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Little Miss Silly!





When I wrote the 'When It's Ok To Settle' post it's unlikely that I was writing from a place of regret as the first commenter suggested, but she was right to have asked if I'd discarded many. Oh boy! I have! And for the flimsiest reasons too. 

First off, I'm not perfect, for as long as I can remember I've always battled with my weight and at every point I could be several pounds lighter, so I'm not perfect. And in honesty it's not like I'm looking for the perfect guy either, but I've turned down some pretty awesome guys for reasons ranging from reasonable, to weird to just plain outrageous. 


Some of these guys wanted something serious, some hinted at marriage. This list spans from my mid-20s to last year. 

I turned *E down for not being able to eat with his mouth closed and sometimes spewing food out of his mouth when he ate. 
I turned *Max down for having bumps and some keloid at the back of his head 
I turned *Ade down for smelling the wrong way; Ade had this kind of smell that came from within, the kind that people that work with (heavy) machinery have eg welders, electricians, mechanics etc. it's not body odour so deodorant or cologne cannot conceal it. It was something that the average person wouldn't notice but I'm anal about scents and smells. 
I turned *Mike down because his breath was never fresh. (Bad breath is a no-no). 
I turned *Koye down for being too fat. (I'm an orobo btw...*bbm dunno smiley*)
I nipped it in the bud with *Toye for having a too tiny peepee. (No regrets whatsoever). 
I turned many down for not wearing the right clothes, the right shoes, not using the right cologne, using cheap cologne, wearing fake designer apparel etc


One day I sat in the car with Ufuoma and her husband and I watched them from my seat at the back. They were so happy and so in love. I envied my friend for a few minutes before something struck me, I looked at Ufuoma's husband and it occurred to me that if he had approached me I would have turned him down immediately; his cologne was cheap. It smelt like something from a can and not a bottle. Also he had razor bumps. So if that guy had approached me, I would not have looked beyond those two things, I would have given him a fake number, or given him my number and ignored all his calls till he got tired of calling. But look at them, those things really DO NOT MATTER in the scheme of things. 

He is a great husband, has a good job and is a good provider. He's actually a handsome man, well over 6ft tall with an athletic build. Also according to Ufuoma he's a stallion in the sack, he's given her immense pleasure and two beautiful children. But would Ufuoma have known or had all these if she had shut him out at the first sniff of his cheap cologne or the first sighting of a razor bump? Hell no!

Instead Ufuoma did what 'sensible' people do. She peeked further into her package. She did not let the mismatched ribbons discourage her. She opened it and dug deeper and today she's so obviously struck gold. 

My beautiful friend *Mercy did not turn *Chimdi down or nip things in the bud, because of his bad breath. Instead she sat him down and talked to him about it and together, off they went to the dentist. Chimdi has so far been the best man Mercy has had in her life. 

Ufuoma and Mercy both also did something Steve Harvey suggested: What do you do when your package comes in a way you had not expected? He asked. You take that man and make him the man you want him to be!
       At this point I have to give a big Shout Out to all the women who married men who came in the wrong or unattractive packages, but still took them in, brushed them up and transformed them from shabby unkempt bumbling idiots that other women (eg Thelma) turned down, into well-groomed handsome and successful GQ men that all those women outside now would not give breathing space. I really applaud you women. You're visionaries and I aspire to be more like you. 

My friends have marveled at the reasons they hear when I tell them I'm not interested in a guy. I can't count the number of times they've asked me; "ok so what's wrong with this one now?" because with me it seems there's always something wrong. But in fairness to me it's never that he's not rich enough, or not handsome enough or not sexy enough (so I'm a little bit better than some of you. LOL). It's just that when it's not exactly the way I want/hope/expect it to be, I say goodbye before I even say hello. 


Lesson to Thelma and every other person who's been/being silly and shallow like me; in case you did not get the message in the 'when it's ok to settle' post I hope you get it now. Don't throw a gift away because it came in the wrong wrapping paper, open it up and find out what's inside first. 

God bless...

