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Sink or Swim... How Do You Weather The Storm?





Good morning guys. I think I'm in LOVE!


Seriously! I cannot remember the last time I woke up feeling this way, lighthearted, hopeful, expectant but most especially, at peace. Last night I made some confessions to God and I know this can ONLY be Him. Isn't He AMAZEBALLS! 

I'd like to thank the blog reader that recommended me to her bank to be a writer on the bank's blog site, I received the email this morning and of course I accepted the request. Will get on that soon. 

Ok, let's get started. I saw these tweets by Audu Maikori, Chocolate City CEO with the hashtag #itwontwek and I went through them thinking yadayadayada, till I got to the last and my breath suddenly caught in my chest. 



In the last month or two I've had conversations with a number of single ladies all around my age and I've noticed they've all said one thing in common; "I'm afraid of getting married because I'm not sure I can handle the trying times/rain/tough times/difficult times/the storm when it comes". 

We are all old enough to know that marriage is no picnic and each one comes with it's specific brand of challenges, plus it seems each marriage and married couple always encounter a storm at one point or the other in marriage; this could be in form of bad finances/bankruptcy, unemployment, chronic illness, adultery, childlessness, infidelity, poor communication, domestic abuse, 'baby mama drama', loss of love/attraction, distance or what have you. 

These single ladies have all admitted that they do not know that they can stand the storm. Some have said, "I can face difficulty alone, but with a husband? I'm just not sure", one repeatedly says "I don't know if I can withstand it if my husband loses all his money. Will I then be expected to go out and hustle? I cannot be the one to hustle", and another "I'm not sure I can face certain challenges in marriage; if my husband loses his money after we get married and I have to be the breadwinner I'm sure I will lose all the respect I have for him, I will stop loving him and I may have an affair with someone else". A few have mentioned that they are very fine being single because they dread the storm, that stormy season that marriages occasionally encounter, those very difficult, trying periods. 

Each time I've shrugged them off and tried to convince them that they're stronger than they think and bla bla bla, but this morning I saw Audu's tweet and for some reason I shuddered, I think it was the "it WILL come", the certainty. 

My question is this guys; what does it take to weather the storm in marriages? Is love enough? What happens when your spouse doesn't stand and fight with you through that trying period? What weapons are available to married couples to enable them weather the storm in marriages? How do you express to your spouse that you still love them even in those moments you hate and resent them? Is it possible for marriages to face much smaller storms or no storms at all?
How do you think a couple pass through the storms of marriage and emerge intact?

Please married people in the house enlighten us. 

Comments

  1. This one pass my power cos it's for married people. I can't wait to read and learn from their advise because I have all these fears although I try not to pay them much mind. The more you focus on your fears the bigger they become.

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  2. I'm waiting for the answers to this cos its a vital ingredient to the cure for my current "ogbanje".

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    Replies
    1. Lol. Your comment though "its a vital ingredient to the cure for my current "ogbanje".

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  3. This post is a reminder of the existence of these near inevitable storms. I can't even boldly declare that when I get to that bridge, I will cross just fine. God help us all.

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  4. Hmmm, I had to take a deep breath because I don't think there is a straight cut answer to the questions you asked. But Thema it's true STORMS WILL come. And I'm telling you, it takes the grace of God, genuine love, willingness from both parties to want it to work and some degree of luck to be honest with you.

    I have only been married for less than two years and I think we have weathered serious storms, not in the form of problems in our marriage but life problems. From finances to family, things that could easily easily should have destroyed us. But God has given us his grace that instead of going thru it and not fighting each other, we have worked as a team and have become even stronger from it.


    Hubby resigned from the company he was working just before he met me to start his own company and he told me from our first conversations ever. I remembered thinking can I handle this because everyone knows in the beginning when building ur own thing it's not funny at all, but I had the peace of God about our relationship and knew he was just my hubby. To say it was easy was an understatement, but I never for one day even grumbled thru the growing pains whatever I earn or he earns belonged to us.

