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Why Did You Get Married?


Good evening good people. I'm so sorry, the weekend has been insane. I'm all over the place trying to find buyers for some properties (the last post and a few others), had a couple of meetings set up, only for my mum to call me last minute to say that she was paid to cook for 200 people and I know she's not as "young as she used to be" so I had to rush over and get to work. Got home a few minutes ago, long story short; Sorry. 


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So I just got off the phone with one the most amazing individuals God created. My friend *Ezinne is such a wonderful person and I'm so blessed to have crossed paths with her in this life. The basic gist of our phone call was her wedding plans and her fiancé.

      Basically these two young people aren't privileged to have families assist them financially so the wedding ceremonies and their new home are more or less on their shoulders alone. They're looking for a new place, neither is based in Lagos at the moment but they will move to Lagos after the wedding. I was telling her what rent is like in different parts of town and I could hear her wonder just how things will work out, every few minutes she muttered "I'm not worried, God is in control". 

     They've both got jobs, the pay isn't fantastic and in an unguarded moment my friend let something slip, something I doubt she would have easily admitted to anyone else; "Sometimes I just wish I'm marrying a guy who's already very comfortable. One that all I have to do is just pack my things and move in... Let me shut up sha". She hurriedly said. I could perfectly understand how she felt, but I reminded her of women we both know who got married to rich husbands several years ago, but are today wallowing in poverty and struggling to feed. 

      After I told her that and she said that was why she actually asked herself to shut up, I added "At least now that you guys are starting from the bottom, there's no where else to go but up. And knowing this, you guys would do everything within your power to make sure that you move up". This seemed to really inspire and console her, then on a lighter note she laughed and said; 
"But Nwando so you know that life is just very funny? Ever since I got engaged if you see the kind of suitors I've been having ehn! Correct guys, clean well-monied guys, the types that I won't even have to worry about a thing. Suddenly they're just all over me. Kai!" We laughed and I told her she should just 'remove' her mind from there. Her response is the reason behind this post:
"Hmmm, babe my mind is not there, not even one tiny bit. I have no doubt about *Goke, I've never been more sure about anything else in my life, this one, I am sure of. This is my husband, there is no question about it my sister. I'm just amused at the way all these rich men suddenly sprang up. But I don't care o! I have no doubt about Goke, he is my husband". She said this with very strong conviction and confidence. 

Her response brought to mind something I've always been curious about. I remember the first time I asked one of our popular blog readers to mail me; it was solely to ask him "Why did you marry your wife? What were those characteristics you saw in her that made you decide that out of all other women she was the one?". 

I'm asking the married ones among us today and I'm hoping you'll indulge me and satiate my curiousity:
Did you marry your spouse out of love, or were there other reasons?
Why did you marry your spouse? Were they the only option you had or were there other reasons?
What were these reasons?
What characteristic(s) did your spouse possess that made them the ones you wanted to  spend the rest of your life with? 


And for us single ones; what are those characteristics that once present in a suitor or a prospect, seal the deal for you, What are your deal-makers?

Let's talk. 

Comments

  1. Honestly Thelma, somedays i wonder how and why i married my ex-hubby but then he made me feel worthless after i lost my virginity to him, he knew hw much i wanted to marry as a virgin and hw afraid i was to let another man see me naked and sleep with me, so it looked like he was saving me all that trouble when he wanted to marry me, so i quickly agreed and thanked God. Kai i was just a total Mugu then sha, thank God for better days.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awwww, I can feel ur pain...so sorry

      Delete
  2. How can someone break up with his girlfriend via watsapp. I put my everything into this relationship. I had all my eggs In one basket. I won't lie I'm so heartbroken. Such a horrible way to start the week. I'm sure I'll get by. I'm just in denial, I need survival tips!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. so sorry, you need to cry it out...cliche but time heals a broken heart..concentrate on other things, stay busy and just give yourself a break..true love will be back ;)

      Delete
    2. Don't worry dear,you'd be fine in no time.. Cry if you want,talk to yourself if you want..all I know's you'd be fine.