Comments

  1. Hmmm if you were my elder sis I will be too too worried about you.. I mean..the guys you stated above aren't a bad choice well except mister tiny penis.. I mean, you would have been able to help change those part you hated about them..hmm you remind me of my mum's bff.. hot pretty woman..still is till today.. she had lots of toasters back then as I used to eavesdrop a lot lol.. my mum was always worried for her.. she always found a fault in every guy..did she get married ? nope. She's 47 today, has a nice house on the island, has a good job, takes care of her late sister's kids and also has a partner and I think she likes it that way..maybe you are not the marrying type thelma ? which is not a bad thing. I do hope you find what you are looking for though .

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  2. This is deep!!! Sometimes the best things come in unattractive packages. Lord pls give us the grace to look deeper.

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  3. The saying"Be careful wat u wish 4 cos u just might have it"comes to mind here! One of d reasons I left a former boify was cos I thought he was too nice! 4 ma mind "dis one na mugu" he is too nice to pple & ma frnds everyone takes advantage of him(including me) but now av d exact opposite nd I'm tinking oh oh dis guy is unbending nd strict oh! See wahala! I thot I wanted dat but I'm not even sure anymore!

    ReplyDelete
  4. T,i think i had the same P sometimes its because the guy talks with his mouth full and other teeny-weeny stuff and mostimes i keep asking silly me where and how i started rating guys that way,Maybe its because we have it there at the back of our minds to pick out faults,to know what this guy would do that will take him off my score list.From a movie i saw sometime ago(i dont remember the name but it had to do with cosmopolitan Mag)its those one who dont measure up to your standards that are the right ones for you.Afterall you are the one who set the standards.Next time though it might be hard but try and over look FEW faults and seek to find out one amazing thing

    ReplyDelete
  5. Been reading for too long without a comment even when every post feels like my story.
    I over get what u mean jare,am currently ignoring a nice guy now cos he has a tribal marks even if its not a big one,not sure i would be proud of him in certain places:-(
    as much as i have given him all the attitude in this world,hes not going but how do i tell him the major reason i cant be with him *bbm dunno smiley*

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  6. There's an ODM prayer point that says: my partner to be may not appear in the way I expect. Lord help me to accept them when they appear this year in Jesus name.

    I think this cld also be a part of our prayer points...

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  7. Hmmm, I know I can definitely run away from a Too big or Too tiny weeny guy oh!

    Asides that, everything else I can try to fix in my man IF & ONLY if he possesses my 1st criteria---Being truly God fearing cos this will mean he's malleable.

    As for U my sugar dumpling T, just Do U. Whatever u decide, I, infact We, are here to support U...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. reminds me of a post I read this week..why do some naija girls look for "god fearing men" ? should this be a regular church goer ? pastors boy boy ? ..how about just a good man who tries to do good BUT has no interest in religion ? like an atheist. I mean will you ignore a good man just because he does not go to church and does not believe in god ?

      Delete
    2. Wen a man fears God, there are certain things he will never do or even say... Simple!

      Delete
    3. still doesn't answer the question..but okay. so only men that know of God and fear him will never do or say some certain stuffs ? :/

      Delete
    4. Anon, my definition of God fearing is other people's definition of OVER righteous or over spiritual...
      But am a Jehovahs witness so u can channel ur thinking in that path.

      Delete
  8. I like this sequel to the previous post and as it is always said, when life gives you lemon, try and make lemonade out of it.

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  9. I'm shying away to be serious with this guy cos he is STINGY! Pls my people,just as you will cure a bad breath with a dentist, a bad dresser with good clothes, a man with keloid can surgically remove it, plsss how do you transform a stingy man?. Age is not on side but I will rather melt than marry a stingy rat. He drives a range and a G-wagon and has old money plus his new money but wen I ask him for money, he will give one excuse or the other. God forbid. What is the algebra formular to resolve a stingy man bikonu.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Na the man carry You come lagos"...the question shud be "what is the algeba formular to solve a Demanding woman who never makes one naira for herself"? I call girls like dat 'Beggy Beggy'... If a. Man likes U, trust me, he won't wait for u to ask before giving U money cos he feels u'll NEED it. #NoOffense

      Delete
    2. Oh pls...do u mind? The word stingy exists because there are people like that irrespective of gender.
      Geez,why do women enjoy making excuses for the men?

      Anyhoo my dear 9:07 watch Lekki Wives. Maybe they got tips u cld borrow...

