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Rants On Men, Whores, Queens, Sluts and Hell.

ASKING A BIG FAVOR NWANDO. There this post on Linda Ikeji's blog titled "this may not be news but......" shows tweets of some girl ranting about wives and side chicks and guys. That needs analysis on this blog. I think it's a waste of time to comment on LIB but I know it will make an interesting topic to be discussed here. Hope my request will be granted.

Well here goes!

Read from the bottom. 

Ok. Let me begin the debate/analysis/discussion. 

Well, I'm speaking for myself right now; for all the choices I've made, and for the times I've had to vie for a man (who belonged to another or not), I wasn't "forced" to. I was fully aware of my choices, I was aware that I had a choice to not do that, I was aware that no matter how strong my feelings were it was ultimately my choice and my decision. I was aware when I was wrong. I was aware of the possible consequences. I'm not a victim of any man's superiority or sexism. And I'm not aware that someone can actually be "FORCED" into this position without their own 'consent'. 

That said, the world we live is patriarchal and favours men more, that's not news. 

That said also, I've already said I don't believe in generalizing. There ARE good men and I'm blessed to have crossed paths with few. 

But hey, this is me speaking for me. 

I really wish I know the backstory of Sugabelly's tweets, I think that would help put things in context a lot better, would help (me) relate more. 

What say you? 

On a very real note, like I said, I'm speaking for myself, based on my own persperctive and views which are birthed from my own personal experiences. So I have to ask you all; DO MEN REALLY FORCE WOMEN INTO THIS POSITION?

If you can relate, if you've got an experience that has put you in a position similar to what Sugabelly is talking about please share with us. I would really like to know and learn more. 


  1. This is just one frustrated would always be men...the good,bad and ugly...if you don't like what you are getting feel free to change gears...but for you to come on Twitter and rant with your ass instead of your mouth is just stupid...#irepseptember9##that naughty house wife

  2. There goes sugarbelly with her bunch of bullocks again!
    Trying 2 start some kind of feminist revolution in Nija but goes about it the wrong way. Questioning God's existence and attributing him 2 a woman jes bcoz u were hut by some man coz of d wrong choices u made while fully aware. Who told her some men R not made 2 go through all she mentioned and more in d hands of some women.
    Total bullocks and juvenile if u ask me

    *lips sealed and watching*

    1. Nicely put my broda.. dont mind her. Am sure she has done worst to some guy..

  3. It's an issue that is supposed to be simplified, yet greatly over-bloated in most cases. Such issues I find tiring discussing because of that. I always tell anyone who cares to listen: live free and be yourself whether you're male or female. There's a reason why you're born that way.

    Sin came into the world through a woman; Redemption came into the world also through a woman. Isn't that power beyond any kind of reasoning? Power that has obviously defined the plans of GOD Himself? Power that the devil marvels at? Any woman who hasn't discovered this kind of power, or has problems harnessing it, reasons like a typical Sugabelly.

    Like Thelma pointed out (and so on point for that matter), You're a hoe because you chose to be. You stand on parade at Allen/Opebi from 10pm till dawn because it's entirely your decision (and pleeeaaasse..don't tell me it's a case of condition make crayfish bend) and no one else. There girls out there doing worse than you, yet they're immaculate. Some girls for instance working at vanila retail shops as sales girls earn between 10k-15k monthly, yet nothing will ever make them parade themselves at Obalende.

    Sugabelly is a typical frustrated person that chose to be (some kind of) hoe. Her decision. People make mistakes and learn to get over them, but she's trying too hard to rub it in people's faces. Who's fault? None of us is perfect but to be at peace in this world we each learn from our mistakes and help others through theirs, not coming to vent unreasonably on social media about what you or others are going through. Fine, if men are to be condemned as she has recommended, let those who have consented to the same vices of these men be ready to make bricks and lay out plans for their mansions that will undoubtedly be in the same place with such men.