      Delete
    3. He broke up with you via whatsapp. How old is he? 13? He's childish, immature and a coward, and did I forget to add thoughtless and unfeeling? This is so annoying. I feel so upset that this 'person' has got you feeling so down and unhappy.

      Survival tips: just breathe. Cry if you want to, you don't have to be strong especially at a time like this, experiencing the pain is actually very vital to your healing process.
      Just don't spend too long being sad. I'm sorry about what happened and I wish it didn't have to, but apparently it seems we're doomed to kiss frogs before we meet Prince Charming. I'm sorry my darling, you'll be fine.

      Delete
    4. I didn't want to comment, but then I have to.
      Dear Nameless, Ur Ex is ALL T said & some more. Am sorry for ur pain but the truth is U should be rejoicing. U just dodged a deadly bullet. A man who breaks up with U on the phone should be kicked outta ur heart & life. Just keep thinking about ALL his cruel ways & Trust me, hatred will creep in. Easiest way to forget the MF!
      #HugsHoney

      Delete
    5. I agree wiyh ruthylicious

      Delete
    6. Thanks Guys! Phew

      Delete
  3. I'm in my early 20's so as I get older I think I would know more about my deal makers...
    I would love my man to be peaceful to complement my personality..
    he should know how to take charge..my past relationship..I felt like i always had to lead or be on top of things.. I did not like that one bit!.

    He must display intelligence. Now I'm not saying he has to have a phd, masters or be an alumni from some ivy league college BUT I am referring to the kind of partner who innately possesses that brand of sage intelligence.

    He should share my values, beliefs, vision. unconditional love, love my flaws and all, and we have to be sexually compatible.
    Hubby has to be my best friend..I think that makes things easier in some way.. we can converse freely and so on... I don't want to type in a book lol

    ReplyDelete
  4. After 2 days of sleeplessness my princess is here T and she looks nothing like me.lol Mrs m

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mrs M I'm actually dancing on my bed! ROTFL @ she looks nothing like you, it's too soon to tell jor. Calm down! Lol. Congrats Mrs M. May she bring you unending happiness and peace.
      *Many many many BIG hugs and kisses on your cheeks... And a kiss on the little princess' forehead*
      Gosh I can't stop grinning. I thank God for a safe delivery.

      Delete
    2. Congratulations Mrs M..God bless you and your baby. Fina

      Delete
    3. I repeat,Leo babies rock!!!!

      Delete
    4. Congratulations, Mrs M. May God give you all the strength you need for midnight feeding. ;) Much more than that, may your baby bring joy to you at all times.

      About the resemblance, don't worry. It might come later. I remember telling my baby that after 9 months drama he put me through, he must compensate me by looking like me.

      Delete
    5. Congrats Mrs M.... welcome our #2 baby.

      Delete
    6. Congrats Mrs.M nd Dr. N

      Delete
    7. Congratulations Mrs m!!! May God bless your baby.

      Delete
    8. Congrats mrs m, may God provide all you need to bring her up.

      Delete
    9. Congrats. May her birth herald joy and peace

      -F

      Delete
  5. Thelma, just like your friend I just knew. I can't explain it but I did and I've been thanking God ever since.

    ReplyDelete
  6. For me,he needs to have a VERY GOOD communication skill,intelligent,good personality,funny,have similar goals,vision,values,spoil me silly with gifts and surprises(yes please!),sincere and of course,a go-getter. Fina

    ReplyDelete
  7. I want a man who finds me sexualiy attractive always and vice versa
    I want a man who understands his role as a man and lives up to it
    I want a strong but sensitive man.
    Being Christian and God-fearing shld be a default quality.

