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In Defence Of Blind Submission.





Over the weekend I heard Aunt Landa (seasoned marriage/relationship counsellor) say on the radio (Inspiration fm) "I rever my husband, I have reverence for him.... (as a wife) I believe in total and complete submission". These are not words that you hear often in this era of feminism. 

I sat back and studied some women who treat their husbands this way; with reverence. That's a very strong word by the way, and it's the way God intended it to be. Omotola Jalade Ekeinde said she does not believe in gender equality (in marriage) and her husband is the captain of the ship/head of the home. She received an onslaught of criticism and insults from women online.
But then one day I discussed it with a friend and we looked at it from different angles, I remember the first time I saw that statement on a blog I commented and said (from the little I know about men), make them feel like kings and you'll have them eating from the palms of your hands. Now the person I was conversing with said something that further buttressed my point. She said Omotola said she does not believe she's equal to her husband yet look at her and look at the other women insulting her, she's 'balling', her career is at it's peak, her husband obviously adores her and treats her like a queen, she's traveling all around the world doing great exploits and she's doing much better than others in the industry, yet, she openly said he's the head of the home. Add that to the fact that her marriage has lasted longer than most marriages and the husband who she addressed as the captain of the ship so openly worships her. 

I also remember reading an article wherein the blogger said that she had been taking the 'modern' approach in her marriage and things were not so great. Then she read a very old fashioned book that advocated very old fashioned methods ; unconditional, complete and total submission to one's husband, and ever since her marriage had magically transformed for the better. She began seeing her husband in new lights, she almost couldn't believe that this beautiful man, this amazing husband was the same person she had been married to all this time. I think in essence what she was saying is that her complete submission brought out the best husband in him. 

Does it not make you wonder? I know these days nobody wants to hear this. You dare not say it, it's Anti-Chimamanda Adichie, we must all be equal, there's nothing like submission, there ought to be no separation of roles in marriage, why can't the husband be the one to submit? And another important question; if the wife earns more or/and is the bread winner does that not make her the head of the home by default? Should it not? 

While I strongly believe that equal opportunities should be given to both the men and women in all aspects of life, especially socioeconomically, should one maybe take a step back and adopt the old-fashion approach to marriage?



.........
Not being married I have no concrete opinion on this topic; merely questions and observations. I remember arguing with the blogger I mentioned above, my argument was against blind/total submission. After hearing her argument though I bore in mind that being single my views and opinions are limited.

Comments

  1. Ok,just to be clear,what wld a wife do/not do to show she's submissive?

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  2. Cos I do know that the bible says we (couple) shld be submissive to each other. Wife submit to ur husband and husband,love ur wife like Christ loves (not loved) the church. That right there is mutual submisstion to each other IMO...

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    Replies
    1. Ephesians 5:22-24 ESV
      Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

      Ephesians 5:22-33 ESV
      Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

      Ephesians 5:25-26
      Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,


      Colossians 3:18-19 ESV
      Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

      1 Corinthians 11:3 ESV
      But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.


      Delete
    2. But I think we need to reiterate that the Bible also says we should both submit, and also states clearly how a husband is to love his wife. Some men have come to think that this submissiveness that the Bible teaches gives them rights to be dictators and authoritarians. That's the only Bible quotation some men know; wives should be submissive. SMH.

      In them demanding submissiveness they should be reminded "husbands love your wife as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her".

      But then I don't really want us to look at this from the angle of the Bible alone. Or does submissiveness only apply to Christians?

      Delete
  3. I am a firm believer in gender equality. However I am a Christian too and as such submit to the bible and all it stands for. The role of a wife and the husband is clearly spelt out there. Outside the circle of matrimony, I will not submit to any man other than my husband on the premise that he is a man and I, a woman.(This is where gender equality comes in). I expect equal treatment with a man in any other sphere of life.

    In my marriage I take the partner/friend approach. I know when to back down even when I am right. I submit to my husband as the head of the family. HOWEVER my submission is not a blind submission. He is the head and I am the neck. When my husband wants to go down a path which is obviously wrong with irreversible consequences then I become a partner and we all know how partnership works.

    There are times when the neck needs to stiffen so the head does not turn round and cause the whole body to turn into a pillar of salt.



