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Dear Thelma... (He Called Me The Greatest Misfortune To Befall A Person)






Biko Thelma, 
When is it right for a guy to call his woman the “greatest misfortune that can befall a person”?
I have been dating this guy for over a year and while he’s a wonderful person, his temper tends to boil a little too hot sometimes. I admit I could be stubborn, and I’m not the easiest person to get along with, and we tend to argue quite a bit. The fighting is not even the issue…it’s the things he says during these fights that kill me… All sorts of things from the basic “fat, ugly ,stupid, idiot, etc” to other more weighty ones like “u should have been aborted” and “ public toilet”, and the most recent “ur d greatest mistake and misfortune that can befall a person”(non-exhaustive). 

I’m in no way absolving myself of any blame in these episodes.. I can be a very stubborn person as I’ve said before.  
Since the last time we argued, I’ve been ignoring his calls and messages. Truly, much as I love this guy, I cant stand the insults anymore… I just want to pack up my remaining dignity and jeje siddon one side, before I totally lose my self worth, coz hearing someone you love tell you those kind of things can mess your brain up .. I hope I’m making sense sha.. just had to share before I burst.
I just have 1 question.. Am I over reacting?? And (okay, 2 questions) am I meant to just accept that he says nasty things when he’s angry and live with it??
i'm okay with you posting it on the blog.. would love to see what people have to say about it.

Comments

  1. No my dear you are not overreacting. If he cannot handle your attitude he should walk away without being abusive. He needs to work on himself and his temper issues first.

    ReplyDelete
  2. @BV No, you're not over-reacting.One thing I know is that the environment you stay in is capable of making you thrive or wither.Your questions are apt, they are not out of the ordinary and I think your questioning requires some action, none of which anyone can advise you on as you are an adult and you know what to do.I wish you all the best in your decision making as marriage can either make or mar you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You're not overreacting. That is highly inappropriate and disrespectful. How can he claim to have any regard for you and speak to you that way? People like that generally don't change. If it bothers you now imagine how bad it will get after marriage when he feels you're his for life.

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  4. I saw my comments here! Omoh miraclesare real!

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  5. I ll kip commenting today oooo! Hehehe

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  6. Abeg make una no vex! Udnt knw how it feels to want to voice ur opinion and it disappears! Omg!...

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  7. Yaaaaaaaaay!!!!

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  8. First I typed "yep" and den "hhh" and I saw both! As iiin just like "Up Nepaaaaaa" lmao!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL. SMH. LOL. Oya address the issue at hand na; voice an opinion.

      Delete
  9. You are not over-reacting and mind you he is a thread away from beating the hell out of you.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hahahaaa T me I can't take rude words from a guy jhor...mysef will just find mysef disconnecting sharply... So d poster is not overacting at all. Men are naturally known to voice out few words during a fight so WTH!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Okay.....first of, I think that you are in an abusive relationship (the irony in that).....fact is...I got me a temper too....I say lots of shit when I am pissed and 99.999% of the time...I forget them the second I am calm....so that could be the case and if it is....his words have gotta be salt over the shoulder to you mami...........and if that is not the case....then you need to talk to him and let him know how much he burns you with his words......I mean...you are stubborn and he has a short temper......that is NOT the right combo.....someone has gotta come down for the other.....so yeah...talk to him before you walk away.......and when you do talk to him......ask him......if he HONESTLY feels like you are all the names he calls you and see how that works for you...........Nice blog by the way...its warm...

    ReplyDelete
  12. 1. Being with or Marrying a man like that in the future will be the worst thing that will befall you.

    2. Most importantly, you need to work on your self. No matter how much a man loves you, once he realizes that you always have the need to be right (as per ur stubbornness, he will eventually get tire of you) . You need to seriously work check ur own attitude cos taking it into another relationship will equally cause issues even if the man is as calm as a bird.

    3. Dating is a totally different ball game from marriage. No matter how hard u try to keep things on the same level, it will not be d same. A lot changes. You can afford to get angry while dating and not pick his calls, in marriage u will both be stuck in the same house. What u can't manage now, will be very hard to manage in marriage.

