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Surviving The Torture Called Long Distance Relationships.





I've never been in one, thankfully, but all of a sudden I'm meeting and talking to people that are in long distance relationships (LDR) and they talk about their other-halves so fondly but then there's always a catch in the voices or pain in their eyes as the one person they love the most in the world is on the other side of it or so very far away. I do feel sorry for them. When I'm in a relationship I need quality time (if you didn't take our What's your love language test check Here ). I like to be physical, to kiss, touch, hold and be held. So I almost can't imagine being in love with someone I'm dating and not being able to do all this, the thought alone nearly breaks me.


But for those in Long Distance Relationships; 
How do you guys do it?
What coping mechanisms do you use?
How do you stay faithful to your SO even when there are temptations?
How do you deal with not knowing what your SO is up to and who they're spending time with?
What do you do when you're going through a trying period and you desperately need to be with the person you love?
How DO YOU SURVIVE?


I don't mean to be a downer but I just must add that if you've been in a LDR with someone for most of the relationship please before you make that huge step into marriage, spend TIME with them. I know you cannot know everything about someone but you need to be everything you possibly can to be on the safe side. Three people I know were in LDRs the shortest of which was for four years, they got engaged, got reconnected but never got married. Why? They all said they realized they didn't know the person the way they thought they did, or, they noticed things they'd never noticed all through the relationships and these were things they couldn't leave with. 

But back to the matter; what is it like to be in a long distance relationship with your significant other?

Comments

  1. Thelma you have no idea, it isn't easy at all especially if you guy and him are not financially bouyant. I'm getting tired sef.

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  2. My friend is in one and she's planning to marry this guy who is a divorcée. It's only the guys side of the story she has heard and I'm not even bothered abt the guy its her cos she's so lazy. Wen I ask her how she's goin to do it wen she finally gets married she always says she is good in bed so it will mk up 4 the dirty house. Lol. Tee like u I can't stand long distance relationships o I no fit shout.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She wants to use sex to make up for domesticity? Hmmm, that's an interesting concept. Please where are all the men o! Will this work?

      Delete
    2. Just out of curiosity pls how old is your friend?

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    3. Lol she's 29

      Delete
    4. Lol she's 29

      Delete
  3. Its really hard at the start you are too loved to notice the trouble you are putting yourself into, and after a while it just hits. Its different thou if you met the person before distance or you guys are yet to meet before the relationship. it all depends on what you want but from experience long distance is very hard and i always end up in one i dont know why . Well i'm a confused person sha.

    ReplyDelete
  4. @ruqkayah ur so right. My LDR just ended last month and am still sore emotionally. At first it was great but later on the cracks started surfacing. Didn't help that our foundation wasn't strong when the distance came and quality time is also his love language. Anyway as much as possible I have promised myself never again will I go into such r/ship so help me God. Not blaming him. Tot ours wud be the exception though...wishful thinking

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know that feeling, thinking your own would be the exception.....

      Delete
    2. Awwww, big hugs Chioma. Let's hurt together though am just numb from disappointments!!!
      My Spontaneity has been activated...
      Moving on...

      Delete
    3. Thanks ruthy :D, d r/ship is over bt he says he is coming over to see me,wonder wot for. Will keep u updated :)

      Delete
  5. Hmmmm, Been in One before. Though knew him before he left.
    But na just Lag - PH? Not soo long, lol.

    But Hey, Truth be told? Am never gonna have a LDR ever again!!!
    I just wanna see my Beau "whenever " I please biko...

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  6. T ur right, all these people that date somebody for 5 years and see them for one month in a year when they get married they get the worst surprises. I thank my God, I dodged a bullet. Never again.

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  7. Hmmm,the thought of LDR alone scares.Am the clingy possessive girl,in a coded way though, always wanting to be around my SO.LDR is so not it, I know peeps who have done LDR thou and are now happily married. To each his own sha.....

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hmmm,the thought of LDR alone scares.Am the clingy possessive girl,in a coded way though, always wanting to be around my SO.LDR is so not it, I know peeps who have done LDR thou and are now happily married. To each his own sha.....