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  4. I've noticed it too, how come Submissiveness is the only part of the Bible men know too well? I think blindly submitting to my husband would depend on the kind of man I marry, that's why I'm being very careful in making my choice.

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    Replies
    1. E tire me. They are alwaz fast 2 quote submission n proverbs 31 wife

      Delete
  5. The best way to enjoy marriage is to be a submissive wife( mind u i dont mean a mugu) the bible says a wise woman builds her home, trust me God knows what he was saying when he said we should submit. It works EVERYTIME. That's why it's good to choose a man with a heart for God and one that loves u and one that listens not an egocentric arsehole that will take u for granted... My marriage is still relatively young but I can say submission is not easy in these day and age especially when we are all doing women liberation. But I told my self if i don't want to submit because of a mere man why don't i do it as obedience to God...and I'm living proof it's works. Because I submit to him doesn't make me less of a partner or a friend if anything it makes me a better partner and a better friend. But there are times I find myself trying to "fight " for my right but then I remind myself we are on the same team. This race is not a me againt him thing it's a "us" journey and I remind myself that I trust him enough to know he wants the best for me and because I know he does nothing without letting God lead. It's a daily struggle because everyday, especially when living outside Nigeria I think it's even harder, when u know if ur man messes up he cant get away with it and u are probably making more than him...my mum told me when her and my dad just got married she would take her whole salary and kneel down and give it all to him then he will give her pocket money out of it hahaha... ..That takes another lever of grace!!!!

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  6. As a non-believer of the bible, I can't really argue from that point of view. But like Tope said, in a marriage, it shouldn't be ME against YOU. It should be US against the world. It's important that the both parties submit to each other. It should NEVER be a one-sided thing. Neither from the man or woman. You should understand your spouses character and mood. Sometimes you should back down, sometimes you should insist. But always remember(male or female), it's US against the world, not me against you.
    Marriage has little or nothing to do with gender equality. It's a partnership thing, and it's a long journey so power should change hands sometimes.
    But Omotola was way out of line when she said what she said. If she has said it in a time and place where woman were treated like partners and not like slaves in marriages. It would have been a different thing. But that isn't the case in Nigeria. Most of the time, marriage is a woman's last bus-stop. But it shouldn't be. As somebody that has once been on the submitting side alone, it's a very lonely place to be. You would always be what your husband wants you to be. Happy, sad, frustrated, beautiful, ugly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A non-believer of the bible?

      Delete
  7. I am a learner in this regard ni. *scratching my head*.
    I did not only submit to Le boo but I was a mugu. I saw shege!!!! But again I learnt.

    Things are better now... I hope it becomes best in my future marriage... I will be submissive oh, but no longer blindly!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Generally when u treat another human being well, the drive to reciprocate is there. Men arent an exception to this rule. I treat my husband very well to the best of my ability. And he puts me on a pedestal.

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  9. People should stop spreading confusion around, submission is submission and the Bible never mention blind submission.
    Everybody should go treat their spouses as they deem fit, the consequences of your action awaits you.

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  10. I will be as submissive as much as required by DFH. That's what mama taught me. It didn't fail her and it sure won't fail me. Wale, the bible didn't mention "blind submission" anywhere truly. I think the term came to being as a result of the many sad stories we hear of how a very hard working or influencially privileged* woman "blindly submissively" hands over her everything to her man in the name of being her "husband".

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  11. Sasha bone is to feminist as Wale is to masculinist.

    ReplyDelete
  12. The fact of the matter is both genders have the same blood running in our veins. As submission of a wife brings out the best husband in a man, so also loving the wife unconditionally by the husband brings out the best in her. Check out Omotola's husband, Aunt Landa's husband and the rest like them, they are men who treat their women respectfully. From what we read in the media, Omotola's husband shut his ears to lots of rumours and did not allow his wife's success intimidate him or turn him into a beast. I know a man who wanted to buy a bigger and more expensive SUV simply because his wife was given a 'big' official car as if they were in a competition. I will always advocate total submission of a wife to her husband BUT will also expect the husband to love the wife. Truth is, not all men reciprocate a woman's submissiveness; some are tyrants (same as some women taking their men's love for granted). We should always bear in mind that it takes not only the wife but both couple to make a success of a marriage.
    -F

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