You hear about domestic violence and what immediately comes to mind is the image of an agitated man, nostrils flaring, hands thrashing wildly about as he hits his woman in any available parts of her body, we never imagine that it could be the woman.
So last night when a friend told me that he went to settle a domestic dispute and I teasingly asked him when he became a marriage counselor, seeing as he himself isn't married at the moment, he then clarified things and said it was a case of domestic violence, and instantly I thought a friend of his must have beaten his wife who quickly grabbed a phone and pleaded with him to come to her rescue. I never would have imagined that it was the other way round and the friend was calling from the safety of his bathroom where he had hidden for his dear life. Unfortunately I cannot go into too many details as it's not my story to tell but the crux of it was that his friend came home after a long day, not seeing wifey immediately he thought she must be at a neighbour's and unthinkingly flung his clothes aside and dozed off.
He was woken up by a very resounding slap on the side of his face. Alarmed, he jumped up but before he could ask any questions madam started thrashing around with a knife. She gave him deep cuts in his back, his hands and on his face. The man was eventually able to grab his phone, run into the toilet and locked the door. She threatened to break it down and kill him.
And the cause of the fight: there was brown powder on the shirt that he'd worn that day which he'd unthinkingly removed and flung on the floor before dozing off.
Madam vented that she made him who he is today and now that he's a millionaire he wants to cheat on her? She would die before that happens! She also threatened that she made him and she can and will break him.
My friend rushed to their home after getting the phone call, she let him in and in tears, immediately started telling him that her husband was cheating on her and was making her terribly unhappy and heartbroken. The lady began to make herself look like the victim (abusers have a way of doing that). My friend found his friend in the bathroom and had to rush him to the hospital immediately, he needed several stitches in different parts on his body including his face. It was so serious that they had to get the police involved.
Now my friend says that this particular friend of his is his only married friend that he can swear has never been unfaithful to his wife. The brown powder came about when he (according to him) ran into a former colleague whom he hadn't seen in a while and hugged her. He said that if he felt guilty or was guilty of something then on getting home he would have hidden the 'evidence' or dropped the shirt off at the dry cleaners first.
Some people still think that domestic violence is acceptable as long as the woman is not the victim and this is a wrong way to think. All abuse is abuse regardless of the abuser or the abusee and all abuse is wrong and should be condemned.
Also it turns out that when this woman isn't being physically abusive she's being emotionally and verbally abusive; constantly reminding him that she made him and he's nothing without, constantly threatening to kill him or ruin him.
It so happens that this woman still believes her outburst is justified and has vehemently refused to apologize. Which leads me to my (other) question; How does one cope with a proud partner? I'm taking out the abuse dimension from here and asking every one who's married or in a relationship or has been in one; how do you cope when your partner wrongs you and so adamantly refuses to acknowledge their wrongdoing and/or apologize. You just continue to forge ahead and let it go; you get used to this part of them and accept it, and accept your fate? Or is there a way that you make them pay back?
Please I would really really really like answers as a dear friend of mine is married to a man who seems to think its taboo to say I'm sorry, or accept that he's wrong, even when he so obviously is...
PS; I think every abuser is in need of professional psychiatric help and a lot of prayers.