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Dealing With The Searing Pain Of a Broken Heart.





It's a mystery to some friends how I'm so comfortable and content in my aloneness; being single, even at my age. I never did see myself as someone who'll shy away from love or turn her back on love because of past experiences and failed relationships, but somehow I find I'm happy with the way things are, and when I think about past experiences I'm even happier because when I'm alone, when I've got no feelings and no expectations I know I won't get hurt or disappointed. Add to that the fact that in my last two relationships I was happier when I was single than when I was in them.

Some stories I've shared with you guys, some I keep to myself, others I try hard to blot out of my memory. It's been a while since I felt anything for anyone. But everyday I see, read and hear stories of people going through the trauma of a failed relationship or love once reciprocated, now unrequited. 

Last night I listened in on Aunt Landa's show. Yesterday's show was basically for callers who are going through hurt or a difficult period in life to call in and talk. Guys one particular call broke my heart. It wasn't the caller's story; we've all either had, heard or experienced similar stories. It was the pain in the caller's voice. The way she cried so wretchedly and hopelessly all through the call, as though her life had come to an abrupt end. The caller is a 22 year old lady. She said she was a virgin even though all her friends had lost theirs and kept mocking and teasing her for keeping hers. She said she'd met guys and had dated a few but they all left her, always, because she refused to have sex with them. But alas she found one! He was loving, caring, and didn't mind the fact that she was a virgin. They began a relationship and she soon fell in love with him. Everything was perfect and soon he began to talk about marriage and build up her hopes for the future. So the young woman, thinking she had a husband let her guard down and gave up her virginity to him. Unfortunately a while after they had sex the man began to change, he began to neglect her and their relationship. Then suddenly he said he wasn't interested in it anymore. That was when she found out that her lover and hubby-to-be is married with three kids. 

I can't believe the extent some men are willing to go for sex. 

Anyways someone called me today with another sad story. After dating her man for 5years he suddenly says it's over, out of the blues. She's confused, distraught and devastated. When we spoke she sounded almost like she wasn't even sure what was going on around her anymore, you know the way someone who is in shock sounds.... What words can you say to heal a wound that fresh and raw? 'Sorry' just doesn't cut it! Advice at that point is as useless as the K in Knot. Assurances sound empty and contrived. Promises of a better tomorrow sound like the biggest lie that ever was told. 
All I could do was listen to her cry. 


Have you ever been heartbroken? Have you ever experienced the pain of heartbreak? How did you cope? How does one move ahead? How do you deal with being heartbroken? Does time really heal all wounds?
Please share your story. 

Comments

  1. Some heart breakes are hard to mend that even time can't totally heal. Depending on how deep the pain,Such people might need someone way better than their ex or they wld need to hear that woo has befallen that person to move on. The 2nd part sounds evil but hey, heartbreak sucks...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I knew my ex for 4 years, we dated for one year plus. He was very loving and caring enough he was like a big brother to my younger ones but I have never asked him for a dime because I was ok though still a student. We were talking marriage plans even with his brother and his father. We never had a quarrel.
    I just discovered he deleted me off his bbm and Facebook one day, so I called him and he said he was sorry that he needed space and was freeing the memory on his phone. I got angry but he apologized. Next he said he needed 1M. I asked him why he said for personal reasons, told him I didn't have access to that amount at that time that he should take a loan from his office.
    He didn't delete me again but I noticed he had changed, he no longer calls or pick mine, no chats too. Then two weeks later he updated his registry wedding pix. I broke down. I just sent "congrats" to which he never replied. A month later he had his trad and white wedding.
    It really pained me. We didn't have a fight neither did we break up, he just got married to someone else.
    He called me several months later to apologise. I asked what I did to him he said that he didn't think I was ready for marriage and I was 24.. but he wanted to use my money for his wedding. Mchewww.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jeez anon, I am so sorry.why on earth will a man start talking marriage with a girl he has no plans to marry.I mean some men are just bastards ahan I just tire, short of words….

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    2. lol .. i had to laugh!! sis are you for real or you are just telling a story ? so there are people like this ?? I'm speechless.. I hope you are feeling wonderful now ?

      Delete
    3. God really saved u....cos if he was really desperate, he would av askd 4 500k wen u said u didn't av up 2 a mill

      Delete
  3. Some wounds never really heal Tee....brb.

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  4. Honestly T, if I Talk Now e no go easy for this blog. But here's the FEW truths I found out after having my heart broken 5years into a relationship.

