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Dear Thelma... (Confused Blog Reader Needs Our Advice)



Hi thelma,how are you doing? Pls I need your advice. I'm engaged to this wonderful man.we have done the introduction and the ime-ego but the wedding will be next year. I love him and I know he loves me more  and has been taking care of me for quite some time now.he is not rich but he is very very comfortable.
Im in my finals in school. ... but of recent, things have been so rough for him and its breaking my heart but at the same time making me unhappy and bitter towards him.i can't even do the little things I'm supposed to do because there's no money for that now. I have a side business that help make ends meet but its barely enough. I know people will say I'm selfish and i need to get a job but I'm not.God knows i love him and i push him to be the best he can be but how do I stop feeling like this?is it always going to be like this?has anyone been in my shoes before? How did you handle it?he told me today that he is now getting used to my bitter tone and anger towards him.i felt hurt because that wasn't my intention. what do I do? thanks


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Comments

  1. If things are tough today, it doesn't mean it will be so forever. In a way, he is your hubby now so you should stand by him and support him in every legitimate way you can. Try to be patient and show more love too.

    You should also ask yourself why you feel the way you do. Did it occur to you that it might be a test too? (either from him or God). Love the giver not the gift.

    People don't remember who celebrated with them, instead they remember who suffered with them. Please be a good wife indeed and stop the harsh tone. Remember Job in the Bible, nothing lasts forever. Be optimistic and don't lose faith for things will get better. Some people have it worse, be grateful and patient. Always pray for a positive change.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I concur with Enjay this could be a test, to add on to that take all that bitterness and all the unhappy feelings to the Lord in prayer, He will take it all away.

      Delete
    2. Love the giver not the gift. 100 Likes.

      Delete
  2. Dear Poster, you have already identified the problem so you are half way there. My question is if you say you love him, why are you finding it so difficult to deal with it? You should deal with this thing very very quickly because it is obvious that this guy loves you. For him to even tell you how he feels about your attitude and you do nothing about it? Let me tell you what will happen soon - you will push him to the wall and he'll take a walk then you'll start crying how all men are wicked.
    I'm not judging you, far from it. Good relationships are built on mutual trust and understanding.Your situation isnt hopeless so go on and change your mindset. Good luck!!

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  3. I have seen wives who are the breadwinners of their homes and an outsider would hardly realize this; I do not wish this on you however.
    At the risk of sounding judgmental, I think you do not love him. You guys do not have so much responsibilities yet (at least no kids yet) and you feel this way? I am sorry, he needs your support, not scorn, anger or bitterness. Except he is the lazy type or he is not doing anything to better his present status, I see no justification for feeling the way you are.
    I doubt if anyone will be able to give you practicable step-by-step process of not feeling/reacting negatively towards your husband because stopping such feeling/reaction starts from your heart/mind. What do you feed your heart? Do you try to convince yourself that it is his fault you 'can't even do the little things I'm supposed to do because there's no money for that now'? Do you unconsciously compare him to some other rich guys? Please change your mindset, think positively, realize the role of God in this and up your faith; pray for a quick turnaround (yes, the fervent prayers of a wife for her husband work wonders). Instead of dwelling on the present issue, devise means of augmenting whatever he generates and keep hoping for a brighter not-too-distant future. You see, in marriage, God may place a higher financial capacity in the hands of any of the couple, not necessarily the husband and whichever way it goes, a virtuous woman must still be submissive.
    -F

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow standing ovation!

      Delete
    2. Nice one F you said it well

      Delete
  4. Exactly what "F" said....
    Feelings like yours Dear poster is flamed by comparison. Resentment & Anger are dangerous oh.

    U should feel Pity for him dear, encourage & above ALL support him. U are halfway into marriage & na so e go be sometimes even if not financially.

    Think about all the reasons U fell for him when U 1st met, do those things with & for him again. Consistently!!!!
    ALWAYS gist WITH him about how amazing the past was & how awesome u perceive the future.
    Ur Hubby's Ego is a reflection of U hon, don't make him feel battered emotionally like he is financially, U have a loving & hardworking man. Be content for now as U hope, pray & work towards a better tomorrow.
    May Jehovah Bless Ur Home!