    Sugabelly has too much sugar in her brain. She needs *water therapy*

  4. Lol @ "she needs water therapy"

  5. Like Thelma has said, whoever is treated like a whore agreed to that.
    Also, the power women have over themselves, men and how things work out for women is enormous.
    One thing I've noticed is, a lotta men are afraid of 'the woman's power'. I see it too often to ignore. I see it in their defences, in their offences, in their lifestyle.
    The whore is treated that way because she allows it, and so is the cheated-on queen too. If every woman decided and stood by the decision to be treated like a queen- care;respect;loyalty, then I think men would have no choice than learn how to behave right.
    Should he stray, he ain't getting no whore out there! The sort after 'whore' refuses to be that, she knows she's a queen and no less! Mister move! Let the guy who'd treat me right come over. Then these sob stories would fade out.
    But you see, it's not only men who recognise 'the woman's power', women do too- in other women. It's this recognition, I think that causes a lotta issues.
    It introduces fear. (funny that this woman, who's looking at another woman should have fear for her abilities, when she herself has innate woman power too!) This fear creeps in and she reacts. Reacts in forms of: comparisons; being irritable; throwing away self worth; fighting the other woman; settling for less etc.
    It's this admission by both sexes of the woman's powerS, and not reacting right to it, that is the problem.
    It's the first reason why men and women fight women.

  6. She has self esteem issues and need physiological help. Read her blog once and discovered she has father issues.

  7. Just like T said in the last post she's going about this feminism upside down and now I agree. Sugabelly this your rants actually makes women look weak and stupid. Pls if you don't have brain to think for yourself speak for yourself.

  8. To answer your question Thelma, NO man can force any woman into any position! It's a CHOICE each woman decides to make.

  9. I agree that no woman can be forced into a position she doesn't want. As I have mentioned on this blog before, I was deceived into a similar position (not as a whore but as a co-wife) and the man was feeling on top of the world. I however cut short his macho reign by taking a walk out. We women should learn how to dignify ourselves. Any man can offer a woman shit, it is left for her to accept or shove it back into the man's throat.
    Meanwhile, bringing God into this is a total crap.

  10. All I can is that even the bible says that in the last days 5 women will beg one man to take her as his wife. But left to me I think this babe needs psycho analysis, this had going beyond seeking for notice. This might be a cry for help.

  11. Thank you Nwando for posting this.Wow! you guys have done all the analysis in my head. One salient point pops into my head whenever I read stuff like this, "you are a whore only if you choose to" .
    This brings me to another point, the side chick always thinks she is in a kind of war with the wife. "you are the Queen of nothing. If it's still your bed he leaves. If Queens were so fucking awesome whores would/should cease to exist" ASI O. If there are no side chicks outside, if women learnt to uphold their dignity by not settling as second best, if we do not give in to the pressure that our bodies are instruments of getting what we want then we will have less whores in the world.

    Even if Queens were "fucking awesome" I'm 100% sure some guys will still go out there. Until women begin to fight for women, the status quo will remain the same because it's hard for men to change their behaviour as long as there are people out there that think the position of a side chick is so great because the guy leaves his wife to come fuck you anytime he gets the chance.

    The babe needs to cut down on that thing that makes her this high to write such bull crap. J

