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A Man With "Potential"

I'm sharing this because... wasn't it two days ago that a guy asked me this same question; What exactly do women mean when they say they want a guy with potential? I saw this post and thought to share and hear your thoughts. 

I bumped into one of my close family friends recently and it was sooo good to see him after four years. The last time I saw him was at his introduction/engagement ceremony and he seemed very happy with his soon to be wife. That was 2009 - I was holidaying in Lagos. So seeing him four years later, I asked after madam and he said he wasn't married. I look shocked and asked him what happened to his marriage only for him to say he was never married. So I asked after the babe we met then and he now started telling me the long story.

They did the introduction and all seemed well, but the girl kept on saying he was not motivated or driven enough and she had doubts about their future financially. At that time he didnt have a good job but he was hoping something better will come up soon. Eventually the girl left him later that year and he was devastated. When I heard that I was sooo mad that the first thing that I said was

"these useless Naija girls, I hope she is somewhere still very single and regretting her actions".

He then replies, that she is married now, and she even has a child sef. Somehow, the thing just pained me even more. Because this is a very nice young man that I know that wouldnt cheat or beat his wife. Easy going, handsome, God fearing gentleman, so why would a young lady leave him for such a flimsy excuse other than greed or being a gold-digger. I just encouraged him generally and told him, he will get a better babe.

But after sometime, I just reflected on the whole incident. The guy was 30 in 2009 and he didnt have a good job. Now, he is 35 and still struggling. Not much progress. Even though, he is a very nice guy, but I just started thinking to myself. Was the girl right after all? Did she see something I wasn't seeing? Is he truly motivated or was this girl another 9ja gold-digging babe. Because after five years, it seemed my guy still hadn't made much progress and at 35, shouldn't a guy be on his feet?

So I ask you ladies, those that are not gold-diggers; what is expected of a potential marriage partner. What does it mean to have potential. Your thoughts are very welcome. Guys please contribute as well.



  1. I normally do not comment but i am doing so now because i have been here before so i know the feeling….
    A MAN MUST have a potential and be able to assure his woman everything would be fine financially…..when certain things lack in a relationship/marriage, trust me….Love does NOT stand a chance and would never be enough…
    Its not about being a gold-digger, its reality because then in such cases,the woman becomes the man and its only the grace of God that would stop the woman from disrespecting the man. She probably weighed her options because by the time they start having kids,its a different ball game entirely.
    Dude is now 35 and like you said….no significant change….i am pretty certain she saw this and decided on what was best for her as we all have to make selfish decisions at certain points regardless of how "sweet,loving,caring" a man is…….A MAN MUST ALWAYS BE A MAN
    I personally dated for 6yrs hoping for change….he had no job and was laid-back and was still disturbing for marriage…..i suspected a proposal and old him not to bother cos he had no basis for wanting to start a family(story for another day)…forget the tales of "marriage opens doors"……i am not saying it doesn't but do something and stop sitting on your lazy ass hoping for miracles…..i am sure if i dated for 2yrs, id have married the dude to realise certain things after marriage but in 6years, i already knew how things would be and knew i didn't want to be the woman i was becoming with him.
    It may seem harsh but if at 35, he hasn't really moved….at what point would he?when does he intend to start?
    i dont blame the girl oooo……nobody wants to suffer and no woman wants to take the wheel of a man in the home financially(better off single).i could go on and on buh *nuffsaid* BEE!!!

    1. Jeez……epistle mehn….dnt realise….forgive me…..Love this blog by the way…..ardent reader just never drop comments. BEE

    2. Same bee? You are spot on, if a man cant be the head of household with a woman, no point. Some women need more accomplished men than others to lead them. I worry a lot when a man has little drive to earn and wants to start a family.

  2. Lol. You're welcome Bee. The greatest mistake a woman can make is to marry a man who does not have any potential, even if he doesn't have money presently, as long as he has goals and plans he is working towards achieving them then you're good to go. And we women just have a way of knowing these things, imagine 5 years later he is still struggling. It's unfair but sometimes you need to be selfish, nobody wants to suffer.

  3. Thelma, I'm going to be blunt on this post.
    5 yrs ago, I wanted a guy with prospects, someone I could grow with. Someone I could make his 1st 6figures with.
    Fast forward 5yrs later. I'm not a teenager anymore, so right now, I need a guy who is on his feet financially, I'm not saying wealthy or rich, but we shouldn't starve if we marry today. Such a guy would have realized his prospects & just needs to be super hard working & determined to make more money & make our kids comfy, added to mine, we'll also be able to help others.

    So, at 30, if he was still banking on only prospects, Then his babe made the right call, though I wouldn't have started such a relationship in the 1st place let alone engagement.
    I know A Lot of LAZY men. Mentally & Physically lazy! I can't be close to anyone. Smart women can sight them from afar!

    1. A Gazillion likes for this… time to "grow" with any man a beg…..the time to "grow" has passed….we are old now so he should have "grown" after which he may find himself suitable to toast a woman let alone marry!!! BEE

    2. Loving the comments here, girls have old o, time to grow together is past, i've been growing as much as i can so i expect the guy to have grown too.

      Meanwhile i have a question, who is really a gold digger? is it a woman like in the post who chooses to marry a man who's more well to do because she wants to secure a safe financial future for herself and her kids? in this instance, she is being a good wife and mother, showing love and affection to her husband and family. i'm just wondering bcos this gold digging term has made a lot of women think they have to settle lest they be termed a gold digger

  4. Hmm... To be a man is not a days job! (Singing in Flavors tone)

  5. Nobody(men&women) wants to suffer. Abeg no time to.check time.

    Basically, it's beyond ehn he has potentials,yes I know but more importantly what practical steps is he taking to actualize them?

  6. I don't blame her Thelma, because she alone knew what she saw ahead. By potentials, it means a guy has good qualification that can get him a job where ever he applies and he does not have the siddon-look attitude, waiting for someone to tell him what to do.
    I have a cuz who dated a guy for 6 yeat

    1. 6 years and broke off their engagement because she realized what her loved ones told her came true. They told her the guys qualification was poor. His boss was transfered to another country, he had a fall out with his new boss and was fired. He could not get a better job rather jobs that paid lower than his previous salary. She was supporting him on her meager income for 2 years and got fed up! Eventually he got a contract job, then my cuz broke off the relationship because she saw some traits in him when he was unemployed that she didn't like. My cuz got married 2 years later.

  7. as ruth said,@ 30 which kain potential are we stl lookn 4 biko,e lose ni.he shud be standn on two feets becoz na me go suffer am lastlast.

  8. A man with potential is a hard working man, he tries his hands in many things (not bad things o) to make ends meet. He is not a "give me " man. He does look down on little beginnings and not proud. He is smart (not necessarily school smart). He is ambitious and never comfortable with the status quo. He gets results no matter how small. J


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