    5. If u value ur happiness and peace of mind, take a stroll now!!! My 2 cents. CEO

    ReplyDelete
  13. 1. Being with or Marrying a man like that in the future will be the worst thing that will befall you.

    2. Most importantly, you need to work on your self. No matter how much a man loves you, once he realizes that you always have the need to be right (as per ur stubbornness, he will eventually get tire of you) . You need to seriously work check ur own attitude cos taking it into another relationship will equally cause issues even if the man is as calm as a bird.

    3. Dating is a totally different ball game from marriage. No matter how hard u try to keep things on the same level, it will not be d same. A lot changes. You can afford to get angry while dating and not pick his calls, in marriage u will both be stuck in the same house. What u can't manage now, will be very hard to manage in marriage.

    5. If u value ur happiness and peace of mind, take a stroll now!!! My 2 cents. CEO

    ReplyDelete
  14. My dear u still dey ask?abeg leave d guy,he doesn't know how to control his emotions even though he loves u but because he allows his emotions rule him wen he IS angry mks tins worse,I wud advice u dnt live with it,because if u live with it til it gets to marriage level,den u are in for big trouble.

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  15. Words have a way of sticking to ur memory, of they are good and kind, it helps u bcome a better person, but if they r mean and hurtful, it eats u up daily.

    My hubby can be as gentle as a dove but when he is upset and wants to get bk @ u, he has a way with words, saying things dat will hurt u deep, especially if it's sometin u hv said abt urself to him in d past. (advise to women/ladies, don't let love scatter ur braiin to d point whr u spill too much info abt ur past to le boo or hubby) it will haunt u later, but I digress

    One day we had a discussion abt what wld happen if one of us died too soon, wld d person re-marry?

    I told him dat if it happened to be me, I don't xpect him to stay single for ever however @ least he shld respect our love and wait 2 yrs plus d kids shld b loved.

    The nxt tin he said shocked me. He was sooooo angry and he translated my response to mean I'd only grieve for 2 yrs den re-marry, he kept ranting o, and dats wen he said "you r not the kind of woman that a man shld keep an inheritance for"

    My fellow blog readers, my heart stopped for 5 seconds, cos I knw how I support this man emotionally n financially. I was heart broken and lashed out too.

    He did apologize deeply, but the lesson for me is dat I now save up well for my future n dat of my kids. Till this day I still remember those words and some other deep words siad in anger.

    What I believe is this, He actually meant what he said. He may end up not doing it but he meant it. I still hurt till this day.

    The moral here is that, you will hurt deeply if u go deeper with this relationship if u don't address the issue now.

    My response to his question wld hv been, I will never remarry if I loose him. That's d truth. I don test marriage, while it is so much fun, I prefer being single.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Words have a way of sticking to ur memory, of they are good and kind, it helps u bcome a better person, but if they r mean and hurtful, it eats u up daily.

    My hubby can be as gentle as a dove but when he is upset and wants to get bk @ u, he has a way with words, saying things dat will hurt u deep, especially if it's sometin u hv said abt urself to him in d past. (advise to women/ladies, don't let love scatter ur braiin to d point whr u spill too much info abt ur past to le boo or hubby) it will haunt u later, but I digress

    One day we had a discussion abt what wld happen if one of us died too soon, wld d person re-marry?

    I told him dat if it happened to be me, I don't xpect him to stay single for ever however @ least he shld respect our love and wait 2 yrs plus d kids shld b loved.

    The nxt tin he said shocked me. He was sooooo angry and he translated my response to mean I'd only grieve for 2 yrs den re-marry, he kept ranting o, and dats wen he said "you r not the kind of woman that a man shld keep an inheritance for"

    My fellow blog readers, my heart stopped for 5 seconds, cos I knw how I support this man emotionally n financially. I was heart broken and lashed out too.

    He did apologize deeply, but the lesson for me is dat I now save up well for my future n dat of my kids. Till this day I still remember those words and some other deep words siad in anger.

    What I believe is this, He actually meant what he said. He may end up not doing it but he meant it. I still hurt till this day.

    The moral here is that, you will hurt deeply if u go deeper with this relationship if u don't address the issue now.

