I need help/suggestions.
I think I have a crush on my much older colleague, who is in a relationship.
I'm not attracted to him or anything, but I just get... Butterflies in my tummy when he's around
This is a bit difficult for me to write because I've never spoken about it to anyone.
I know nothing can ever be between us, and so I shake it off my mind, but I go to work the next day, and can't really avoid that he sits next to me all day, everyday
So I psyche myself up and say that is the end of it all, and all he has to do is tease me about something or other, and it begins all over again
He doesn't have a crush on me (thank God)...but be tends to come across quite serious with most people, yet is a lot softer with me - teasing me, and noticing little things most people may not, and sometimes, playfully throwing a tiny bit of paper my way when he thinks I'm not looking... But I know he's doing these things innocently, it's just.... *sigh*
He has a nice smile, and kind eyes
I started sitting next to him a few months ago, and I think the main thing that made me pause to notice him more was that I realised my personality type is very similar to his. Now this is extremely unusual, because I don't know when last (if ever) I've met someone whose personality is similar to mine. It's not about being loud or quiet or anything like that, it's just, I have qualities which others find a bit unusual. I could be in a place, and you wouldn't know for the entire day, or I could also be in a place and float like a social butterfly. It depends on the unissued situation/ crowd... anyway, I found we're very similar in that respect, and that really intrigued me. Now in saying we have similar personalities, our behaviours are totally different, he acts his own way, as I do mine... But I can sort of predict how he would feel about a certain situation/ question by thinking of the way I would, and usually, he responds very similarly.
Am I making sense? I feel like I'm rambling
Anyway, that about him was the first thing that intrigued me, then I noticed his height, and voice, and eyes, and smile...
I also notice he doesn't talk much to me throughout the day, unless I talk to him, however, if all the people sitting around have gone home, he suddenly seems to open up and becomes playful when it's just us two
Whenever I notice others have gone home, I always also have an urge to talk to him, but I always stifle it, so I won't start anything silly.... but I find he'd always start
Sometimes, he would jokingly hit the back of my chair or nudge me, etc
He just is generally really soft and nice to me
But I know the crush is not going to lead anywhere.
Oh, I'm single, btw... In case you may be wondering if that's why. I usually have a lot more control of myself than this, but this one taya me.
Anyway sha, I need help on what to do. I have made so many plans on how to deal with the situation, but I go to work, and there he is next to me all day... and I almost feel like I'm back to square one