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The Problem With Me...






It's been a pretty packed weekend so far. Took some family members to the airport early yesterday evening and was there till almost midnight. Today's been equally packed. Had several errands to run in the morning, got home and had to hurriedly get ready for a one-year birthday party I'd promised to attend. So... Uju Beibe is in town, and today's her boo's nephew's first birthday. She came without le boo and I went to join her at the party to give her moral support. He's got a very large family, more than five brothers, all married, so all wives were present and in my mind I imagined them sizing her up and thinking; Oh so you want to be one of us? LOL. His family is actually pretty friendly and accommodating so I think my friend's in a good place. I got tired a while later and wanted to get home and get some rest. 


As I was walking away I heard Uju shout my name and turned to see she wasn't behind me. Apparently she was calling me to greet her boo's elder sister, the mother of the celebrant. I walked over to where they stood, with the family and other guests. She's likely to be in her late 30s or early 40s, tall and dark skinned with the cutest braces ever, I instantly loved her that literally a few seconds after being introduced to her I just blurted out "I really really want to hug you, I just love you." and she immediately engulfed me and wrapped me in a big tight hug and we held on for a few seconds and I didn't want to let go and when I finally did I got really emotional... I think I've got issues. LOL. 

So anyways I left and since Ebeano supermarket was around the corner I thought to do some grocery shopping and that's when I saw her. *Mercy is supposed to be one of my really close friends but this year we've seen just once, despite the fact that we don't live too far apart from each other. I last saw her on my birthday in March. She came late, towards the end and left not long after. I was pretty upset because my understanding is that good (close) friends come before the party to see if you need help with anything and stay for a while after to help clean up, (especially seeing as we're all single, it was a weekend and she didn't exactly have something stopping her from doing so). I wasn't happy with her for that but I was asked to let it go so I did. I've not seen Mercy since then and she rarely ever calls. 

I've called a couple of times to know how she is, where she is and when we can meet up but it's always one story or the other. So when she called a few weeks back to ask me to accompany her to the mainland to go and try out wedding dresses I was almost ticked off. I'd had engagements planned but she's an old friend and it's her wedding so I dropped everything I was doing and told her I'd go. I got dressed and waited for about two hours then I called and asked why she wasn't here yet and she told me she had changed her mind and was planning to call me to let me know. Ticked off yet again, I told her it was ok and hung up. 

So when I saw her today just outside Ebeano I was actually delighted and was going to greet her, till she saw me and screamed "Nwaaaaaandoooooooooo" in that high pitched voice of hers, the way she screamed connoted excitement and glee. All in a millisecond I went from happy to irritated; I mean, you cannot ACT all excited to see me when I barely live a stone throw away and I've not seen you since mid-March. Her excitement was therefore dishonest and a sham, so I instantly looked her in the face, hissed (yes I actually hissed. That's so JS3, right?) and walked away just as she was rushing to hug me. I turned for a second to say hi to her husband and kept on walking away. 

A few minutes after I did this I felt guilty, I'd embarassed her in front of her hubby and other shoppers, and although I did it because I was actually hurting, it was still wrong. I called Osayi (our mutual friend to tell her what had just happened and even though she understood how I felt, she was honest enough to tell me that I should have still greeted her at least, and even if I didn't feel like it I should have faked it. And that's the problem with me. I just cannot fake it. I cannot fake a smile, I cannot fake my emotions, I cannot fake success or lack thereof, I cannot fake happiness, I cannot fake love or likeness, I cannot fake feelings, I cannot fake my intonation or an accent (or phoneh). I just don't know how to fake anything! Besides an orgasm, which EVERY woman knows how to fake and a few other thing, I guess...

I would have gladly hugged and kissed Mercy if she hadn't acted all happy and excited to see me. Dude, you cannot be that excited to see me if my house is just over there, you're in my neighbourhood (which you actually have to drive past most times) and you don't (ever) stop to say hi. And when I call you're either busy with work or le boo or some vague thing. So to stand in front of me, jump and excitedly shriek out my name... That's a whole lotta falsehood! I won't mind if you're some random person, a mere colleague or just a friend, but I tend of have some expectations of certain friends. (My bad, maybe). 

I mentioned during the 8 random things that I just don't know how to hide emotions. The same way I just met a woman and for no obvious reason instantly fell in love with her and publicly unashamedly expressed it, is the same way I saw my long time friend, felt hurt and openly shunned her excited salutations, thereby embarassing her. 

