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No New Friends.




Hey guys, it's been one hell of a day.


First things first: I want to shout out to one of my Day-One friends, my former classmate, and an all round good person who's got a beautiful heart but no time at all for BS. My darling friend, neighbour and blog reader; Chocolate. She had the most adorable baby girl some days back and I'm so thankful to God; mum and babe are very fine. When I saw Chocolate's baby (the picture I mean, they're yet to return) I got teary eyed: because she's someone I've always had protective instincts over, kind of like a baby you want to shield from certain things. And then that baby now has a baby. LOL. Congrats boo, can't wait till you get back. 
***********

Early this morning I spoke to one of my closest friends *Sandra, she asked what I'd been up to all night and I told her I just got home. It was almost midnight and I was tired, yet I had to explain to her what I'd been up to; so I told her. "You went to all these places? Alone?" She asked. I guess I could have told her from the onset who I'd been with but I didn't want any drama, turns out I couldn't avoid the drama anyways.

"No, not alone, with *Bose". Silence. She changed the topic but later came back to it. "Nawa for this your new found love abi na friendship. See how you just littered *Bukky since you and Bose became friends.". I spent the next five minutes or so trying to explain myself and my friendship, something I felt awkward doing. 

Last week another close friend called me early in the morning just after 6am. Apparently she'd dreamt about me and we needed to talk about it. The basic gist of the dream was that I was getting married to this amazing guy whom I loved and who loved me madly in return and ladida... So basically in this dream I refused to do my igba nkwu (traditional marriage) in my village as is normal Igbo tradition, and the reason for this refusal; Bose. I said Bose wouldn't be able to make it to the East for my traditional marriage so we have to do it in Lagos (Hia!). Now as if that wasn't weird enough my
hubby (in the dream o! LOL) wanted a destination wedding in France but I refused because Bose's office won't give her time off to travel. So I said no destination wedding, we must wed in Lagos. Because of Bose. (Double Hia!!)

I laughed it off and told my friend we would know better when the husband in question comes, for now the whole Bose thing is just outrageous. 

Generally some of my old friends seem to feel some kind of way over my friendship with Bose. Some hinted at the No New Friends theory, the others just cannot understand the reason behind the sudden seemingly overly close friendship. First off, I didn't just meet Bose, we both went to QC and UNN and have been in the same sets all through. Bose and my bestie have always been good friends and although I've always known she's a really nice person, she and I just never clicked, until very recently. 

I've found myself having to explain this new friend to my old friends. 

Most of these old friends that are questioning me are married, with kid(s). Some have extremely crazy jobs and we only get to see like two, three times a year. So basically they hardly have anytime for me. This new friend is just as single as I am and doesn't have an extremely crazy job, so that makes things easy. 

Just like they say "People change, and they forget to tell you". So many of my old friends have changed, there's also the possibility that I've also changed. This new friend and I seem to be on the same page on so many things. And even when we're not, we have so much fun arguing, debating and analyzing things and ideas. 

A lot of my old friends do not care much about my plans or my dreams, most of them literally glaze over in the eyes when they hear Thelma Thinks (please know that I don't begrudge them for this). This new friend for some reason cares a lot about everything I'm doing or involved in; my career, my plans, my blog(ging), my writing, my relationships, my spirituality etc. 

Speaking of spirituality, remember the 14 day fasting programme I told you guys I did last month? We did it together, we also attended the anointing service together. We create some sort of spiritual support system for each other and are there to encourage and pray for each other. At times when I may want to compromise on something she reminds me to keep my eyes on the prize. 

The conversations with some of my old friends have become routine. With some, we talk about the same thing over and over and over again. With my new friend its fresh and new, and more importantly she's extremely smart and witty, yet quite innocent. So I find most conversations interesting, stimulating and refreshing. 

Did I also add that some very dear old friends who I loved like family just disappeared into thin air? Some have become too rich and successful for old friends, some are now Lagos socialites and only want social butterfly friends who look picture-perfect on Instagram, for some friendship is just not that important so when it's no longer convenient, just let it go! 
    So you see, some of my old friends have varnished like smoke; I still see them, they're still around. But when I knock, no one's home. 

