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I'm Officially Done Being Nice. Here's Why. (Early Morning Vent)

Seriously though. We've all heard of the book Why Men Love Bitches, and as most of us have come to notice, men do love bitches. Some men want to be treated like trash and be disrespected. They want to be turned into your ATM machines and your personal magas. They want you to treat them with contempt and disdain. They want you to make them sweat, keep them waiting, stand them up, not call them, never answer or return their calls, hang up on them when you lose interest in a conversation that has lasted all of 55 seconds. That's what they want. 

How is it that I've happened to date guys that are BLIND. Completely blind. And then months or years post-break-up they suddenly receive clear vision. 

If I got a hundred dollars for each time an Ex calls to apologize for the way things ended I'd be freaking rich by now. It's either they call to apologize because they're suddenly feeling guilty, or because they just realized that I'm 'a very good person', with 'a very good heart' and I 'did not deserve to be treated that way' (how many more times do I need to freaking hear this? Like I pointed out to someone recently, I'm yet to see what good this 'good heart' has done me.), or because things are not going well for them in life and they think it's because they treated me badly; BODE I was not the one you saw chasing you in your dreams with a machete, It wasn't me. It's probably your guilt causing you to hallucinate. And OWELE I'm not the reason business isn't going well for you. No, I don't believe in fetish things and No, I did not take your name somewhere to do anything. The only place I take people's names to is the Throne of God, and your matter was too minor for me to be bothered to do that. Oh, yes I did shed a few tears, yet it was still too minor. 

Long story short, the next time an Ex calls or texts me to apologise for how he treated, and tell me how I'm such a good person bla bla bla I will burst a vessel. Literally. 

No Jay, I wrote a post about you some weeks back about how I wanted to end you.. You cannot call me out of the blues after you've married her and she's had your kids and suddenly want to apologize, and then accuse me of having 'reserved anger' when I say I don't want to meet with you. Moreover, remember your mother apologized to me on your behalf and I told her I'd forgiven you. I meant it. 
       I've forgiven you to the best of my ability. But if we do see God knows I won't be responsible for what I might do to you. You've been calling my phone for the past three days and bombarding me with messages; we need to see, we need to see, I need to talk to you in person. Last night you called and said it's a Yoruba proverb; if you don't see the person face to face then you won't feel the sincerity in the person's words, and you want me to feel the sincerity in your words. You know what? Fuck you! No this is not reserved anger, it's renewed anger, reborn anger, reignited anger. I'm so fucking angry at your effrontery. 
      You got the wife you wanted, you got the citizenship you wanted for your kids, you got the father-in-law you wanted (although rumour has it that you're his boy-boy and you have no say even in your own home), you got the crib you wanted. He's moved you from your face-me-I-face-you, to a three bedroom apartment on the mainland, and now to a duplex on the Island all in less than 3 years. You and wifey take vacations to exotic parts of the world every other month. So what else do you want from me. After all it was you who said "You, a girl that smokes and drinks, you thought I will marry you? You were just meant for fuckin". So why do you suddenly feel the burning need to see me that you would not let my phone be. 
       Negro do not test me. I've still got your mother in-law's phone number. I still know where they live, don't make me do things the both of us would regret. You say you're sorry. I say I forgive you. Leave it at that. Let's move on. 

Shout Out to the guys that broke my heart for no reason and OWNED it! Yes, you're correct men. You stand by your deeds whether good or bad. You don't wake up one morning and suddenly grow a conscience and want to amend sh*t you shattered to bits and pieces, and I'm not referring to my heart alone. You leave the past in the past, just the way it should be. 

Sorry guys. I needed to vent. 

Good morning. 


  1. Its ok Thelma...e-hugs. U cant help being good cos thats who you are and am sure it must ve paid you in one way, even if it hasnt, it will still pay you. Being good has paid me even though people take advantage of u a lot of times but it still doesnt matter. Stay strong Bae.

  2. If Jay visits here he has to know he's misguiding his own conscience. The one you hurt has forgiven you. Forgive yourself and move on. No one, not even GOD, likes to remember a bitter past, especially a past that they've made peace with. Stay blessed.

    To those who have been asking of me, thanks so much for your love and care. I'm not going to *disappear like that again in the future. :-)

  3. Awww, I can totally relate with this.ehugs and please don't stop being nice just well smarter... ...

  4. Now this is what I might never understand. Why coming back to say I'm sorry again? I love that image at the end of the post. The past is the past, please. If you really have sympathy and guilt locked up in one, then try a little empathy, realise that you are trying to open a wound that is already healed. Imagine opening up a scar all in the name of trying to make it better. This isn't the medical line.