    NOTHING makes U feel better! NOTHING or NO ONE.
    But my COPING mechanisms were theses:
    1) I wrote down ALL I suffered/Lost/endured while with him.
    2) I wrote down ALL his flaws/negatives.
    3) I wrote down my genuine heartbreak feelings.
    Each time I feel the need to go back to him, I read them & cry some more, It HELPED & strengthen my resolve to MOVE ON.
    4) I needed someone to CONSTANTLY rant to, My bff did it for me. I never stopped talking/lamenting/cursing & she listened.
    5) I totally destroyed EVERYTHING that reminded me of him or that were his in my possession. So freeing! LOL
    6) I read books that relieves such feeling like; Dr Juanita Bynum's "No more Sheets"
    7) Prayer! Prayer!! PRAYER!!! I can't over emphasize this, forget the fornication, God listens when ur at ur lowest & Remorseful. The strength he gives U is beyond words. Eventually, Some memories faded, others just did NOT hurt anymore & later I was THANKFUL...

    I wish I could just hug the 22yrs old girl for a whole day. Sorry Sugar...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I donno if I'm mistaken but YOU ended ur r/ship with him and from what I gather,he was a bullet u dodged. U shld be relieved not heartbroken...
      I believe that the person who chooses to walk away from a r/ship is the lesser hurt one and not the other way round...

      Delete
    2. The Heart breaks made me End the relationship Ma'am. Heartbreak isn't necessarily been dumped.
      Cheating, Lies etc hurts more than being dumped.
      I can't put everything on social media.

      Delete
    3. That's not always the case. You might be in a relationship that you are hopeful will lead to a happily ever after ending, only for suddenly or gradually your partner turns around n betrays your trust repeatedly, you hold on, because you believe in both of you, however, u soon realise that no matter what, your headed for the rocks n hurt. Still, you are bold/strong enough to walk away before it becomes too late. You will definitely feel heartbroken, probably, even more than the partner you left, because you had faith in the r/ship that eventually failed. That you take the first walk away does not guarantee that you won't feel heartbroken.

      Delete
    4. sis, if you can take it easy with the caps.. I know its for dramatic effect or placing emphasis but..

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    5. @anon 10:50,Hmm...that's another way to look at it. Tnx.

      Delete
    6. I have witnessed, I have bin dealt with, I have cried, hated myself for letting my guard down.....falling helplessly inlove..... Rejection sef is an understatement.....But Today I AM STRONGER, because after all my prayers for forgiveness from God, I know it was for the best that they all went away.
      Know that when they walk away, God might just be doing you a 'MASSIVE' favour.

      Delete
    7. Anon 10:50, I could swear U are me, U said it better than I ever will.
      Anon 11:22, Sorry love, I CANT help u. Xo

      Delete
  5. Hmmmm heartbreak is soooo heartbreaking, can't write an epistle now, still too early at work, will be right back.
    L.

    ReplyDelete
  6. My ex broke my heart severally, i survived by listening to music often, that really helped, then i quickly started dating smone else that spoilt me silly, a guy dt was finer, richer n everything, even tho i knew he wasn't going to marry me cos i hadn't concluded my divorce then but he made me really happy while it lasted. As for my ex i ve forgotten him even tho we ve a son together, my son doesnt know him and am fine with that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I forgot to add the new bf was even a year younger than me, that guy helped me build my confidence and self worth.

      Delete
    2. Am Glad U feel the way u did/do Ifunanya.
      U sure deserve ALL the happiness the world can give U.
      #Hugs

      Delete
  7. As time/seasons went by, I thought imperatively that as much as one tried and did there best it would be enough. I assumed that as much as you love someone and showed care they would reciprocate in same measures........we'll maybe not same measures, 1/4 would be perfect! The way to a mans heart is his belly, hhahahaahahaha(laffing in Spanish ) Tee whom ever brought that assumption needs to be whooped, damnit! The wrong assumption made me bring out my cooking skills......work no pay, **whispers**{I was also great in bed} Eeerrrrrrmh maybe they Lied, because if I truly was, they wouldn't want more from Uju, Natalie nd chioma respectively. Apparently I was my assumptions were wrong............ All 3 men LIED Tee.
    Omalicha if you leave me, I would die" so why did you leave? How do I go on? Where do I begin to trust? Biko left matter for Mathias.
    When you are down, please there is an inner strength in you, take long walks if need be, cry if you must, rant if you will, but I urge you to press towards Your God. Cast your cares upon him, take his yoke upon you(his yoke is easy, nd his burden is light Matt 14:14), go all the way with him(his ways are better isaiah 55:8), always have an open heart(God still has plans for us even at old Age), speak positively into your life and the one that broke your heart( release him, cos God never locks us when we offend him countless times).
    Alter me: have fun, fun, fun, fun, again I say Fun. Meet friends, spoil ur self a little, shop all the way, buy shoes, eat, drink, cry, dance, sleep and remember your heart ain't made of glass, it can't be broken(they are made of bones. **okwu Nkasi obi)If he is worth you, he would have stayed against all odds.
    Women are strong, a man is made of dust, but God foresee our struggle: he made us from BONES.
    No matter how broken you are, God Will Fix You.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are loved blink