    My response to his question wld hv been, I will never remarry if I loose him. That's d truth. I don test marriage, while it is so much fun, I prefer being single.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow. This marriage of a thing really scares me.

      Delete
    2. Anon not every marriage is like that...

      Delete
    3. Exactly....not every marriage is like that...my parents av been married for 30 years, nd dey av never for one minute argued on one stuff or whatsoever

      Delete
  17. You are in an abusive relationship and should run very fast. Don't talk to him about the abuse, just run. An abuser does not care about your feelings, he said those words to hurt you. Love and abuse don't mix.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I cnt advice u to stay in dat rel. It's nt worth it, there are a lot of guys who wl worship u n learn to cope with ur behaviour evn tho u av to improve on it. I met dis guy who u fell srzly in love with n vice versa...evrythn ws smooth for a few months tl our frst fight...infact I tot I had reached my bus stop..only for ds guy to use abusive words lik " am senseless,useless" n all sorts dt I cnt evn mention...I av nevr bn so shocked in my life cos I av nevr experienced such frm a guy...I mean wat kinda guy does dat?! I stopped callin n he didnt call back for ovr a week n wen I tried to stil explain my side of d story..d abuses started! I ws lik wth! So av given up on him...movin forward mehn...
    Btw, whr's Momoh Adeola?
    Miss B

    ReplyDelete
  19. Dear poster since u admitted u r a difficult and stubborn person, i ll advice u work on ur negative sides before u start another rship, some attitudes tend to bring out the wrong side of others which results in an unhealthy rship, if u cant change then its better u find a patient guy that ll understand and tolerate u, not d abusive and short tempered guy u r dating.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I cnt advice u to stay in dat rel. It's nt worth it, there are a lot of guys who wl worship u n learn to cope with ur behaviour evn tho u av to improve on it. I met dis guy who u fell srzly in love with n vice versa...evrythn ws smooth for a few months tl our frst fight...infact I tot I had reached my bus stop..only for ds guy to use abusive words lik " am senseless,useless" n all sorts dt I cnt evn mention...I av nevr bn so shocked in my life cos I av nevr experienced such frm a guy...I mean wat kinda guy does dat?! I stopped callin n he didnt call back for ovr a week n wen I tried to stil explain my side of d story..d abuses started! I ws lik wth! So av given up on him...movin forward mehn...
    Btw, whr's Momoh Adeola?
    Miss B

    ReplyDelete
  21. This issue really shouldn't be tabled. You know the answer. Self preservation above all else, preserve your sanity. Since he has realized he can verbally abuse you and get away with It, he is likely going to get worse during marriage. Whatever issues you have while dating only becomes more amplified during marriage and you are stuck in the same space with that person.

    "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"- Eleanor Roosevelt.

    I have been legally married for a little over 2 months, I had to explain to my husband that he doesn't have the monopoly on malice keeping. We can all behave badly but it takes some level of self control to preserve a union. That maturity that makes you desire happiness in your home has to be present.
    there is no trophy after you marry, marriage is a school, but dont intentionally enroll yourself in a substandard school abeg.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I love u miss pynk "WORD" clare

    ReplyDelete
  23. I love u miss pynk "WORD" clare

    ReplyDelete
  24. Whatever comes out of a person when angry can sometimes reveal how he/she views you without any sentiment. So my advice is know if he really meant all he as being spitting out anytime hie is enraged. If this is a common occurrence please take the next flight out of his life. Jay

    ReplyDelete
  25. Pls run away the fact that you guys are not yet married and he is abusing you emotionally with words that's not a good sign.... Love your blog Thelma

    ReplyDelete
  26. Usually, physical abuse has its origin to b verbal and emotional abuse. Before you go back to him, ask your self just how much you'r willing to take. Na from clap dance they start o

    ReplyDelete
  27. I was in your situation a few years ago, but unlike you, I kept the insults to myself. It has only gotten worse since we got married to the point that I zone out when he talks because he only tries to break my spirit. It has not been easy and if I could go back on time, I would never ever go near such a person. Life is too short to be miserable, I still wonder how long I'll continue walking on egg shells so that I don't offend him.

    ReplyDelete

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