    I never stopped giving him the respect he deserves while he couldn't always provide all I needed, right now I control all our accounts because he knows it not about the money or anything else. That's just an example of the storms I have experienced. Then storms of miscarriages and things like that and distance from when he works away for several months.

    Solid Communication has helped us, we write down things we like and what we want the other to change.. We do this monthly and we try to be very honest about it.

    We pray together every day whether hubby is home or not

    We have a day at least in a week that we fast together for our marriage and family and issues we might be going thru

    We have people we are accountable to that can talk to each of us if need be although we haven't used them yet lol

    We genuinely are best friends and we crave and desire each other so we don't joke with date nights and holidays as much as we can.

    I'm very blessed to have an amazing man, and a generally good person as a husband and it think that helps as well

    These are some of my little nuggets and sorry for the long long long article lol

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    Replies
    1. OMG! Pls @ Mrs Totulope I want a marriage that's better than yours. Would hv said like ur's but I want 2 be stingy 4 once! Please can I get an Amen 4rm u?




      *lips sealed and watching*

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    2. Amen Lool greater and better level for u in Jesus name x

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    3. Tolulope thank you. The storms go beyond money, but that genuity in a marriage is priceless.

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  5. I've been through so many hard times already in my life, sometimes I think to myself that I cannot stay in a marriage once the storms begin
    But then I remember that all I wanted(during these tough times) was for the people around me to stick with and support me.
    So yea,I think I can stick with a man through the storms;if there's mutual love and respect and if he's the sort of person that will STICK WITH ME during the hard times as well.

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  6. Is your own life a straight line? I have had moments where i had over n100m to my name and times where it was only n10k. And it wasn't because of reckless spending. Life happens, markets crash, investments sour. Life happens. If you cannot guarantee your own security another human being cant do it for you. I have been married 3 months and i can sit and say this, life happens. I see my husband lose money because parties cannot agree etc. Will i now not buy food in the house because he has n25k only at the moment. Meanwhile he has paid the other major bills in advance?

    Make sure you don't marry a lazy partner and that when you and your partner are buoyant you utilise resources and conserve while you can. Don't be wasteful. I save a minimum of 20% of the monthly housekeeping allowance without my husbands knowledge. When things are hard, i don't worry him, i just go to that money as i am currently not working and waiting to start my business in Nov.

    Money is a visitor it comes and goes. Treat it well when it shows up.

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    Replies
    1. "don't marry a lazy partner" that's the key! Totally agree with u

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    2. miss pynk, wise woman you are... God bless your home and Tolulope you too.
      L.

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  7. YES! The storm will definitely come. And NO! Love alone is not enough.I have being married for 13 years now and we've both weathered the storm to be were we are today.

    Personally, I overcame the challenges through patience and prayers. By prayers, I don't mean jumping from one pastor to another or going to church for counseling, I don't believe in that, because they too, have their own ISH to deal with! I simply meant crying and talking to GOD as if HE is sitting in a chair opposite me. Not shouting, binding, casting but speaking sincerely from the depth of my heart.

    I also had a confidant. A matured married woman older than me in marriage and age. Talking over a matter helps. Its not every challenge, one should tell his or her family because their sentiments would becloud their advise. Be careful when you pick your confidant. Both of you must have some things in common.

    Moreover, I picked my battles! Its not every challenge, I fight against, sometimes, I go with the flow of the tide and see where it takes me to.

    Conclusively, overcoming the storm depends on the personality and values of an individual.

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  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  9. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm....anyone who will contribute here will write an epistle. Like I have said in previous posts, for a marriage to really work, love is not enough neither is it that basic ingredient; open communication is! We have been through so much in these few years of marriage and sometimes, I have wondered if it's worth it. Believe me, it is worth every fantastic, loving, sometime annoying, joyous part of it.

