Once again, last night I thought about Chioma after a guy made an unsavory comment about her. She's a very brilliant lady, and beautiful too, yet everytime her name comes up in a conversation with a man it's always as if you just put lime in his mouth as his face becomes contorted and he says (they all say) "I wonder if she'll ever find someone to marry her".
I've often asked why and the reason is always this: Chioma who's in her early to mid 30s is a strong woman. Too strong. She takes no prisoners, cuts out the BS, is smart as a whip and has little or no patience for a man who doesn't measure up intellectually AND then the biggest issue of them all; she's too independent, too rich.
According to them, not only are Chioma's parents very well off, her salary and allowances are just too much for a woman her age. Will such a person ever listen or submit to her man, they wonder.
What I can take from this is that women like Chioma may need to dumb themselves down a bit, if they want to snag a ring. They'd need to play down their intelligence and also 'learn' patience. Then comes the most important part; tone down the 'excesses'; don't go on dates with men in your super expensive car which you bought yourself from your hard earned income, don't tell men that the house you live in actually belongs to you and you've already made some down payments on another property you're looking to buy, take off you're Piaget wristwatch and put on the Next when you're going to see him, let him win arguments even though you're itching to point out the flaws in his line of reasoning.... All because your independence, intellect and wealth may be your greatest undoing if you hope to get him to put a ring on it.
Some years back I read comments on a post on Bella Naija and maybe I was too young to understand or believe, to me it seemed like such hilarity; a few ladies admitted to lying about where they lived because their real homes would scare men away, some said the minute their men learnt they were property owners they took a walk, some said they own(ed) cars but when going out or on dates they would take taxis in order not to scare men away, and all sorts. I remember when my sister wanted to move out of our parents' home several years ago. My mum was so worried because "no man will want to marry a single woman living on her own, especially in a house that is in an upscale part of town...", she was worried my sister would scare prospective suitors away.
I've often heard that some men are threatened by very successful women, it's not a novel concept. But what are women like Chioma to do? Is it so difficult to believe that a strong successful woman can still love and respect you as her husband? What happens when a women is forced to dumb herself down and pretend that she's less than who she is before the marriage and then shows her 'true colours' afterwards? Is it true that once a woman earns more than her man she can never 'submit'?
Photo source: bethelkeloo.com