Skip to main content

My "Crazy Ex" Stories.






When I think of Crazy Ex stories the first that comes to mind is *Seyi. I'd been trying to break up with Seyi for several months and each time I would mention it he would break down and start crying. Crying as in wailing! Tears running down his face, choking almost convulsively, rolling on the floor cursing, tearing at his clothes and then finally rolling over to me and hugging my knees tight and telling me not to leave him otherwise he would die. So of course I always stayed. Eventually though I really wanted out.

I was a lot younger then and I wanted to experience life. Towards the end of our break up I decided to mention it in an open place because I thought that would help prevent his theatrics but I was so wrong. We were in very crowded open ground and when I said "I want to break up" and started walking away, Seyi looked around him and picked a very big stone, like a small rock and he started screaming "Don't walk out on me Nwando. If you do, if you do...." he said, coming closer to me with the stone. I just stood there. Still I went to his house the next week out of boredom and silly me, I told him once again that I was done. He said it was ok and that he understood. Then he went into the kitchen and brought out a very big knife and said he was going to kill me then kill himself. I almost peed in my pants that day. You know that look someone has when they don't know what they're doing; he looked possessed and that scared me even more. That day I went on my knees and started begging. That day it was me who cried. Eventually he told me to get out of his house and never tried to make up with me after that. We're (Facebook) friends now though. He's now married with kids. 


Below are a few 'Crazy Ex' stories I found on Ask Reddit. I don't want to share too many because I'm more interested in your own Crazy Ex stories:
....

Ex girlfriend tried to hit me with her car. Chased me down an alley that was enclosed in a high fence on one side condos on the other.
Proceeded to call me next day at work and tell me that I looked like a sexy cheetah running away from her car.

***
My girlfriend told me the week before I left for town that I got her pregnant, knowing that we were not going to date long distance. She sent me a picture of a stock photo of a positive pregnancy test that she cropped. I literally just Google searched “Positive Pregnancy Tests” and it was one of the first images to pop up. I made her come over and take another one. It was negative; she left.  

***
Two years after I ending things, she attempted to contact me again. I wasn’t having it. After a few failed attempts, she sent another message that said, “You better find your God now because I’m going to fucking murder you”

***
One of my exes was convinced that I was cheating on her with both my mother and sister, so whenever I spent time alone with either of them I was bombarded with text messages and phone calls. When my mother, sister, and I went on a family vacation, she was insistent that I sleep in the hotel’s basement because she thought I was going to have sex with them.

Oh yeah, she also thought when I talked to my sister on the phone, my tone of voice suggested that I was trying to seduce her into having phone sex.

***
My ex found out my rebound had pierced nipples. Completely normal response: She pierces hers, shows up at my apartment, climbs up to my balcony and waits for me to come home, topless. Not weird at all.

***
My ex somehow thought that taking her to a fancy dinner meant that I was going to propose to her. When it didn’t happen, it lead to a downward spiral of cutting herself and at one point “attempting” to jump out of my car as I was driving.

She also once pretended to faint during an argument. It was super awkward.

***
First boyfriend, smacked me around a bit when I was ‘rude’ or ‘disobedient’ chased me down a street at 1am, tried to strangle me, showed up to my house one afternoon while I was home alone and climbed through a window to ‘surprise’ me, when I ask him to leave he goes nuts and find a hockey stick and tries to destroy everything, smashes the microwave, the oven, the TV, two walls, a 20 year old house plant and 6 of the eight panes of glass in the French doors. The neighbors heard what they thought was 6 gunshots and called the police…. so restraining order was enforced for 3 years, once that was over he showed up at my NEW house, just to talk… NOPE GTFO or I’m calling the cops, he left, I left the country.

***
My ex used to smell my dick when I got home from work to make sure it didn’t smell like pussy or soap.

***
I un-friendzoned this guy once. The first 4 weeks we were dating, he told about how he’s going to marry me, make me have his children, tried to force me to wear a G-string, started naming our future children, and he also wanted to tattoo my name onto his chest. He couldn’t afford it, so he carved my name onto his arm with a knife instead. To this day, he still has my name there.

***
My ex broke into my apartment while I was sleeping and jerk off over me. I woke up when my hand got all wet. :( He had put an engagement ring on my finger while I was sleeping too. I guess that was the target. iono.

***
I was a victim of marital rape, psychological abuse and physical violence.
He started with making me think I was lucky to have him, that I was so crazy nobody else would want to be with me.
He went from 180 to 310 lbs, while I was getting thinner and near my perfect shape.
I went from almost a nymphomaniac to not wanting any sex from him
He would manipulate me into sex.
He dragged me one time on the floor by holding my neck. The last time, when the police was called by neighbors, he went on me and put his hand on my face and nose. I tried to free myself by punching what I could, and ended up punching where he had had an operation the previous week (I was almost a nurse that week, I washed him and took care of him) I went to the bathroom and he followed me, took me by the neck and hang me by it so we had our face at the same height. I am 5′ and he is 6’2.

***
She locked me in her flat when I was breaking up with her, saying that she deserves a “proper breakup”.
She then proceeded to lay down on the floor in front of the door, crying, asking me to make love to her one last time before I leave.

***



Psychos abound! Do you have a Crazy Ex story... Or better yet, have you ever been the crazy Ex??? Please share with us *rubs palms in excitement*. 

Comments

  1. Thanks for making me laugh today. I actually laughed out loud. Your story.....

    "Still I went to his house the next week out of boredom and silly me, I told him once again that I was done. He said it was ok and that he understood. Then he went into the kitchen and brought out a very big knife and said he was going to kill me then kill himself. I almost peed in my pants that day."

