Yes I admit it. I admit it o! And I can so easily admit it because I know I'm not alone, most other women are like this and if you're single and you say you're not then I put it to you that you're lying.
I'm talking about meeting a guy, going on the first date and immediately planning your lives together as husband and wife. Guys, we ladies do this. On the first date we're already picking out wedding dresses, the wedding venues, the Aso Ebi fabric and colours, our babies' names, how many kids we'll have, their crèches and schools. Yes that's how far we think. Just on the first date alone.
Ok I exaggerate. But do I? Seriously. Sometimes we don't even wait till the first date. I, for instance; last night I went to this place called Next in Abuja and after I was done with my own shopping I went outside to wait for my boss.
Then this 6,5" tower of brown chocolate walked up to me and we chatted briefly. I could swear he was the man of my dreams. He said he'd seen me inside and wanted to come over but wasn't sure he should but now I'm alone he could not afford to miss the opportunity. He's very cute, well spoken and obviously takes good care of himself. As he walked to his car (a truck) I could just picture our lives together. In a few seconds we'd dated, married, moved into our new apartment in Ikeja GRA (yes, because of me he got his office to transfer him to Lagos), shagged, experimented with different positions and 'toys', I'd gotten pregnant, gone to the US to have our first baby so that she'll have a blue passport and we were already discussing baby No. 2. All within 5 seconds.
My phone was off all night and my heart broke as I imagined Dear Future Husband futilely trying to reach me on the phone last night. I imagined his furrowed brows, and his forehead creased in worry as he tried to fathom why my phone was switched off. I imagined him finally giving in to resignation hours after trying to reach me. I imagined a frown on his sober face as he went to bed, sad and dejected. Then I imagined him reach for his phone and dial my number one last time before drifting away to dreamland.
So when he called me this afternoon and said
"When I saw you yesterday at night, I just said gaddem, look at that height, look at the ass. Ahhhh! Fuck! I just knew I had to have you."
I said Huh! DFH, no, this isn't how it's meant to go, please stop. But he continued
"When I got home I called my best friend and said if you see this babe wey I just see ehn! She tall. He asked me; 'she get big bumbum abi? Because I no say dat na your spec'. Hahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahaha. My friends know me very well".
My heart was breaking.
I told him I was leaving town and he said
"Baby don't go. Just stay tonight. Spend one night with me. You won't regret it. Ahhh, that arse. Baby don't go please. Fuck! Please don't go".
My dreams were shattered.
So there you have it. Just after so thoroughly I'd built our life together he came with a wrecking ball and blew it all down to smithereens.
PS: just in case you're wondering, my bum isn't big, at least not the way he made it sound. Disgusting fellow!
PPS:; I know not all ladies do this, but MOST of us do. Why do we meet a guy and start planning our future together when the guy probably can't see beyond sleeping with us for the first time? And even when I don't, my friends do. A guy as much as smiles at me and *Sonia is already saying "your kids would be so cute, you guys will have the perfect family". I'm like; babe he just smiled. Smiled! He's just being polite and you're already planning our wedding! Pathetic.