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An Open Letter To The One Who Couldn't Give Me More.

It's funny how you thought I'd be ok with just what we had. Yeah, sometime in the past prior to the era of you, I could dissociate physical pleasure from my emotional needs but with you I wanted more. I wanted more than the leg-shaking, mind blowing satisfaction. I wanted more than what you had to give. You'd call me once a week to say "you should come through maa'". Or you'd ping and say "hey missy, when am I seeing you?", each time I'd run to you like a remote controlled robot. We never did much else behind closed doors, you always had the courtesy to make sure I'd be well fed, had a good bottle of wine waiting and then a few movies for afterwards. Morning would come soon after and we'd feed our hunger yet again and you'd bid me farewell and send me off on my merry way, and that would be it for a week or two till you had need for me again. 

With every phone alert my heartbeat would race yet I knew it wouldn't be you. Why couldn't you just
call me, just to say hi, how's your day going? Why couldn't you ever just call for a simple chat? Why
couldn't you ever just take me out for a drink or a movie? Why did it always have to be behind closed doors? Why couldn't you hear me when I said I wanted more?

On that night I had a little too much wine; liquid courage, I finally had the courage, the bravery to say what had been on my mind for my pleasure-fueled, emotionally-deficit months with you. I want more! Why can't we have more than this? Why can't we be more than this? Why can't you care about me beyond when we're between the sheets? Why. Why. Why?

Your career, you said. You're way to focused on your career, you couldn't afford any distractions... What we had was good, it was easy; no complications, no unnecessary headaches, no attachments. Nothing more. 

The realization that you're just not worth sh*t to someone is brutal. Especially someone you're sharing an essential part of your being with, someone you're willing to do almost anything for. Surely you were focused on your career but that wouldn't stop you from giving me more if you wanted to. Morning came and once again I was on my merry way. 

"Hey maa', you should come through", you continued to ping, I started to give myself brain biko. I wanted more, I asked for more, I deserved more. You really believed my excuses of me being busy till the day you pinged and I said "Hey, you should meet my friend *Aisha."  

"Meet? What do you mean 'meet'?" You asked 

"Meet as in meet, get to know, be friends with... I think you guys would get along

"Wait, Wando are you hooking me up with your friend?" You asked sounding confused. 

"Yeah, why not?"

"Why would you do that Wando?" You asked. All at once you felt confused, hurt and used. 

"Why wouldn't I?" I asked. 

I did the hook up and bade you farewell and sent you on your merry way. For the next few days you pinged and called me more than you had in all the months of our "relationship". You couldn't understand it; when would we see? Was I saying it was over? Why did I want to end things? Why didn't I give you any warning? Why did I think I could just pass you on to a friend like used goods?"  

LOL, darling, I could because that's all you were; used goods! You were easily replaceable (thanks to your sole physical functionality). And guess what, I could buy your replacement, it only cost me about £30; an Ann Summers toy. Haha! So you see, I had no use for you any longer. Poor baby, you're sad that I walked out on you and didn't wait till you were bored with me and tossed me aside? Mba kwa, I had to do the needful and do what's best for me; self-preservation tinz

Aisha immediately passed on you. It seems she didn't have much use for you either. I guess she also figured if she wanted a pleasure toy she could buy one. 

But hey, it's not all bad I guess. I see you're all over TV these days, Ebony Life TV shows, MNet TV shows, Bella Naija, Thisday Style even. So your career really is panning out, for this I'm thankful. I'm happy for you babe, you're not my enemy, remember. I see you on TV and I'm genuinely happy for you. 'Watched an interview you did on MNet some weeks back and I'm like, awww, there's my 'friend before the war', the one who was only good for making me pleasantly sore, the one who just couldn't give more. 

*There's something so freeing and exhililarating about knowing what you truly want, knowing what you deserve and making that bold decision not to settle for less. It also gives strength to one's self-esteem. 


  1. Hmmm who be that?

  2. Thelma I just love it when you write. Now who's the friend before the war?

  3. Seriously. I pick ann summers over men and their unnecessary problems. Life is too short.

    1. It cannot be panadol if it's not panadol #lipssealed!

  4. Hmmn Thelms, thumbs up jare.

  5. T. U r gud..pls tell us, who be that?

  6. This write up reminds me of Jay. Yeye boy.

  7. FWB things. With these experiences I can understand why you chose celibacy. Sometimes all the stress isnt worth it.

  8. Wait,u did say u had a celebrity crush and that u wld give us the gist sometime soon. If this is a preamble to the gist,cool. I just thought I remind u sha cos me,I haven't forgotten...:)

    1. Sasha the celeb crush is just a crush. In fact I can't even remember which celeb I was referring to, that's how random it was. So please curb your curiousity. LOL.

