It's 2am and I'm in bed wide eyed. I need to get away, Lord I need to get away. I need a break, I need a friend, I need a vacation, I need a break Lord! I'm tired. And I need a friend. Damn somebody please pull me out before I'm completely submerged in a flood of my own thoughts. One minute I'm happy and hopeful, I'm full of enthusiasm and optimism, the next I'm sitting still watching the hope shatter right before me, trying hard to grasp even a wisp of a the fabric of the hope of a few minutes ago. I reach for it but like air it slides through my fingers and then it all accumulates right in the centre of my throat forming a big tight knot, threatening to thrust me into a deluge of my tears. But alas this girl is not going to cry.
The next minute I smiled again, and not only because I promised not to cry but because once again I was happy and hopeful. Yes people it's a freak show in my head, think what you may; my mind's a roller coaster of feelings and emotions and I don't even care to fight it or know why. So once again it was happiness and hope.... up until the moment I read F's comment in the heartbreak post. And then like a pack of cards the bricks of hope I'd so stealthily built came crashing down to the floor. F! Dear me. Is it ok to cry? F my sister it was only a few minutes ago I said the devil will not have the pleasure of seeing my tears anymore but I read your comment and....
I pray for you F. I pray that some day, soon, hopefully, you will find happiness. Happiness true, pure and complete, happiness so overwhelming that it would erase the sour memories of the past and compensate for all the pain. Happiness that would make all that pain worth it. I pray for you that all the moments of joy and laughter that were stolen from you will find you and envelope you in joy a thousand times more. And I pray that someday when the time is right, not a minute before, not a minute after, when the time is right; you will find love and love will find you.
My fingers have been itching to say "sorry about all you went through", but I don't think that will suffice. I cannot begin to imagine it, I just can't. But I find comfort in believing that one day you will know love, joy and peace so divine. The kind that no man or woman can tamper with or take away from you.
And your broken heart... I pray it heals, mends, becomes strong and whole again.
Somehow in spite of everything you've been through you are still such an incredibly strong person. F, God will heal your broken heart.
*and also the hearts of all who are hurting.