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Chain Reaction. (Last Wednesday's Hunk)

I told y'all about le hunk I met during midweek service last Wednesday. So yes we exchanged numbers and all of that. I got weird vibes from the minute he asked if I cook but I shrugged them off, after all I'd been ticking my own boxes too. 

Yeah well things didn't get much better. 

Later that night dude called me and after he'd confirmed I'm single he proceeded to tell me how much he likes me, said he was going to sit elsewhere but when he saw me 'the spirit' asked him to come and sit beside me. Apparently he doesn't usually feel that way about people when he first meets them but he felt so strongly about me. 
        He said he would like to come clean with me, told me how his career has been going (the ups and downs, the downs far outweigh the ups...) and also proceeded to tell me his body count (Huh!). I should add that his body count is sooooooooooool low it's almost too difficult to believe. He says he's only been in a couple of relationships in his life and told me how they both ended. He then asked how many relationships I've been in and how they ended. Of course I couldn't begin to answer that so I didn't. Then the young man proceeds to ask my body count and I told him outright that he had no business asking me that question. 

He was quite nice to talk to but then when the call was about to end he asked me to promise; that no matter how difficult things get or the challenges we face I wouldn't give up on us and on our relationship. 

Our RELATIONSHIP??? Less than 3 hours after we met... I chuckled, made no response and said good night. 

His call woke me up the next morning and that got me quite irritated. I woke up but wouldn't pick up so he sent me a couple of texts. My baby this, my love that, my African Queen this, my sugarpie that. Hia! I picked his call around noon and we chatted for a bit and then I had to go. He called again twice at night. 

Friday morning he neither called nor text and when I finally remembered him around noon I knew what would inevitably happen. I'd already got the guy figured out and just as I'd predicted he called me around 3pm and started ranting about me not calling all day; I said I wouldn't call you till you call me, why wouldn't you call? Is that how little you care about me? I apologized; work. 

We made plans for movies on Saturday evening. Saturday morning his call woke me up again. Aaaaaaargh!!! And then what he said further infuriated me; text me your address I want to come to your house. 

WTF!!! We barely met two and half days ago, I barely even know you! You've not even taken me out or anything and you want to come to my house? Maka gini? I told him I was sleeping and would call later. I didn't. 

He called around noon; I just can't stop thinking about you. I've never felt this way about anybody in my life. Is this normal? I've told my siblings about you, I cannot even eat. I just don't know what to do. What do you think I can do? I muttered something and said I would call back later. At this point I had gotten very irritated. 

As though sensing my growing irritation he called he barely five minutes later and this one just pushed me off the edge; I just said I want us to come plain with each other. I want you to meet my family. When can you come so that I can take you to meet my brother and his wife?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrggghhhh. I was losing control of my politeness. Dude, not anytime soon. Please allow me to know you first. Then he chuckled; you're right. Let's get to know each other first abi? Then when we do I will carry you on my head and run to my family, carry you on my head like a groundnut hawker and I will be dancing. I will tell them this is the girl I want to settle with. 

Honestly, at this point I had a bitter taste in my mouth. I already knew I wasn't going to the movies or anywhere with this guy. So when *David called me and asked me to have dinner with him at the Beehive, actually very close to where this 'church character' lives, I didn't hesitate. I sent him a text canceling and even after acknowledging the cancellation he wouldn't let me be. 

During dinner while I was trying to give my Oscar performance; acting like I was ok with David poppin the question to his boo, this other guy wouldn't stop calling my phone so I answered and completely transferred my aggression, coupled with giving up on being polite. 

Look, this is not the way things are done, do NOT just meet a woman and because she's single you presume she's willing to have a relationship with you or anyone else. And even when you find she's open to dating, find out first if she's interested in you! So you met me and without any questions or anything you presumed I want to be in a relationship and I will be willing to date you? Did You even ask how I feel or if I like you? Oh... I should just accept to date you because I'm single, bah? And what's with wanting to come to my house when I DO NOT EVEN KNOW YOU? Dude! That's all kinds of wrong. And then you suddenly want me to meet your family? Already? Seriously? Please quit calling my phone!

