When I wrote the 'When It's Ok To Settle' post it's unlikely that I was writing from a place of regret as the first commenter suggested, but she was right to have asked if I'd discarded many. Oh boy! I have! And for the flimsiest reasons too.
First off, I'm not perfect, for as long as I can remember I've always battled with my weight and at every point I could be several pounds lighter, so I'm not perfect. And in honesty it's not like I'm looking for the perfect guy either, but I've turned down some pretty awesome guys for reasons ranging from reasonable, to weird to just plain outrageous.
Some of these guys wanted something serious, some hinted at marriage. This list spans from my mid-20s to last year.
I turned *E down for not being able to eat with his mouth closed and sometimes spewing food out of his mouth when he ate.
I turned *Max down for having bumps and some keloid at the back of his head
I turned *Ade down for smelling the wrong way; Ade had this kind of smell that came from within, the kind that people that work with (heavy) machinery have eg welders, electricians, mechanics etc. it's not body odour so deodorant or cologne cannot conceal it. It was something that the average person wouldn't notice but I'm anal about scents and smells.
I turned *Mike down because his breath was never fresh. (Bad breath is a no-no).
I turned *Koye down for being too fat. (I'm an orobo btw...*bbm dunno smiley*)
I nipped it in the bud with *Toye for having a too tiny peepee. (No regrets whatsoever).
I turned many down for not wearing the right clothes, the right shoes, not using the right cologne, using cheap cologne, wearing fake designer apparel etc
One day I sat in the car with Ufuoma and her husband and I watched them from my seat at the back. They were so happy and so in love. I envied my friend for a few minutes before something struck me, I looked at Ufuoma's husband and it occurred to me that if he had approached me I would have turned him down immediately; his cologne was cheap. It smelt like something from a can and not a bottle. Also he had razor bumps. So if that guy had approached me, I would not have looked beyond those two things, I would have given him a fake number, or given him my number and ignored all his calls till he got tired of calling. But look at them, those things really DO NOT MATTER in the scheme of things.
He is a great husband, has a good job and is a good provider. He's actually a handsome man, well over 6ft tall with an athletic build. Also according to Ufuoma he's a stallion in the sack, he's given her immense pleasure and two beautiful children. But would Ufuoma have known or had all these if she had shut him out at the first sniff of his cheap cologne or the first sighting of a razor bump? Hell no!
Instead Ufuoma did what 'sensible' people do. She peeked further into her package. She did not let the mismatched ribbons discourage her. She opened it and dug deeper and today she's so obviously struck gold.
My beautiful friend *Mercy did not turn *Chimdi down or nip things in the bud, because of his bad breath. Instead she sat him down and talked to him about it and together, off they went to the dentist. Chimdi has so far been the best man Mercy has had in her life.
Ufuoma and Mercy both also did something Steve Harvey suggested: What do you do when your package comes in a way you had not expected? He asked. You take that man and make him the man you want him to be!
At this point I have to give a big Shout Out to all the women who married men who came in the wrong or unattractive packages, but still took them in, brushed them up and transformed them from shabby unkempt bumbling idiots that other women (eg Thelma) turned down, into well-groomed handsome and successful GQ men that all those women outside now would not give breathing space. I really applaud you women. You're visionaries and I aspire to be more like you.
My friends have marveled at the reasons they hear when I tell them I'm not interested in a guy. I can't count the number of times they've asked me; "ok so what's wrong with this one now?" because with me it seems there's always something wrong. But in fairness to me it's never that he's not rich enough, or not handsome enough or not sexy enough (so I'm a little bit better than some of you. LOL). It's just that when it's not exactly the way I want/hope/expect it to be, I say goodbye before I even say hello.
Lesson to Thelma and every other person who's been/being silly and shallow like me; in case you did not get the message in the 'when it's ok to settle' post I hope you get it now. Don't throw a gift away because it came in the wrong wrapping paper, open it up and find out what's inside first.