    2. My dear,what can a sister do? Lol

  9. What I focus on is the way you write. I like. So, can you pass me on to me?

  10. Lord knows my happiness knows no bounds!!! I just killed a rat!!!!!!! *but not after scattering the whole house though* don't mind me guys,just too excited had to share..isn't there love in sharing? Now,lemme read the post

    1. ROTFL. You try. I can't kill anything that has blood in it, no matter how tiny. If the rat trap cannot catch you or the rat poison does not kill you then you must be a survivor and you are welcome to stay; just be coming out when I'm not at home sha.
      But cockroaches, I will kill a thousand times over.

    2. I hate rats and snakes. I think they are d worst rodents ever created. Scratch that. I don't even believe rats were created. D devil made them just to torment us.

  11. A really good read T. I could totally relate.
    The only difference between I & the post is that, If a man starve me of his attention & care that I deserve, I'll starve him of my body.
    When he calls, i'll run down ONLY as a tease! U shall not have sex with me. I'll just show u all ur missing by not doing the needful. LOL. The bitter sweet ol'days.
    Good U dumped his ass T! Good riddance.

    1. Ruthy this will be so hard if you really like this person; running down as a tease. Mayb u na strong babes sha. @Thelma, are you sure it's not Ebuka? hmmmmm

  12. Nice one again maam,now who's dat dude that prefers every1 to b his fling.

    1. Ewu (goat) is his name...

  13. Spot on girl.............. I love it when we brave up, i rarely have that courage...

  14. I rarely comment, donno, I tink I no de celebrity,.. Dat guy on rubbing minds, Ebuka somtin, donno de surname. T, am glad u were brave enough to walk away. #selfpreservatointinz..

    1. Good morning Ozavize. Nooooooo, it's not Ebuka. It's not a guessing game but it just had to point out that it's not Ebuka, biko. Before all his crushes come and lynch me. LOL.

  15. I used to be that girl with some guy a budding artist bout 3yrs ago, not hrd much about him so I guess he's still budding or has dried out in d sun. When I saw that all he wanted was to roll in d hay I just called him one nice day nd told him I was about to delete him from my life, wyl he was still asking questions I was already deleting him from fb, bbm, whatsapp, phonebook etc. He didn't even mk any effort to contact me post delete which helped with my resolve. Best decision I ever made

  16. tell us who it is naaaa , biko nwando.

  17. Women have suffered sha, i had a relationship like this once, and stupid me ll keep making excuses in my head for the idiot until i woke up from my slumber, good part is he was a heavy spender and for that i still dnt feel too bad when i remember him.

    1. So you got paid? Fair deal then..

    2. Lol Wale, i didnt get paid, he made sure i never lacked anything just that we were seeing only when he wanted us to see, other times he was either busy at work or out of town which i found out was a lie. He would rather give u money than give u time, dude will never take me to the airport when am travelling, instead he ll gimme 50k to take a taxi, i hated him so much for that. He ll come to my house without calling and would frown when i do same to him. I had strange thots dt guy has a family smwhr, cos he was just too shady.

  18. Nice one Thelma, was in a relationship thingy like this and just let the dude go just last month. Worst thing about it is that we are co workers, it was awkward at first but the tension is easing up now. I've been happy smiling to myself all morning bcos i just complimented him on his looks and dodged a kiss from him this morning in his office like we usually did and i didn't feel a damn thing! Moving on

  19. Good one there, turning the hunter to a game. Few women knows how to do this or have the courage to do it. Some women have grown balls!

  20. I'm FWB with a lady who suggested it as I told her from the get go that I couldn't do anything serious right now. We started in April and she's already catching feelings. She shocked me 1 day (two months back) when she asked what she had to do to get us to date for real. I told her she didn't have to do anything that I just wasn't emotionally ready for the demands of a relationship. I told her then to move on and that we don't have to have sex anymore but she keeps coming back saying she's good with our "arrangement".
    Three weeks ago, she asked to move in with me to aid her commute to and from work. I told her it's not a good idea as I know what her real intentions are. It doesn't make me feel good that she wants to resort to such ideas just to be in a relationship with me. I know I'm selfish but the sex is good.


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