I just wriggled my way out of a first date and having nothing else to do with myself this evening besides watch reruns of 2 Broke Girls I'm going to share with you guys my best and worst first dates ever.
This was with *Nnamdi. The first time we were to go on a date he got called in for work and thus had to cancel. On the next day/date just after I'd gone to take a bath and get ready to primp he called my phone to say that he had to work again and wouldn't be able to make it. I told him I understood but made a mental note to delete his number and ignore his calls. Just as I was deleting his number my door bell rang and I heard my sister go open the door. I heard a deep baritone voice and a minute later my sister said one 'hunk' was looking for me at the door. The date started in my house. He actually brought a bouquet of red roses to apologize for the previous day. And what was more, he came with his guitar and while I sat on the sofa taking in the scent of the fresh roses, he sat on the floor at my feet and serenaded me with music for a few minutes. It was a bit too cheesy and I was a bit embarrassed as my sister walked in on us as had an *SMH* *WTF* *RME* on her face, but it was the sweetest thing ever! When that was done we did go out. First to the movies and then for dinner at Bungalow and lastly we went to the waterside on Queen's drive at Ikoyi where we spent hours drinking red wine, sharing secrets, sharing kisses, making plans, making promises and making sweet music together; he played the guitar, I sang. It was the start of many beautiful dates to come.
My Worst First Date.
So this Uzo guy that had been on my case for a while finally got me to agree to a date. This was in Enugu, he claimed he had just come into town from Lagos for work. BTW Uzo is his real name and if you're offended by that BITE ME. If I knew more about him like his surname and other details I would include them here too.
Anyways he came to pick me up and we went to City Centre (Flavour was still the in house musician then, this was before he 'blew'). Shortly after, his friend came to join us and I can't remember if we talked much but at about 10pm I told him I had to get going and finally, some minutes after 11 he agreed to leave but pleaded that his friend's car broke down somewhere and we had to get to it first. He promised it won't take time. He drove the opposite direction from Campus towards Independence Layout. We got to the car, his friend took what he wanted from it and locked it up. However, instead of turning back to drop me off in the opposite direction he kept on driving down further into Independence Layout.
This was years back before Sullivan brought civilization to the town so it mas mostly bushes and darkness. I pleaded with Uzo to take me back to school but he played deaf, raising the volume to the loudest and speeding like the devil was on his back. It got to a point that I didn't even know where I was anymore. He took a right turn into an untarred road with only bushes around us and drove further down and then we saw a building. He parked the car outside and asked me to get down and get inside the house. His friend also came out of the car and went in. At this point it was almost 12am. I insisted I wasn't going in and Uzo didn't argue but dragged me out of the car and left me there on the road. He went in with his friend and asked the gateman to lock the gate. I made some calls asking someone to come and get me but I had no idea where I was, so it was really no use. As I stood in this darkness I heard growling behind me and I saw about three or four dogs come out of the bush, I ran to the gate and started pounding on it and the gateman opened up and let me in. The place turned out to be something like a hostel. I went into the dimly lit building and saw his friend who was apparently married. I begged the wife to let me use their toilet and she agreed. Inside I tried explaining what had happened and begged her to help me but she immediately asked me to leave saying there was nothing she could do. Uzo came back and asked me to go into his room as I had no other choice but I refused and he left me once again. I walked round the hostel wondering what to do and for the first time in my life I saw rats as big as cats. They were like bush meat (well it's only apt considering the building was in the middle of the bush). I was scared, tired and confused.
The gateman, a man of over 70 years noticed what was going on. He called me and dragged a Ghana-Must-Go bag from underneath the stairs (about 15 monster rats jumped out of it) and pulled out some smelly old clothes that had been abandoned by tenants. With this he made me a makeshift bed beside him on the corridor where we both slept. At some point I felt something tickle my nose and woke up to see that a rat was trying to kiss me and it was it's whiskers that had brushed my nose. He scampered away the minute I jumped in a start. I started crying. Papa told me I had to use the clothes to cover my body and I thought I would die! The clothes were covered in rat dropping, however it turned out I had no choice. I was wearing shorts and a tank top.
At some point in the night (I didn't sleep after the near make-out session with the rat), I heard footsteps and on seeing Uzo, I immediately shut my eyes pretending to be asleep. He stood before me flashing his torchlight directly on my face. I kept my eyes closed and tried to stay calm, papa lay a few inches away from me. After Uzo hovered over me, obviously trying to take in the fact that I would rather sleep on the cold floor on the corridor, beside the stairs, with bush rats and rodents and a crippled old man, he took some steps back and walked away.
Morning came and I had planned to deflate his tires and smash his windscreen before leaving but unfortunately his neighbours were already up and about. Papa took me into a bush and showed me how to get to the main road. I had to follow a path and walk for over 10 minutes before I saw a road and took a bike back to school. Till date I never knew how to get back to that place. I never heard from Uzo again.
Sorry for the Epistle jare.
Share your best and worst first date stories with me. I'm waiting!