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Not Everybody Is Going To Like You. But it's ok, so DEAL WITH IT!

I once worked somewhere. This really nice, constantly smily cheerful lady worked in the same building where I worked. Most times from afar I'd watch her cheerful demeanor, I noticed how she smiled at everyone, how when she exchanged pleasantries she always laughed and her jolly round cheeks would wriggle like jelly. She knew most people and was on first name basis with almost everyone. She was so sweet and kind to everyone. Everyone minus me.

I'd try to smile harder, be more cheerful, more upbeat, friendlier. Yet everything I did received a stern nod from her. I heard some things she liked and I made sure I got her tiny little gifts; a book, a small bottle of perfume, a scarf, a piece of cake. Yet nothing seemed to be working, the most this elicited was a tight smiled followed by a curt nod. 

I'd try to strike conversation with her; something she was eager to do with everyone else. Yet when it came to me she was suddenly dumb, deaf and mute all at once. 

One morning I came into work and I saw her. I nodded politely and walked on by. I admit it, it wasn't easy accepting the fact that she didn't like me, that someone did not like me for no reason at all. But from the minute I realized that fact and accepted it, it made my life easier. 

This has certainly helped me in dealing with other things in my life. The truth is this; you could be the sweetest, juciest, ripest peach in the world, but there's still going to be someone who hates peaches. It's just the reality of life. At different times I've tried to be kind or nice to people and I only hit a brick wall. There have been guys that I would have loved to be romantically involved with who just could not be bothered with me; but it's ok, not everyone can or will like me. There have been people who visited my blog just once and never returned, it's ok, not everyone can or will like my blog. There have been people who have looked upon my greatest efforts and turned their noses in disdain, or worse still, indifference. That's ok too because not everyone will like what you do or stand for, no matter how just and noble your intentions are.

And guess what; they don't owe it to you either. Nobody owes you likeness. Of course we all want to be liked but when you come across someone who doesn't like you for no reason at all, just take it in stride. 

People will see you and make snap judgements about you without even knowing you. They will hate you from the first moment they see you and nothing can change their minds (except them). Just take it in stride. In fairness you have also made snap judgements about others; you've seen that skinny yet curvy chic with the designer bag and the perfect manicure and you instantly hated her for being a bitch (although you've never said a word to her). You saw the short overweight chic with a muffin top and 'Christian mother' arms and you instantly wrote her off for being a fat, lazy slob who's not worth a minute of your time. And then there are those that you've heard stuff about and you hate them as a result of what you heard when you've never confirmed if the rumours are true or false. There are also those that your friends hate, so naturally by default you hate them too. 

So you see, nobody is without guilt really. 

No matter how true to yourself, beautiful and amazing you are, you will always be someone's 'allergy' so hey, deal with it. Don't let it get to you. Continue to be you and stay true to yourself. Remember that you cannot please everyone (but don't let that be an excuse not to make an effort to please/be kind to people). 

I wrote this for my friend who just cannot deal with the fact that someone doesn't like her. Are you like my friend? Do you get upset or worried over not being liked? How have you dealt with it so far?

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  1. Thelma I knw that feeling oh...when I was in secondary school,I had this yoruba teacher...she is the definition of short man devil..nothing I did made her happy,if she enter class na only my mouth she dey look...she would say lolade u can't greet abi...lolade remain standing....omo be sef show her pepper I knw what u talking bout..that naughty house wife

  2. I'm always worried about things like that too. Last one was with my mother-in-law just over the last weekend. She always acts like she adores me but behind my back she says all sorts. Was wondering where I went wrong. Spoiling me to someone I have not even met before. It really hurts.

    1. U didn't go wrong anywhere my dear...she is just jealous of doubt about that...yorubas say iwa ma fi iwa han meaning you can't hide your behavior...people would know you for who you are with time..likewise her too...that naughty house wife

  3. Thelma I don't just like you, I love your blog. I love the way you write. I love the way you don't try to act perfect. I love that ur not scared of making mistakes n I love you 4 being you.
    (Secret admirer)

    1. Please don't be secretly admiring me, I need actual friends and lovers, not secret ones. So mail me and let's be friends, ok?

  4. Hmmmmmm, ministering on the go my baby T...
    Oh well, I Love U T & I know U Love me too.
    Thanks to ur awesome blog, I have made 2 silly friends whom I love dearly even without seeing them.
    Sinach & Lola.... I love u both. I just do. Their voices will make u Rotfl...

    To everyone else, *BarneyHug*

  5. In Uni I got an ushering job and the person that informed me told me that I could bring one more person who would be of almost or the same height as me and so I invited my look-alike friend. We got to the dress fitting and the so called event manager just took a special interest in my friend who wasn't contributing at all. He would call her name as if seeking approval for our opinions in matters of what to accessorize our dresses with, colors and so on. Such that some other ushers thought they were partners. At first I thought the guy had an instant crush on her and I was smiling sheepishly until he shushed me cos he was waiting for my friend to talk. I was embarrassed that I kept quiet till the end of the whole meetings and up to the last day of the event.