      Delete
    3. Anon 9.07pm, they say the worst kind of man you can marry is a stingy man. They say it's even better to marry an unfaithful man than a stingy man. By 'They' I mean the elders, I mean experienced married women, I mean our mothers. Please be guided. Even counselors advise single women to be wary of a stingy man.
      BTW complaining that a man is stingy is not a sign of laziness or dependence. I can and will work for and have my own money, but I will not, NEVER spend my life with a stingy man.
      To answer your question, there are certain things that we cannot change. I hear some women know how to make stingy men very generous. I'm not sure how true that is. If you've got feelings for him you might want to look at the 'whole' of him; if the good outweighs the bad then it may be ok to give him a shot.

      Delete
  10. Turned down a guy bcos plantain porridge is his best food n i dnt eat boiled plantain.... anytime i visit him, he's always eating it. Infact d height of d matter was wen one time he kissed me n i threw up, turned out he ate plantain porridge b4 i came arnd... he was so sorry i was throwing up bt he ddnt knw y n i was so sorry cos i knew i had to leave him, i felt he ddnt deserve to b deprived of wat he liked most

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cant help but laugh at this,hehehehe

      Delete
  11. I have to give thanks to God for He is good and His mercies endures forever, His grace is abundant and sufficient for all of us. I must also thank Thelma a great deal, people like you give love its true meaning. I give thanks to everyone that asked after me, forgive me for not mentioning names.

    Have been dealing with all manner of issues, almost cursing Adam for eating that apple! If only those folks didn't spoil things and got sent out of the garden if Eden. Anyways, thanks to God for sending Christ for our redemption.

    In the midst of dealing with my issues, I got a report that one young girl that I put in school got pregnant and she doesn't who is responsible. It was a hell of a sad news..

    Have a happy long weekend people and may God give you the grace to chase and achieve your dreams even when you have been written off. May sickness in whatever form not locate you wherever you go, may God give you the kind of happiness that causes confusion and repentance amongst those wishing you evil. These prayers will be answered in your lives because I put them up in Jesus Name.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awwwwww wale!!! U r too gud for bad things to happen to you!! May God be with you in all trying times and never loose sight of hi...always remember that 'this too shall pass!' Much love and stay blessed...*aku*

      Delete
  12. I think you shld watch Lekki Wives. Maybe they got tips u cld borrow...lol

    ReplyDelete
  13. @ Anon 9.48
    My dear I'm employed and I earn more than you can think. I can afford to travel d world and buy 20 Berkins at once if I wanted to. I am a top executive sweetie pie. I don't ask this guy for money cos I'm not the asking type. I asked once just to test him cos he never freely gave and he kept dodging. This is sum1 that wants to marry me. Mind you, he doesn't know how much I earn and I don't act miss independent. So dear Anon 9.48, don't make assumptions on what you don't know. I'm sure you are a stingy man, always quick to defend. Lmao. Sasha bone, tanx luv, I'll go searching for lekki wives to breake the stingy spell.
    Thelma, I'm finding it diff to comment, let alone reply.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If ur coy is recruiting,pls let us know and Yh,if Lekki Wives don't give u the tips,it'll give u a good laugh...

      Delete
    2. Madam "I can afford to travel d world and buy 20 Berkins at once if I wanted to"....it would be nice if you could at least spell what you claim to be able to afford!.

      Delete
    3. I can see you've given urself midnight work abi? To be monitoring spellings? I just pity u.

      Delete
    4. lollll Truueeeee, atleast learn how to spell BIRKIN right! hahaha

      Delete
    5. doesn't matter who can spell what,what matters is who can afford what. Sip on that while u monitor spellings. hahahaha!!!!

      Delete
    6. LMFAO madam ''BERKIN'' , y r u so pained? i mean, if u r that richhhhhh, then atleast u should be able to spell it right, no?LMFAOOO

      Delete
    7. Why are you so pained that I misspelled it? I can afford it but u can't.don't cover up ur jealousy with my misspell. We see right thru ur fake LMFAOOO

      Delete
    8. Madam birkin I support u tho!, am sure u ll be d one 2 host d blog members @d end of d year

      Delete
    9. "Doesn't matter who can spell what..all that matters is who can afford what"!!! WORD! Case in study: mama pee... no b by English o. B!