  12. Hmm, interesting. I agree with J, even if Queens are awesomer, awesomest if there is any such thing, some men will still go outside. That being said, I don't believe anyone is forced into anything. If a married or otherwise taken man approaches you, you made a choice to give him the time of day. You made the choice to entertain the thought till you started catching feelings and throwing 'I love you' around. However, it seems at the end of the day that it's our societal pressure and the fear of being alone that makes some women accept the position as second fiddle. I have a friend in her 40s that's still not married yet, still hoping to meet that special someone and she always says its not everyone that could have held out as long as she has. Fear of being alone could have made her settle for some of the sleazy married men who sadly make up the bulk of her suitors now. But she has decided she is worth more than that and better to be alone and happy than to be the bane of another woman's existence. The sad thing is it is still a man's world, at least in Africa! Same fear of being alone amongst other factors that keeps the cheated-on wife from walking out. Worst of all is you start to question if there was some impefection in you that made the man stray and then you try to repackage yourself to grab his attention again, same as the side chick is packaging herself to keep his attention. Such a shame. I saw a blog post with King Sunny Ade clebrating one of his wives' 55th birthday. I counted 6 wives around him. What is it in our fabric that makes us stick around and take that? How did the first wife feel the day she realised, move over, someone else is coming in? The legitimate exchange of bodily fluids between that harem!! Granted, a cheating man is probably exchanging fluids out there too and bringing it home to you, just that you don't know it. I however don't subscribe to that 'all men cheat' theory. Just my two cents. OJ

    1. Darn it. Forgive the typos. I hate seeing those when I write. OJ

  13. Hate is a strong word but I do hate people that will not take responsibility for their actions, they are often times dangerous and always end up a big time loser.
    I have no idea who sugabelly is but she need to do herself a favor and take her life in her hands rather than shifting blame.

  14. I skipped all the comment so I won't get myself worked up. She has said the truth! It's not as simple as saying "Anyone who is treated like a hoe, gave room for it". That is the shittest comment ever.
    Men please recognise the power that you have. You have power bestowed on you by nature, by the society and you know what they say about power corrupts?
    The last time Thelma did a post about how all men aren't bad, I was so disturbed by it. I am not saying all men are bad. I don't think all men are bad. But to make a post saying men hurt too, and women just like to pity themselves can be liken to making a post saying that black people are racist against white people. It's not that some black people don't hate white people. It's just that It is not socially possible for a black man to be racist against a white man. White people have "white privilege". They have an upper hand.

    The world isn't fair to women at all. And if you re one who is detailed, who sees the little oppression that takes place in our society, and gets depressed by it like I do, then you might agree with Sugabelly. And I am not seeing this from the girl dating married man angle. I am seeing this from the young boy trying to choose a wife angle. First the young man chooses, the girl who is the "goodest", the one that goes to church, the one that can cook. He fucks her, but with care, with subtlety. She doesn't fuck back. She has to behave like a good girl, like someone who hasn't fucked before, even when she wants to pinch his back, scream, ride him. Then he gets all the disrespectful sex from another girl, the bad girl, the one he can't marry because "her eye don tear". And most time these girls realise too late that these guys see them that way. It's not a hoe thing. It is damn complex. And at the end of the day, men rule the world.

    This is as long as a blog post. But I do not apologise for the length. I am fuming.

    1. It's not so complex. The girl outside has every right and liberty to turn him down. Yes, there's male privilege, (mind you, if you look at the broader picture there's female privilege too. A simple example is that women are allowed to hit and hit and hit a man but for him to hit back is taboo. This is just a very minor example). Yes we live in a patriarchal world that has favored men from inception, creation and the days of the Bible.
      Yet I refuse to accept this line of thinking, women need to stop playing the victim card. If he has no woman/whore/slut to run to outside, he will quietly stay at home with his "queen". It's still the same members of our own sex that help in compounding this issue.
      We all need to take and accept responsibility for our actions. Women are oppressed on a daily basis; use the work analogy where women get paid less than their male counterparts when they sometimes work twice as hard, but do not use this one because regardless of privilege or no, nobody is ever forced into this kind of situation. Worst case is scenario is that which F was in, and this was even a marriage situation; yet she still chose to Walk. She chose to, she made a choice, a decision. It's something that is rarely denied you in this situation.
      And I stand by it, not all men are bad. My father is a wonderful man, a good man. I would like to believe that the sons I raise will be good men too, men worthy of celebration, just like the daughters I will raise. I will not raise them with that mindset that there's a battle of the sexes. By God's grace I will raise solid respectable and respectful individuals.
      As for Sugabelly's tweets, I still believe it's a choice you make. I've been at both sides of the table so I'm in no way judging anyone. For the times I was made to feel used, filthy and less worthy I realize and realized the roles that I played in that script and I owned it. And now, I choose to live the way I do. We can all choose. It's all in our hands.

