You know that feeling you get when you look around and it seems EVERYONE is getting married. Everyone, besides you.
It's well, a certain kind of feeling.
I'm asking this question and I'm hoping I will get honest answers and honest reactions from you ladies.
What's your first reaction when you hear someone (you know) just got engaged?
Married ladies, (honestly now) do you sometimes feel sorry for your single friends?
Let me go first. I'll try to be as honest as possible.
When I first hear someone (a friend) is getting married, my first reaction is to smile and go "awww. Oh. So nice. Awww, Eeya. I'm so happy for her". And usually I'm genuinely happy. Sometimes however I find that I had to struggle a little to smile. I find that when I've succeeded at that the smile, it is sometimes wobbly. I find that sometimes I smile but it doesn't get to my eyes. But generally I'm usually happy because ....why shouldn't I be?
I saw a comment on Linda Ikeji's blog about four years ago. The post was wishing a newly wed couple a happy married life. Everyone congratulated them and gushed over the beautiful bride and the lavish wedding but amidst the ooooohs and aaaaahs someone said "whatever jare. To hell with them. I don't care. I'm tired of congratulating other people and wishing other people happy married life everytime. When will it be my own turn? When will other people wish me HML?" I paraphrase but this is actually the way I remember the comment.
Of course practically everybody attacked her. People said all sorts of mean things and told her that the reason nothing good had happened for her is because she cannot be happy for other people. I shared a similar sentiment. I was like gosh this person must be so bitter. Nawa o! God forbid!
But that was 25year old me. I did not understand. Now at 29 I understand better and I know where that lady was coming from. I'm not saying I agree with the 'to hell with them' attitude but I can relate with the 'when will it be my own turn?' frame of mind.
Sometimes you go on Facebook and everyone you know is getting married or just got engaged. Everyone including your juniors from secondary school and sets below you in the university. You know sh*t has gotten real when as a single person you're no longer the norm but now the exception.
Anyways... so I asked a few single ladies all 28 or older what I asked you and here are some answers I got to the question; how do you feel/what's your first reaction when you hear that someone you know just got engaged?
*Bimbo; most times I'm indifferent. Marriage is not everything.
*Chika; omo, sometimes I get angry I won't lie. Why is everything going well for others, when will my own come?
*Tayo; the one I cannot stand is when people tell you be patient be patient. Everytime 'be patient'. How long will somebody be patient? I'm running out of patience.
*Geli; I'm happy for them o! Do I have a choice?
I also asked a few of my married friends if they sometimes feel sorry for their single friends. I've heard a few single women say that when they congratulate their married counterparts on their recent nuptials or at the sighting of a new baby bump the married lady goes into the 'be patient' 'your time will come' mode, thinking that the congratulations is veiled envy or covetousness. Personally speaking, most of my closest friends are married and very few times I've perceived what felt somewhat like pity from a very few of them. In fact there's one who I always hear her thoughts say 'Eeya, it must suck to be you. Almost 30, no boyfriend, fiancé or husband. I thank God I'm not you'. In truth I don't mind it, she's not a bad person at all and I know how deeply she desired to be married. So for her she cannot understand, believe or accept that a woman of my age is fine with being single.
When I asked if they do pity single friends most of the married ladies said they feel sorry for the ones they know have been praying/hoping to get married since their early-mid 20s but are still single in their late 20s and early 30s. The others were vague.
photo credit; livedrjays.com