Admittedly I felt guilty when I calmed down so I sent a text apologizing for being rude, but still not giving room for a second chance. 

He's been calling, I'm yet to take his calls or reply his texts. Some say I'm over reacting and I'm always finding faults with every guy I meet. I, on the other hand don't agree. I feel that when he saw me; a woman of a certain age he saw me as a target; desperate single woman eager for marriage, or rich Island big girl (I can live off on). Turns out I'm neither. 

What's your take? 

All of you who met your hubbys in church and he said "he just knew/ the Spirit spoke to him" please is this how it happened?

Can a guy who acts this way actually have genuine intentions? Do people actually begin full-blown relationships the same week they meet?

Please let me know, maybe I'm indeed overreacting...


  1. Dude is EXTREMELY desperate for a relationship and as a result started opening up from the first minute. Such a person with an allegedly low body count will, in some cases, find it difficult hitting it of and making it a success. The idea of involving family and in-laws, then goofing by trying to get your home address reeks of desperation. But.... I see it as honest desperation.

    The script is mostly haphazard, but the setting appears genuine. I think you don't have enough evidence to scrap this scene. So, dear Thelma, give this dude a chance and help him write a script. Correct him where he appears too forward and watch from a safe distance. Stay blessed.

  2. Smh

    All this Church boys/men, I tire for them I swear,they have got absolutely no game,am exactly in this situation now so I feel you. NO, you are not over reacting Thelms.

    Dude has been rubbing you the wrong way from the word go.........

  3. Smh

    All this Church boys/men, I tire for them I swear,they have got absolutely no game,am exactly in this situation now so I feel you. NO, you are not over reacting Thelms.

    Dude has been rubbing you the wrong way from the word go.........

  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  5. I remember the cooking episode,dude barely knows you yet was already passing judgement about how and where you eat,mega-annoying.

    Nevertheless, I would advice you exercise maximum patience with him cuz you sound like you like/liked him.See if you can correct him and teach him how you want to be treated,yeah? Even if you guys don't date finally, you would have succeeded in being Impactful.

  6. Thanks Memphis. But here's the catch, let's assume he's genuine (which a tiny part of me suspects he might be), it's not only men that smell desperation from a mile away and run away immediately, some women are put off by desperation too. I don't want to turn this into a debate of 'double standards' but... You would have advised any guy to flee from a desperate chic but now that tables are turned I'm supposed to cuddle and baby him? #weLearnNewthingsEveryday.

    That's not to say I don't appreciate your advice, I sincerely do.

    1. Lol @ 'cuddle and baby him', but dear Thelma, memphis has a point, you might not necessarily "help him write the script' to encourage a relationship but you could teach him to write the script, see it as you mentoring and prodding him on to be a better person, a better lover. It would take a lot but then Thelma, you strike me to be a warm, down to earth, strong beautiful soul. Seems to me the dude has a low self esteem help point him in the write direction.

  7. T u are not overreacting o, good things don't come easy and as a dime piece, he needs 2 show u how deep his love is before u can even consider him. Dude sçreams of desperation! Either good or bad one, we don't know ATM, but dt u'd get 2 find out as time goes on. Plz I think u shld gv him a second chance too, but school him along, and if he keeps acting like a baby, kiss his a55 2 d curb!

    *lips sealed and watching*

  8. "Then when we do I will carry you on my head and run to my family, carry you on my head like a groundnut hawker and I will be dancing. I will tell them this is the girl I want to settle with."

    T I just fell in my bath tub!!! Are u freaking kidding me? I have NO advice due to laughter.
    This reminds me of one Abiodun, dude who I met at the waiting room of P.H airport, he proposed 2hours later aboard Dana aircraft. LOL.