      Delete
    2. Damn...I love ur last past. Gonna steal it too...

      Delete
    3. I like it when you write,you can tell story sha, feels like you are talking directly. Wagba kiss Ore Mi

      Delete
    4. Anons E-hugs/kisses, Sasha bone greetings.
      Sorry about the typo errors

      Delete
  8. I have broken people's heart. My heart has been broken too. I don't think I have the right to lament about it. I have done some terrible things even when I didn't mean to. So all the pain I have received is justified.

    ReplyDelete
  9. And a loud Amen.....

    ReplyDelete
  10. A heartbreak 2me is the same as ur partner dying.Grief,shock,anger,denial and bitterness.u learn 2deal with it.Its actually worse than a heartbrk.Morning loves,I hp we all hv a beautiful week ahead

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My dear thank u o. I've never bin heart broken, I knw I've cried over a. Few but can't call it heart break. The only heartbreak I have is a lover I lost in a car crash. That was the best man in d whole world and he even knew it cos he always told me baby u know this my type aren not plenty in dis world and I would just laff,its bin 2 yrs now I'm married but wen I think about him it brings a smile to my face cos I know that I was loved unconventionally in dis life. Mrs m

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    2. Unconditionally

      Delete
  11. Heart breaks are painful sha. Almost physical. It's like someone reached into your chest and pulled out your heart.

    But the good news is that you get over it. Now when I think back to it I can only smile. Cos God gave me a hubby who loves me and can't get enough of me. Someone who can spend time with me indoors for days on end. We enjoy each other. Something I could never get my ex to do. He was always too busy. But not too busy for Amaka, chioma and the other millions of women.

    But that's all in the past now. I met my hubby the month after I decided I had had enough. God always comes throug

    ReplyDelete
  12. The pain does get better with time. What helps.....do not bottle up the feelings, cry when you need to, talk to a friend(you will feel better), go out have fun, lean on God totally.

    Above all,keep assuring yourself that it will only get better.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Heartbreak can kill. I almost committed suicide,but happy I had family to support me. Looking back now I am happy it happened, because am in a better place now- Z

    ReplyDelete
  14. But y is it only women that are heartbroken, Abi the men don't have feelings??? I know I've left a trail of heartbroken men lol. Stupid guys they felt they could eat their cake n have it, I just stayed in d relationship wen u misbehave and wen someone new comes I move along without even letting u know. Kai Mich u wicked o. Untill today I'm sure if u ask my exs y I left they'll say I left cos I found someone better but if they hadn't treated me the way they did I would have stayed. Mrs M

    ReplyDelete
  15. A lot of us think that being heart-broken means getting dumped first. No, you may be the one who walks away and still be the heart-broken one.

    How do you feel to know your husband has another wife with children, well hidden from you until it is too late, i.e. you already bore him child(ren)? Everyone knows, even your best friend but no one tells you. You do not know because he works out of town and he is someone you have known all your life as trustworthy, disciplined and respectable. Someone you could trust with your life. Someone who VOWS never to hurt you and even pledges to your parents that he will ensure no harm comes your way. He is way older, as such, you see him as a father you never had.

