mixed marriage.are you ready to bear them when/if they arise? If he wakes up and tells you to convert tomorrow can you do that?if he wants your children to be Muslims and not go to church with you,will you be ok with it? Can you start wearing hijab if he asks?make sure that you are prepared. If the above points are not deal breakers for you carry go. J

    ReplyDelete
  10. "Kilode tem Bora, she be dudu turn white...she be! She be dudu turn white. Why u dey bleach up your skin eh!!!" Lovely song by Patoranking 'bora'...lol

    ReplyDelete
  11. Adaobi sounds a bit slow. Then again I am stubborn. To me such things arent a big geal. Maybe because I am biracial. My parents married each other on love alone and they survived 35 years now. Conviction is a bigdeal. I always say I would rather 5 years of happiness than a lifetime of misery. Just me.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Like someone said whatever rocks ur boat. But IMO, it's not even a subject of discussion. I agree with chioma n Ejoec, It's simply a no go area. Yes love is beautiful and we all hope for that perfect marriage, yet love goes sour and no particular person it's gone that way for, has ever wished it so. As a Christian, I live by the biblical standard not by what I think is best for me o(faith wise) .
    I can't afford to tell stories that touch d heart 2morrow, all d while gnashing my teeth. If not for myself(cos I can stand my own grounds against any challenge) bt for my kids. Can't afford to have non-christian children. Can't put them through the power tussle that may arise. Whatever bubble we may choose to live in, d reality on ground as seen by events round the world(not just naija) shows that religion will always b a big 'war provoking' deal, and I don't see that changing till world end. #Unityinfaith.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Nawa o. Y are so many anno commenters beefing Ruthy on this blog na? Serious case!

    Anyways...I personally wouldn't wanna marry another religion apart from a Christian cos that's one thing I think I should never joke with. No matter the understanding it just isn't d best. It's salvation we are talking about here.

    That's for me sha...

    ReplyDelete
  14. I came via Laila's son's birthday post and saw this topic.
    I am in an inter-religious marriage. I am the Christian.
    It was easy for me, because my hubby is the open-minded type.He is a new-creature as I write. It took a while, and I didn't try to change him or him trying to change me either. GOD simply took control.
    My advise to any lady going into an inter-religious relationship is that, they should discuss to length, and every minute detail about their religious practice. Ask questions like; Would he allow you to continue practicing your faith after marriage? Which of the faiths would the children practice? Will he marry more wives since his faith permits him to? His answers and body language would determine your next course of action.I know that our reasoning can be beclouded with love before reality sinks in,but look out for those little signs that you think it does not matter.
    Then ask yourself; Can I cope if he insists I convert to his faith after marriage? I say this because every body level of perseverance differs.

    ReplyDelete
  15. It doesn't seem like she's ready or will ever be willing to adjust to the religious differences. She should find strength to move on to other relationships.
    www.eniwealth79.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  16. It doesn't seem like she's ready or will ever be willing to adjust to the religious differences. She should find strength to move on to other relationships.
    www.eniwealth79.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

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