I'm so like her and it hurts so much. I love to come to conclusions about how other people feel without giving them that freedom of thought which would allow them to have other thoughts. I love to agonize over my conclusions. Worse still,the recipient of this character of hers happens to be me. Who am i talking of? My sweet mother. If i could turn back the hands of time, i would start afresh in her womb.
Things started going wrong from the day i was conceived. Right now, I'm so scared about having children. What if i become mother all over again? What if they are like me? The circle would just continue. All i want right now is a family and a life of my own but what if it turns out to be a replica of my old family? My name is Harriet Walters and my mother hates me because she thinks i hate her, but what she doesnt know is that i love her so much.
She is always saying that no other woman can handle us her children and i thought that was just talk. Now i know better having spent a few years in the household of others. I am an outcast in my own family but i swear i have never experienced the feeling of belonging anywhere else except when am in this room i call mine in my mother's house. I really dont know how to tell people what am going through when i want to bare my soul.
How are they supposed to understand that i have no father and no mother but yet my parents are alive and i live with one? Who would believe that i am a tenant in my own mother's house? My ex-boyfriend never did understand, he thought the whole thing was silly but i dont blame him. He is not living my life,is he? The one before the ex before him understood perfectly. Yes, i know i have had more than a few relationships than normal but what did you expect? I had to feel loved but i have learnt now that a boyfriend is not a sibling nor is he a parent.
And being Harriet, of all the males i attract usually with my obscenely curvy body, i normally go for those who have problems like i do. Seriously,how on earth did i fall in love with a 44yr old man with a wife who cant give birth so she left him and yet he hasnt divorced her. He also loved me though but i had to finish school first but he needed children faster than i wanted out of school.
Ah yes school, that was my sanctuary but it has become my doom. I was never a school book reader but give my an exam and i would teach the teacher a few lessons. So i have always used my time to expand my horizon. I know more of law than a law student. I could think up more ways to save the economy than an economist student. God somehow gave me the grace to be one of the best medical students when my textbooks always had dust on them. But in the most important examination of my life,the almighty Second MBBS that would determine if am fit to further in medicine, i managed to fail.
Thats right, fail! Mother has had a nice time gloating over it. I have heard that God doesnt like people who hate themselves like i do. Ah yes,i hate myself for hooking up with a diabolical man. Isnt it funny? Father thinks mother is diabolical and mother thinks father is diabolical. And i live with mother and talk to father. Am double diabolical. My siblings are only single diabolical since they only live with mother and pretend that father is dead. Just how did this all begin???