    Thelma dear, biko don't kill anybody o. They didn't deserve you in the past and they don't now. I only pray that very soon God'll give you someone that will comfort and compensate for all you've gone through.

  5. T pls u are allowed to vent jor,I can relate a lil to wt u saying.dey just want to eat deir cake nd av it,disturbn sum1's life is wel

  6. Thelma pls stop smoking if you still do. YeS dat fucking habit die hard bt Jst try. You deserve better dearie.he left you cos he's nt up 2 you

    1. Thanks Anon, I quit well over a year ago. It wasn't easy but with God's help I was able to kick it.

    2. In the early days of the blog I wrote a lot about my nicotine addiction, my struggle with smoking and how I finally quit. It's been almost 2 years and no day passes by that I don't thank God for stepping in.
      Sorry jare, I just tend to presume that most people have been reading for that long, my bad.

  7. I don't even know whether to vent with you or encourage you to never stop being good.
    Please don't stop being good,it will pay off in time in double folds trust me...
    What I don't understand is what mr jay still want after u av told him u have forgiven him.

  8. Thelma it is ok to vent, don't allow that guy to have such kind of power over you. I say you give him an earful, you could email him or call him and tell him to back off. Thelma you deserve to have peace of mind if he is sorry about what he did in the past let him show it by exiting your life for good and giving you peace. Have a blessed day dear.

  9. Nne ignore him he's not just worth the wasting of your credit or energy even 0.0% of your revenge strategy. They are already being punished by the lover of your soul. On a happier note, Memphis in da building yaaaay........... Steele and Wale nko

  10. Some people get mind,sha! T, please ignore them and move on. You have every right in the world to be happy.

  11. Aww thelma e-hugs. They obviously didn't deserve u! Goats!!!

  12. Life can be a pain. But that's why we have prayer. To help us avoid those mangy missteps, strengthen our resolve to stay on the right path and save us from falling into giant potholes along our way. Having said that, there are things we work hard at and hope will work out. Who will ever really know the depth of evil in the heart of man.

    There's a difference between a cherished rag and a rotting ember.

  13. Dear T I perfectly understand you. You are free to vent because you'll feel better. Don't bother seeing him because it doesn't make sense. But don't stop being the good girl you are because believe me it pays. I said before my heart break almost led me to suicide and I thought of killing my ex. I cried and vented a lot. But I thank God for his unconditional love and family that stood by me. I said I will never be a good girl again. But Hey, I'm still that good girl oo and thank God I didn't carry out my silly plan, because God's love has overwhelmed me. I'm so blessed now and will be getting married soon, my ex thought i'll never survive without him but am working and trying, though I'm not there yet but am so grateful to God for all and what he's yet to do. So my dear Thelma, Vent Ok but relax and calm those nerves, you don't need it on your pretty face. E-hugs to you- Z

  14. Easy babes. just let it burn.

    1. *Big Grin*. I'm letting it burn Hun. Guess venting was part of the burning process.

  15. 1st, don't bother about it T, he's not worth any emotion from U, anger or otherwise. Rather than getting mad when he calls, pick the call & drop the phone close to a speaker or under ur pillow... After a week or 3. He will stop! Just let the airtime burn.
    Try laughing instead of getting angry, that's what I do now.
    The truth is, he probably needs a side chick & he thinks since u loves him very much & is still single, u might oblige. Don't give him the bliss of hearing ur voice by talking when u pick his call Nne.

    2ndly, Ehugs & Kisses bae. My #1 boothang!!!

  16. I am over 70% sure that the idiot wants to keep you as a side chick not that he's truly sorry. Of course he realizes you still have something he needs and he wants to have it by crook. I sincerely hope he heeds this warning. Honestly, if I was in Thelma's shoes, meeting with him could make me burst more than a vessel.
    Thelma, hope you feel better after this vent.

  17. Omigosh! There is breaking someone's heart and there is being unnecessarily cruel in the execution of it. Hugs darling. He and the others like him don't deserve you.

    Nne S

  18. i like the fact that you let it all and i don't think you should go an extra mile by doing something that both the offender and the offended will both regret.Just be yourself and let your actions just flow from within.You are amazing

  19. I dont get this post. Too much info in my own opinion. Y give all the details and do the whole name and shame thing? If you have truly gotten over it then let it be, let it go. I think its a bit unfair to name and shame and goooo into all these details. e.g the part about how he is his father-in-law's houseboy etc that is so distasteful and highly unnecessary, yeh yeh yeh we get it, the exes call u back. move on please. let it go.

    1. Please try to get the post; the reason behind the blog is partly for my own therapy so I'll put as much info as I need to clear my head. That said since you do not know, I never use real names on my blog. All those names are tweaked. If I want to be inflammatory then trust me I haven't written anything in this post (or on my blog). And @ moving on, that's why I'm so mad! When you've moved on and forgotten the past they call with sob stories and apologies, that's so annoying. It's all in the past, let's leave it there and move right ahead, shall we?
      But thanks all the same.

