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When It's Ok To 'Settle'...




We all want what we want. When it comes to prospective (life) partners we have certain standards that we've set (if you don't then.... your case may be likened to the saying 'if you stand for nothing you'll fall for anything'). We've seen and applauded women and men who know what they want and who refused to settle for anything less till they got their desires. But sometimes one wonders; how much good does sticking to these standards do?

For instance so many ladies want to marry a guy that's very involved and grounded in church. They luckily find one and are so consumed with joy that they forget to pay attention to other details of his personality and character. A religious church goer does not a good husband make. So he may have that one basic thing you seek in a husband but the things he lacks may far outweigh it. Moreover people need to remember that there's a difference between being an active church goer and being Christ-like. 

You may want the guy who's in a certain industry. My friend *Jola insists that he must be an executive in an oil company. She's already climbing to the top of the ladder in one of the 'juicy' oil companies in the country. When I did the post Gold digger or Go-getter most of us thought it was a great idea. Women shouldn't have to settle! But sometimes I see this kind of thinking as putting yourself in a box. It's so very limiting. Mr Handsome Top Oil Executive may could also be Mr Physically Abusive, he could be Mr Stingy, he could be Mr Playa of The Year

That lady who's a Tyra Banks lookalike, whose cooking and cleaning can put Mary Poppins to shame may also be Mrs I Can't Keep My Legs Closed, or Mrs I'm So Emotionally Abusive I'll Eat Away At Your Self-Confidence And Make You Hate Yourself. Men have lost good women all in the name of marrying 'wifey material'. I know men want a wife that's grounded, that can take care of the affairs of the home and naturally, is reserved. But I've seen men dump their party-going girlfriends from Miss 'Take Home To Mama' only to start running from pillar to post in a year's time because "that woman is a bitch.".

On one of his TV shows last year, Steve Harvey once spoke about (the problem with) having  set views of what you want. He said that when something comes in a beautiful package (the kind of package you want), it's a good thing. But the problem with good looking packages is that they make up want something before you know what is inside, before you should want it. So you may unravel the beautiful package and find things that you just cannot begin to deal with; things you never anticipated or imagined. 

I guess what I'm trying to say that sometimes it's necessary to step outside that box you've built for yourself and look a little farther. That person may not be the exact model you ordered; the one you want, but you never can tell; they might just be the exact model you need. They may be the model that's perfectly suited to you. 

We shouldn't be so set in our views that we become blind to so many beautiful things and a world of possibilities.  

Yet, I started by saying that if you have no standards and will accept whatever comes your way you may just be digging your own grave or setting yourself up for a lifetime of unending discontent. You SHOULD have standards. And I'm not asking that you part with those standards, I'm asking that if something comes in a package you hadn't expected or requested, you peek in a little further before discarding it. Even the most valuable gifts sometimes come in unattractive packages. 

But I must repeat. Have standards. And for those you refuse to compromise on, knowing fully well that they are essential to your happiness and mental/emotional/psychological/spiritual well-being then under no circumstances should you compromise (settle). 

Comments

  1. Hmmm! Thelma your writing tone is like that of regret. Did you discard someone without peeking inside the package? Anyway, good advice.
    www.queenspicey.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. Not meaning to be offensive, but it seems you posted a comment more for attention to your blog. Because that post had nothing to do with regret to me. Everyone to their own opinion

    ReplyDelete
  3. THELMA I KNOW JUST WHAT YOU MEAN, ESPECIALLY WHEN PEOPLE HAVE UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. ITS GOOD TO LOOK OUTSIDE THE BOX.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This post is really the truth!

    ReplyDelete
  5. You are on point, sometimes we stand from afar and judge.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hmmmmm, this is word though.
    Am learning to adjust my standard by concentrating on what's most important.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I get what you are saying Thelma.

    Literally speaking, experience has taught me that sometimes a beautifully wrapped package, has nothing of value inside, or an item that one can really appreciate. Since it's the outside that is first seen, some people polish the outside very well to attract attention. It is like the parable Jesus said; Some would wash the outside of a cup to look clean, while the inside is dirty.

    Like you mentioned, every Nigerian woman wants a tall, handsome, rich and God-fearing man, and as I know, every Nigerian man wants a beautiful wife, good on bed and in the kitchen. So what would happen to the men and women that don't have all these qualities? But fate and nature has a way of bringing people together to complement each other, and if one insists to be in the box.....it's their choice.

    When in our final year, my course mate who is 5'11 had a guy who is less than 5' on her case. He is/was an active member in the church. He wooed her because he wanted her as his wife after graduation, but she refused his advances because of his height and smallish frame. I asked myself, did he truly love her in the first place, or he was just determined to have a tall bride?

    My final say; People should adopt this Chinese saying; A reed that bends to the breeze, does not break.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Well written as usual, I read through this post trying to remember how I have rated the men I've meant in the past in comparison to my standards for a partner. Over time I have met some that have more qualities than I even desire but their shortcoming(s) often outweigh all of these qualities, that often cause me to reel backwards . God dey jare.
    www.eniwealth79.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

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