  6. Ruthy I love you too, and your bubbly, almost baby like voice *Plenty kisses*
    Am so reserved, it's hard for people to like me. And am too lazy to try and change people's opinion about me.

  7. It used to bother me before but right now.. I don't give a flying saucepan!

    1. You on the other hand... Everyone wanted you to like them, everyone wanted your approval. Everyone wanted to be in your good books. Some treated you like a semi-god, some still do. Back then it really fazed me, I'll be like why do they all want to 'die on top her matter'? LOL. I'm so glad we're all grown now honestly. You and I; we've got our history, it hasn't always been love between us but somehow our friendship is stronger than all the ish we've been thru; from 2003 till date. Kai! Babes there were times I wanted to strangle you I swear! Just thinking about it now brings memories! ROTFL.

    2. Nwando you are so right. A friend of mine was in that category of wanting to be liked by your friend. She will complain "she didn't use my pic as dp on my birthday" "she didn't invite me to play's party" but what was amusing she will still keep her in her BlackBerry contact and find a way to go for the party she is not invited. I told her one day that friendship is not by force. She still does that till date.J

    3. i guess some people just "shadow" some people...

    4. Haha! J I never knew I actually know you. Yeah that's typical of many of Chocolate's "friends". Thankfully now that life is taking over and people have husbands and babies to cater to, they've moved on from that (phase).

    5. Abeg o! I'm sure it's not me y'all are talking about. Babe u know we have one of them rare friendships ... Ur still my boo.. My day one person.. Sometimes I wanted to strangle u too, u know wires can touch in your head!

  8. I have come to realize that no matter how much you try, some people will never appreciate your effort. I grew up with the feeling that my mum liked my sister more than me, she tried to break me sometimes, but I never let her, I was so determined to be the best I could with or without her support, and it turned out well for me. I thank God I didn't allow such affect me. Now we are a close but not as it shld have been. With other people, I just don't send, as long as I ain't hurting nobody, they can shove their thoughts down their arse.

    Thelma, love you mucho.

  9. I have come to realize that no matter how much you try, some people will never appreciate your effort. I grew up with the feeling that my mum liked my sister more than me, she tried to break me sometimes, but I never let her, I was so determined to be the best I could with or without her support, and it turned out well for me. I thank God I didn't allow such affect me. Now we are a close but not as it shld have been. With other people, I just don't send, as long as I ain't hurting nobody, they can shove their thoughts down their arse.

    Thelma, love you mucho.

  10. I hate it when people don't like me... I get along with 97% of people so it really does break my spirit when people hate me for no reason or for a reason infact. Especially people that I really like and admire, But anyways that's life. The only time I let my bitch side come out is at work and there I don't care, I tell my self Im not there to make friends, I do my job and at the end of the month it turns to pounds ...because oyinbo people are the most two faced people in the world, they can be laughing with you and stabbing you at the same time even if u bend yourself over backwards to please. So now I'm a professional fake smiler.
    Thelma ur friend should know that's what makes life interesting. I don't only like your blog, I love it :)

  11. Well Thelma youre right and sometimes we do things that people just dont genuinely like. I will use you as an example for instance, i liked you in the beginning but somewhere along the line, i noticed some traits in you i did not like. E.g you dont take to correction easily and you are usually always on the defensive if that makes sense but heyyy thats actually very okay cuz like you said, not everybody will like you. I used that as an example just so you can c that sometimes its only just because we have traits or do things that some people just have an issue with generallly. I mean, it got to a point where i even stopped reading your blog but then again a few of your posts just really get me and touch my heart and i feel i can relate.

    1. I doubt that you actually liked me though, what you've pointed out is not enough to make a person's like for another turn to dislike (in my opinion). But thanks all the same, like every other person I've got my flaws and I continue to work on myself.

  12. Hmmmmm I actually totally relate with this post and growing up I built up a defence mechanism, I wont even try so that I don't get disappointed but found out its not the best way to live, with tall walls around you all Time.