    I remember being advised that marriage is like the ugba one buys from the market. In its green, leafy wrap, it is not opened but is purchased on the strength of the seller's word. When it's opened, it's either eaten like that or washed, in whatever condition, handle it to the point where it suits you enough to consume. My point is that it takes a lot of work for 2 people from totally different backgrounds to come together and be husband and wife.

    A few years ago, I was involved in a transaction where I lost almost 10 million Naira and it was a very very crazy time. Of course wifey had to take over everything because I needed to get back on my feet. The kind of rubbish that was thrown at me could have driven any normal person crazy. I decided that this wasnt the loving woman I married, that this was some stranger who was reacting to the pressures of being the bread winner. I knew my wife was still in there. I'm not saying she's a bad person but the reversed roles can drive ANY woman crazy. While I give her credit for carrying the family for that long, I will also state here that my upbeat and optimistic attitude also helped. Prayers, fasting, doing stuff I would have called demeaning and never questioning God and asking why me.

    It takes very heavy doses of anything you know as a virtue to survive the rain. If the very foundation of the marriage is not solid, it cannot stand the flood!

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    Replies
    1. I'm learning o, please you guys should keep it coming. I really appreciate this...

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  10. I swear, I did not want to comment but ur experiences forced me.
    U'all are Brave & Amazing!!!
    I hope I'm like U when I eventually get married.
    All I need is a Truly God fearing man who loves me. With that, I know we can weather any storm

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  11. First of all let me recommend any catholic about to get married to do marriage course in church of presentation GRA Ikeja and thank me later. That marriage course reset our minds on what marriage is all about. To go through hard times in marriage which will def come both parties must decide to make a conscious effort to make that marriage work against all odds. It's a decision with a corresponding effort. There are so many instances where my brain starts touching since i'v bn married, I counsel myself.

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  12. Most of the storms I'm reading here boarder round Finances. No chronic cheating or DV etc...

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  13. The post I've learnt most from, I have years ahead but this info surely is handy

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  14. I scanned the comments so far and didn't see any earth shattering storm, the kind that causes a man or woman to curse the day of the marriage. I do not pray for anybody to experience such but there are storms and there are storms, the kind makes you forget your name for days or the part 2 version of Job treatment.

    My people, there is a whole lot that can be written here but I would like to share what the Bible teaches in Ps 127:1 Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain

    The values that we are brought up with, network of support to strengthen those values, level of understanding and endurance, our personal outlook towards life and a host of other attributes that we often take for granted are the arsenals for the storms.

    Storms are usually the examination to move to a new level of spiritual maturity with God and the tougher they are, the bigger the rewards if we pass.
    My prayer is that God will not allow the kind of storm that will cut short our purpose here on earth or take us away from God's grace.

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  15. I typed an epistle and it disappeared. :(.

    Always make provision for imperfections. This is my own shock absorber. Remember that no one is perfect, there's bound to be surprises. I mean all kind of surprises that will make the angel in you unsheath your sword.

    Sasha bone, on cheating and divorce, you've got to address it, forgive it and forget it. There's got to be room for improvement and trust. Its not an easy thing to forgive but your sanity and salvation is very important.

    Personally, I have decided that no one will take away heaven from me, especially through unforgiveness.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I think we start practicing this during courtship. For some people after you say yes to a guy, you find out that he is not financially stable yet, what do you do? Do you just leave him and say abeg no be so I think say e go be oo....truth is you will be tempted to but then staying with this person whom you believe is 'the One' thru these periods is the foundation of your relationship. I support d fact that you should never settle for a lazy laid back person 150% thats suicide! But when the guy dey hustle, get focus, loves God and respects and cares for you...hang in there with God and soon like every storm...it will pass. I am not married but engaged and I know what we have had to stick together to achieve and how we have both supported each other so far...May God grant us all grace in Jesus name, amen.....JoyDaNuGirl..

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  17. We have different tolerant levels. What some experience and consider a storm is not even considered as 'cloud' by someone else. As such, we all would respond differently to situations.

    -F

    ReplyDelete

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