Skip to main content

Dear Thelma ..... (What Am I Up Against?)




Good evening Thelma. I'm in my mid to late 20s and I've been dating my fiancé for more than one year now. In the beginning I just wanted to have fun because my ex bf broke my heart. I met my 

fiancé and I thought he will just be a rebound bf. I don't know how we fell in love but somehow it happened. He has met my mum and my brother. (We are only two, dad is late). My mum is ok with him as my boyfriend. But now he wants us to get married and I'm happy but I'm scared. He is more than 20 years older than me and he is a divorcee with 3 grown children. I don't know if it is wise to marry him. I've never met his children but they know about me, he said he has told them he wants to marry me and they support him. I really love him and he has everything someone can want in a husband but I know marriage is different from dating. Please what do you think about marrying an older man, and a divorcee too. Please you can post it on your blog so that blog readers can advice me. God bless U. 

************

Someone close to me is married to a divorcee and the main issues that I've noticed are that you/your kids are rarely ever priority. Also when she's excited about something; pregnancy, the babies etc, he always has this "been there, done that" attitude so he doesn't really share in the excitement. Also where there are kids from the previous marriage the wife is never really out of the picture. 
There's also the issue of making comparisons between this new wife and the Ex, but I guess that doesn't apply to everyone. 
A few other general observations (most divorced men that I've met tend to have insecurity issues that happens to make them controlling). I guess that doesn't apply to everyone either. 
But besides these, she seems to be enjoying her marriage so...


I know a few ladies who are married to older men and they're seemingly happy. A friend of mine (Age-29/30) is married to someone in his early 60s. The only complaints she's told me about is that they don't share similar interests, he doesn't do stuff like go with her to the movies etc, and he's a bit too serious. He's also quite controlling (but that's not my story to tell so *lips sealed*). But generally she seems to be happy too. 

A few however complain that sometimes the divide is just too great and they have nothing in common with their husbands and wish they'd married someone closer to their age. 


I've not personally been in either situation so this is the little I know. 

Help, anyone?

.......
Photo source: singleblackmale.org





Comments

  1. A Candid Advice DON'T TRY IT PLS. God ll give u urs.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nne am married to someone 15 years older than I am,sometimes I wish I was married to someone more my age cos we now see things differently,are u ready to deal with his other children? It's going yo be a tough one cos they may always look at u as the intruder and u and ur kids will always be second priority but if u can handle it then by all means go ahead

    ReplyDelete
  3. Am in similar situation,but he is just 41 years of age,and LIKE more dan 10 years older dan me. Ok dis is it,my own isn't divorced but d marriage has been on d verge of divorce becos my fiance n his wife have been living apart for four years NOW,he has two boys,wifey stays in d UK n from a rich background,my fiance is damn insecure Thelma,n he is weak wen it comes to decision abt his marriage though wifey calls him to speak with d kids a times,its a long story but I wud advice her to pray abt it if she really loves him because our destinies arr tied to different tins pplele. I believe in doing God's Will,I dnt take any decision without seeking God's face but if u cnt pray on ur own guess u shud consult ur pastor or prophet,either of dem can help u in prayers but I tell u,it's a dangerous situation. I PRAY God helps u. Lest I forget,I prayed abt mine last year n I personally saw n hrd from God dat I shouldn't dare. Am not a spiritual person 100 percent but I dnt joke with God n his will for my life. I. Hope I helped

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wait,ur fiance isn't yet divorced? And u heard from God not to dare? Is he still ur fiance? *confused*

      Delete
    2. Mabel I don't really understand your comment.