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  9. @ruthylicious . Lagos to PH. I dnt think that far depends if you are the type of person that wants her partner around all the time. I live in Dublin and my ex lived in Ghana i put up with it for a year but after i got tired , he was tired and the distance was taking its toll. My current bf same story bt he lives in Naij bt he comes to Dublin every now again. I would give anything for the Lag - Ph distance.

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  10. Been in a long distance relationship for 18 months and i must say it has been okay sort of. Met bae on a social media in 2012 and since then we've been together. It is not easy I must say but with God and bae's effort, my relationship is still on. Bae is a Nigerian living in Nigeria and am also a Nigerian living in the U.S.A. First time commenting on a blog.... Turn Up!!!!! Jk. Btw I love your blog. Kisses from across the ocean (:

    ReplyDelete
  11. I was in a LDR for 3yrs+.. It ended in feb. I thought I wasn't going to survive it, I used to think God brought us together, that HE knew what I wanted and HE gave me my close to perfect match..that's what the Ex says too.. I'm practising abstinance so LDR really helped.
    LDR can be very thrilling, little things u do 4 eachoda seem to count a lot, plus those 'what I'll do to you when we see' talks.. I miss miss err'thang tho..
    There's face time and skype so it's not like one is totally blank.
    About mine, The plan was this.. If he eventually comes back(we thot his coming back would be sharp sharp), we'll date for another 6months- 1yr b4 we take any further step. We broke up because our plan of seeing again was getting almost impossible. As someone that'll prefer to use his 'head' not his 'heart' in reasoning, he didn't think twil be wise to 'tie me down' #Hiswords
    Will I want to do LDR again? Urmmmm.. NO!
    Jst wanto try something different, thatzall..

    ReplyDelete
  12. No LDR for me, most men I know in LDR cheat with girls around them and they justify it because their girlfriends or wives are not around.

    ReplyDelete
  13. what and who is long distance relationship ? lol.. never heard of it.. I can't be in a long distance relationship. can't be dreaming about you all the time and just wishing and wishing boo was with me.. too stressful.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Been in a long distance relationship with my bf for about a year now..he lives in europe n im in ghana..the year before was also long distance cos I was in Europe and he was in Ghana (we hav been together for 3years). Before he left, we were like bonnie and clyde..always together. .these days though, hes just been off..I admit I havnt been of best behaviour cos I was hanging around other guys a lot (I do that when he does something to hurt me) but I havnt had sex with any of them.. just before the start of this year, I made a resolution to be a better person..no more random stuff with guys..I still feel guilty about the past though..but all d same, my bf has sooo changed in attitude and everything..wen I complain, he says I talk too much..im just in a tight corner right now..he says he needs space so we dont talk these days..wen I call him, he sounds indifferent..me, im just tired...LDR could be much easier if you both respect each other and make up your mind to be with the other person come rain or shine cos sometimes love is just not enough in situations like this...hmmmmmmmmm..
    *sorry for all this..just needed to get it off my chest*pls forgive all typos*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. U are in the right blog babe.
      Rant & talk all u want. We'll always listen & we are glad U are feeling better!!!
      Guys will be guys dear. Do what's best for YOU!!!
      Most times, Love is NOT enough.

      Delete
    2. Do u live here?

      Delete
  15. Im in a long distance relationship, 2+ years now, hmmm it's not been easy o but God has been our help, as for the knowing each other thingy, that's not a problem cos we were friends first for so many years.

    Now my issue is how to go about the ultimatum thing, I saw a comment on one of the post when the commenter said she read the then BF turned husband the riot act, biko how can one go about it effectively?
    L.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Im in a long distance relationship, 2+ years now, hmmm it's not been easy o but God has been our help, as for the knowing each other thingy, that's not a problem cos we were friends first for so many years.

    Now my issue is how to go about the ultimatum thing, I saw a comment on one of the post when the commenter said she read the then BF turned husband the riot act, biko how can one go about it effectively?
    L.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'v been in a LDR. We've been dating,then came the distance and we came back again and now we are married.When there is a strong foundation and two ppl are determined to keep that relationship it works.