    ReplyDelete
  5. What you do not realise is that this is the time to forge your place in his heart. If he is a good man as you described and you stand by him in his hard times he will triple the love he has for you when things turn around financially. Cheer him up, encourage him even if things are hard for you ,manage o. The truth is in marriage which is longer than relationship there would be ups and downs if you cannot deal with this now with him then I'm afraid you don't love him and can't cope in marriage with him.

    Secondly, he is aware of your attitude now if you do not turn that attitude around, you run a risk of being dumbed when he bounces back because men cannot deal with women they think love them only when there is money.so you garra change like now.

    Make a conscious effort to show him love now more than before. I have been in your shoes once and naturally sometimes you may be irritated but just caution yourself. see now as a planting season, the love you sow now you shall reap in ten folds when things turn round. Now that mentality will help you i.e if you genuinely love him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I concur wholeheartedly. The truth is it is a phase even the Bible says,"...even though I WALK THROUGH the valley of the shadow
      of death..." That walk through is my point. Your boyfriend is going through a phase that will definitely not be a dwelling place. As his partner therefore you should channel all your emotions towards helping him maintain his smile and vigour. When we face challenges, the worst thing that can happen is have people passing on negative current especially loved ones. If he was comfortable before, he will be again! Please don't be the sort of woman that will be daunted by challenges please. Be positive, look for other activities that will help keep you from being bitter. Cook his favourite meal when u can, just do the things you would ordinarily do when there was so much...and all these don't require spending. Best Wishes!

      Delete
  6. So true @ all the previous comments. Dear Poster, please find strength from within to overlook all the hardships coming from his present situation and try everything possible to right all the wrongs you might have caused him. I know it's not too late. Good luck dear.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I think most of d comments on here are judging this girl. You my dear have a reason to feel cranky. I don't think you don't love him. That you sent this mail means you do. That you acknowledge that you are dumping your anger on him, means you love him.
    You are not mad at your husband or fiance. You are mad at being broke. When I can't do the little things I normally do because of money I become down, and the next person I channel my anger towards is the next person beside me(i will bite and bite). That is what makes me human. Being and acting uncomfortable in a uncomfortable situation. It happens to even men. So my dear, you have every right to feel cranky and sad. It doesn't mean you are with him for the money. But you should also understand that he feels that way to. He is sad. And this is a rough period for the both of you, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. And it will pass. Just try and stop saying hurtful things to him. Let him know you guys are in it together. Some people have lots of money but trust me, they will give it all away to find True Love.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think most of d comments on here are judging this girl. You my dear have a reason to feel cranky. I don't think you don't love him. That you sent this mail means you do. That you acknowledge that you are dumping your anger on him, means you love him.
    You are not mad at your husband or fiance. You are mad at being broke. When I can't do the little things I normally do because of money I become down, and the next person I channel my anger towards is the next person beside me(i will bite and bite). That is what makes me human. Being and acting uncomfortable in a uncomfortable situation. It happens to even men. So my dear, you have every right to feel cranky and sad. It doesn't mean you are with him for the money. But you should also understand that he feels that way to. He is sad. And this is a rough period for the both of you, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. And it will pass. Just try and stop saying hurtful things to him. Let him know you guys are in it together. Some people have lots of money but trust me, they will give it all away to find True Love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. nne m i ji ya. i most cranky when i don't have oney to do the little things i would like to do.......so the way she feels is only normal.

      i think her fear is that she also doesn't know how long the situation will last which i know i will find very disturbing too.
      sweetie the truth is no one knows tomorrow........ this situation might just be some test from God or even the man himself so what you should ask for is the wisdom to get you past this situation. if you say this man has been good to you and have been providing for you, i think this is the time to show him that he hasn't made a mistake in choosing you to be his life partner........this is the for better or worse right here baby.

      Delete
  9. Seek the hand of God. There are seasons, good bad and ugly. You need to work on your attitude towards him. Men rarely forget who stayed when they faced hardtimes. Ask God that you and your partner be blessings onto each other

    ReplyDelete
  10. No condition is permanent, you husband has taken note of your behaviour when he is struggling. When things get better and you start treating him better, he will take note again and may end up resenting you because you are in it for the spoils.

    ReplyDelete

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