      Delete
    3. Aswear ur story is so confusing

      Delete
  4. Divorcees have a right to love again. Whether divorced or single,marriages have their vissisitudes. You aint perfect and neither is ur fiance.
    My word of advice: Pls don't marry a divorcee (with kids) if he aint loaded. If he can't pay/handle child support from his previous marriage,wld he handle u and urs? (But then again sasha,what if he's a widower?)
    My dear,follow ur heart...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You don't need child support if you "stand like an Iroko tree yourself"

      Delete
  5. Well what works for one may fail for another but we cannot really say. But hope for the best and expect the worst. Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  6. There isn't really a one-size-fits-all. There are pros and cons to everything. This is a tricky situation, and there will always be buts. One can't really tell the heart whom to love. I say pray, and let God's Spirit lead you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I still refer to him as my fiance cos it's d normal word to use,I cnt call him my boyfriend n he already knows we cnt get married. So did u guys get it now?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You need to stop calling him your fiancé. It doesn't make any sense. In fact from what you have said you and this man shouldn't even be friends anymore. He is still a married man.

      Delete
    2. Thank you@anon 3:46. A married man and a 'verge of divorce' man are a 100 and infinity percent the same thing. Also, fiancé is the proper term to use for a man you are 'ENGAGED' to b married to. Anything short of that, I believe boy/man(if you care for deference to his age)friend is the 'normal term to use dear Mabel.

      Delete
  8. As for the poster, whatever you do make sure you meet his children before you make your decision.

    ReplyDelete
  9. d fact here is that hardly ll u find a very young lady contemplating of marrying or fallnn in love with a far older man if he isn't very rich nd loaded.....so most of dem just fall blindly for the riches, yl later on dey start feelnn bored nd start having extramarital affairs ....d fact is dat u should look for age range dat suits u in other to avoid stories that touch

    ReplyDelete
  10. @anon thks FOR d advice. I wud take to DAT

    ReplyDelete
  11. DON'T! For so many reasons I don't have the chance to type now.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Twenty years is kind of wide, the impact will be felt when the guy is 60 and you are 40. The only way out is if you are so into him to the point of either bringing his "age" down to yours or step up permanently to his real age. Otherwise, the relationship will be like the meeting of lion and leopard with leopard asking lion to be the treasurer!

    ReplyDelete
  13. i'll b 28 in nov n my hubby is already 50. D age diff is 23. He's neva bin married n doesnt hav kids.n i'll tell u dat i'v neva bin happier.dated much younger guys bk in sch bt so far d diff is clear my hubby is all dey are not.my point is if its jst 4 d age so long as der's a connection btw u 2 ders no problem.bt 4 d kids n d ex wife my dear its a no 4 me. D bible says ders a man 4 everywoman.n Thelma's advice is so on point.Dis one is complicated. Onyi

    ReplyDelete
  14. In most cases that I know of and that I heard of,the differences always surpress the similarities and then u begin to wonder how it will work well,then there s this battle of who becomes his best. And utmost priority between you and is children not forgeting their mum if she's still alive.
    Above all,choose rightly.all the best.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

***
This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…

#WriteRight. VIVIAN: MY FIRST SEX EXPERIENCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
Kai!
See how you are serious dey read this story....!
My…

...

Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...

THE ‘NEW’ SIDE CHICK: I WAS HER

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…

Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa

Giveaway Finale!

Happy Sunday y'all. 
This is the conclusive part of #WCG. 
All the N25,000 recipients have received their cash.
All the students have also received their N10,000. 
Once again guys please comment under any of the posts, or this one that you've received your money. Thanks. 

So moving forward, this final giveaway contains 
1. N10,000 for 5 people. 

2. 3 kimonos from Julian's dressmakers. 
3. 3 pairs of Palm slippers from WaleOnibata. (Gents) 
4. 2 pairs of shoes from Courtney's Closet. (Ladies. Size 9 and Size 11). 

5. 1 human hair wig from Gabby's Wigs'n'Weaves. You pick from one of the wigs below. 
6. 3 cakes from CakesandCream 

7. A getaway at CitiHeight Hotel Ikeja for 3 people. (Who can each bring one person along).  


As I said earlier, Kon has already won a stay at CitiHeight and Clare, a kimono. So those gifts are now available for 2 people each. 
There is no competition. We are only going to play a game. 
I have each gift item listed out in numbers. Number 1 to 100. …