A while back my friend called me at midnight, in the middle of a terrible dilemma. So she's dating this guy who loves her terribly and does everything to make her happy. At first she thought they'd just use each other to pass the time seeing as they're both single, but then his father got her an amazing job (after being unemployed for over two years), his sisters travel and buy her clothes, accessories and regularly send her cash and other things, his entire family dotes on her, and now they're beginning to 'groom' her as one of them. The only problem is that my friend doesn't love him that way. She doesn't want to go ahead with the relationship but how can she say so after all they've done for her?
This reminded me of someone I used to know. She attended QC as well but was some sets behind me. She's from an average home but was dating my brother's friend back then whose family is very well off. His family totally adored her, so much so that her first degree in the UK was paid for by his parents, as was her Masters in the US. Before her Masters she returned for her Youth Service and they (he and his family) bought her a car. She returned to Nigeria after the Masters and the plan was for a marriage to take place between her and the guy. Unfortunately she came back and sang a different tune.
She didn't love him anymore and she basically thought she deserved someone better; he's too laid back, she wasn't sure where he was heading and generally she had fallen out of love with him. So after dating for over ten years, his family paying for her education abroad and being bought a car by the same family, she said goodbye.
Now I know how mean and selfish that was. I saw le boo when he was heartbroken; he was literally heartbroken and was in a state of depression for a while. I know it's terribly mean to accept those (very expensive) gestures only to bow out later.
But people do fall out of love. Isn't it only natural? I know she loved him during the relationship, maybe not through all of it, but in the first few years when I was opportuned to witness their relationship she was completely in love with him. And I know it's not fair either. But isn't it unfair to expect someone to stay with a person they no longer love out of gratitude, or guilt, or a sense of duty or anything besides actually loving them?
What do you guys think? Would you stay with someone just because they're very kind to you and have been very giving to you even though you no longer love them?
Should my friend try to love her boo back and accept a marriage proposal if it comes or tell him it's over?