This might sound selfish since you're hearing from my side alone, it may also make me come across as needy. In truth I'm neither selfish nor needy, I've just needed this kind of friendship for sometime now and I also try to be a good friend to her too. 

My old friends all live far away or out of town, the ones who live around (eg Chocolate above) have their own families and other (more important) priorities. This new friend lives nearby and that's the main reason we spend as much time together as we do. We're practically neighbours and it's very convenient. Add to that the fact that we are both single and are currently experiencing certain similar challenges in our lives, plus we do have similar temperaments which makes us see and react to certain things in a like manner. So we do have more in common than I do with some of my old friends right now. 

This new friend is not in any way perfect. She has her shortcomings just like everyone else does, and we may someday quarel just like friends do. So no, she's not some divine ethereal being. 

My old friends are still my friends, my feelings for them have not changed. I love them just as much as I always have, but sometimes new friends might just be what we need. 
     Time, circumstances and people change. To stay stuck in a place when everything else has moved is unnatural, unhealthy and potentially harmful. I really needed this new friend, I really needed 'someone'. My bestie still is my bestie but with work, husband and babies, it will be unrealistic of me to still expect so much from her, she does what she can, half the time she can't, most times I miss her desperately. I wrote that second Dear Future Husband  letter because of my bestie and because I needed someone to fill the void her absence created. This new friend has not and probably cannot fill that void and I'm not even expecting her to, but in truth she has filled a large part of it. 

And for this I shout at the top of my lungs YES NEW FRIEND!


Photo credit: Anthony Asael.

Comments

  1. Double yes new friends! That no new friends theory is BS if u ask me, twenty friends cannot play together for twenty years. I always look forward to meeting new people and making new friends if we click, not that I throw away my old friends for whatever reason but if I find we're no longer singing same tune then its time to switch.

    Ps- shout out to my bro inlaw who tied the knot traditionally today I'm so glad for them. (Remember the guy that proposed to his boo on twitter? "Twitter couple") yh they did their trad today, quite colourful. May God bless your marriage my dearest BIL.

    ReplyDelete
  2. To stay stuck in a place when everything else has moved is unnatural, unhealthy and potentially harmful....WORD!!! Lol @ (double hia)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hahaha...orishirishi!
    Well Amen to the dream. All roads must lead to France! Lol.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Congrats to ur friend Chocolate. Tell her leo babies rock...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yes new friends biko! Life isn't static. LOL @ that dream sha, what kind of strong friendship is that?
    Congrats dear Chocolate. May God bless your little one, may she grow in strength and grace. Amen.

    ReplyDelete
  6. 'The older the wine, the better'. But remember, old wine was new once.

    -C.O.N

    ReplyDelete
  7. I have never enjoyed true friendship no fault of mine. I guess people don't value me as much as I do them..i have come to terms with that somewhat. So T enjoy your new friend cos good friends are very hard to find. I envy you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I remember that DFH post. People were saying ur desperate for marriage but anybody who has common sense can see you needed a friend. I understand, when people get married everything begins to change so have to move on.
    Congrats chocolate. God bless you n your baby.

    ReplyDelete
  9. You lucky dear. I'm married but I really need a new female friend. I stay outta lagos now so practically away from my old friends and the people who reside in the state I'm in are on a different wavelength. I can't deal with their reasoning, kinda unexposed so conversations center mostly around kids and not real personal interests. I pray God preserves your friendship with Bose and grants you peace. I also pray I get new friend(s) I can relate with

    ReplyDelete
  10. Kudos to you for putting up daily posts even when tired. For sure, it's no easy task!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hmmmm, T i get U sha. So Bose is why u don't have my time. It is well ni. Let me zuzu & find my own new wine.
    for real though, we tend to get along well with people who can sing & dance to our tune. It's amazing to find someone who GETS u & HAVE your time. Irrespective of how long you've known them.
    # commenting from my friends tab. BIS has expired. Can't get airtime now. Much later in the day.

    congrats chocolate *back flips for our baby* MAY SHE GROW BEAUTIFULLY IN INTELLIGENCE& WISDOM.