      Delete
    10. "Doesn't matter who can spell what..all that matters is who can afford what"!!! WORD! Case in study: mama pee... no b by English o. B!

      Delete
    11. Thelma learn to be neutral on your blog and stop choosing the comments u want. if you are going to delete all insulting comments then let it be all and not just some. Doesnt make sense. Just saying.

      Delete
    12. Haven't deleted any comments in months, right now I barely have the time to write posts talk less of deleting comments. If you've been on the blog you must have been hearing people complain that their comments 'disappeared', maybe that's what happened to your comments and it's not my doing. Blame it on Blogger.

      Delete
  14. Had ds guy that loved me to infinity and back wt no doubt left... but he snored! my head refused to wrap itself around dat sound. Infact d whole thing turned me off and for 4 yrs all we did was kiss a couple of times and no more. The sexual attraction died wt d first sleepover(I stayed awake all night, while he snored away!). Till date he knows not why I find him so "repulsive"(in his own words). Sad...
    Another ex was lousy in bed. Couldn't last all of 5 mins, cudnt even kiss properly! After dat discovery, I somehow discovered an entire world of flaws both physical and attitudinal that d poor guy had. It didn't matter that I was his world and was given d egg treatment. I dropped him like a bad habit o.
    Both men wanted to marry me and while am ripe for the plucking, I know forever is too long to spend suffering and smiling. I want to believe that when the right person comes along, he'll have dat one thing beyond logic, which will cause U to overlook and even make excuses for shortcomings that otherwise wouldn't av been tolerated. God help me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. so when the right person comes and later starts snoring after marriage then what ?

      Delete
  15. I'll probly smother him away in his sleep! Ok... seriously, I would sleep in d guest room or something, God forbid it does happen. I'd totally hate d distance but fortunately that kind of snoring is usually triggered by fatigue, among other factors and not d norm. In dat case, I hope I can deal

    ReplyDelete
  16. What of someone who is everything you have always wished and prayed for but he mixes up his tenses sometimes while speaking? That's where I find myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol...orisirishi dey!!

      Delete
    2. Had a friend whose boyfriend was like this,fresh fine dude,until he opened his mouth to talk,he will mix all the tenses up,I used to cringe inwardly hearing him talk.When they broke up didn't bother asking why.he worshipped the ground my friend walked on practically though

      Delete
  17. please what is wrong in correcting him? Making him see his mistakes....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Joanna dear which one will you correct and which one will you leave? Someone that went to primary and secondary school and then university. He didn't learn how to speak correctly. Is it now from me correcting him that he will learn?

      Delete
  18. Hahahahaha OMG.the unripe plantain thing got me ROTFLMAO.Well it's a good point that she that can afford something can afford to misspell it, right spelling never bought anything from a supermarket,#just saying# my husband snores but after a while I got use to it,not a deal breaker for me,i just touch him and he lies on his side that way he does not snore.Stingy is a no no.One minute man can be worked on you know.J

    ReplyDelete
  19. Ok while we are on the subject of 'refurbishing' men who while they are not all bad are just not up 2 the standards we set, how does one go about refurbishing a man that has problems with English biko nu? U know; the kind that gets tenses and grammar all twisted in a wad and all this with totally unrelated words while at it (the guy dey wan try but e no dey gree am). Spent all last nite on a double date with my friend and this new guy she's 'considering' and i know if not that i had convinced my friend that he thought the world of her, and she knew as well from experience, she would have disappeared @ some point of the nite. Funny enough there's nothing wrong when he speaks pidgin or Igbo or his native Ishan and when we switched to that for most of the night he was really sweet and you could see he was really into her, his manners were quite impeccable and according to her, he's quite a good kisser, but my P also rolls with the high flying, posh kid types both cos of her work and she went to school n grew up with em and I know she would soon kick him to the curb cos she can't bring him to any gathering with em cos he would make her cringe each tym he speaks (hence she no gree make we comot go better place and she was cringing all through till we switched to pidgin). U guys need to help me help a sista out, or is this one of them ones u can't do anything about like having a small wiener?

    ReplyDelete

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