Skip to main content

The Single Lady's Struggle Is Real!

This evening I had a chat with Sasha Bone and another blog reader and over drinks we discussed a few things. What set this particular line of conversation in full force was today's Aso Ebi Bella on Bella Naija, I guess it also had something to do with the last topic; dress code at weddings. 

So we looked at some of the styles and some of the (unnecessary) baring of one's flesh and mammaries. At some point I blurted out "Why wear that to someone's wedding?", to which Sasha Bone immediately replied "Why not? The bride is getting hooked. Single chics have to find their own too.". 

Have you attended a wedding and be hit hard with the stench of Struggle in the air, the single lady's struggle? You walk in and you feel like you're about to be submerged in a sea of women. The ladies are a sight to behold that it becomes very easy to forget there's a wedding going on; the reason you're all there in the first place. The ladies are all over the place, in all colours, shapes and sizes; tall, short, average height, skinny, fat, obese, curvy, voluptuous, dark skinned, light skinned, the unnaturally light skinned, high maintenance, low maintenance, average maintenance. All sorts!

And the worst part about this sometimes is that you look around and you DO NOT SEE ANY SINGLE MEN. I mean you see a few men but they're all married..... And how do you know they're married? I'll tell you: before your gaze wonders down to his fingers to further investigate the prospects you feel someone's stare burn right into you, you look to his side and you see this lady with a no-nonsense 'don't even think about it' look on her face, she holds your gaze and stares you down, till you look away shamefaced and uncomfortably chew on your finger nails in humiliation. 

But we didn't really focus on single ladies at weddings, today we talked about the chics on Aso Ebi Bella. The other blog reader is of the opinion that this is just another, smarter way for single ladies to advertise themselves. To her it so obviously goes beyond showing off one's dress and gele; these girls sew these provocative styles, wear the most expensive shoes and even pay professional makeup artists to give them a makeover just for the occasion (#IsItYourWedding?). Then they take pictures, use the most flattering filters, tag Bella Naija and voila, their pictures are put up on one of the biggest blogs in the country. And oh, not just their pictures, more importantly; their handles! That way a "hunter" can peruse Aso Ebi Bella like a catalogue and immediately follow an interesting-looking prospect, nay, future wifey on Instagram and the man-woman ritual begins. 

It was a very interesting conversation and I'm not saying this is in fact the reason behind the Aso Ebi Bella craze. But even if it is, I shan't knock anybody's hustle. 
      Or as a single lady, have you never "advertised" your wares to a potential Significant Other? Me I have o! In fact I remember this particular occasion I went out for dinner with a friend and there was this really cute tall drink of brown chocolate checking me out. That day I unwittingly wore a ring on the fourth finger of my left hand. The minute I saw this guy glance at me I immediately put my hands under the table and switched the ring to my index finger. Hia! Biko kwa the struggle is indeed real. I cannot be sleeping on a bicycle. 

Where do you guys think a single lady should draw the line in the search for that life partner? Should no measures be spared provided no one is getting hurt and she doesn't appear too desperate. What's your general opinion of single ladies' struggle? What has your own experience been?

Let's talk!

Photo source:


  1. Risky outfits dont make much sense to me
    There are better ways to hunt that to show ur boobs and backside to the whole world. Folks stay making noise. Like you said the men at these said weddings aint even checking for the chics and when they do its often with warped intentions. I met my husband in the gym, my nike stuff is always on point without overdoing in and actually working out instead of socialising. According to him he recognized my "great" looks and more so my discipline to actually work out.
    I dont subscribe to obvious man hunting, it leaves room for disrepect. Most men want to believe they found you.

  2. Thelma I just love you. You cannot be sleeping on a bicycle jare. These days sha although men are hunters and all that sometimes women have to be proactive too eg going out more often, being friendly and approachable etc. unfortunately some people don't know where to draw the line from being desperate.

  3. The blog reader was right about asoebi bella. Those girls are thirsty.

  4. Lol. I have given this a thought a couple of times. But it would never have occured to me that babes do the asoebi hashtag so men could look them up.
    Men already know that babes come to weddings to look for potential husbands so these days its really no use expecting to meet a guy at a wedding.
    And going to weddings half dressed is just plain tacky. I wonder when they will get it.

    1. The same thought I have Kiky. I never knew. I thought it was simply for fashion.
      What I learn everyday from your blog Thelma.
      Like you said, we should not pour san-sand inside else garri,
      Potential suitors can also be found at weddings and many men go along with their wives or lovers or fiancee. It is seldom to see any single men without a companion.
      A pastor once said; Ladies should learn how to package themselves well, to create a climax of acceptance. Clothes and make-up are for enhancement of beauty, and to cover flaws.The type of function would determine the style of dressing and makeup.

  5. Thelma, you will kill somebody with the kind of description you come up with..."you see this lady with a no-nonsense 'don't even think about it' look on her face, she holds your gaze and stares you down". Hilarious...

    If you wanna land a guy at one of those weddings, better do the opposite of what the rest of the babes are doing. Showing flesh and mammaries can only get the majority of the babes laid.

    I agree that no measure should be spared as long as nobody is getting hurt, I still respect the only babe that ever showed courage by asking me if I was dating anyone. Would have jumped on her if I wasn't.
    I think singles girls that are sure of themselves can score easy, I am more concerned about the number of good quality guys out there. Naija no easy at all.