    2. Let's also talk about white privilege. Why is it socially impossible for a black man to be racist? Black people can have black social clubs, black magazines, black TV stations/channels, black associations, black restaurants all these forbidding and prohibiting white membership but no, this cannot be racism because; white privilege.
      Do you seriously see nothing wrong at all with this line of thinking?
      Today everyone decries white privilege. I'm sometimes tempted to ask the aggrieved to come back to the 'motherland' and help rebuild our home, but oh, who wants to come back to Africa where we're still swinging with monkeys from trees?

    3. It is socially impossible for a black man to be racist to a white man because of "white privilege". White people have more advantage than black people even in a black people's country. You should understand the position of power in the world before you analyse things like this.
      If the world was flat and round and men do not have more privilege than women, white people do not have more privilege than black people, straight people do not have more privilege( right to be alive), than homosexual people, then I might agree with you.

      P.S - I didn't say all men are bad. I said it's high time men recognise their power. There is nothing more galling than having power and pretending or being ignorant of it. It means most of the time, you misuse it.

    4. The position of power is very well understood. I'm not denying white privilege, I just choose to see a wider picture and ask other questions.
      Now saying there's white privilege even in a black man's country is very true but that's an entirely different dimension and only goes to further prove that we black people or Nigerians really need a whole lot of reorientation. But this is all besides the point.

      Men are very aware of their power and privilege. I've never come across a man that acts as though he's unaware that the world favours him above women. The way most men are raised avails them the knowledge of this power. The sheer characteristics of most men is very evident of the fact that they're aware of this privilege. The demand and expectation that women submit is also evidence of their awareness of this privilege. Men are very aware of their privilege and/or power.

      The abuse or misuse of this privilege (which I in no way deny) is not as a result of their ignorance (whether real or feigned) or unawareness. There are many contributing factors and one of them is the topic in this post. It's simple, give them opportunities to misuse their power and they will. Women have more power than they sometimes give themselves credit for. We often act like being tied to a man or sleeping with one is the very essence of our existence; in doing this you've only served to remind him of this power and given him room to misuse it.

    5. The thing about privilege (or racism) is generally a systemic issues. For example, racism= prejudice + power. Black TV stations, TV shows and so on are a reaction to being excluded from the "general" spaces (which turn out to be almost exclusively white, with perhaps a token minority). Therefore minorities create their own safe space where they can express themselves. But still the whites try to insert themselves in the safe space and clamor "reverse racism" or some stuff like that.
      Regarding the issue of women hitting men but men not allowed to hit back, it's a reaction to the fact that men are (mostly) physically stronger than women. Society generally advocates against hitting someone that can't easily defend themselves. That being said, men still hit women oo! In numbers greater than we think!
      I'm not sure what the answer is. It's easier to say that if there were no whores men would have no choice but to stay at home with their queens. However, why does the control of men's decency have to be from outside? If you decide to marry someone, why not stay with them- temptation or no? That is male privilege. Men are the head, the leaders, the rulers. They control society, law, family. Yet they claim no control over their own bodies. And society has no problem with this.

    6. Sweet Peaches men do hit, and of course a much higher percentage of domestic violence is caused by men, I am in no way excusing or denying it. I also am not denying the existence of white privilege, or male privilege.
      Bottom line is nothing is so cut and dried, or black and white. Maybe I choose to explore the obscure areas.
      Society does not frown upon it as such because, male privilege. I am in agreement with all of this. Yet, with regards to this particular topic they are not the only ones to blame. All parties who partake in that feast must bear blame. But I don't want to overflog the issue so *lips sealed*.
      Mind you I do not subscribe to all men cheat or men will be men and all that. I believe that God has blessed each and every one of us with the ability to control our impulses. I do not condone the carefree behavior of some men.