    You went back there? What were you thinking? Thank God he made sure you got the message. That kind of person can't be my friend again ooo.

    And the sexy cheetah, lol. :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. Smelling of dick??? Chineke , that is one sick woman. J

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You would be shocked what some women are capable of doing or what length they go to catch a "cheating" spouse. A colleague once shared how his friend's wife will force the guy to withdraw when they are at it, then ask him to on her palm so she could gauge the quantity of the semen! Crazy woman!

      Delete
    2. I have a friend who's a nurse. She told a story similar to this. While attending to a patient, her hubby(the patient's) walked in and she started hurling accusations at the man asking of his movements since he hadn't been at the hospital all day. Next thing, she unzipped his trouser to smell.......

      Delete
  3. Hahaha...o gaa o! Psychos really abound. The things we do for love...lol

    ReplyDelete
  4. Crazy ex. My own used to threaten to commit suicide everytime I wanted to break up. In the end I told him he can die if he wants to. Nonsense.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thelma......u said seyi and seun...abi na my eyes....cos I no know oh..lol at the story sha...that naughty house wife

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will edit ASAP. I was trying to decide which name to use. Thanks.

      Delete
  6. Had one that used to keep tabs on me months after we broke up then he'll call me and give me updates and tell me how good I'm looking these days it was scary, had to tell me bro about it don't know what he did but I stopped receiving crazy calls. Did he stop keeping tabs? Don't know don't kurr

    ReplyDelete
  7. No crazy ex stories yet.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Mine threatened to jump off the balcony of my apartment which is on the third floor. I was actually scared stiff because he drank so much alcohol and smoked, things he ordinarily wouldn't do. Then he wailed so much and reported the case to everyone who cared to listen how much he loved me and how he couldn't go on living without me. It was so bad my mum begged me to 'release him' as if I put him in some kind of spiritual bondage. Till now, he's still thinking I might come back to him.
    -F

    ReplyDelete
  9. There's a recurring pattern with "The Crazy Ex" that I've noticed here as well. The crazy female exes are very dramatic and odd, while the crazy male exes are more dangerous, violent and threatening.
    A stand up comedian (Donald Glover) spoke about it.
    http://2damnfunny.com/the-crazy-girlfriend-vs-the-crazy-boyfriend-donald-glover/

    ReplyDelete
  10. I think I was the crazy ex, he beat me up and silly me went back to him. Till I had the brains to breakup with him few months later.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Strange things. Not funny while it's happening.

    ReplyDelete
  12. My ex went from crying and sending me flowers to calling me whore and bitch on the phone. That even strenghtened my resolve to leave him. I'm married now but he still sends me texts almost every month that he just saw someone exactly like me around. Thank God I'm never around those places

    ReplyDelete
  13. Wow.......orishirishi

    ReplyDelete
  14. LOL! Funny, crazy stories! No blames though, heart breaks never seem easy.

    ReplyDelete
  15. LoL. Funny Story Thelma. Children Sense then tho. now love aint do or die 882

    ReplyDelete
  16. Please rushy where r you? We miss u, hope u r ok. I had an ex that kept writing letters and posting it to my parents house. Phone calls to my mum and dad for like a year after we broke up. Even after he got married he managed to find me on Facebook, I blocked him then he got his WIFE to add me! I blocked her ugly ass too. Crazy ppl!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Where is Ruth?? It's not Valentine, she can't be missing!

    ReplyDelete
  18. One ex is on my case right now. He saw me in his dream as his wife (according to him). He calls me, sends me sms all d time, when I stopped taking his calls. I guess the only thing saving me right now is God, and the fact that we moved house, so he doesn't have my new addy. And dis guy temper is like from here to Australia. I don't wanna die in wedlock abeg.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Ehn Ehn, I can post now. Nwandooooo for almost 3 weeks, anytime I try posting, everything I type will just disappear. Ah, Ose baba o.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I had a fling with a friend 2years ago and we both decided it was wrong to have had sex while in other relationships, especially when we know we couldn't date or marry each other due to religious differences. So we reduced seeing each other naturally as the moments spent together after the ride used to feel awkward. Two years later, friend is stil on my case, says nobody gets him like I did. Guess what? He just called again!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

***
This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…

#WriteRight. VIVIAN: MY FIRST SEX EXPERIENCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
Kai!
See how you are serious dey read this story....!
My…

...

Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

THE ‘NEW’ SIDE CHICK: I WAS HER

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…

Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

One More Post...

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa

Giveaway Finale!

Happy Sunday y'all. 
This is the conclusive part of #WCG. 
All the N25,000 recipients have received their cash.
All the students have also received their N10,000. 
Once again guys please comment under any of the posts, or this one that you've received your money. Thanks. 

So moving forward, this final giveaway contains 
1. N10,000 for 5 people. 

2. 3 kimonos from Julian's dressmakers. 
3. 3 pairs of Palm slippers from WaleOnibata. (Gents) 
4. 2 pairs of shoes from Courtney's Closet. (Ladies. Size 9 and Size 11). 

5. 1 human hair wig from Gabby's Wigs'n'Weaves. You pick from one of the wigs below. 
6. 3 cakes from CakesandCream 

7. A getaway at CitiHeight Hotel Ikeja for 3 people. (Who can each bring one person along).  


As I said earlier, Kon has already won a stay at CitiHeight and Clare, a kimono. So those gifts are now available for 2 people each. 
There is no competition. We are only going to play a game. 
I have each gift item listed out in numbers. Number 1 to 100. …