    2. Thelma u don't need to explain unself abeg...anon u were rude in ur approach. it's her blog done her way and she can write what she wants if u don't like it start your own blog or move on.

    3. Anon if u don't get the post then pls leave the blog. Wando is even too nice. His name is Jide. Jide not Jay. She even hid the name. He fucked with my friend real bad, used her and broke her heart for the child of a rich man. There's so much she could have written but being Wando she wouldn't do that. This isn't even a quarter of the story. That guy deserves every bad thing in this life, dats y even his mother had to beg her. Pls if you don't get it then get off the blog. Goodbye.

    4. First of, who are these two people taking panadol for someelse's headache? Anon expressed her concerns and Thelma answered sensibly and then u morons come on here to do what exactly? sighh. girls girls girls, when we gon' learn?? Ginika u must be a sad human being, so how do u feel now that u have said his name? r u any richer? Mind u, when Thelma tweaks names, she usually puts the ** sign and in this case she did not sooooo....... go figure. That is why one would think she didnt change the names. PLEASE for crying out loud, we have all been hurt, messed with and broken real bad, no news there. get over yourself really and truly.

    5. Hian.
      Na wa o
      I don't even know what to say. Any true blog visitor knows, really and truly, that the first anon's post must have either been bourne out of ignorance, lack of understanding of Thelma's mode of construction (not to mention how BVs can easily link a post to another which has been made ages ago and not get lost) or, perhaps anon may just well be pissed of with Thelma for reasons best known to only yourself.
      My sentiments resonate strongly with Ginika's and it's largely because I can totally relate.
      People should let others be, this is HER blog, she runs it as she wishes.
      This shouldn't be rocket science true.....


    6. No b small hian! I won't even bother repeating Ginika's sentiments... I fight meaner for my hurt friends.
      By d way Anon 3:10pm, I doubt if Uv ever been broken real bad. U sound too messed up to have ever been whole in ur adult life. I knw it sucks to hear people rant wen U have it far worse, but like someone suggested, Mayb U should start up ur own blog so U can b d chief ranter.... dats if it'll make enough sense to b worth the read.
      All dat negative energy might give U cancer... far worse dan a broken heart. So let thelma vent it all her way, with surnames if she chooses! It's her show and U'r just a benefactor of her graciousness. A graciousness evident in her reply to the first dumb anon(which may b U for all we knw), whose's bitterness dat no ex thinks he/she is worth a second thot seems to b eating up.
      Una welldone o!

    7. Lol buby and u r???? U seem a bit pained. Just becuz ur life is messed up doesnt mean others shud have messed up lives too. The way u even talk/type, i suspect u have serious daddy issues or u just had no love growing up. Sorry booboo.....

  20. Thelma dear don't mind him at all. Please don't give him the satisfaction, unless for some reason you feel meeting him would benefit YOU.
    Some men like to call exes to confirm some sick fantasy that your life might have gone downhill since they left you. God forbid! He might even be hoping to make you his mistress or something.
    Seriously, vent away!

  21. Thelma, it's allowed please vent but don't stop being good as even we, will be affected. *come here* #hugs you, #e-hugs and wealthykisses.

  22. My heart is literally aching me, I'm totally short of words.
    Thelma please enable the block function on your phone and pray to the Holy Spirit to help you forgive as well as forget. Bitterness can lead to all manner of sicknesses.

  23. Hmmm! So some sick idiots still feel they can eat their cake and have it eh?! N this 4rm one of the biggest of em all (that his comment has always killed me in anger). Need to talk gbakwa oku! Ok o! Ndoo nne i'm happy u vented cos i know once u do u can move on and have a fabulous day and leave idiots to their idiocy. N I soo get that shout out to the done and proud exes; who would have thought there wld be a day when that wld b the best case scenario... Chin up darling, don't let cow who don't deserve it steal ur thunder. xoxo

  24. guys are very unpredictable. he may indeed want you as a side chick, or he wants to borrow money from you that he know he has no plans of returning. but he belongs in your past now and should remain there. i think you should block his incoming calls and even emails. meanwhile am suspecting that anon above is the Jay himself....A bili

  25. It's good as you let out the anger and you turned down his invitation.
    The Hediot wants to eat his cake and have it! He has achieved his goal by marrying into wealth, and wants you as his mistress by telling sob stories about his marriage!
    Block his number and severe any form of contact with him.
    Talking about it than bottling up is a healing process, until time heals your wounded heart.


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Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.


He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!

One More Post...


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Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
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Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.