  15. I understand that sugabelly is angry. I've been following her blog for 2 or 3 years, and I know she has hurt and anger issues. Sugabelly, if ur reading this, I think you're a beautiful girl, and a talented artist. Yes, you may be right in some things you say. Maybe, maybe not. The world is filled with many ills that none of us can solve. Are you going to continually focus on bitterness, and let it continue to incubate even more bitterness in you? The glass could be half full or half empty, and the perspective you choose determines your disposition.
    You have been angry at a lot of things for a long time. Why not try positivity for a change? It's not too late. Look at today as the beginning of the rest of your life.
    All the best, dear.

  16. And Ifesinachi is talking as though when it comes to choosing a spouse, its only the men that choose. As a many of fact, women usually have more options that men. And she behaves well to the one she has chosen so that he will accept her

    1. We are generalising, don't talk about the few. At the end of the day it's the man that gets on his knees and asks the one he has picked to marry him. How many times has a woman done that. Women can only hope that the man they really love gives them the ring. They hope, they pray, they fast but they can't actually say to a man "will you marry me?" Because of course it's not a womanly thing to do.

      This is our reality. Am saying recognise the inequality, I am not necessarily saying fight it. Recognise it so that you can understand people like Sugabelly! Not that I agree with her 100%, I just understand her pain.

  17. And Ifesinachi is talking as though when it comes to choosing a spouse, its only the men that choose. As a many of fact, women usually have more options that men. And she behaves well to the one she has chosen so that he will accept her

  18. Would I be called crazy if I disagree with Thelma by saying NO I do not live in a patriarchal world? Or is it just me in my bubble and the world I have created for myself? One word...Choice! Like some have said, we all have choice! I have created my own world and surrounded myself with the right kind of people. In my own world for instance, even though I've heard it a lot, I don't see men earning more than women in the same roles, its based on qualification and what you're bringing to the table.

    I would just say this to one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Whatever she is dealing with, she chose to put herself there. I have been there before,nothing new. Matter of fact, I was sugabelly about 6/7 years ago. Choice/power to choose is a very powerful thing.

    Speaking of the Bible, someone mentioned that passage that talked about in the last days, 7(?) women will beg to have one man's name, Thelma have you seen that picture of the Aalafin of Oyo and his 4 young wives at the airport? Its been all over the blogs this week, immediately I saw that picture, that Bible verse was the first thing that popped into my head. I believe in the Bible a great deal but then again, this brings me back to that word 'choice'! These women had a choice! They had the choice to be 2nd,3rd,4th wife etc. While me I'm busy thinking and analysing how it would work and how they do it, will wife A sleep with him on mondays n Wife B on tuesdays? Who would cook,who would rub his back, how will they share the responsibilities etc. So just do you. We all have choice. These women had choice.

    If you're a whore, you chose to be a whore and if you're a Queen, you chose to be a Queen. I hate HATE HATE hearing people say stuff like "you won't understand, she's doing it because she needs the money" wt tha?? Like Memphis said, some girls work in shops where they earn 10k-15k monthly and you will never see them whoring around, again...choice! I know a young lady that calls me every now and then for help, she earns about 20k as a cleaner and I know for a fact that she would never sleep around just to get by. Again, choice.

    A part of me wants to agree with Ifesinachi but then again, this thing called 'choice', its a powerful thing. A part of me still agrees with her though but the ultimate truth is if you think about it well, at the end of the day, we all have the freedom to choose. I'm a Lawyer, I talk too

  19. Actually Thelma shares your opinion.It's all about choice. A guy hits you take a walk, if all women walk away from an abusive guy he will be forced to stop. A married man approaches you shun him etc. If society favours some irresponsible behaviour of guys why should women do. In short in life someone in a disadvantage position works extra hard. We may not change the society in a day but we must not help men exploit us and then act the victim. J


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