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Dear Thelma ..... (What Am I Up Against?)

Good evening Thelma. I'm in my mid to late 20s and I've been dating my fiancé for more than one year now. In the beginning I just wanted to have fun because my ex bf broke my heart. I met my 

fiancé and I thought he will just be a rebound bf. I don't know how we fell in love but somehow it happened. He has met my mum and my brother. (We are only two, dad is late). My mum is ok with him as my boyfriend. But now he wants us to get married and I'm happy but I'm scared. He is more than 20 years older than me and he is a divorcee with 3 grown children. I don't know if it is wise to marry him. I've never met his children but they know about me, he said he has told them he wants to marry me and they support him. I really love him and he has everything someone can want in a husband but I know marriage is different from dating. Please what do you think about marrying an older man, and a divorcee too. Please you can post it on your blog so that blog readers can advice me. God bless U. 


Someone close to me is married to a divorcee and the main issues that I've noticed are that you/your kids are rarely ever priority. Also when she's excited about something; pregnancy, the babies etc, he always has this "been there, done that" attitude so he doesn't really share in the excitement. Also where there are kids from the previous marriage the wife is never really out of the picture. 
There's also the issue of making comparisons between this new wife and the Ex, but I guess that doesn't apply to everyone. 
A few other general observations (most divorced men that I've met tend to have insecurity issues that happens to make them controlling). I guess that doesn't apply to everyone either. 
But besides these, she seems to be enjoying her marriage so...

I know a few ladies who are married to older men and they're seemingly happy. A friend of mine (Age-29/30) is married to someone in his early 60s. The only complaints she's told me about is that they don't share similar interests, he doesn't do stuff like go with her to the movies etc, and he's a bit too serious. He's also quite controlling (but that's not my story to tell so *lips sealed*). But generally she seems to be happy too. 

A few however complain that sometimes the divide is just too great and they have nothing in common with their husbands and wish they'd married someone closer to their age. 

I've not personally been in either situation so this is the little I know. 

Help, anyone?

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  1. A Candid Advice DON'T TRY IT PLS. God ll give u urs.

  2. Nne am married to someone 15 years older than I am,sometimes I wish I was married to someone more my age cos we now see things differently,are u ready to deal with his other children? It's going yo be a tough one cos they may always look at u as the intruder and u and ur kids will always be second priority but if u can handle it then by all means go ahead

  3. Am in similar situation,but he is just 41 years of age,and LIKE more dan 10 years older dan me. Ok dis is it,my own isn't divorced but d marriage has been on d verge of divorce becos my fiance n his wife have been living apart for four years NOW,he has two boys,wifey stays in d UK n from a rich background,my fiance is damn insecure Thelma,n he is weak wen it comes to decision abt his marriage though wifey calls him to speak with d kids a times,its a long story but I wud advice her to pray abt it if she really loves him because our destinies arr tied to different tins pplele. I believe in doing God's Will,I dnt take any decision without seeking God's face but if u cnt pray on ur own guess u shud consult ur pastor or prophet,either of dem can help u in prayers but I tell u,it's a dangerous situation. I PRAY God helps u. Lest I forget,I prayed abt mine last year n I personally saw n hrd from God dat I shouldn't dare. Am not a spiritual person 100 percent but I dnt joke with God n his will for my life. I. Hope I helped

    1. Wait,ur fiance isn't yet divorced? And u heard from God not to dare? Is he still ur fiance? *confused*

    2. Mabel I don't really understand your comment.

    3. Aswear ur story is so confusing

  4. Divorcees have a right to love again. Whether divorced or single,marriages have their vissisitudes. You aint perfect and neither is ur fiance.
    My word of advice: Pls don't marry a divorcee (with kids) if he aint loaded. If he can't pay/handle child support from his previous marriage,wld he handle u and urs? (But then again sasha,what if he's a widower?)
    My dear,follow ur heart...

    1. You don't need child support if you "stand like an Iroko tree yourself"

  5. Well what works for one may fail for another but we cannot really say. But hope for the best and expect the worst. Good luck.

  6. There isn't really a one-size-fits-all. There are pros and cons to everything. This is a tricky situation, and there will always be buts. One can't really tell the heart whom to love. I say pray, and let God's Spirit lead you.

  7. I still refer to him as my fiance cos it's d normal word to use,I cnt call him my boyfriend n he already knows we cnt get married. So did u guys get it now?

    1. You need to stop calling him your fiancé. It doesn't make any sense. In fact from what you have said you and this man shouldn't even be friends anymore. He is still a married man.

    2. Thank you@anon 3:46. A married man and a 'verge of divorce' man are a 100 and infinity percent the same thing. Also, fiancé is the proper term to use for a man you are 'ENGAGED' to b married to. Anything short of that, I believe boy/man(if you care for deference to his age)friend is the 'normal term to use dear Mabel.

  8. As for the poster, whatever you do make sure you meet his children before you make your decision.

  9. d fact here is that hardly ll u find a very young lady contemplating of marrying or fallnn in love with a far older man if he isn't very rich nd most of dem just fall blindly for the riches, yl later on dey start feelnn bored nd start having extramarital affairs ....d fact is dat u should look for age range dat suits u in other to avoid stories that touch

  10. @anon thks FOR d advice. I wud take to DAT

  11. DON'T! For so many reasons I don't have the chance to type now.

  12. Twenty years is kind of wide, the impact will be felt when the guy is 60 and you are 40. The only way out is if you are so into him to the point of either bringing his "age" down to yours or step up permanently to his real age. Otherwise, the relationship will be like the meeting of lion and leopard with leopard asking lion to be the treasurer!

  13. i'll b 28 in nov n my hubby is already 50. D age diff is 23. He's neva bin married n doesnt hav kids.n i'll tell u dat i'v neva bin happier.dated much younger guys bk in sch bt so far d diff is clear my hubby is all dey are point is if its jst 4 d age so long as der's a connection btw u 2 ders no 4 d kids n d ex wife my dear its a no 4 me. D bible says ders a man 4 everywoman.n Thelma's advice is so on point.Dis one is complicated. Onyi

  14. In most cases that I know of and that I heard of,the differences always surpress the similarities and then u begin to wonder how it will work well,then there s this battle of who becomes his best. And utmost priority between you and is children not forgeting their mum if she's still alive.
    Above all,choose rightly.all the best.


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