    However, with the encouragement of his family, he brings both of you (you and the other wife) under the same roof in a take-it-or-leave-it fashion. You live with her for some years only to discover that you have no mental and spiritual (yes, spiritual) capacity required to compete in such environment. (Most) Wives of polygamists do have at least, a man by the side to 'service them' and they do a lot of 'jazz' to secure their place in the homes and 'shield' their children from the attacks from co-wives. All these you couldn't do because of your nature and upbringing. Meanwhile, the man does not send. He sees you as having no where to go because you already birthed multiple children; as such, he lords over you. He gets angry at every 'mistake' and does not accept apologies easily in most cases. He expects you to stifle your emotions, especially displeasure towards the other wife (whenever she angers you, you are not to complain or react) especially anytime he quarrels with her. You cannot buy things for your kids alone without buying for the other wife's kids (3 of them). If you do, you are the worst human being on the surface of the planet. You rotate cooking. You rotate sex. You are in your twenties. You beg him to get you a separate apartment even if it is not as tastefully furnished, he says NO. No friend, no family member has influence on him; he simply doesn't listen to them. He does what he feels is right irrespective of its effect on anyone.

    I was in these shoes for some years until I chose to walk away with my life and my kids' lives intact but I was still heart broken. Please note that I cannot possibly state everything that transpired here. It was a union built on deceit and anytime I looked back at what I had to bear all because I did not want a broken home for my kids, I simply think I must be out of my mind to have stomached all.

    Four years later, I found love. A man who made love seem incredible. Gentle, understanding, kind, a widower. However, just when I thought I was being compensated, he chose to walk away. Reason? I have not perfected the divorce process. To him, I still belonged to him whose name I bear. He is afraid I could wake up tomorrow and tell him I am going back to the marriage I left. How do I convince him?

    Anyway, life goes on. I have started the divorce process (it can be quite expensive - the reason I'd waited this long before commencing) and by God's grace, I shall see it through. However, I am still heart broken!.
    -F

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I empathise with you. I almost dodge a bullet too but I got hit big time. Anyway it been 3yrs nw with a beautiful daughter to show for it and am so grateful I walked away frm a man that confess he luvs me but feels it good enuf to hide his age n marital status from me until I fell pregnant n everything unveiled. I choose to av my baby n tld him I wnt b marrying him he turns back and said he isn't in need of children cos he has 3 already. All he want is a good woman. He said since I dnt want to marry him I sud get rid of the baby. I tld him to fuck up. He is 50 now and am 25. He is on the third woman now and am so sure that this one na paper she want to collect. Lol can't wait for the drama to unfold soon. It hurt though cos d man took away my virginity n I believed every damn words of his mouth. Anyway enuf of ranting o ti Ko ti eh bayii

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  16. My Goodness!!! "F", I know sorry won't suffice but am honestly sorry for all you've been through. Some women are just too strong. You are amazingly strong hon.

    "F" is one of the reasons why I wish we could spread only love on this blog. People are here to feel better & as long as we can, let's ensure it.
    1 more name on my prayer list.
    Life gets better F. #hugs

    ReplyDelete
  17. Not sure if the heartbreak here is restricted to relationships/marriages, permit me to comment as follows if it is not.

    You have to be very young not to have experienced heartbreaks, does age even give any immunity? It is all part of growing up and will surely increase as you grow up, the only control we have is in our spirit/reaction.

    Heartbreak varies beyond relationships and marriages, it could be the loss of a dear one, heavy financial losses, poverty situation, living in abusive environment, loss of very hopeful job opportunity, damning medical opinions, etc. God is merciful and His grace abounds! I have lived through some of these and it can be quite depressing. Talk to those whose kids are in jails abroad for robbery, rape and all sorts and you will see a real image of heartbreak, visit with a woman bathed with acid by another woman or a man whose wife goes into depression after childbirth and you get even better picture. I can go on and on with these examples. It is a very thin line between sanity and insanity, especially in these modern days when selfishness and greed have relegated love into mere words.

    I could not write my story even if I try, I simply will never be able to complete it. Moving on and moving forward is always my target, it is how I triumph over every heartbreak. There would be no sunrise if there was no sunset..

    Viktor Frankl’s book - Man’s search for meaning, written after leaving Auschwitz concentration camp during World War II, is a brilliant work that I have found helpful in dealing with many negative issues; I watched his interview and have learnt a bit from his works before his death in 1997. It is a book I would recommend for reading along with the Bible, for those that believe.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlC2OdnhIiQ

    Have a blessed day everybody

    ReplyDelete
  18. At about twelve midnight today, I told my bf of eleven months to give me a break.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you aren't feeling him again ba ? been there, i've got the t shirt..

      Delete
  19. This blog site is pretty good! How was it made . I view something genuinely interesting about your site so I saved to my bookmarks . You can visit my site.
    love

    ReplyDelete

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