And that's the problem with me; I don't know how to FAKE it. 



PS; I was going to call her and tell her I'm sorry, I know it cannot change what happened but I thought at least explaining the way I felt, which led to my reaction might make her hate me less just but before I picked up the phone she called me. "What was that Nwando?... What was that bullshit that just happened?... Never try that rubbish again in your life. You know me, I don't hide my feelings. I will tell you how I feel. That was rubbish, never try it again. Ever. What the fuck was that about?! I even turned back to see if you were joking but you kept walking away. Nonsense. Do you have any idea how fuckin embarassing that was?... I just called to tell you never to try that rubbish with me again". Then she hung up. 

I probably deserved that, but now that I've been scolded like a little child, I think I'll keep my apology to myself. 

PPS; Date night! Going to touch up my make up, get dressed and hit the road. 

PPPS; Sorry if this was all over the place. My date's on his way and I wouldn't want to keep him waiting too long so I typed this in a hurry. 

Comments

  1. I think you need to carryout a 'friends auditing' exercise. That said, in as much as I believe we shouldn't fake anything, we still need to apply control.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
  2. I understand why u did what u did but nevertheless I understand why she said what she said when she called. In her defence when a girl.is getting ready to get married u seem to forget many people around u, I'm sure her focus is just on her man right now. U do have a right to be angry though it's Cus u miss her. Don't throw ur friendship away sha.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I honestly feel she acted so excited because she didn't have to come over to see you, you just appeared. It's sometimes like when you have been thinking of calling someone and then they call you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. P.s you don't look like someone who should be writing diary of a fat girl..where's the fat? *confused face*

    ReplyDelete
  5. T, u acted rashly, u wouldnt have walked away, u would have just asked wat she was excited about..
    Truth is U don't need that girl as a friend but if i were in her shoes,i'll be very hurt bt i would do 2 things

    1) i probably wont call or speak to u for a long while unless u call to apologise
    2) i will call u for an explanation esp if u are a good friend
    and not call u to warn you. she definitely isnt ur friend. Enjoy ur date night without guilt dear

    Anon 10:31pm- when a girl is getting married, she doesnt seem to forget people around her. NO! SHE CHOSE TO FORGET THEM ESP IF SHE PASSES UR HOUSE HOUSE ON THE WAY TO HERS.

    -ZI

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ***CHOSES****

      -ZI

      Delete
    2. I did act rashly, and like F said I should have applied control. Maybe if I'd known I was going to run into her I'd have had enough time to 'fake' a more polite response. And yeah, it could be the whole wedding preparation. Generally, I attach too freaking much to friendship, something I've been trying to work on since my teen years. When you place someone on a pedestal you tend to feel slighted whenever they don't meet up to those (sometimes unrealistic) expectations you've set.

      Delete
  6. yh t wt u did wasnt ryt bt u pulled a me ryt dere,cuz dats wt I wud av done nd wudnt look back or feel bad gan,I dnt lyk frnds lyk dat at all.well lyk I said I av bad mouf nd temper,b4 I evn walk away I wud giv her a piece of my mind also sef.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Well T the sooner you realise the world doesnt revolve around you, the better. Your friends do have their own lives you know?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hell NO! The world doesn't revolve around me? I'm completely shattered.
      Anon, it's not about the world revolving around me ok? If I'm willing to, and have repeatedly put you before me then I'm allowed to expect just a bit of reciprocation.

      Delete
    2. I think the problem is that you carry friendship on your head, for you it may be everything but for some people it's not that serious. The key is to give as much as you get, that way you won't feel like you've been slighted, and even when you are you won't care so much.

      Delete
    3. Hmmmmmm, Anon 9:44 I actually love ur comment. *hope u are not the other anon T replied sha cos that comment was ill*

      T, give as much as U receive. That's what I Do. U have my time, I have Urs. U don't have my time, i'll make u doubt ur existence! Everyone around me knows this mehn!
      & Yes, since she's the 1st to blurt out BS, kindly save ur apology for a more deserving less faking emotion pal.

      Oh Uju, I wish u well. All I need is an invite & asoebi.

      Delete
    4. Il go with the two anons. When u attach too much to friendships, it ends like this most times. It is human nature to take someone for granted, and get used to d person being there. Yes T, your friends have their own lives to live. Just take it easy with the friendship thingy. I used to be like you. But after d hurt ehn, I decided to put in as much as I was getting jare.

      Delete

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