Oh boy... How many times have I muttered those words? It seems I seem to lack that connection to almost every guy I've met of late. On this blog I've tried to ask severally so that you guys can help me figure out if or how to paddle on even when/where there is no connection. I sometimes interchange the word connection for attraction and a lot of you say that there's more to relationships than attraction and that attraction however, can be built if room is created. A few of you don't seem to agree and say that attraction is very important and if it's lacking then there's no point forcing it.
I gave up the pursuit of answers to this question (for now). But recently someone mailed me and said there's someone he's interested in, unfortunately she says there's no connection. He's confused and wonders if he can build this connection.
I'm also confused so I'm throwing it open to the house. Is it possible to build connection when the other party doesn't feel any? If yes, how?
Based on past experiences this is what I know. I've met so many men I felt I had no connection with and at some point my friends were getting worried. Osayi kept saying I was waiting for Jesus to come down and date me, and asked that I stop looking for the perfect man because he doesn't exist. I wasn't looking for the perfect man, I just wanted someone I had connection with. Is that too much to ask for.
Yet there was someone at the time. *Chuka was an ok guy who was doing very well for himself and living comfortably. Chuka started asking me out in my 3rd in Uni and this was post-law school. He had everything I would have wanted in a man minus the connection. Everyone said I should give him a chance and so I decided to. It was then I first believed something my first boyfriend told me, and something I'd heard so many times over the years that it had become a cliché; Loving someone is a choice. The minute I decided to give Chuka a chance, with or without the connection, I began to see the potential in him and in us. Something bigger than connection and attraction was built; likeness, fondness, respect and affection. The minute I decided to give us a chance and opened up my heart to the possibility of us, the rest followed naturally, and with this affection the connection somehow was there. I ended up falling in love, or in deep likeness with Chuka, someone who I'd said for years I couldn't date because I had no connection with.
So my dear friend, I think you should find a way to get that lady to give you guys a chance. I don't know if or how you can build connection with someone. But I think I can give a few tips for you to get her to give you both a chance.
These are the tips I can think of (provided you're sure that she's actually single and her heart doesn't already belong to another, and you're certain she's worth the effort)
-Find out her likes and her interests, and try to relate with her on that level. If you're both operating on two different planes she's not likely to feel any connection.
-Find out what makes her tick.
-When you guys talk, listen to what she says and how she says it, learn more about her and use this knowledge to your advantage.
-Do not force or pressure her.
-Don't just tell her you care, show her you care.
-Don't smother her: Don't be all up in her face. Don't blow up her phones with calls and text messages, ladies tend not to go for needy/clingy men.
-Show her just the right amount of attention but give her space. You need to be able to find a balance between Attentive and Distant.
-Let her know how you feel but don't push it.
-Find out if there's something about you that she might find unappealing; your dress sense, personal hygiene, breath, intellect (or lack thereof) etc.
-(Again); Give her space. She needs to be able to miss you. Let her wonder what you're up to, why she hasn't heard from you, who you're with. Let her actually miss you. Let there be room for mystery. If you're there all the time, begging her to love you, you will only succeed in irritating her and pushing her further away.
-Most importantly ASK. She says there's no connection, ask her how? Ask her why she feels that way and what you can actually do to create this connection. Based on the answers you get you should know if or how to proceed.
-Lastly, although love is a choice you cannot force someone to love you. Don't be so focused on getting this one lady, that you let someone even better pass you by.
I'm not sure if I've helped in anyway. So I'm asking again; Is it possible to build connection when the other party doesn't feel any? If yes, how?
Have you had any success stories in this area? Please share your tips with us.