    ReplyDelete
  18. LDR is never easy. Been in one for 4 months now. Cos he works 6 weeks offshore and 3 weeks onshore. Those 3 weeks onshore he has trainings sometimes which further reduces time we would have spent together. Good thing is he is someone I dated before, so they aren't many surprises. Bad thing is I'm someone who would always want my man around... but iv been coping really well

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  19. To all those that can't do LDR ( not that I am advocating it), what will happen if you are in a relationship and one of you had to relocate, will you automatically end that relationship

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  20. You ladies make me laugh with all the aversion to LDR, what happened to making a lemonade when life throws you a lemon? Wish all you want, life can hand you a tricky one when you are married. My friend's wife used to say the same thing until her husband got thrown to some far distance and she started crying all over the place.
    The alternative is to make sure your man reject offers that could move his career or business forward, afterall, some women do pray that God should not bless their spouses too much so he doesn't stray!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wale it's different when you're married. I'm not saying it's easier but it's different. So many uncertainties and insecurities that people in LDR who are just dating face wouldn't be present when you're married. Moreover marriage is final, and therefore the lemon-lemonade theory MUST apply. My friend is in an LDR and has been engaged to a guy for over two years now, she's in limbo at the moment. She's not even sure what to do or if they're still engaged. She's just wearing the ring but because of distance so many things are put on hold. Last night she said she's tired of holding on and is thinking of canceling the engagement and moving on with her life. The uncertainty is just too much right now, she's the reason I did this post.

      Delete
    2. Thelma, I get you but trust me on this one that it is easier dealing with LDR when dating than when you are married. The dating period provides tremendous opportunities to evaluate what will work and what will not, when boundaries are carved out so you can preserve the marriage when you ultimately take the dive into it.
      Marriage is final and some women feel trapped, frustrated and depressed when suddenly faced with LDR after marriage, some change so much after marriage it will scare you!
      Your friend's case is easy, tell her to have a talk with the guy and be ready to sit down and work out a plan both of them can live with, no doubt, there will be compromise here and there but they should both be happy at the end of the day. Or they both go their ways if things cannot be worked out, why tie somebody down for two years? People must get their priorities right.

      Delete
  21. Iv been in a LDR, now married so its not so bad, internet makes it easier. Even in marriage DH still travels most times for weeks, it works for me cos sometimes I need some space dnt need u in my face and space all d time and I get to miss him which is good cos over seeing can b boring (for me oh)

    ReplyDelete
  22. I'm indifferent about LDRs. RME. I am that very non emotional person, I worry less, just live life easily. I have been in one since last year August now and for some unexplainable reason I trust my boo 100percent and so nothing seems to bother me. Maybe if I ever become suspicious of him sha but until now I have no reason to worry about what he might be doing where he is.
    I feel so strong that finding out that he has been seeing other girls won't even move me. I would just let destiny take it's course on our relationship. My friends generally complain about my nonchalant attitude to matters that concern me and everyone around me. My ability to move on from negativity amazes them.

    ReplyDelete
  23. my marriage is 3 years old, my husband lives in France, and am schooling here in Nig. I must confess its not easy, d bed is so cold and empty at nigth *sobs* when i see my neigbours husbands come home, i start crying. We are always on the fone for hours in a day, but its really different when d person is there in flesh and blood. I am secretely planning to steal and destroy his travel documents d next tym he comes home which is once in every 4months......and did i mention d sex starvation u get ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry you get sad, cry and all of that but babe, steal and destroy travel documents ke?!! Mba nu! You shouldn't o. Maybe you're kidding sha.

      Delete
  24. Awesome work! That is quite appreciated. I hope you’ll get more success.how do you fix a broken relationship

    ReplyDelete

  25. i want to start by saying that i never believed i could get my ex back after the way he left me but through the help of this great man am proud to say my ex is back after five good years i don't have much to say all i can say right now is thank you Dr Okaka for making me happy again and for restoring my home if you find yourself in this kind of situation or worst you have an HIV or any sickness you can contact this great man through his email@;drokakaspellcaster21@gmail.com OR mobile line +2348161390223.

    ReplyDelete

  26. i want to start by saying that i never believed i could get my ex back after the way he left me but through the help of this great man am proud to say my ex is back after five good years i don't have much to say all i can say right now is thank you Dr Okaka for making me happy again and for restoring my home if you find yourself in this kind of situation or worst you have an HIV or any sickness you can contact this great man through his email@;drokakaspellcaster21@gmail.com OR mobile line +2348161390223.

    ReplyDelete

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