    Side Note: Never make long term marriage contracts with someone who doesn't share ur deepest (marital) values

    ReplyDelete
  8. marrying my husband has been the best tin to happen to me. So many people thougth i was crazy, throwing my self into bondage as they called it at a very young age 18. Its been 3 years now and i still dnt knw why i married him, but in my mind, i just knew it was him, and he loves me to bits and pieces.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Am curious, was ur degree on hand b4 marriage

      Delete
    2. wow 18! once you know, you know right ?. if you don't mind me asking, how old is the hubster ?

      Delete
  9. For your friend Ezinne at the very least in future her hubby will not say she married him for his money.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Dr N also gave birth to a boy on saturday. Congrats to Mrs M and Dr N. Your children shall always be sources of joy

    ReplyDelete
  11. TT is getting bigger everyday,congratulation s to Dr N and mrs M..God bless,keep and protect your babies..

    I want a man who's not selfish,a selfish man is an inconsiderate desperate man,I want a man that is God fearing,truthful,intelligent and of cos sexually active..will include others later.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wow good news everywhere congratulations to Dr N and Mrs M your babies will be a blessing to you and their generation, they will bring you peace, joy and pride...

    First of all I was insanely attracted to DH when we first met it was crazy, my initial thought to be honest was to have a fling with him and move on cos he has that bad boy player looks about him so I didn't want to invest anything. I only remembered it was supposed to be a chop and clean mouth something when he proposed with the ring of my dreams and we started shopping for our wedding, to top it all he's the most honest person I know it can be annoying sometimes but he's a sweet sweet man, intelligent, trouble shooter, God lover, witty... More than what I asked for

    ReplyDelete
  13. He came at the time when I needed a friend and we just clicked. He was always there, listening, offering words of comfort, he was someone I really could talk to. I could be myself around him.

    Sometimes I really can't tell how I started loving him, but I knew the moment he saw me he told his friend he was going to marry me. And so far so good, God has been faithful.......

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm dating someone now. I love him very much and I know he loves me. The problem is that there's this other guy that's my family friend. He's God fearing, sweet, sings for me all the time, a virgin( I'm also a virgin) and doesn't hide the fact that he likes me. He's the kind of guy I'd like to get married to. Even though he's not my type physically. My bf is also sweet but he's not very open about his feelings and all. And he's my type of guy physically... Very cute, tall, pink lips, big body and all but he's not that God fearing and is definitely not a virgin. I'm just confused. I guess I just need to pray well.

    ReplyDelete
  15. The virgin part was funny lol. What exactly are you looking out for in a husband. write them down and start ticking off. Please don't include being a virgin cos you cannot really tell for guys and after the wedding night that goes so think beyond that. J

    ReplyDelete
  16. I always wanted a wife with a past. LOL!! So I go out for a boy-only hangout with my friends in coliseum back in the day. I see this goddess dancing with her bobo and i just lost it. Somehow we got talking and exchanged numbers. Nine months later ( kai, get your mind off the gutter, no be belle), we officially started dating. It will be 10 yrs in Feb we wedded and i still have no doubt whatsoever she's the one.

    ReplyDelete
  17. So it took you nine months to "gbajie her bobo hand" collect the girl who is now your wife. lol I like your guts.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I think to a large extent, when we find the ONE, we tend to know except we are just to confused to tell ourselves the truth. After my first date with my hubby (BF) in 2011, I knew he was husband material, then I started the praying and all, until I got the kind of peace that confirmed he was/is the one. There were several money bags who were ready to buy all the finer things of life, cars, houses in high brow areas, but I just knew it wasn't. About the money. My hubby is a kind, considerate, generous and good man. Plus the sex is great men. Chai, I even run sometimes. Above all he has the fear of God. I'm so glad I made that choice.