    ReplyDelete
  12. What's no new friends e jo? Why?
    Just yesterday I thought about friends/friendship...lotta stuff.
    Congratulations to Chocolate!!! Glory to God! God bless you and baby.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I really need a new friend now.. My old friends from school have moved on to other states though we still communicate,it's not like it used to be especially 'cos of distance and all..right now,I need a friend I can see and freely talk to. Sometimes,all I just want is a hug from a close friend and realising I don't have anyone around hurts so much..I'm not in any way needy or selfish but I just want friends who'd be there for me just like I would be there for her(them)..so,yes,to new friends!!

    Congratulations on the arrival of your patter of tiny feet dear chocolate! Fina

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Where's your location?

      Delete
    2. Fina how can U be in PH & am also in PH & ur looking for a new friend?
      Oya get in touch with me. Let's start forming T & Sasha.
      Asap.

      Delete
  14. Congratulatins Chocolate, eku owo lomi, Lol, I dnt knw if u knw d meaning. There are temporary frnds nd dere r permanent frnds. None is important to the other, each av their roles. Most of my frnds each av what I cry on their shoulders for. Yes to a new frnd, its not a bad idea.

    ReplyDelete
  15. okay fine so you have a new friend? Congrats.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol. Try not to choke on your Haterade tho.

      Delete
    2. As in, this sick Anon that won't let Thelma be. I've been watching you, I hope your haterade chokes you. Get a life bitch.

      Delete
    3. LOL Thelma I like how you always comment as anonymous....impressive.

      Delete
    4. Lol. Yes I'm Thelma, I'm Thelma o. I'm Thelma. Are u happy now? Ode. Get a life bitch. And yes. I'm Thelma. I hope now dat I've said I'm Thelma ur happy. Stupid bitch. Monitoring spirit. Hater oshi. Jealous fool. Thelma hater. Get a life ok. One last thing hunny pie, I'm Thelma.

      Delete
    5. Lol Anon @12:43 pls you are the one in need of a life dearie...taking panadol for another mans headache, clearly ure a jobless fool...stupid ass loser, u cant mind ur own business, yes you are Thelma and I have accepted so are you happy now? sad cunt with major daddy issues. And one last thing hunny pie, learn to type with sense. oh I forgot, ure a local foolish illiterate.

      Delete
    6. Hia! Y'all need to calm down, is anything really ever that serious? We're all supposed to be adults around here, please let's stay sane and happy. Life's too short.

      Delete
  16. Congrats chocolate ur baby will be a blessing to u,me I need a friend I miss my old ones sometimes u just need someone to talk with or hang out with

    ReplyDelete
  17. T what's d meaning of dis one nau?? Since morning only one post Abi na advert.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Congratulations to you Chocolate! Thank God for safe delivery. God bless your baby IJN.

    I sort of envy you now, Thelma. :) So I can imagine how your old friends will feel.

    Since everyone needs a friend and we haven't heard any updates on the matchmaking, any suggestion? Thelma, over to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Matchmaking; Enjay unless I'm to matchmake two ladies with each other I don't know what else to do. The guys aren't responding, very few have and I'm yet to find a match that matches their requests. So far I've matched two couples but I've not received any feedback from them as per how things are going. It's all still a work in progress. Even those who I've matched can still be rematched if there are viable matches (if they want to). I just need more response from umu nwoke.

      Delete
    2. I understand that the women outnumber the men. That alone doesn't help.

      Delete
  19. Enjoy your new friendship Thelma, and congratulations to Chocolate.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ruthy dear,I actually reside in lagos..moved to ph recently and anything can move me back to lagos anytime if what I came for doesn't come to fruition..how do I get in touch with you? through Thelma? Fina

    ReplyDelete
  21. CONGRATULATIONS to chocolate.
    Like the first commenter said; 20 friends or children cannot play together for 20 years.
    A new friend now, was an old friend to someone else.... It's a circle.
    It's good you and Bose have a good rapport.

    ReplyDelete

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