  6. U are very right Wale. Naija no easy. LOL
    Well, my motto has always been Dress as U want to be addressed...
    I dress to attract MY kindda man any day anywhere... but right now, a wedding is NOT just the spot i'll look to score a good dude cos most single men are there to get 5-10 girls laid *i no fit add to that number*

    1. you just said it mehn.. my cousin says the same thing..he's an ass but that's why he goes to weddings. knowing that there's one EVERY weekend in Lagos with girls dressed up like they are going clubbing.. A guy said he doesn't take women in weddings and churches seriously because most of them reek of desperation.hmm i don't know about that but yeah.. the strugu to find that "le boo" is fierce!

  7. first of all.. on instagram, you add #asoebibella on your pic and bellanaija includes your IG name.. and not everyone does this for a potential "hunter". It's all fun and exciting to see your pic on a popular site. But I get it, things are getting tough for the naija babe. i don't know about nigerian weddings but the Nigerian church I sometimes attend here, hmm the girls are something else! I am talking fashion show catwalk sunday!
    been in a relationship since 18 and now single at 23, I don't know where to begin with the nigerian guys here. that's why I have decided to give the other brothers a chance because these nigerian guys I'm seeing ain't it for me!

  8. I hear wedding season is in december where the "i just got back" people start trooping in. well my girlfriends who are heading back home have started hitting the gym and eating like herbivores. got to get that belly tight and derrière right you know.. time to find that mate, time to search for that nigerian prince! lol the single life is not for the soft hearted oo

    1. Eating like herbivores. OMG! I just can't. ROTFL. You people won't kill somebody I swear.

    2. lmaoooo, the 'i just got backs' are the 'worstest' they know what the ladies want and will say all the sweetest nothings. i know, i have been a victim! I hear that's why naija ladies over there are coming home to look for husbands too.

      So asoebiebella is a good way to advertise oneself, hmmm i have learnt something new today

    3. OMG! Can't stop laffing at this cos i have at least 4 in my gym classes! N most of em already look good o! According to them 'good just a'int good enof o!' Have to look great!

  9. It's a competition. Life is, sometimes. Nobody wants to finish last, so anyway to achieve, is the way for most people. Though not the right way.

  10. you look to his side and you see this lady with a no-nonsense 'don't even think about it' look on her face, she holds your gaze and stares you down, till you look away shamefaced and uncomfortably chew on your finger nails in humiliation. -LMFAO. I can really picture this.

  11. Girls are not smiling.everybody want somebody.

  12. Everyone wants to bear Mrs. 122

    1. Just got back from viewing the page. Some nice pictures but there's a whole lot of celebration of boobs going on there. Kilode? Is being single that bad?
      Even the married women are guilty of this too. It's a competition. The best contestant is the one who can bare the most.

  13. Most guys this days know when a lady is desperate and then takes advantage of it,that's why most ladies suffers heartbreak,take it easy pls!

  14. They say women are like flowers, they fade with age. I say desperation makes a woman of 25 look like old, torn, faded jeans. My 35 years old single self (if I am still single by then - I hope not though), will kick ass.

  15. Yes as a single lady at the back on one's mind is that thought of ,'make dem see me now' but the truth is even as a lady there is a way another lady will so much expose her body that will leave you disgusted and pissed off! I just feel like the 5 wise virgins.....go to the banquet with your lamp trimmed(look good) but dont look desperate. Abeg 'le boo' will find you even if no be for wedding but most importantly keep it covered.....JoyDaNuGirl

  16. Ladies, lemme let you in on a little secret (that I'm sure you all know). Guys react to what they see and that's why packaging is good. However, we need to keep away somethings so our overactive imaginations can kick into overdrive and start the quest for the hunt. Guys react more and better to a lady in a just-above-the-knee-length as against one in a hot micro mini skirt. The former leaves us imagining what the thighs will look like while the later just shoots straight to pure lust. You get my drift?

    1. *just-above-the-knee-length skirt

  17. If not until now, I never thought that most ladies' intention to put the asoebibella hashtag on their pictures was as a result of desperation or hoping to be noticed by prospective suitors, well it wasn't for me the few times I tagged my pictures. But of a truth, most pictures rake of that purpose now on BN.

  18. Women take their hunt for men everywhere even to the work place. Some women dress really inappropriately for work. I think single ladies should just relax and enjoy being single while it lasts, let the right man find you.There is a Kiswahili proverb that when loosely translated means a good thing sells itself without any advertising but a bad thing parades itself around in order for it to be seen.

  19. Just a question I have been thinking do girls identify a prospect at those weddings?

  20. My mum always says when the person for you comes he'll find you wherever you are.

  21. My mum always says when the person for you comes he'll find you wherever you are.

  22. True talk Eziuche bt then you hv 2 play your part . Cos you won't sit @home all day nd expect mr right 2 come knocking lyk my friend grace wud say y nt locate mr left nd drag him 2 d right. 882


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…


Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...


He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!


A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…


I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Closed Chapter...

Hello everyone, yesterday a friend said to me, Thelma I love your blog, I've told so many people about your blog, I think you're a very good writer but I feel there's something you're not doing right"

This friend was the first person who won our beauty of the day contest back then in 2014. Then we had met just once through a mutual friend. I mentioned the blog to her and she became an instant reader. I wouldn't have exactly called her a friend then but yesterday as we sat down waiting for our Uber to come get us from Wal-Mart, she's definitely my friend and I knew she was coming from a good place when she said she had much higher expectations of my blog.

Me too.

But you see, in the last year or so, maybe even longer than that, I haven't felt much joy in blogging. It began to feel more and more of a laborious chore, one which I hardly reaped any fruits from.

I really love writing, I love sharing my life and my experiences with others and I've enjoy…

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 

Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.

Uyi & Tiwa