    Marriage has turned to a business partnership these days. God help us all. Please single ladies my advise is that you marry a man you can love , tolerate and even after he offends you, somewhere in ur heart, you'll always know he is still worth the wahala. My 2 cents. Clare

    ReplyDelete
  19. I think to a large extent, when we find the ONE, we tend to know except we are just to confused to tell ourselves the truth. After my first date with my hubby (BF) in 2011, I knew he was husband material, then I started the praying and all, until I got the kind of peace that confirmed he was/is the one. There were several money bags who were ready to buy all the finer things of life, cars, houses in high brow areas, but I just knew it wasn't. About the money. My hubby is a kind, considerate, generous and good man. Plus the sex is great men. Chai, I even run sometimes. Above all he has the fear of God. I'm so glad I made that choice.

    Marriage has turned to a business partnership these days. God help us all. Please single ladies my advise is that you marry a man you can love , tolerate and even after he offends you, somewhere in ur heart, you'll always know he is still worth the wahala. My 2 cents. Clare

    ReplyDelete
  20. @MOMOH ADEOLA, if u are waiting for a degree before u get married, then u go tey for your papa house. But if i must answer ur question, i was in my 3rd year at d university then cos i got an admission at 16 immediately after sec sch. Now at 21, am a graduate, a wife, and a mother.
    @MEME BABY, you are as old as you feel not as ur birth certificate states. But to indulge ur amebo mind, he is 10 yrs ahead.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel there are other things to do rather than being a mom and a wife at 21.. that's just me though.. you have the rest of your life to do that so why the rush ?

      Delete
    2. Anon 9:02pm, I like the part where you said that's just you. She is also just her, and obviously followed her heart. You may want to club hop at 21, and she wants to have babies at 21... if she's happy, then good for her

      Delete
  21. My husband. He creeped up on me. I like eating out, he tool me out for 30 dates in 31 days in August. He has patience with me. He is protective over me. One thing I realised is iur first date lasted 5 hours and it never felt dull. Most of all he is very accountable and doesn't give excuses. Most of all I have peace of mind with him. He proposed by month 9, we did registry on my birthday by month 10. And the trad and formal are slated for 3 months from now.
    He helped me understand that love and peace are the same exact thing. Nothing has given me more joy than being married to him for 2 months now. And I pray for him before I even pray for myself.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Wow. Lovely love stories. I aint married yet. It's silly that at 21 I haven't really thot of what I'd REALLY want in my ideal hubby other than the tall, handsome, comfy, intelligent, caring, blah blah most girls desire. Some call me an ambitious go-getter who if not careful won't find love. Bleh! right? Sincerely I'd like HIM to be a reflection of me and most importantly, GOD's GIFT to me. I love ur blog Thelms, always gives me +ve things to ponder about.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I married my spouse out of love and for companionship, no other reason. I had another option (options if I wanted to), I was a man about town with many female friends back in the days.

    I love strong women, can never stand the "I am coming, hold this cloth" kind of woman; this attribute has a huge downside though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Wale: abeg,explain this part here "I am coming,hold this cloth kinda woman"

      Delete
  24. Is there any guy here that wants to meet up with a Single 23 year old. Just friends and a couple of hang outs. No im not desperate please. Reply under this comment. Serious minded individuals only. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Ann Ann, what's wrong with holding cloth?

    ReplyDelete
  26. Did you marry your spouse out of love, or were there other reasons?
    I Married out of love. I was crazily in love ehn! I turned into a poet fa! ahahaha

    Why did you marry your spouse? Were they the only option you had or were there other reasons?
    I married him because, I was sooo in love. Infact, I began to write love poems for him o! ahahaha.
    Nope. I had another suitor from my own tribe and religion, but I loved my hubby, though he is from a different tribe and religion.

    What were these reasons?
    No other reasons. I was simply madly in love! For me to kiss him in presence of his friends, took a lot of courage from me o, because of my strict upbringing. I didn't feel shy when with him.

    What characteristic(s) did your spouse possess that made them the ones you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?
    He has a high I.Q. and very good at Maths.
    He is 6 4 and attractive with gap-toothed smile.
    He is ambitious, always reading and researching.
    He is pro-active, he trouble-shoots and anticipate or proffer solutions incase.

    ReplyDelete

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