    1. What's T.I doin in your bathroom...aint he supposed to be married..hehehe just ignore me

    2. Haha! Anon you're funny. I had to read the comment again.

    3. LOL. Anon I just read ur comment again. The importance of punctuation marks. Noted.

    4. LOL. Anon I just read ur comment again. The importance of punctuation marks. Noted.

  9. I stay at home bored all until season 6 of 'Modern Family' resumes, this blog is the only thing that entertains me...Love y'all..Thelma, I'm going to give you the most cliche advise ever..follow your heart. But wait, before you roll your eyes, what I mean is; the dude's not desperate, he just has no game at all that's why he's being so forward. If you really like him despite his 'gamelessness', know...roll with it

  10. Mtchew.

    I've been in similar situation though I didn't meet him in a church. I didn't take the dude seriously. I saw him as an opportunist; a guy who thought I could settle for anything with a third leg in the middle because I'm a single mum. I simply saw and treated him as a joke.


  11. The guy is just inexperienced or simply not cut out for games, a couple of guys are like that; and his body count, if true, validates his approach.
    Not enough to write him off, I like the idea of everybody giving the other person the chance to market themselves before deciding whether to fence them off or take it further.

  12. The guy dey fall my dey Matt my hand abeg, where is his pride? Where is d class? What? Kaiiii. Well, can't blame him. It's his level of jewism. I can't even count my body counts this year alone talk less of my life. From Cyprus, turkey, greece, London, Houston, ghana, Dubai . Choi. And somebody is counting 2. Abeg he should take several sits and look for a fellow Jew babe like himself, his type need virgin sef.

    1. Its Ju not jew. Ur welcome!

    2. olodos, una think say na yoruba oga ju dem dey talk about? it can be spelt anyhow, jew, jeu, jeuw. worse of all never ever should it be even spelt ju. y'all dont even know shit.

    3. Just like your name can be spelt anyhow? Learn to humbly take corrections and stop spitting shit.

  13. Hahaha thelma u meet the strangest of people sha. #desperado. Please u have Done extremely well. He can f off! Goat

  14. Thelma, I'm going to go with your "conspiracy Theory" on this one. He sees you as a prey. One loot at you and one would mistaken ur looks and carriage for a Lagos Bigs Gal.

    Just keep things simple. He will soon show his true colors/intentions when he will ask you for a loan shortly to clear his "containers". LOL.

    Wetin woman no go see.

  15. Thelma, I'm going to go with your "conspiracy Theory" on this one. He sees you as a prey. One loot at you and one would mistaken ur looks and carriage for a Lagos Bigs Gal.

    Just keep things simple. He will soon show his true colors/intentions when he will ask you for a loan shortly to clear his "containers". LOL.

    Wetin woman no go see.

    1. *look. Clear his containers. Lool.

    2. Hahaha...I shldnt be loling cos a friend went thru something similar. After 2wks of meeting,dude asks her for N1.2m to add to his 200k for car. I guess guys aint smiling too...

  16. Thelma, as much as I smell a rat somewhere, I'd like To know WHERE the rat is smelling from and literally remove the rat. Right now, u're only smelling a rat but u don't know WHERE the rat is Smelling From.
    U never know, the smelling rat might just Need a new perfume Not disposal.
    My Parable is dat U shud give this guy a chance at first, it doesn't hurt trying to know him better(with caution) and den see whether he's really a (smelling) Rat.

  17. thelma u are nt overractn o,reminds me of so many similar situations,d constant calls piss me off.weda he is desperate or not,he shud find out if u lyk him first na.God knows I wud av told him my mind after d first day.nigerian guys just dnt take tym to woo nd get to know u,dey just want to be in d relationship first.its annoyn,abeg let me stop here b4 I start to fry anoda person akara 4 am

    1. Lol @ 'fry anoda person akara'... No be only akara, wat of puff puff!
      The twist here is thelma believes he thinks She is desperate.

  18. Kai, the guy is a good con artist. He just conned a whole lot of us right now. The guy is not desperate, it's only the new way of getting desperate chicks. They beat us in our game these days. Give him a chance if you want but you will discover it's all an act. J

  19. Am not buying into the genuine desperation theory jare. Guy sounds much too off for me. And that whole "I won't call you unless U call me part", just ticked me off wrong. Desperation could progress to obsessive possession if not checked. Just reading this and imagining I was T had my skin crawling. Pls give him a chance if U can stand his "genuine desperation", I for one wouldn't.