  13. Back then in uni,so many people thought I was a snob,pompous especially 'cos I was always wearing a stern look and somehow,words got to me that so and so persons see me so and so way,next I knew,I tried changing "ME" just to suit them,just to be liked by them,just for them to say nice things about me, just for them to get close and know the true me then,it dawned on me that I needed no approval,no validation from anyone,also realised that no matter how much I tried,all won't like me nor have nice things to say about me..made some sweet friends who are like more than sisters and brothers to me and the sweetest part was when so many of these people I wanted to validate me kept calling after grad. Skl,saying how much they admired me,saying how much they badly wanted us to be friends,saying how much they respected me and liked how I carried myself in uni and all..the thing is,not everyone would like you;the earlier you realised that and not allow it bother you,the better for you. Fina

    1. That's me in uni too. Can u believe no one even toasted me in my 1st year as a jambite. Lol Mrs m

    2. Lol..even with the stern look,I still got plenty toasters ooo all of which I turned down all thanks to my mom..we had the "boy(s) talk" and she told me any guy who "toasts" me in my 100L was out to DESTROY me..I had to run for my life Fina

  14. was on a job for 5months and the company decides to hire an HR person for the first time. she gets hired in Feb and hated my guts on the first day...suffice to say she wanted me out the following month and succeeded 2 months yh,i have first hand experience of this

  15. Na only me waka come, I care less if anybody likes me or not. The world is evil, you must be somehow selfish if you want to live long and not die of people's trouble

  16. I had this expereince wen I worked in a microfinance bank.
    There was this particular girl who didn't like me. And she didn't hide it. Right from d first day I walked into dat office. If I walked past her and said hi, she would barely respond. Even if she was laughing @ something someone said, as soon as I walk into d room, her countenance would change.
    I tried to remember if I had met her outside d office before or if we've had issues before, I just couldn't.
    Even wen hubby gave me an engagment ring and my colleagues were congratulating me, she hissed and walked out of d room. Like bettter hissing! It isn't as if I flaunted d ring Oo°˚˚˚°! It was one person who noticed it and called d aTtention of others.
    For months that girl was hostile towrds me. It botherd me so much that i spoke to a friend about it, and she said if it botherd me so much, I could ask her y she was always cold to me. I agreed, but decided not to. I told myself abeg! not everybody must like u.
    So one day I walked into d office and guess who said good morning with a smile? Gia!!! Inside me I was like " God abeg Oo°˚˚˚°!! dis one wen dis girl greet me today make I no die Oo°˚˚˚°!" Before then, I had put in my resignation some weeks back, so I had d right to hand over my clients to whom soever I please. So that day my manager told me he'd like me to hand over my clients to *IJ* since her income was "suffering". Then it occurred to me why she was so nice earlier. Well I did give her, but that was after she came to ask me herself.
    Since then, wen she sees me on d road she greets me with a smile.

  17. I remember the first time I met Nwando(Thelma) in nysc camp..I really didnt like her...whenever she walks pass me I'm like"bitch look at her "lol...but as God would have it he made us housemates n we worked in the same place n baaaam she wasn't so bad aftrrall,she turned out to be the nicest n bestest friend ever, we dont talk all the time but when we do we catch up on lost times.. Hehehehehe..buttom line is that it isn't good to judge a book by its cover...u never might know what the pages hold..

    1. Pls forgive my typo with a tipsy eye....TGIF...happy weekend guys

    2. LOL. Fifi it was so mutual. When I walked into that house and I saw you in the next room I literally wanted to cry. And then the next day I saw you at the office and I thought 'God must be taking the piss'. Haha! But I always knew you were nice, you had so many friends in camp and you were always laughing. Always! LOL. I'll be wondering how can somebody be so happy all the time? Just how?! But I hated you because of 'Macho Man', I was like 'bitch you know he's mine already, keep it moving.' LMAO. But I'm so glad our paths crossed again, you're a beautiful child with a beautiful soul. Love you always.

    3. Awwwwww love u too babyyyyyy( no homo)

    4. This display of love didn't make me start crying o, just allergies. Dunno why my mushy part is on full display today, the slightest thing and I tear up...oh well.

  18. Am so sensitive that I know if people likes me and if they don't .in most cases,people just pick interest in me and I don't know how and why I deserve their love and care,they do this to the extreme and makes most people jealous,that's understandable and I am dealing with it,afterall I don't like everyone too..
    But in a situation whereby I like som1,mostly girls and I feel the person doesn't like me,I walk up and ask what the problem is,I only do that if I send the person ni o.

  19. I just discovered ur blog and I love it...u r sooo matured from wat I hav read....keep up the good work...ur blog is my new addiction

  20. Ha! Where would I start from sef? Blogsville ? Abegy, make I forget that matter o! ahahaha.
    Some don't like me, I don't like them also! Many like me, I like them too!, So equation balance!
    My solution? BONE THEM!
    Yes o! I was, once told that; If I like, I should cut my head and place it on a golden platter and give people, they would still talk, because I can never please everybody! I have learnt to simply be me!

  21. I remember secondary school days, I was so skinny and I believed I was ugly. I didnt have good shoes for school and all that and everytime i walked with my friends the boys always gave them attention and neva me! Well today I have realised that not only am i very beautiful, I look timeless compared to my friends who now look older than our ages...and for the boys...dem dey check me out plenty!


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One More Post...


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