  20. I read all the comments and Thelma desperate?does she look desperate?there are two sides to the story,mayb the guy is just sonebody that pours out his mind or he sees Thelma as a have to atleast give him a chance,to prove himself,you can't just write him off like that.An adage says if you say one wood aint good for cooking and you keep removing,how many are you going to remove...just play your cards one cent opinion....and like they say opinion is like an ass hole,everybody got one..that naughty house wife

  21. Firstly, i feel the guy is somwhat intimidated by cant blame him she package!
    Secondly, he doesn't know how to approach women and he is afriad of making a mistake and losing 'this one' wey him see and him like(who knows he might have lost someone in the past and doesn't want to lose another. He wants to be all over fiance did the same thing...his first proposed outing was to a swimming pool and the thing pisseed me off cause I couldn't then imagine him seeing my half naked body....person wey i no like like dat! but he just felt he wanted to show that he had 'game'!....TEMPLE RUN.... lolzzz
    Thirdly, if na game/pretence...time will reveal it.

    1. It turns out that two weeks prior to our meeting a pastor in church had said during a sermon that if you see someone in church you like, don't waste time scoping and analyzing, while you're there waiting for the perfect moment another guy would swoop in and make her his, so get right to it! He told me this, my friend who also attends the church said the same thing too and said that could be why he's acting the way he is. But I'm just trying to be extra careful, it felt a bit too excessive to me, but like you rightly said, time will reveal.

    2. Why do I write with so many commas? Smh.

    3. You write like this because your education is not wasted.Very good writing will soon become extinct justsaying#

    4. If this is the case then, you may not write him off so quickly but give him more room to see if he turns out better than he appears but only if he fulfills other important requirements.


  22. Replies
    1. Dont worry deary you will be the grace of God you will get a man that will be a crown on your head and give you joy and peace of mind in Jesus name, amen....(and I have a feeling you like dis one...*wink*)....smiles....#JoyDaNuGirl

  23. While I am not judging this dude, I would want to say that from experience, there are stuff you wont be able to handle by the time you are in. He may truly be honest in his intentions but, believe me, something doesnt add up.

    One of the young lads in my office goes from 'hello -hi' to love and marriage proposal in the speed it takes a porsche to go from 0 to 60km/hr. And when the girl reacts just like you did, T, it turns to being dumped. I tried to take him through how a girl's mind works but it all came to nought. Just to prove a point to him, I went after the girl to woo her and then he is in shock!

    In my days, gal chasing was fun, so much fun that bobo should be able to know when omoge dey serious say she no want. Any girl, correct me if I am wrong, wants to be pursued, wooed, toasted, serenaded (if possible) so this approach he used wont work on any girl.

  24. please dear dont mind him....he must be a golddigger looking for gold.....all in the name of wanting to marry you me....dey're are lots of dem out there....ladies pls beware... they prey on whom dey feel are desperate and RICH.....

  25. Hi Thelma,

    This might mean me passing TMI so I will do it anonymously.
    I have been in this exact situation years ago and as someone who was always asked out by much older, wealthier guys(guess its the vibes I sent) I just knew this guy (much younger than typical) who liked me wasn’t going to approach me.So I chose to make it easier for him, however a caveat, ONLY after he had ticked off most on my list.So I have to pause and ask you at this point, does he tick most on YOUR list? If he does don’t let this desperation annoy you, he might just be that diamond in the ruff.

    To you he’s being desperate, the truth is dude might just lack “game”. When I met my husband(who is almost a decade my senior btw), he had no game, very low body count as a matter of fact he had just lost his virginity a year or two before I met him while I had been in the game for years. At the moment, he didn’t look like my spec, as a matter of fact a lot of people who came for our wedding was like, with? whats it with this “JU” man, to me and the people who were used to the kind of guys I used to roll with felt he wasn’t my ideal man, he was sort of an mgbeke while I was a city girl, at least this guy on your case checked right on smelling nice, dressing etc evident from your previous post.So your job is half done, with my husband however, I had to be patient because I saw a diamond in the ruff, I could see way beyond his present, he was a good man and thats what mattered most to me especially as I had kissed some many nasty frogs in the past and here was this man literally worshipping the ground I walked on.

    At that point everything he did was so very wrong, even the way he walked, dressed coversface#It was so bad, I had to shop for him for years, love making? OMFG, the first time was a mess, I literally had to teach him how I wanted it.Whats my point, a lot may annoy you at first but done OVER-ANALYZE issues, please just let him know that he needs to slow his roll and let you know him better, let him know you value your space too.
    I find that because of the harsh dating scenes, y’all work by rules in this generation always over-analyzing things and I can’t fault you, just that what if he's not a gold-digger?
    what if he doesn't think you're desperate?
    a lot of what if's, and you can't know the answers to that except you allow yourself to know.

    Just freaking tell him you’re concerned that he’s desperate , ask him what the deal is, I have a nagging feeling he’s super excited and feels he’s hit the lottery, if he has tick the basics then ill say endure a lot of his crap but not to the point that you lose your “SELF”

    Are you willing to be open-minded?please go with the flow and most importantly remain celibate, it gives you some clarity ok.

    1. ignore all the typos and gbagauns lol

    2. Best comment ever. T, go with the flow. But be watchful too and please remain celibate. Would make things a whole lot easier and less complicated.

    3. I enjoyed reading this. Patience is really a gift.. Endurance too .

  26. What does ju means please

  27. please don't shut him out. I think he's just being honest

  28. Well I guess we shld always pray that while we pray for God to answer our prayer,we shld also pray to know/realize when the prayer is being answered...

  29. I really am amazed at how people just concluded dat dis guy is desperate. Me, I love guys that are desperate for me and call me every second of the day. A man that can't breathe without me.
    Thelma, Thelma, please my dear u are approaching 30yrs old. All these your unecessary fronting shud be left for 20 yr olds. Biko kwa. Let this not be like the case of David or other guys who you friend zoned beliving he wud wait till you get off your high horse. Thelma, I think you need to surround yourself with more friends who can actually bring you back to reality. In order not to regrett anything, I suggest you give this guy a chance starting from this moment. If he likes to be called, call him. If he wants you to meet his family, go along with him. Its not like you will dissappear or shrink if it ends up bad. Even if it doesn't turn out well, dust ur self and move on.
    Thelma biko make the most of NOW. I'm not even saying this guy is the ONE but don't let it pass you by. Lower your standards a bit. Infact lower your standards by 20% my love.
    Do me a favour and go along with this guy. You really mean you don't like a guy that frets around you? Na wa ooooo.
    Losen up and then you will find out his true intentions NOW rather than later.

  30. @ Anon 5:17. I find ur comments rather depressing and annoying. Biko if u don't hv anything to say, why not comment ur reserve.
    You shld have added ur name now so we can identify u. CEO

  31. @ Anon 5:17. I find ur comments rather depressing and annoying. Biko if u don't hv anything to say, why not comment ur reserve.
    You shld have added ur name now so we can identify u. CEO

  32. Thelma I have met his kind and there is nothing genuine about him. When I was in law school, I decided to go to the winners chapel near my school so I really dressed up nice. I decided to stay back for the foundational class na so one dude and his friend just they wait outside. I came out only for one of them to give me the my spirit together with the Lord led me to you. Then he asked if I was single I said yes and right there and then he declared his intrest of marriage. He even told me he is a movie producer albeit a struggling one and then asked for my number. I entered my bike and zoomed off. So he called me to get to know me better. When he asked for where I work, I told him I was in law school, I could sense the disappointment in his voice. Na so the spirit unled him lol. I knew when he saw me, he must have felt I must be a banker or so of a certain age and probably looking for husband hence an easy target.


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